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Fan Scripts

LeChuck's Revenge
Script for a movie based on the game.
By: Matthew Kelly
Added: Monday, February 5, 2001
Comments (3)

LeChuck's Revenge
By Matthew Kelly
Based on material by Ron Gilbert

Scn 1- Guybrush Threepwood is hanging from the edge of a 
seemingly bottomless pit by a wire portruding from an iron cable.
He is now 21 and sports a light beard. In the hand not clutching 
the wire, he holds a treasure chest. He swings gently for a 
bit and then a rope drops down from the surface. Elaine Marley 
descends it.
E: Well well, Guybrush Threepwood. You DO turn up in the 
strangest places.
G: Uh, hi Elaine. Do you think you could help me out?
E: How did you get into this mess?
G: It's kind of a long story.
E: That's OK, I've got time.
G: I'm not sure if my arm muscles do but here goes anyway. It 
all started on Scabb Island.
E: I'm sure you mean Melee Island.
G: Um, no I mean Scabb.
E: But the first movie began on Melee!
G: I'm not recapping the first movie, think of the rental fees 
we'd lose! I'm talking about what's happened between the end 
of the first movie and now to get me here. THAT all began on 
Scabb Island. I was telling some of my admiring fans the story 
of how I'd beaten LeChuck-
E: You are recapping the first movie!
G: Would you shut up and let me tell my story? I was telling 
some of my admiring fans the tale of my victory over LeChuck...

Scn 2- Establishing shot of Scabb Island. It is night. A campfire
burns on the beach. Credits begin and continue throughout the 
followng scene.
Caption: Deep in the carribbean...
Scabb Island

Scn 3- The campfire. G, Bart and Fink sit around it. F is 
toasting a marshmallow and B is swigging from a jug o' grog.
G: -so then I busted into the church and said 'You'll never 
menace decent, tangible pirates again you big bloated bilious 
bulbous billowing blistering blue bag of barnacles!' And LeChuck 
cried 'Stop Guybrush! I can't take it anymore!'
F: I know just how he felt.
B: If I hear this story one more time I'm gonna start crying 
myself. Don't you have any other adventures?
G: I'm having one right now! That's why I'm here on Scabb. I'm 
on a whole new adventure.
F: Growing a moustache?
G: No, bigger than that.
B: A beard?
G: I'm in search of treasure. A treasure so valuable that it 
haunts the dreams of every pirate on the seas.
B: Toilet paper?
G: OK, after that.
B+F look at each other.
F: You mean... Big Whoop?
G: None other.
F: So why'd you come here? There's no treasures on Scabb Island!
G: I didn't know that when I came here! Now I gotta charter 
a ship and look someplace else. When I return I'll have a whole 
new story.
F: Or you'll have died in the attempt.
B: Either way, we won't have to hear about LeChuck anymore.
Cam cuts to directly face G.
G: You critics wouldn't be so quick to rubbish everything if 
you'd actually payed to see it!
Cut back to normal.
F: Way to be subtle.
G: Well when I've found Big Whoop, I'll be rich enough to make 
my own movies about me, then maybe a lucrative video game series 
based on the movies... Now if I can only get off this stinking 
island...
As we get a LS of G leaving the beach and heading inland,
Caption: Part One
The Largo Embargo

Scn 4- G enters a town consisting entirely of houseboats, mired 
in a thick swamp and connected by a series of piers. Only a 
few have lights shining in them.
Sign: Welcome To Woodtick- Within village bounds is an official 
no treasure huntin' zone.
A man as tall as G's waist stomps out of the Swamprot Inn, 
looking evil. He approaches Guybrush.
Largo LeGrande: Hey Fancypants! I haven't seen you around here 
before! This here's the toll-bridge. You gotta pay to pass.
G: Is this some kind of bribery situation?
L: No, more like extortion.
G hands L some bags with $ signs.
G: Take my money, I don't want any trouble.
L: Aw, now I won't get to do THIS!
L lifts G by one leg and dangles him over the side of the pier 
above the swamp.
G: Help! Police!
L: Ha ha! Scream as loud as you want! There's no police on Scabb 
Island!
G: Then who upholds the law and maintains order?
L: I'm the law on this island!
G: Then who drains free coffee machines dry and roughs up the 
students?
L: I rough up what needs roughin' up!
G: Let go of me now and I won't hurt you. Seriously, 'cos I'd 
drown in the swamp.
L: Hmm, it's maybe a bad idea to kill new arrivees... it'll 
discourage business men from setting up shops for me to extort. 
(puts G back on the pier) But remember: (sings)
Wherever you go
On sea or land
You can't ever hide
From Largo Legrande
He returns to the inn.
G: What a welcoming committee. I knew I should've got those 
traveller's checks. I'd better see if this island has an 
oceanside dock somewhere. I want to get out of here quick.

Scn 5- Outside of Woodtick, G arrives at another swamp. A coffin 
with an oar in it sits on shore.
Sign: International House of Mojo
G pushes the coffin out onto the swamp and gets in.
G: Creepy, but apparently seaworthy.
He stokes it into the mouth of a house sized skull which rests 
a little way out in the mesa.

Scn 6- He docks the boat and gets out. He stands on a dimly 
lit wooden platform which is the foyer of a voodoo shop. There 
is a large shelf filled with bottles and jars which G examines.
G: Hmm, Eau de Vodu, Skink Toes, Spider Lungs, Cat Dewormer, 
hey what's this? Ash-2-Life: The Uncremating Cream! Sounds 
interesting.
He reaches to take it.
Voice: Stop! That's just an empty display jar!
In the shadows, G notices his old pal the voodoo priestess 
sitting on her spooky throne.
G: Who are you?
P: How often we forget those who help us most.
G: I didn't forget, I'm asking for those who didn't see the 
first movie. Which is a smashing film, incidentally.
A besuited arm hands G a wad of cash.
P: Enough plugs for the first film. Wouldn't it be great though, 
if you did a long string of sequels to a movie, each one hyping 
the prior one to such a degree that the viewer would be compelled
to see them all. Regardless of their initial box office 
performance or quality, you'd be making wads of cash by number 
60.
G: What a fantastic idea! Almost as fantastic as getting to 
see (insert LeChuck actor's name here) head blown off in the 
Secret of Monkey Island-
P: I said quit it.
G: But I want people to continualy watch that one so I stay 
young. Sequels make me old.
P: Not as old as these plot incongruous comedy routines get. 
Anyway, it was I who told you how to get the potion you needed 
to defeat LeChuck.
G: And a fat lot of use your advice was! You sent me needlessly 
packing off to Monkey Island! Why didn't you just tell me to 
buy a bottle of root beer and hide in the church if your 
foresight's so good?
P: Hey, I have myopic foresight alright? I can't exactly go 
and get prescribed for spiritual mindglasses or anything.
G: How's business been this week? Got any money I can borrow?
P: OK... cured a few hexes, gave out some evil eyes. Made many 
pieces of eight, though Largo took most of them.
G: YOU let Largo push you around? Why is that midget such a 
force around here?
P: He's a weak little man with an inferiority complex who bullies
the whole island. Many are scared of him because he was once 
LeChuck's right hand man. He was home with flu when LeChuck 
and his crew died in the storm.
G: But LeChuck's dead twice over now! I personally blew him 
up the second time! Largo's connection no longer has any weight.
P: True evil will never be destroyed. You shall see.
G: Why don't you curse Largo?
P: LeChuck had a dark vodu priest or houhan, at this old 
fortress. When LeChuck was declared dead, Largo as the only 
living crew member came into possession of all the artefacts 
LeChuck had procured for this shaman. He wears symbols of 
protection which defend him from me. They wouldn't protect him 
from an indirect magical attack... such as a voodoo doll, which 
is channelled directly into him through the doll and bypasses 
his symbols.
G: Why don't you make one?
P: I need items from his person. Understandably, he won't let 
me near him, as he is very suspicious of a vodu witch. He 
probably sees you as just another harmless pirate and might 
not be so cautious.
G: He came very near to killing me on sight!
P: So imagine what he'd do to me. Put simply, you've got a better
chance than I do. (pause) OK you've got me. I'm stuck in the 
chair. I didn't know Skink Toe stew fattened so quickly!
G: So what do you need?
P: Butter... I'm kinda worried how your applying it might effect 
our relationship though...
G: To make the voodoo doll I mean.
P: I need something from the four basic voodoo groups. Something 
from the Thread, something from the Head, somethng of the Wet 
and something of the Dead. Thread is a piece of clothing, head 
is a lock of hair, wet is a sample of bodily fluid and part 
of a dead relative for the dead.
G: I think you might have better luck with the wet part.
P: I'm hoping your heterosexuality will drive you to find a 
more wholesome solution.
G: That's right, because I'm not gay! I'M NOT! (pause) I'll 
go get the ingredients huh?

Scn 7- Same as scn 3.
F: He's back.
G: Say, did I ever tell you guys about the time I killed LeChuck?
F: Besides the fact that we'd all rather die than hear that 
story again, there's another reason you shouldn't go spreading 
it around.
B: Matthew Kelly could sue you for plagiarism-
G: Matthew Kelly? What about poor old Ron Gilbert?
F: I meant that Largo LeGrande, LeChuck's old first mate, now 
lives on Scabb. I'm sure he'd like to take down the guy who 
killed his friend.
G: Why don't you all gang up and chuck Largo off?
F: He knew LeChuck!
G: LeChuck's gone!
B: I heard they never found the body!
G: That's because I blew it up!
F: (pause) OK, you've got us. We're stuck to these logs we're 
sitting on.
B: We didn't notice the sap...
G: OK, but I did blow the body up. Now if you'll just be quiet, 
I'll tell you all about that, via the tale of a strapping young 
lad, who little did he know, would one day-
F pulls a knife on G.
G: So, how's your pirating business going?
F: We're all landlocked because of this stupid embargo!
B: Not to mention loglocked because of our stupid selves.
F: We could probably float on these logs and paddle out to sea 
if we wanted, but the embargo's in the way.
B: Hey, stupid audience, know what an embargo is?
F: Well it's not really an embargo anyway. It's really a tax 
on ships going in or out.
B: And that's a tariff.
F: But it's a huge tax noone can afford so it effectively 
prevents any departures or arrivals at all.
B: And THAT'S an embargo.
G: Well, I'll see you salty dogs later.

