Art | Fiction | Music | Animations | Scripts | Comics | Games | Sheet music
Monkey Island 5 - Operation Guybrush.
By Lucy Kitching
Add review | Fan fiction index
|all the old reviews!!
|Review by: monkeyislandfanatic @ 20:04, Saturday, October 25, 2003
|Note to anyone still reading this - the last two chapters are the wrong way round... Chapter 6 should be Elaine about to leave with Murray and GB having been tormented by Largo at the lava stream...
Date: 2002-10-09 08:23:09 Chapter: Chapter 4: Bwhahahahahaha! Murray returns! (Oh, and in local news, Guybrush reaches a point of no return)
This is just getting more and more exiting...
Well firstly: The lines are all broken up, and that is a bit confusing. And in the midle of the part where Agley is beating guybrush, there is a line-jump. I actually believed at first that this was some kind of sign to tell the readers that guybrush was uncounsious, but it seemed just to be a fault of tapping "enter" twice... I also noticed a couple of letters missing... but this is just small things. (ecxept for the line-problem, wich is starting to get pretty anoying)
Well on with the story:
I like the way the house of mojo is portrayed, with all the scents and such, it really brings you back there...
The Murray conversation was also quite pleasing, but maybe useless? It just felt like playing EMI all again, you meet the skull, but it has no use, except for dragging out the time. And you end up wondering why he was there in the first place.
I also liked the Saleswoman type of the voodoolady, something that isn't ofthen showed, but should have been.
Then we go to LeChuck and his dominion, and here this chapter really glows with greatness. First with a quite funny discussion with Guybrush and LeChuck, where this line particulary made me laugh
>" YOU WILL PLEAD FOR MERCY, and any young children reading will be traumatised." In mock horror, Guybrush exclaims. "That's awful! Is that your fiendish plan? To eliminate any hope of world peace by corrupting the minds of innocent, impressionable readers by subjecting them to terrifying scenes of violence?"<
But the best thing with this chapter seems to be the torture part, it is really well written. The beating of Guybrush, took maybe a bit to loong (or maybe that was the line jump), and the reason for beating, a bit unclear. (maybe adding a line, wich portrayed Guybrush rebeling at his captors, could be fitting right before the beating?)
All in all I must say that this is still really good, if not getting better and better.
I almost can't wait for the next chapter. (And I hope that that lining-problem would be sorted out by then.)
Date: 2002-09-23 02:09:32 Chapter: Chapter 3: Help! I need somebody! Help!
it's still there
Reading through to the end of the third chapter, some things are changing. For one, we've gotten a lot more serious. Agley, a comic figure in the first two chapters, is revealed as a dangerous, remorseless foe. And poor Guybrush can do nothing.
The transition from this to Elaine relaxing on her lounge surrounded by fawning admirers was just hilarious. I STILL don't know what to expect from this story. Keep the twists coming...
Date: 2002-09-02 09:09:19 Chapter: Chapter 3: Help! I need somebody! Help!
This is just getting better and better!
First I must tell that I noticed something strange in this chapter... The lines seems to be breaken up pretty often much like
this. I would suggest that you after writing your chapter try and open the writing in another word-processor or something, so that these broken linea could be avoided.
Other than that, I found the part where Agley are unsure of Guybrush being Guybrush a tad unsure... The opening of it is weird (Why wouldn't LeChuck send someone who know how Guybrush looks?) it seems, and the section is too short to conseptate this weirdness.
Other than that I also found the daydreaming of Guybrush too short. It would feel much more natural if more was told, as it is, it seems somewhat unfitting or pasted.
And why must Elaine give up her governors job? (couldn't she take a vacation, and let her grandfather take care while she is gone).
This is what I found a bit confusing or strange.
The rest is just amacing, it is just great. You got quotes from the game or half-quotes that fit perfectly with the situation and spices the chapter with humour. The chapter is much more intence than the previous chapters, and the part where Elaine has arranged a meeting with all her friends is just glorious, showing her glorifying her loss, and making all symphatice her.
Date: 2002-07-26 10:06:31 Chapter: Entire novel
This is one of my favourite MI fanfics. All the characters are completely themselves (not totally different as they can be in some fics. I think it's great Largo has a part in the story. The plot of the story is interesting, the speech isn't dull.
Very good job.
Date: 2002-07-16 06:04:29 Chapter: Entire novel
heh heh heh...
Wow, and it's funny! Not through wisecracking, or verbal wizardry, or dry wit. Just by closely observing the characters, letting them charge and bounce off each other, and giving us the results. In a very short space of time the principal cast has been assembled: Guybrush, Elaine, LeChuck, Largo, Timmy, Horatio, all the regulars. Everybody's characterization is instantly recognizable, to the point where you can pick someone just from the sound of their dialogue. LeChuck/Largo are probably the funniest couple: they both hate each other, they know in their bones that Guybrush is going to win again, but if they weren't supplying the villainy for the story, they wouldn't even be around, so they shrug their shoulders, making the best of the situation, and wearily go through the motions one more time. Guybrush's voice has been captured well, but I was impressed by the insight into Elaine's character: she's supplying all the information on how the marriage is holding up. Will she save the day?
Plus, it's high time someone finally explored Guybrush's intense porcelain phobia...
Date: 2002-07-11 16:33:19 Chapter: Chapter 2: Things are hotting up.
Another good one.
Well the story continiues with Guybrush captivity, and I just love that part with the looming porcelain that is swaying over him. And of course the description of the true nature is a beauty.
Largo's coment, "Get moving proto, or else you'll get what's coming to you at a premature rate! Oh, whoops. Bugger. I really shouldn't have said that." Largo realises he may have let slip a rather large hint about Guybrush's fate," is (from my point of view) somewhat unnessisary, because you stop and think about that, and maybe looking towards more hints of it later, but it gets revealed in the endining.
And also in the ending: ", a faint secret smile on his lips as he mutters the word "Ex-cellent" (A la Charles Montgomery Burns)" a good idťa perhaps, but I dont picture the moment pretty well, it is like LeChuck changes into a thin creature with a nice suit. But that is only a personal thought. and to other this might be the best thing ever.
And the writing in the present, is unusual, and will (at least by me) take some time to get into. But even though experimenting is great
These are the only thing I noted than somewhat could draw the story towards disliking. If they do it at all.
There are lots of great things in this second chapter. The way you portray Elaine as first being some kind of care taker for Guybrush, then "Grandpa" Marleys spoiled "prinsess" is just marvelous. And you feel that you get some idŤa of the later chapters.
This is great stuff. And I can think of many interesting paths for the story.
Looking forward to more. This is just great (I use "great" alot don't I :-])
Date: 2002-06-19 08:17:05 Chapter: Chapter 1: A (partially) unexpected encounter.
GREAT, just great!
The story starts fast, and good.
The writing is good, and funny.
I can see the story turning many ways, and am eagerly awaiting a new chapter.
The story also fits perfectly with the MixnMojo Aprilís yoke. Nice one!
Iím just wondering about one thing. (This might be explained in the story; in that case I didnít see it)
The crew of LeChuck, was they brought to him by Largo, or where they at his side from the start? If they where with him from the start, was he then pouring his misery upon them?
But I see that this is really good, and hoping new chapters will come soon.
And what a great ending for the first chapter!
The people who criticise mi-novels are mistaken after my opinion. This story among others I have read on this great site, are a proof of that.
|Edited 1 time(s)|