Scn 8- Entrance to Woodtick. G stands there.
G: Gosh, how do I know where to start looking for useful stuff? 
There is that hotel looking place over there that I saw Largo 
go in and out of, but it'd be boring to rush right in there. 
Let's try each building so I don't miss anything exciting.
He enters the hut closest to him.

Scn 9- Woody the woodsmith's workshop. Various crafts and tools 
sit about. Woody is hammering away at a block of wood.
G: Nice apron. Are you some sort of chef?
W: I'm a woodsmith. Which gives one of us an excuse for dressing 
funny.
G: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could 
chuck wood?
W: A woodchuck wouldn't and couldn't chuck wood cos woodchucks 
can't chuck wood.
G: But if woodchucks would and could chuck wood, how much wood 
would those woodchucks chuck?
W: Even if woodchucks could chuck wood, should those woodchucks 
chuck wood?
G: A woodchuck should chuck any wood it could chuck.
W: Oh shut up.
G: You started it.
W: No I-
G: Ssh. What's the deal with this Largo guy?
W: He really goes against my grain! I'd like to make an endtable 
out of him, but I don't have the guts. Even with all my tools 
and skills I can't make the one thing that would do this town 
some good.
G: An all night bowling alley?
W: A voodoo doll of Largo LeGrande! I'd make it myself but 
building a little wooden figurine for black magic purposes is 
against the carpenters code.
G: Carpenter's code?
W: Alright, you've got me. I'm stuck. I accidentally nailed 
my thumb to the bench.
G: Well, I can't think of anything right now but I'm sure I'll 
be using you for something later in the film. Ciao.
G leaves.

Scn 10- He enters the next building.

Scn 11- A 15 year old boy sits working industriously at a desk. 
The building has one room and is very small. It is obvious that 
this is his living quarters as well as his office. One candle 
lights the place. He is a dwarf, blind in one eye and wears 
a monocle in the other. He looks up.
Wally: Hello.
G: I'm Guybrush Threepwood, ghost busting stud. Who are you?
W: Wally Feed. I'm a cartographer.
G: You do open heart surgery? In here?
W: I'm the map making sort of cartographer. I also do restoration
work, you know, sticking old maps back together, painting little 
cupids in the corners and such.
G: I prefer to stop and ask for directions.
W: That's what Magellan thought! (cracks up) Just a little 
cartography humour there. Maps are very important.
G: Not to me. I don't travel.
W: Even better! Why waste money and time travelling the world 
for one shot experiences, when with a good map you can explore 
the world from the comfort of your own home, any time you like!
G: Do you know Scabb Island well then? I've got a few questions.
W: Shoot.
G: How's business recently?
W: Terrible. Noone needs maps because noone can go anywhere. 
The town's not really buying into my using maps as a substitute 
for vacations idea. I think I'm going to have to start decorating
them with nubile island girls to capture the full flavour of 
an exotic caribbean holiday. And not as a tawdry way of 
increasing sales, you understand
G: You must have a useless governor for Largo to get away with 
this.
W: Scabb has no governor! This is a haven for roughnecks and 
rebels like me.
G: Well, where would I go for room and board?
W: The Bloody Lip bar's just hired a new fancy chef and the 
Swamp Rot inn has all the comforts of the sea. I think it's 
booked out though.
G: Do you know anything about Big Whoop?
W: (startled) Who sent you? I should warn you, I'm heavily armed.
G: I'm from the IRS. I'll need to see those files sir.
W: That's a dangerous question to ask. What exactly do you 
already know about Big Whoop?
G: I'm beginning to suspect that it's not a giant whoopy cushion 
as I'd hoped.
W: You mean, you don't know about the four men who found it?
G: Oh, them! Yeah, I know all about them.
W: Have you shared this information with the audience?
G: Let 'em do their own detective work for once.
W: Well you won't be needing me then.
G: But seeing as it's dark out and my harem is in the shop you 
may as well tell me the story. So I can check to see you've 
got it right.
Candle darkens. W's voice becomes sonorous. Spooky music.
W: All anyone knows for sure is that the merchant vessel Elaine 
was struck by a terrible storm. Only four crew members had 
survived when the wreckage washed ashore someplace believed 
to be called Honkey Island. There they found Big Whoop.
G: But what IS Big Whoop?
W: Whatever it was, it was so wonderful... or so terrible... 
that they never wanted anyone else to find it. They made a map, 
tore it into four pieces. Each man took one and they went their 
seperate ways. (Candle brightens) Of course all of this- cough, 
cough, excuse me... (sonorous efect stops) could just be an 
old legend. If I could get off of Scabb and go to the library 
on Phatt Island I could do some decent research.
G: That little bed of yours reminds me of a dollhouse I, I mean 
my sister had. Well, that's enough cartography for one night. 
I'm gonna head for the bar.

Scn 12- G enters the Bloody Lip.
Sign: Help wanted.

Scn 13- The Bloody Lip. A bartender spit polishes glasses. A 
metronome bearing piano sports a sign.
Sign: Jojo! Appearing nightly!
G: How's business?
Bartender: Pathetic. Noone ever comes here anymore. Largo's 
got all my regulars spooked. You know, I can make any drink 
you want, mix anything you could name, but I still can't make 
the one thing to do this place some good.
G: Even if you did convert this place into a Seven Eleven, the 
Caribbean has no Indians with which to staff it.
Largo enters.
B: We need a voodoo doll of Largo Legrande!
L: Stow it pops! You've got the real thing on your hands now!
B: Oops. What can I get you sir?
L: Gimme them boozes! You'd mess it up!
L grabs some bottles swigs from them, then pours them into a 
glass making a green concotion. He drinks, then groans and spits 
it out onto G's front.
L: That drink was terrible!
B: You're not supposed to mix 'em like that-
L: Well I did and it dissatisfied me! What are you gonna do 
now you have a dissatisfied customer on your hands?
B: Why, perhaps you'd like a refund sir?
B opens the till and hands L a few scoops of coins.
G: But he never even paid for the drink!
L: Don't get smart, smart guy.
G: What need do you have for money when you just steal goods 
and services anyway?
L: Uh... Why... It's obviously... I don't need to answer to 
you! Get out of my way or you can serve me a Bloody Mary... 
from your nose! (to B) You'd better give me more tomorrow or 
we'll have to move this dump to a new location... say the bottom 
of the swamp? (laughs and leaves)
G: You just gave him all your money?
B: I don't wanna talk about it. Say, aren't you gonna wipe his 
spit off of yourself?
G: Nah, it's an ingrediant for a voodoo doll.
B: Ah, at last someone's doing it finally. That's the something 
of the wet ingrediant right?
G: Right. Did you never get them yourself because you're stuck 
behind the bar?
B: No, it just wouldn't be decent. I'm naked below the waist. 
Here have a napkin to collect that spit in.
G: Now that's just crazy! (pause) So crazy in fact, that it 
just might work. (G mops up the spit off his front into a napkin)
Hey, speaking of being naked below the waist, you wanna see 
my scar?
B: If there's a story behind it.
G: As a matter of fact there is. The scar is where I hit the 
drinks dispenser machine at Stan's shipyard on Melee Island 
when I fell-
B: This is the one where LeChuck drinks too much root beer and 
burps so hard he explodes right? I'm against stories that promote
moderation in drinking, I have a business to run here.
G: I saw the help wanted sign outside.
B: Sorry, I've been meaning to take that down. We hired a guy 
already.
G: Why don't you take it down now?
B: Naked remember?
G: I could take it down.
B: Alright, you've got me. I'm not really naked. I don't want 
you to take it down because it's concealing a power cable for 
the set lighting.
G: But if you're not really naked, then why can't you get the 
voodoo ingrediants?
B: OK, you've got me. It's not really concealing a power cable, 
it's really-
G: Oh, I don't wanna know. I've got what I came here for.
B: You're telling me you came here with the deliberate intention 
of getting some of Largo's spit?
G: Yeah, I was gonna scrape some off a glass he'd used.
B: That wouldn't have been very funny.
G: Well EXCUSE me!
G ;eaves in a huff.

Scn 14- An open air ship deck converted into a laundromat. Marty 
DeWaat stands behind a counter laden with signs. Off to the 
side, the men of low moral fibre, Frank, Keg and Fat perch asleep
on a high ledge. The keg is gone, Frank has a wooden leg and 
Fat's mouth is welded shut. A rat plays on the deck beneath 
them.
Signs: No we don't do leather.
Not responsible for missing hooks, patches or parrots.
PLEASE check pockets for gunpowder and pistolshot before sending 
coats in for dry cleaning.
G: Who the hell are you?
Marty: Sure sonny, we can get out stew! I can also extract grog, 
spit and swampmud. How? Because I'm Maaaad Marty Dewaat and 
I'm MAD about getting your clothes clean.
G: Do you do alterations?
M: Alter rations? You mean like change the numbers on food 
stamps?
G: What do you know about Largo LeGrande?
M: I don't have anything to do with contraband! I'm clean clean 
CLEAN!
G: Whoops, I thought I wanted to talk to you but I don't.
G turns to the men of low moral fibre.
G: YO, WAKE UP!!! (they all come to) Long time no see! How's 
the circus?
Frank: Do we know you?
G: I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate. The guy you tried 
to sell the minutes of a Melee Island PTA meeting to.
F: Why'd you wake us up Gorsebush?
G: I see you found your rat.
Keg: Yep and he's got a name now. Mozzarella Monster. He'll 
eat anything that tastes like cheese.
G: (taps F's wooden prosthetic) How did you lose your leg?
F: A performance accident. After our Melee circus failed-
K: -on account of some idiot scaring our rat away-
F: -we moved to Phatt Island and opened a catering business.
K: The Sacked Lunch!
F: Then Governor Phatt bought the business from us seeing as 
it was so sucessful.
G: How long is this story exactly?
K: We sank Phatt's fee into a glass bottom boat.
F: We wanted to sail to legendary Donkey Island.
K: Boy did we want to get there! Legend has it that it's the 
location of Big Whoop!
G: Big Whoop!
F: Hey, you don't have to listen to our story if you don't want 
to!
G: No no, please finish. What did you find on Donkey Island?
K: Nothing. We never got there.
F: Seems the dealer who sold us the boat, some foreigner called 
Dan, forgot to put the glass in the bottom of the boat.
G: Well, it's getting past my bedtime-
K: We didn't notice and set sail anyway. We were forced to 
perform an emergency landing on some desert island we never 
learnt the name of.
F: There we met a philosopher hermit who told us something that 
changed our lives forever.
G: That you should bore innocent unusupecting passers by to 
death with long stories?
K: He said 'All the world's a stage and all the men and women 
merely players.'
F: So we decided to go into theatre. We found the rat-
K: -it would take too long to explain where and how-
F: -and decided to incorporate him into our theatre pieces.
K: Frank was showing the inseparability of the path man walks 
from the food chain when he lost the leg.
F: The symbolism of the cheese was essential.
G: So why are you up on that ledge?
K: We're performing.
G: You were asleep!
F: It's a portrayal of man's precarious predicament and his 
mixed unwillingness and inability to do anything about it.
G: I think you're missing out on the potential dramatic effect 
to be gained by illustrating your closeness to the earth.
K: OK, you have us. We're stuck. We're afraid to come down.
F: We suffer from acute orcaphobia.
G: Fear of wind instruments? Fear of killer whales?
K: No, orcaphobia.
G: Sounds more like workaphobia.
F: Maybe it was the opposite of orcaphobia...
G: The opposite of orca is acro.
K: Acrophobia? What does being close to the ground have to do 
with running away from spiders?
F: What does this longwinded conversation have to do with the 
movie's plot?
G: But I should at least ask what happened to his mouth. (points 
at Fat)
K: Oh, Frank got tired of hitting him.
G: And where's your keg?
F: You won't ever mention that keg again if you know what's 
good for ya, alright?
G: Alright...
G enters the last building on the wharf, the one Largo came 
out of.

Scn 15- The Swamp Rot Inn. A clerk is at a desk, frantically 
sorting papers. His pet baby alligator is asleep by its bowl. 
It is tied to a wooden post with a rope. The hotel only has 
one room, which G attempts to enter.
Clerk: Hey! You can't go in there! That's Mr LeGrande's private 
room!
G: This place has no vacancy with only one guest?
C: Yeah but Largo eats like thirty and pays like none.
G: Is he in right now?
C: I think he's still out doing his extortion rounds.
G: I bet I could find some handy stuff in Largo's room. But 
how to get rid of this clerk?
C: Excuse me?
G: I'm sorry, my stupid voicover mike's fallen out of my lapel.
G looks shiftily about and his gaze settles on the alligator. 
He hides behind the post and loosens the rope, then nudges the 
gator awake. It senses its freedom and runs away out into town.
C: How did old Pegbiter get loose? I'd better catch him, before 
he catches someone else.
C runs outside, revealing two wooden legs. Cam pans to reveal 
G with his face in Pegbiter's bowl, going at it. He looks up 
at the camera in shame.
G: Sorry but they're Cheese Flavour Gator Gobbles. I can't 
resist.
He crams his pockets with them, then ducks into Largo's room.

Scn 16- A small bedroom, very messy. On a drawer sits a styrofoam
head with toupee. G examines a lewd painting.
G: I don't know much about art, but I know... something...
He grabs the toupee.
G: Hmm, this should qualify for that something of the head voodoo
ingrediant. I can still feel its unpleasant environmentally 
unfriendly styrofoam residue...
Approaching noises.
G: Eek, Largo's coming back! He's gonna kill me when he finds 
me in here! (narrows eyes cunningly) Unless...
Cut to G lying half naked on the bed, propped up on one elbow.
G: Nah, I think I'll take my chances getting killed. Unless...
He reaches under the bed and pulls out a chamber pot. He opens 
the door slightly and balances the pot on the jamb, then 
redresses. He hides under the bed. L enters and the pot falls 
neatly over his head, soiling his shirt.
L: WHAT THE HELL? Some prankster's gonna be real sorry when 
I get this off my head...
He stumbles away.
G: I sure am. I'm gonna hafta look at your face again. (leaves)

Scn 17- G notes a commotion on the laundry ship and heads over. 
Naked from the waist up, L is talking to Marty. He still has 
the pot over his head and Keg is hanging upside down from the 
ledge above, stealthily drawing a comically snarling L face 
on it.
L: Look, I'm tired of standing around here half-nude old man!
K: I envy you your blindess Marty. (K finishes the face then 
pulls himself up and departs back to the others)
L: I want you to clean it for free Marty. Tonight.
M: Party tonight? Sure I'll come!
L: Don't make me mad Marty.
M: That's my name, don't wear it out.
L: Useless old coon. (turns to go and trips over G's 
out-stretched leg, smashing the pot) WHO- Oh, you got the pot 
off. Thanks. Say Flysquish, I just gave Marty my shirt to wash 
but I don't think he understood my directions. Make sure he 
has it ready before I go to bed, or I'll pound both of yas.
L leaves.
G: I'd like to pick up some laundry.
M: Now why would I have a palm tree around? If you're here to 
claim an article of clothing, THEN I can help you. Just stop 
fooling around and give me your claim ticket.
G: I must've left it in my other pants?
M: Busted by your brother's ants? What kind of a fool do you 
take me for?
G: I make out that it was stolen.
M: Takin' it out bowlin' was a dumb thing to do. You deserve 
to have lost it.
G: Well actually, mom threw it out when she cleaned my room.
M: You beaned your mom with a broom? HAH! That's the oldest 
one in the book!
G: I lost it while being keelhauled.
M: You accosted an eel being mauled? What does that have to 
do with your ticket?
G: It melted in my grog.
M: It got welted by a log? Well now, that is a good excuse. 
I suppose I should be lenient and let you have your clothing. 
Now, what did you say your name was?
G: Largo LeGrande.
M: Barge On The Strand? Not a bad restaurant-
G: LARGO LEGRANDE!!!
M: Alright, alright, no need to shout. Now, Lardin Mypan, you 
were here just before. Changed your mind about having that shirt 
done? Well here it is... funny, you looked more ceramic at our 
last meeting as I recall...
G swipes the shirt.
G: Isn't that peculiar, bye.
G goes back out into Woodtick.
G: That's Thread, Head and Wet done. The last one is... dead. 
Wonder if there's a cemetary about on this island...

Scn 18- The cemetary. Dark spooky. G stands at the gate and 
sniffs Largo's shirt.
G: Love that April Fresh scent! (enters the graveyard, scans 
epitaphs) Let's see... I need a piece of one of Largo's 
relatives... LeGrande... LeGrande... Grave of the Unknown 
Sailor... Grave of the Uknown Pirate... Grave of the Unknown 
Drunk Guy We Found Washed Ashore Face Down And Drowned In His 
Own Puke... Here lies Hank Plank. Does that name ring any bells? 
You see, somebody forgot to pay for the funeral, Stan... Stan's 
Cosy Crypts, a place to spend eternity, not a fortune... A life 
of action, that was Jim's, too bad he ran out of limbs... Here 
lies wicked Marco Legrande, hell on sea, hell on land. We thank 
the lord that he is dead, we're not so thankful that he bred. 
(pulls out shovel) Well here's where I dig it, daddy-o.
Lightning flashes.
G: 'Tis a creepy feeling.
He starts digging. A silhouetted figure appears behind G and 
starts to approach.
Figure: I ask you, I take the trouble of reserving a grave to 
rob for Doctor Frankenfurter and some hoon barges in-
G: I'm sorry. What were you after?
F: Brains.
G: Ah, well you'd be wasting your time with this grave, I've 
met his offspring.
F: Oh really? Well I'll just try another one then.
F disappears and G resumes digging. He reaches in and pulls 
out a bone. He holds it above his head as lightning crashes 
all around.

Scn 19- L bolts upright in bed.
L: By my grandfather's grave, I swear something wierd is going 
on.

Scn 20- Where 18 ended. G's pants are gone.
G: Oh and I suppose I'm that something wierd going on by your 
grandfather's grave am I?
Director: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE PUT SOME PANTS ON (G actor's first 
name)

Scn 21- The priestess' abode. G now has a padlock holding his 
pants on, but only this scene.
G: I have the ingrediants. A gob of spit, his grandfather's 
bone, this shirt and a toupee.
P: Hmm, not part of his head strictly speaking but I suppose 
I can get some scalp flakes from it. Just let me get my juju 
bag. (pulls out a blue plastic shopping bag and drops a doll, 
then the stuff inside. She shakes it over her head, doing 
cheerleader bit.) Two, four, six, eight, who do we assassinate? 
Largo! Largo! Yeah!
The bag explodes leaving her holding a little Largo doll. She 
gives it to G.
P: And here are some voodun regulation doll stabbing pins. (hands
him a little packet) Now go get 'im!

Scn 22- Largo stands motionless in his room. As G enters, he 
becomes animated.
L: You do NOT look like the photo in the magazine.
G: Um, voduagram?
G takes out the doll and a pin and stabs it right up the butt.
L: EEEYOW!!
G: Take that you stumpy little ugly toad!
L: I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUR-
G stabs it in the knee. L hops around.
L: How are you doing that?
G: My name is Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty pirate who 
oughtn't to be messed with! (poises pin over doll's crotch) 
You are a no good uh, no goodnik, a big old bed wetting doody 
head! Give me back my money and leave the island!
L: I already spent your money!
G: Oh. Well leave the island!
L: I already left the island!
G: OK then. (turns to go) Wait a minute. (turns back) Are you 
trying to pull a fast one?
L: I already pulled a fast one!
G: Well there's not much I can do about it then I suppose. I 
just hope this has taught you not to mess with the guy who killed
LeChuck!
L: YOU killed LeChuck?
G: Sure did. Quite an interesting story really. Still in my 
teens, I arrived on Melee Island-
L: No way that YOU killed LeChuck.
G: Oh yeah, then how do you explain the big hairy thing in my 
pants? Behold! LeChuck's beard! (G pulls it out) Still alive 
and wriggling thanks to a dodgy hair restoration program.
L snatches it and pockets it, then pushes past G.
L: Thanks a lot pal! We've been searching for a piece of 
LeChuck's spirit for a year! We've got his body back at the 
hideout but we needed a soul piece to resurrect it! Look out 
world! The most fearsome pirate ever will soon sail the seas 
again! (sprints away)
G: Whoops.

Scn 23- P's place.
P: I'm afraid it's true Guybrush. LeChuck can be ressurrected.
G: But I blew LeChuck into a billion tiny pieces! How could 
they have rounded it all up?
P: They didn't. You didn't destroy his body Guybrush. You 
destroyed his ghost, his disembodied spirit. Once he became 
a ghost, he entombed his physical body at his Monkey Island 
hideout.
G: So when he comes back, this time he'll be-
P: Decayed? Partially decomposed? Yes. And I don't think that'll 
make him more pleasant to deal with.
G: He'll be looking for me! Trying to kill me! What should I 
do?
P: You're doing all you can do right now.
G: Panicing?
P: Looking for Big Whoop.
G: Oh yeah. I was doing that wasn't I?
P: If used properly, Big Whoop can protect you from LeChuck. 
Find it and you might be safe.
G: Can you tell me where and what it was?
P: All I can detect of Big Whoop is its mystical prescence. 
It is magical and powerful. Its specifics are a mystery to me. 
Here, I have a book about it. It will give you some back story. 
Now hurry, find the four map pieces the book speaks of, before 
LeChuck finds you.
G l

Scn 24- The beach. G sits down with Bart+Fink.
G: You don't have to worry about Largo anymore. He's history.
F: He must've got my hate-mail.
B: Fink sure can write a mean letter.
G: Do you guys know any piratey songs?
F: There's the Scabb Anthem.
(sings) I'd rather be a scab on a pirate, then a pirate on Scabb.
G: Any others?
B: (sings) Oh, I wish I could stick it right up Marley's-
G: No rude ones about Elaine Marley please.
F: Oh come on Looflush. You know that 98% of pirate songs are 
about things to make a harlot blush. And Marley's a babe!
B: I think Guybrush here is still carrying a torch for her.
F: That's right, didn't Governor Marley once govern your heart?
B: Well anyway, I can only think of one shanty suitable for 
our current situation:
(sings) The cabin boy, the cabin boy, the dirty little nipper
He lined his ass
With broken glass
And castrated the skipper
G: I don't think that was suitable for the current situation 
at all.
F: What about our G rating?
Megaphone Voice: PHARP! THERE IT GOES!
F: Oh man, now we're gonna miss out on the kiddy cash.
G: Gimme a marshmallow.
B: We don't have any marshmallows.
G: Then what's that white puffy thing on the end of your stick?
F: It's the pad for putting under my eye socket. He's sterilising
it.
G: Well I suppose I should start thinking about getting off 
Scabb and finding Big Whoop. Do you guys know where I can charter
a boat?
B: At the far southwest peninsula you'll find a man named CAPTAIN
DREADS. You should go see him.
G: Captain Dreads? I think you'll find that it's Captain Dread.
F: No, it's Captain Dreads alright. You'll know why when you 
see him.
G leaves. F plucks the padding off the stick and pops it under 
his eye.
F: Nope, that's a marshmallow alright. Melted too. Hope it 
doesn't run through my socket into my brain or anything.
Pause.
B: Me too.
F swigs some grog.

Scn 25- An eerie looking houseboat sits by itself at the end 
of a dark rickety wharf.
G: I love a home with that nautical look.

Scn 26- Inside the houseboat. A bedreadlocked Jamaican cliche 
is asleep at the wheel. He wakes up at G's approach.
G: Natty dreads.
Dread: Thanks mon.
G: I heard you chartered out your ship.
D: Used to mon. Not for a while. Had a bad experience on me 
last voyage. Me an' me navigatin' friend went to legendary Flunky
island to discover its secret. We met some cannibals and they 
be cuttin' off me friends head. Not fun times mon.
G: I think I've met your friend.
D: Doubt it mon. But rumour has it that Largo's been run off 
the island so I'm supposin' I'm free to sail again.
G: How much?
D: Oh, is free mon, I ain't worth payin'.
G: I see. So where's your ship?
D: You're standin' in it mon.
G: Yikes!

Scn 27- A guy in purple robe and vodu mask (Mark) stands by 
a huge ornate throne. Behind the throne is a massive coffin. 
Largo enters.
Largo: When are we ressurrecting that bloated old fool?
The coffin lid slides off and smashes on the floor. A shadowy 
shape rises from it.
Shape: I'll pretend I didn't hear that comment just this once 
Largo... but only because Mark here tells me you've found Gungho 
Freakshow.
L: It's Gumshoe Frisbee sir and he's on Scabb Island.
S: Excellent. You must sail after Chugaloug Treeroot and capture 
him. I want him alive. Do not fail me.
L leaves.
S: Ay, Giant Redwood is finished. Nobody gets the upper hand 
of LeChuck without paying for it. By the way Mark, where is 
LeChuck?
Mark (voodoo guy): Dunno, haven't seen him around
S: Me neither. Wonder where he's got to. Well if you see him...
M: I'm kidding. You are LeChuck remember?
S: Oh Mark, you are a card! Now, I want you to start building 
me a very special voodoo doll...

Scn 28- G on the deck of D's ship. It is now day and they are 
on the ocean.
Caption: Part Two
Four Map Pieces
G: Suppose this is as good a time as any to read the book the 
priestess gave me. (flips it open) 'Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza 
or Myth?' Says here there were four men who survived a crash 
landing on Ponkey Island. Rapp Scallion the cook, Young Lindy 
the cabin boy, Rum Rogers the first mate and Mary Lou- I mean 
Captain Marley. Wonder if there's any relation. Upon finding 
Big Whoop on Ponkey, they made a map which they divided into 
four parts and went their sperate ways. Scallion returned to 
Scabb Island where he opened a weenie restaurant, successful 
until a flash fire wiped the business and himself out. Lindy 
started a law firm and died penniless after his mishandling 
of the Gangrene and Honey account. Rogers retired to Phatt Island
and lives a hermit's life there. Captain Marley disappeared 
during the America's Cup race. His boat was leading at the time. 
As for the map pieces, Rapp had his interred with him, Lindy 
sold his to an antique store on Booty Island to recoup some 
of his losses, Marley gave his to his daughter and Rogers 
presumably still has his with him.
D: Welcome to the Jolly Rasta mon!
G: Say, do you know how to get to Phatt and Booty Islands?
D: Sure do mon. Where to? Phatt's nearer-
G: Then Phatt it is.

Scn 29- G hops off the boat and steps onto a wharf. All is silent
and deserted in the fairly big looking city. the only sign of 
life is a Hulk Hogan lookalike in a roman soldier outfit reading 
a poster.
G: Thank God, Thunder In Paradise finally fell through.
Hulk: I'm sorry sir, you must have mistaken me for someone else. 
(looks at the poster, which we see has 'wanted' and G's face 
on it, then back at G) Excuse me sir, are you Goodbye 
Threadspool?
G: That's right! I'm the man who swashed LeChuck's buckles!
H: I'm with the local constabulary sir. I'm afraid I'm going 
to have to ask you to come with me.
G: I'M UNDER ARREST?
H: Yes sir. You are.

Scn 30- H is marching G into a luxurious mansion.

Scn 31- H ushers G up a flight of stairs.

Scn 32- The bedroom of Lester Phatt. A man about four foot wide 
and two foot high lying down is sprawled over a double bed, 
munching chips. He looks very sickly. Sacks of junk food and 
crates of soft drinks surround him.
Lester: Mr Turncoat, I can't say how pleased I am to have you 
as a guest in my house.
G: Your home is very lovely. A stunning contrast with the owner.
L: Thank you. I am Governor Phatt and I must admit, my tastes 
in furnishings do run to the expensive.
G: I can see your tastes run to the expansive.
L: Mr Freemeal, be careful upon whose toes you tread.
G: That must be a real problem for you, you couldn't see anyone's
toes.
L: Well we shall see who laughs last when I execute a scheme 
to make myself a pretty penny.
G: Advertising space on your stomach? Selling your old underpants
for circus tents? A professional ship ballast?
L: I shall be selling something I will be very glad to get rid 
of. You. To LeChuck.
G: LeChuck's dead!
L: Is that so? He looked rather alive for a dead person when 
I spoke with him earlier. But then he looked rather dead for 
an alive person I suppose.
G: Oh no! LeChuck's back already! Well, I took him once, I can 
do it again!
L: And I'll be only too happy to provide you with that chance 
by giving you a reunion. He's put a sizable bounty on your head, 
one I intend to collect.
G: I bet it'll buy a lot of pure fat and bacon grease. Why don't 
you just hold the scientific community to ransom by patenting 
the fourth dimension your waistline has discovered?
L: Take him away!
H: Come with me sir.
G: I'll be back! No... I'll be BACK! Wait a minute, I'LL be 
back! I'LL BE back! I'll BE- H drags him away)

Scn 33- H has locked G inside a prison cell. Inside the cell 
is a skeleton. There is a desk by the door with Hulk's sacked 
lunch on it and beneath it, a senile corgi with a keyring in 
its mouth.
H: You will be detained until LeChuck arrives to collect you. 
If you attempt to escape, Walt here will chew you to bits. 
(leaves)
G turns to the skeleton.
G: A terrible case of dieting gone wrong.
G removes the skeletons tibia and pokes it through the cell 
bars at Walt. Walt approaches, drops the keys and takes the 
bone. G takes the keys and frees himself.
G: Time for me to blow this joint.
He picks up the skeleton's pelvis and makes silly kazoo noises 
on it.
G: The bone's a joint... blowing the joint, see?
A big rubber stamp tumps onto the screen leaving the word 'sad' 
within a red circle. G looks inside the lunchbag.
G: Aw, it's just goat's head soup. Not even a beggar's banquet. 
I'd eat it but I'd get sticky fingers.

Scn 34- G is in an alley. A roulette wheel hangs on the wall. 
A little man (Hat) and a tall man (William) stand by it.
Poster: Blackbeard says 'If I could read, I'd spend all my time 
at the Phatt City Library!'
William: No more bets? (spins wheel) 19 Black! You win again! 
Which of our fabulous prizes will you take home with you this 
time? The invitation to Governor Marley's Fabulous Fench Festive 
Fish Fry Mardi Gras on Booty Island? Or some money?
Hat: I'll stick with the money.
W: He takes- the money! (hands H a bag. H leaves) Can't win 
if you don't play! Just one piece of eight! All you have to 
do is watch the wheel! Pick a colour, red or black! Pick a 
number, one to thirty! If your colour and number comes up, you 
win!
H returns.
H: I'd like to play again. 4 black.
W spins the wheel.
W: Another win sir! Which of our fabulous prizes will you-
H: Money.
W: Money it is!
H takes his pouch and goes.
G: How come that guy keeps winning?
W: I think he's got some inside help if you know what I mean.
G follows H.

Scn 35- An adjacent alley. G hides behind some crates and watches
H knock on a door. A slot opens.
H: Gimme the next number.
Voice: Gimme the passwoid. If this is one (a hand emerges through
the slot and holds up one finger) what's this? (holds up two 
fingers)
H: Your hand. And I'll thank you not to make such gestures at 
me.
V: Right. The next number will be 17 red.
H leaves. Slot shuts. G emerges and knocks on the door himself. 
Slot opens.
V: Whaddya want boy?
G: Hi, I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate.
V: I'm Cruff. Nice to meet you Guybrush.
G: I'm selling these fine leather jackets.
No reply.
G: What's the next winning number?
V: Foist you hafta tell me what this is.
Hand emerges and holds up four fingers.
G: A stupid password system? Rutabaga?
V: You must be a member of the Gambling Guild. Funny, I don't 
recall swearing you in.
G: That's cos your mother dropped you when you were little. 
On purpose. Repeatedly. But you were just too tough.
V: (sobbing) The next number will be 3 black. Go away mister, 
you're mean.

Scn 36- The wheel. H+W are there.
W: 17 red! Here's the money!
H: Hey, I wanted the invitation! Just kidding, giz us that money.
(takes it) Well that's enough out of me for today. See you 
tomorrow William. (leaves)
W: See you Hat. Yer pays yer money, yer takes yer chances.
G: I'd like to take mer chances. 3 black. (hands W a coin, W 
spins)
W: 24 red!
V: Oops.
Wheel rotates a few more segments.
W: Congratulations sir! You're our millionth winner! And you 
know what that means?
G: What? What?
W: Nothing.
G: Oh. Well can I have the invitation to Governor Marley's party?
W: (abusive) What's the matter nomates, couldn't you get invited 
without a gameshow's help?
G snatches the invitation and runs away in terror.

Scn 37- G leaps onto D's ship.
G: Booty Island Jeeves, and don't spare the horses!
D: You weren't drinking the water here were you? Phatt's 
pollutants make funny tings happen...

Scn 38- G disembarks onto Booty Island. A colorful and noisy 
Mardi Gras is raging in town. A band on a crude wooden stage 
play gaudy trumpet-ridden music. Next to G is a block labeled 
'Relevant Shops' which contains an antique store, and a funeral 
parlour.
G: Gee, could that be the antique store Lindy sold his map to? 
(pause) I wonder. (gets back on the boat)
Caption: The end.
End credits partially roll. G gets off the ship and enters the 
antique store. Credits, at regular speed, reverse their way 
back down the screen during the following.

Scn 39- A man wearing 3D glasses and neon pirate gear stands 
behind a counter with all sorts of junk around him.
K: I've got plenty of neat stuff round this store sir. (holds 
up a gross head) Authentic headshrinker victim replicas made 
from bleached whalebone. Even have a flap of synthesised skin 
to hang them from. (holds up sign) A sign from famous Perilous 
Precipice, now known as Dead Man's Drop. (third arm holds up 
a ship's horn) This is a real ship's horn just like the real 
ship's horns used on real ships when they need a real ship's 
horn.
G: I'll take it! (grabs it)
K: (pause) Well? (pause) My payment?
G: I said I'd take it and I took it. Just kidding, here's the 
cash. (gives money to K) Stealing isn't cool kids!
Freeze frame.
Voice: Yes, I know what you're probably thinking to yourself 
right now. 'How did Guybrush pay for the horn? Largo took all 
his money! This doesn't make a lick of sense! I'm beginning 
to think that the whole film's a crock!' (menacing) Well that's 
some attitude you've got there mister.
Film resumes.
K: (G makes to leave) Ahem, perhaps you'd like to inspect my 
counter?
G: (gives him a wierd look) No.
K: Hey! What's that on the counter? WHY IT'S ONE OF THE MAP 
PIECES THAT LEADS TO BIG WHOOP! HOW DID THAT GET THERE?
G: Oo! How much is it?
K: 6,000,000.
G: SIX MILLION?
K: It's a genuine artefact! Only four of its kind in the world. 
And if Big Whoop actually exists to be found, 6,000,000 is more 
than worth it. I tried to round the pieces up once. I gave up. 
I did find another, in Governor Marley's mansion, but she 
wouldn't let me have it. She says it was one of her father's 
last gifts to her so it has sentimental value.
G: Is there anything besides cash which you'll accept for it? 
Do you take Visa?
K: That's too easy. You'd better go on some quest to get me 
some silly item to exchange for it.
G: How about this keen rubber chicken with a pulley in the 
middle?
K: I think it's way past time you cleaned your pockets out.
G: I probably still have that navigator head in here somewhere...
I hope he doesn't need to eat...
K: Anyway, as to what I'd exchange for this map, either 1,000 
slightly used parrots, or the figurehead of the Mad Monkey. 
It's supposed to be a wonderfully beautiful work of art.
G: I'll just mosey on over to the sunken galleon figurehead 
vending machine then. (leaves)

Scn 40- Same as 38.
G: Now, in order to go sunken ship hunting, you need a glass 
bottom boat...
A striking woman in captain regalia begins yelling right at 
Guybrush, ignoring everyone else.
Kate: GLASS BOTTOM BOAT! SEE THE WORLD! PLOT YOUR OWN COURSE! 
SEE A REAL SUNKEN BOAT! AND NO, COMEDIANS, I DON'T MEAN MINE!
G: What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
K: But this is a nice place.
G: Exactly. (pause) Come here often?
K: I will if you don't.
G: Ooh, firey. You know, I could really fall for you.
K: Off a cliff hopefully.
G: What's your sign?
K: 'Stop'.
G: I'm a 'Severe Tire Damge' myself. (pause) Wanna feel my 
muscles?
K: Sure. (squeezes his head)
G: If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against 
me?
K: I'd hold anything against you, especially the knuckles.
G: Wanna see my scar?
K: I've seen lobotomies thanks.
G: You're in good hands with me, baby.
K: If they're so good why don't you off and be in your own hands?
G: Got any pirate in you?
K: No.
G: Want some? (pause) OK, I give up. I'm out of original lines 
and I hate to use other people's. I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a 
mighty pirate.
K: Hi Mycrush, I'm Captain Kate Capsize.
G: My god! Results!
K: You see? When you stop trying to impress me and be civil, 
it works. Women want men who can start normal engaging 
conversations without hiding behind fratboy pickup lines which 
revolve around sexually objectifying the female.
G: So you'll sleep with me then?
K: (slowly) No, you see I don't think that in a normal engaging 
conversation that that would be the next thing you say. (normal) 
Say, do you want to charter a ship? I do weddings, funerals, 
bar mitzvahs, you name it.
G: Do you do mighty pirates? (pause) Ha ha. Only joking.
K: If you ever want to stop thinking with your pantaloons and 
give me some business, here's one of my flyers. It's got a big 
picture of my face and chest on the front and the back's all 
sticky so you can put it on the bedroom wall so you'll always 
see it and think of my glass bottom boat services.
G: Yes. Glass bottom boat services. Can I have another leaflet?
K: Hey, these things cost money to print.
G: Well I might need a glass bottom boat. I'm searching for 
Big Whoop.
K: Big whoop.
G: That's right, Big Whoop.
K: No, I meant big whoop. It doesn't exist. When I was mating 
on the Limping Limpet we went in search of Big Whoop, trying 
to find Bonkey Island, where it supposedly lay. Our captain 
died of boredom while crossing the sea of beige flotsam and 
we were forced to return.
G: Let's get your boat chartered, shall we?
K: (sticks out hand) 6,000 pieces o' eight.
G: I just had this conversation. I'll come back to you later.
G moves on and meets an old man with an ear trumpet standing 
next to an antique cannon.
G: (Beavis voice) Hey old man, do you ever blow off your cannon?
Augustus: Why don't you just blow off? My name is Augustus 
DeWaat, not old man. And this cannon is for signalling the 
mailboat's arrival.
G: What is it with these Caribeean islands employing ancient 
geezers as lookouts? Are you related to a guy called Marty?
A: The only Marty I know is Mardi Gras! (Foghorn Leghorn) It's 
a joke boy, a joke I say. Too fast for ya, son.
G: I'm not here for Mardi Gras. I'm here for a treasure hunt.
A: They're doing a treasure hunt again this year? I would've 
thought last year's disaster would've put an end to that. People 
got carried away, graves were dug up and such.
G: Dang! I do enjoy a good gravedigging.
A: That's not really a joke as you already did it once this 
film and you'll mess around in graves some more before it's 
over. And in Monkey Island 3, you actually-
G: Ssh. Saying things like that may cause problems in series 
continuity if we decide to deviate from the plan for future 
films.
A: That's only an issue for films which take continuity into 
account.
G: Anyway, who was joking? So Marley lives here now, the antique 
dealer told me. I used to date her...
A: Oh sure. And I bet you helped her defeat LeChuck too.
G: Actually I beat LeChuck all by myself.
A: It's OK son. Mardi Gras is the time for fantasy.
G: You're right, I'm lying. I'm so ashamed of myself!
A: Doesn't it feel better to tell the truth?
G: Dialouge shortened due to time constraints.
G moves on to a tollbooth. LeChuck, as he appeared in MI1 (but 
not transparent) emerges from it.
G: LECHUCK! Urgleargleburkawwww! Splurk splurk! 
Aggggyhudgemowatta! Um. Er. Ahoogle!
LeChuck: (pulls off head to reveal woman) Get a grip. Don't 
you know a Mardi Gras costume when you see one?
G: (calmly) Nice costume. It's about to scare me to death.
He shrieks, clutches his heart and falls over.
Woman: Sorry (G actor's name) the director's not buying it.
G: Drat. My escape is foiled. That's all my agent's ideas used 
up. (stands) So what are you guarding here?
W: Marley's party. I'm making sure there's no gatecrashers. 
I'm on red alert, for a Glasgow Throwaway.
G: Elaine Marley's down this way?
W: I'm not surprised you've heard of her. She's the very same 
Elaine Marley that killed LeChuck.
G: Oh for cryin' out... Well anyway, I'm here for the party.
W: Invitation please.
G gives W the invitation.
W: And now for your complimentary costume. (pulls box out of 
booth) Er, sorry about this, but it's all we've got left.
She hands him a tiny purple tutu with a pink sweater.
W: Put it on and I'll let you in.
G: OK, but try to restrain yourself. (starts to unbutton)
W: What, from puking? Go into the bushes or something, sheesh.
G exits and shortly returns wearing the costume.
G: Have you no mercy on me, you evil evil film makers?
As he walks, the sweater snags on a branch, giving it a hookerish
seam down the back.
G: And these thigh length leather pirate boots... once so 
innocent and nonchalant... now they just look seedy.
W: Enjoy your costume, but not too much. Having fun dressed 
like that can get you arrested.
G: Yeah yeah.
He continues up the path past the booth.

Scn 41- G is just entering Elaine Marley's mansion. Various 
party goers in comedy costumes stand around. G scans the room 
and centres on a display case on the mantle.
G: Splutter! It's part of the Big Whoop map!
He swipes it and leaves.

Scn 42- Outside the mansion. A hound dog sleeps by the door 
and a gardener is raking up leaves. The dog woofs at G.
Gardener (Filbert): What's the matter there Guybrush?
G: Nothing a hug wouldn't cure. But how'd you know my name?
F: I'm talking to the dog!
G: She named her dog Guybrush?
F: I don't get it either. She says it's because he's dumb and 
helpless and keeps getting in the way. I think it's a stupid 
name. But what'd you do to get him so riled?
G: I'm selling these fine pink sweaters.
F: Not on my colour wheel. Say, Guybrush has been trained to 
sniff out the household objects so people can't take off with 
them. Empty out your pockets please.
G: Try and stop me!
G runs away and F throws the rake at him. it sails over G's 
head. G turns his head back to yell and keeps running.
G: Ha, you missed!
He steps on the head of the rake and the handle smacks into 
his face, knocking him out.

Scn 43- Elaine Marley's bedroom. E stands by the window, looking 
out. F enters with G and hands E the map.
F: Another would-be treasure hunter trying to make off with 
your map. It's Guybrush.
E: I knew that dog's stupidness was just an act so he could 
(turns around) GUYBRUSH! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? Filbert, go rake 
the back forty.
F: Yes Ma'am. (leaves)
G: Want to be alone with me and my sexy kit huh?
E: Well you've managed to reach new depths of degredation with 
that monstrosity.
G: Boy, look at us together again! We haven't been like this 
since two years ago! Although you were the one wearing this 
outfit...
E: Guybrush, ever wonder why I moved without giving you my 
forwarding adress?
G: Is that what happened? I don't remember between films too 
well...
E: Guybrush, we were a mistake!
G: You've gained weight. (pause) Uh, I mean how's your sister?
E: Which one?
G: You know, the REALLY good looking one, uh well, I see you're 
stil ignoring fashion! Good for you! Oh just give me the map!
E: Get outta my house!
G: Come on, lend me some money and I'll buy you a grog. You 
know, you're really cute when you're pretending to be mad.
E: Arggh!
G: Look, you'll feel better if you just slip into something 
more comfortable. (pause) Got any food in this dump? (pause) 
If you apologise now, I might just let you come back to me.
E: Ooooh....
G: So, uh, you and the gardener huh? I was wondering about that 
bulging stomach...
She starts to shake.
G: Well, your lonely nights are over now I'm back.
E: Haven't been having any, but they're over for you. That suit 
in a crowded jail cell if you don't GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!
G: (sits down, puts feet on coffee table) I could really use 
a footrub right about now. (pause) Look Elaine, my soul is sick 
and your love is the only cure.
E: What makes you think I want to heal it?
G: Well if you won't take me back, kill me now. (stands)
E: Don't tempt me.
G: My life's meaningless without you!
E: So what's the diff?
G: I'd jump out that window to prove my love for you.
E: Go on then.
G: What?
E: Jump out the window. (opens it)
G: Um... OK then.
He stands on the sill. He prepares to jump when E pulls him 
back.
E: Oh Guybrush, you were really going to do it! That's a two 
story drop! Devotion like that is hard to find!
G: So I get the map?
E: THE MAP? Is that what this has been about? I should've known 
better! Get outta here and take your stupid map with you!
She shoves the map into his clutches and pushes him out the 
window.

Scn 44- G lies in a heap outside the mansion. Everything goes 
a dark red except G.
G: Boy that really hurt! (stands)
A middle aged couple come on.
G: Mum? Dad? Am I dead?
Dad: Only above the neck son.
Mom: (elbows D) Ron! Guybrush, we've been looking for you.
D: We needed you to get knocked out so you could have a vision. 
But you just wouldn't do it! Now, when there's no need for you 
to get knocked out you somehow manage to-
M: That's enough dear. (carnival music starts to faintly play) 
We've come to warn you. Living as we do in the realm of death, 
we can sense when someone is planning to use black magic against 
you.
D: Uh oh, he's onto us! His priest has detected our interference!
Things go a bit green. M+D pop out of their screens and dance 
arouns as skeletons.
M: Join us! Find Big Whoop and join us!
D: It's too bad you're an only child! Why couldn't we have had 
someone more assertive and commanding?
A green hand claps on G's shoulder.
LeChuck's Voice: Like me.
G awakes. Colour returns to normal. He is lying on the ground 
again and stands.
G: What a wierd dream! I bet there was some cryptic meaning 
in there. Don't imagine we have much time for padding because 
we're still only on part 2 of 4. Well at least I've finally 
got a map piece.

Scn 45- Largo approaches LeChuck, who is in the shadow.
Largo: Our inside contact reports that Guybrush has definitely 
recovered Marley's map piece.
L: Good. He's supposed to. (wet thump) Go and see if Mark's 
finished on those rivets would you? My extremities keep falling 
off. Oh, and put plenty of worm pellets in my soup, couldn't 
get an ounce of sleep last night. (giggles) Ooh, they're ticklish
little devils!
LeChuck gets up and heads for the door. Lights go out as he 
passes, keeping him in the darkness.
Largo: (quietly) Creep.
L: If you insist. (His silhouette creeps away)
G walks on.
G: Gee, I wonder if that's the same Stan- wait a minute, I've 
jumped the gun haven't I?

Scn 46- Woody's workshop.
G: Now that doesn't make much sense... I suppose a rushed scene 
change will do stuff like that though. Just thought you might 
like to know that Largo LeGrande will never bother you again?
Woody: Yeah, I heard Marty scared him off by putting pins in 
his underwear.
G: No, it was me!
W: Well you'd certainly be more effective than pins...
G: Hey, can I have your hammer and some nails? Every adventurer 
needs a hammer and some nails. It's like string or glue or 
scissors, there's always a use for them.
Woody: No, go away.
G: (whining) Give 'em!
W: No!
G+W start to tussle over them. The fight gets violent with 
foreheads being whapped with hammers and such.
W: You can't do this, you have to achieve your goals by clever 
adventure puzzle type thingys.
G: I read the treatments for Monkey slands 3+4 and I still don't 
get to throw a single punch! I'm spoiling for a fight! What 
self respecting adventurer does four films without once punching 
someone?
W: A very wise witty one. Now-
G obtains the hammer and nails.
W: Hey, give those-

Scn 47- Scn cuts to outside the funeral parlour in Villa de 
Booty.
G: Phew, guess they finally got the right scenery arranged. 
(pockets hammer and nails)
Sign: Stan's Previously Owned Coffins.
G: Of course it'll be the same Stan. Well I suppose I'd better 
go see him, I'm sure the results will be hilarious. (rolls eyes 
and enters the parlour muttering)

Scn 47- Stan, the same as before, yanks violently on G's arm 
to pull him into the store. It is tackily morbid, with fluro 
green wreaths and stylish cofins about the place. A big tempting 
key hangs on a wall.
S: Welcome to Stan's! We handle the dead for a lot less bread! 
Need a bin for your next of kin? Need a plot without spending 
a lot? Just look at all this quality merchandise! Never before 
touched by a living soul! Only dead ones- hee hee, that's my 
little joke, I'm not the kind of guy who digs up coffins and 
sells them. (clutches G's lapels, presses their faces together, 
clenches teeth, widens eyes) REALLY. (normal) No siree, you 
see most of it was only used for a few hours by a little old 
lady who got prematurely buried each Sunday. Speak up! Do you 
want a coffin or are you dead? Either way you've come to the 
right place!
G: What happened to selling ships?
S: I decided to switch to a business where people didn't come 
back and complain.
G: Speaking of which, that boat you sold me-
S: ARGH! IT'S YOU! I didn't know about the bodies! How could 
I know about the bodies, there weren't any bodies! There were 
bodies you say? Please don't get your transparent friend to 
rough me up again-
G: Actually, the ship was fine.
S: IT WAS? (pause) Of course it was! What are you complaining 
about then?
G: Well that just seems inconsistent with your character. It 
should've blown up or sunk or something.
S: I thought it did sink.
G: Yeah but it wasn't your fault. That stunningly rendered sea 
monster swallowed it.
S: But we digress. To get back to my pitch, we put the FUN in 
funeral.
G: Do you guys do birthdays?
S: Yep.
G: Weddings?
S: Yep.
G: Funerals?
S: Nope. Too dreary. But I can't figure out why business is 
so slow when we offer so many other more festive services.
G: Anyway, I'm going to need this embalmed before it decays 
any further.
G produces a manuscript labeled 'Monkey Island 2 Script'.
S: By the smell of things it's already too late. But your loved 
ones deserve Stan's special preserve. You won't smell a whiff 
when we're done with your stiff.
G: You morticians are sure good er, rhymicians.
S stares blankly at G.
G: Anyway, can I take one of these babies for a spin?
S: Sorry, health regulations prevent me from allowing uncertified
persons free access to used internment paraphanalia. But health 
regulations, schmelth schmegulations. I just don't want you 
mussin them thar coffins up.
G: Hey, I'm certified plenty! So certified I wasn't even supposed
to leave the hospital!
S: I'll demonstrate one for ya if you like. (opens a coffin, 
there is a hacking wheezing sound from inside)
G: You'd better do something about that coughin'.
Silence.
S: This must be where your jokes go to die. But check out that 
baby over there.
G turns around, S pulls out a tape measure and checks his length.
S goes over to the coffin and opens it.
S: Now this is the cadillac of coffins. Look at all that leg 
room! (gets in) This thing's bigger than my office! I'm as 
claustrophobic as they come and this feels fine! There's room 
for two in here!
G hops in.
S: (weakly) OK, so I took a little creative liscence... my 
spleen...
G hops out.
G: Nice beverage holder. How much is the coffin?
S: Here at Stan's we work on a sliding scale based on one's 
ability to pay so as to make a decent funeral available to even 
our most financially incapacitorially deprived customers.
G: So you'll take me for all I can.
S: Here, have a free hankie. It has our motto on it. 'When the 
tears come, be prepared. Buy a coffin or drop dead.'
G takes the hankie.
G: Those rhymes are beginning to lose their charm. (closes coffin
lid)
S: Go right ahead, check out the lid operation, it's just as 
roomy when closed.
G nails it shut with Woody's tools.
S: I hear you knocking, but you can't come in. This is too nice 
to share. That's solid oak you're hearing! It's a wonder people 
don't live in these things.
G: Ooh, pretty shiny.
G takes the big key.
S: (some creaking and thumping) Hey I think the lid's stuck. 
OK, you can stop sitting on the lid, we've had our little joke. 
Oh my god, I hope the cheap cra- I mean high quality fixer 
holding the coffin together hasn't fused with the teflon gasket!
G rings the service bell.
S: With you in a minute! Wouldn't be that bad in here if I didn't
need to go to the bathroom! I suppose I could take a nap...
G leaves.
S: Let me out, I'M NOT DEAD! Well, that guy will have to come 
back here... EVENTUALLY.

Scn 48- Dramatic shot of Scabb Island cemetary. G enters.
G: This key of Stan's should open these crypts, and the 
priestess' book told me that Rapp Scallion was buried here along 
with one of his map pieces. (mutters) How clunky can ya...
He unlocks a crypt and goes inside.

Scn 49- Shot of G forcing open a coffin. CU of lid shows it 
to read 'RS'. Inside there is just a bunch of ashes. They cloud 
up over G, clearing to reveal:

Scn 50- The priestess' lair.
G: You fellows can reanimate the dead can't you?
P: Not really. The whole vodu zombie thing is down to the mistake
of ignorant european explorers who saw us perform the rite in 
which we strike a man through the head so he appears-
G: Stop! The audience will think we're being educational and 
shut down! Do you stock Ash-2-Life here?
P: You want to bring the dead to life? That doesn't sound quite 
proper. Hmmm. Well here you are. (gives G a tube) Remember, 
just a dab'll do ya.

Scn 51- G sprinkles some of the Ash-2-Life on Rapp's ashes. 
The ashes swell into human shape, then turn to bone, then muscle 
then skin. Rapp now lies in the coffin, replete with chef's 
outfit. He has green skin.
G: I think this is just concentrated moisturiser.
R: Whew! That was a close one! If I hadn't had my flame resistant
apron on, I could've been killed!
G: Well be more careful next time. Can't have people dying on 
us. Say, where did you buy that apron?
R: Stan's Previously Used Kitchen Supply. Why do you ask?
G: I hope you kept the receipt... Uh, can I have your piece 
of the Big Whoop map?
R: Over my dead body! I'll carry that secret to my grave!
G: You've got it with you? How handy.
R: What?
G: Your life is well done. You're a few months past your 
expiration date.
R: I'm... dead?
G: Stiff as a frozen foot long. Tough as year old hamburger 
buns.
R: But I'm not ready to go!
G: You're as ready as you'll ever be.
R: My soul is not at peace! There is something I must do before 
I depart!
G: Perfect plumps when cooked wiener technology?
R: I dunno about you, but I never had trouble plumping my wiener.
I was talking about leaving the gas on.
G: You left the gas on before you died? Oh I bet that went down 
great. I can see it now, you're lined up at the pearly gates, 
all the formalities over and you say to your partner, 'Honey, 
didn't we leave the gas on before we left?' and then dad says 
'I've had it with the trips, nothing but disaster all the way' 
and mom says 'Oh George, not in front of Guybrush' and dad 
screams 'George? Wasn't my name Ron before? And Guybrush! 
Everything's because of Guybrush! We're going to this park 
because of Guybrush, I had to get another job because of 
Guybrush, I had to give up drink because of Guybrush, we can't 
have noisy sex anymore because of Guybrush...' and then he turns 
around and roars 'Hear that Guybrush? It's because of you I 
can't have sex!'
R: Forget the gas. It might give my soul more peace if I just 
gave you the map so you leave me alone.
G: (bellowing) ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'LL TAKE YOUR STUPID MAP! 
JUST STOP PRESSURING ME WITH YOUR NEGATIVE VIBES! (snatches 
it and storms out. R taps his head and pulls the coffin shut)

Scn 52- The foot of a large staircas, shrouded in darkness. 
A head comes tumbling down the stairs, followed by a torso, 
two legs, two arms and a lot of swearing. Largo comes by.
Largo: What are you doing?
Head (LeChuck): After attempting to get his dessicated old body 
down the stairs, I decided it was quicker to dismantle myself 
and roll down the stairs. Put me back together would you?
Largo: Why did you want to come downstairs?
L: (pause) I forgot.
Largo: Your legs fell off as you were passing the stairwell 
didn't they?
L: (ashamed) Yes.
Largo: Maybe embalming fluid will help. I know a quality merchant
on Booty Island who... Oh now I remember what I came to tell 
you! The inside source tailing Guybrush tells me that he now 
has the second map piece.
L: What's the inside source doing with the second map piece? 
Guybrush is supposed to get them! And who is this inside source 
anyway?
Largo: I can't tell you now, the audience is here.
L: They are? Why didn't you tell me? Look at the state of this 
place! The curtains need dusting, the tables need polishing, 
the snakes need feeding and me with me head off...

Scn 53- The Booty Island Mardi Gras. A crowd is gathered in 
one corner.
G: I need to see about getting that antique store piece... what's
going on here? (approaches crowd)
There are signs proclaiming a spitting contest. A bizarrely 
dressed woman addresses her audience, next to some distance 
markers.
Woman: OK, who's gonna be next? Come on you lot, give me the 
spits! Step right up and test your swill! Even a child can do 
it, better than most! Two, four, six, eight, come on let's 
expectorate! Turn a disgusting habit into a prestige winning 
past time! You already have the necessary equipment! Don't let 
this grass wither up and die! Kill it quickly! Did I hear osmeone
swallow? Sacrilege! Don't be shy, let it fly! Volunteer, it's 
on the tip of your tounge. You think spitting is gross? You 
think chucking that stuff on the ground is gross? Well if it's 
so gross, why hold it in your mouth? There's a scout here from 
the pro spitting circuit you know...
G: Me! Me!
He steps forward and the crowd applauds.
G: Ah, how the world loves a spitting contest.
W: What's your name son?
G: I call me Captain Loogie.
W: (deafening) The loogster, the loogmeister, hocking the big 
ones for fame and fortune, loooogorama! Spit away, Cap'n.
G puffs up his chest, makes ridiculous noises and then dribbles 
down his shirt.
S: Misfire! Awooga, awooga! Man, I wish my Spits Illustrated 
would arrive in the mail.
G: Hmmm... that scene where I talked to the guy who fires the 
cannon when he hears the mailboat foghorn really should have 
occured closer to this one where it did. Otherwise I wouldn't 
need to recap like that. And life would be that much easier 
for everyone. (blows horn)
W: My magazine is here!
She leaves and the crowd turns to gaze in her direction. In 
speed-up, G picks up the distance markers and moves them closer 
to the firing line. W returns. The crowd doesn't turn back for 
the rest of the scene.
W: False alarm, as usual.
G: I'm gonna try again.
W: Captain Loogie in da house!
G snorts up into his nose until the top of his head starts to 
bend in a little, then spits hard enough to clear the markers. 
Applause from crowd.

Scn 54- Cut to CU of G's hands holding a 'First Place Spitting 
Contest' plaque. He pulls it down to reveal he is in the antique 
store.
Storekeeper: I'm not interested.
G: It's worth a mint!
S hands G a mint. Some bricabrac falls off a shelf making a 
clattering drumfill like noise. Top of the head of old 
storekeeper from MI1 peers over the counter, winks at G then 
ducks down again.
S: OK, I'll give you 6000 pieces of eight for it then if you 
insist. (hands G the money, takes the plaque and tosses it over 
his shoulder into a bin)
G: Wow! What will I do with this money?
S: Captain Kate's ship chartering fee is 6000 pieces of eight. 
By the way. (pause) You having been instructed to charter a 
ship so you could find me the figurehead of the sunken galleon, 
Mad Monkey.
G: Uh... Uh... Don't tell me... Uh... I should play banana 
futures?

Scn 55- G is just being pushed into Kate Capsize by S who leaves 
immediately.
G: OH! I SEE! I've got 6000 pieces of eight.
K: So you'll be chartering my ship then?
G: (huge pause) Yup.

Scn 56- G+K are on K's tiny boat in the ocean.
K: Here's the spot where the Mad Monkey sank.
G: Did you order this ship out of the back of a comic book? 
I've seen bigger ships in bottles.
K: Whoever writes your lines is almost as funny as your tailor.
G: It's so small the rats abandoning it are hunchbacked.
K: Will you get on with it?
G: Yeah I'd better, Timmy will be missing his bath toy.
K pushes him overboard.

Scn 57- G is sinking into the depths.
G: The galleon should be down here... good thing I can hold 
my breath for ten minutes.
He reaches the seabed. The wreck of a galleon is here. There 
is huge monkey head with bug eyes and a poking out tounge on 
the prow. It's bigger than G.
G: Man alive! How am I going to pick that up? (hits himself 
on the head) Of course! With my hands! (he lifts it up) Funny, 
I thought these papier mache figureheads wouldn't last so well 
under water.
Cut to shot so G's head is top of frame and his feet are bottom. 
he starts walking left and cam pans with him.
G: But I can't swim back up there with this head! How am I going 
to-
He bangs his head on the bottom of Kate's ship. Cut back to 
show that the water is suddenly only as deep as he is tall. 
She leans over and pulls him aboard.

Scn 58- Hard cut to G slamming the monkey head onto the antique 
store counter creating some visual comedy as it hides S' head 
and we can see his body coming out if its neck.
S: This'll make the best mardi gras mask when I hollow it out! 
Ordinarily I'd pay 6 million pieces of eight for such an item, 
but I'm going to give you a scruffy piece of paper. (hands G 
the map piece)
G: That's three map pices... hmm, better quit while I'm ahead, 
going for the fourth might be pushing my luck.

Scn 59- G is saddling up a horse in front of a giant orange 
sunset, the sun at ground level. Once mounted, he dons a stetson,
smiles back at cam, before turning away and riding off. A few 
steps in, he hits the sun, as if it were not in the horizon 
but right in front of him. He and his horse burst into flames.

Scn 60- As in 58.
G: The horse won't recover from that anytime soon... mays as 
well find the last map piece while I wait.

Scn 61- LeChuck's hideout again. He and Largo are dancing to 
'Sugar Sugar'. The phone rings as they bump butts. While 
LeChuck's arms reach out of the shadows to gather his hips and 
legs, Largo answers it.
Largo: Hello? Ma'am-
L: (urgent whisper) Sir when the camera's around Largo.
Largo: Sorry, sorry. Sir, it's the INSIDE CONTACT. He says that 
Guybrush has the third map piece.
L: Hot diggety dog! That puts me in a Duran Druan mood!
Largo: Yes sir. (takes a records out of a sleeve)

Scn 62- G is by a cottae which is situated on a slope leading 
down to a cliff overlooking the sea.
G: Yes I know that was a hollow needless scene but it was either 
watch that or watch me journey from Booty Island to this remote 
coastal hill on Phatt Island, where it's rumoured that Rum 
Rodgers, first mate of the crew who discovered Big Whoop lives. 
Let's see if he's in.
Handheld camera follows G up to the cottage door, as if they 
were doing one of those candid camera surprise a member of the 
public in their home things. G knocks. An old disheveled man 
answers.
G: Mr Rodgers?
R: Yes?
G steps in.

Scn 63- Normal shot of cottage interior. There are stacks of 
empty rum crates everywhere, up to the ceiling. Tables and chairs
are made of crates.
R: What do you want? Are you selling those fine leather jackets?
G: This fine leather jacket was a gift from dear old gran and 
is most certainly not for sale. I'm looking for a map.
R: I knew it. Another wouldbe treasure hunter. Look kid, I'm 
not Rum Rogers, the only surviving member of the crew that 
discovered Big Whoop.
G: Oh you are so, you big silly.
R: Looks like the jig is up. But I'm still not giving you my 
map piece. Big Whoop is something that should remain lost.
G: Pretty please?
R: Look, tell you what. We'll have a drinking contest and if 
you win, you can take my map piece.
G: And if I lose?
R: If you lose, you'll be passed out drunk so I can pretty much 
do whatever I please.
G gives cam a worried look.
R: I'll get us set up. (exits left)
G: While he's gone, I'll look for the map.
While G rummages around, R's voice can be heard from the kitchen.
R: This is my special grog. It's just for contests. (every now 
and then a sipping sound is heard and R's voice gets gradually 
mushier) Twice the alcohol, twice the calories. I hate having 
to waste it. 
R comes back and places a mug of grog on the table, G keeps 
rummaging, R doesn't react to it at all.
R: There's yours, I'll just go get mine, then we can begin. 
(leaves) From what I'm told, noone can drink the special conest 
grog without feeling faint.
G eyes the table crate.
G: Ahah!
He tips it over and looks inside. Nothing. But the mug of grog 
falls onto the floor.
G: it's so strong it'seating through the floorboards!
He dives onto the mug and hits the rickety floor so hard that 
the aged wood starts to crack radially all round the room.
R: But I've been practicing. You know, most treasure hunters 
just leave when I ask them too.
A piece of the floor falls away underneath one of the ceiling 
touching crate stacks. It begins to tip over. G runs over and 
props it up.
R: But you. You're persisant. It'll get you places in life my 
boy.
G leans against it too hard and it starts to fall the other 
way. It bangs into the adjacent stack and they all start to 
shake G uses the one he's leaning against to shove the other 
ones against the nearest wall and supports them by leaning them 
against that.
R: But it won't get you into my house. Noone gets into my house. 
Not even me. That's why I live in this here garden shed.
Bits of debgris start falling from the ceiling. G looks up.
G: (calmly) Ahhh. So that stack was supporting the ceiling here.
The portion of the ceiling directly above him falls down, 
knocking him through the floor.
R: Excuse the boxes, I haven't had time to put them away. 
Especially with all the people bothering me about the map.
G emerges from the hole holding a wedge.
G: What the heck is this doing down there?
He looks through the window to see the scenery moving by.
R: I used to drink a lot of grog when I was younger. I drink 
even more now.
G: Oh man, this was what was keeping the house on the slope!
He hops back down the hole and panicking, desperately trys to 
force the wedge back under the hole.
R: I wish I'd never bought this place. it's only caused me 
trouble.
G tries too hard and with a mighty shove, completely pries the 
flimsy ancient wall right off the side of the house. It continues
sliding down toward the cliff edge.
R: All these treasure hunters bugging me.
G is hanging onto the edge of the floor, trying to pull himself 
back into the house without getting his lower half crushed 
underneath it as it slides forward. The house snags onto a 4 
ft tall rock just as G succeeds. The floor is torn out from 
underneath the house. G is now sprinting down the hill, remaining
inside the house while trying to avoid the pursuing opposite 
wall.
R: Grog was good when I was young. Makes the lips pucker. works 
well on the girls.
The slope becomes steeper and crates start raining down on G.
R: But grog doesn't come in convenient crates like rum does. 
I still have a few grog barrels around here somewhere though 
I suppose.
A few barrels bounce down into G. The house shoots over the 
cliff and it takes to the sky in a gnetle parabola. It begins 
spinning topsy-turvy with G gripping to the front door handle 
like death to prevent being tossed out. The house lands in the 
ocean right way up and slowly starts to sink. R wades in from 
the door G is clinging too. He holds a second mug.
R: Sorry about the wait, had to pop down to the shops to get 
another grog.
R goes to the floating table crate and puts his mug on it.
R: (as the table sinks) Ooh, coasters! Don't want to get the 
table wet and damaged the wood now do we? (hands G a ragged 
paper coaster) Gosh it's getting damp and chilly in here. I'll 
go start a fire.
Having to paddle to stay afloat now, R tries to light a fire 
in the submerged fireplace while G examines his coaster.
G: The senile codger's handed me the last map piece! (swims 
away, unnoticed by R)
R: (looks at missing wall) Hmm, when did I hang that picture 
up? And since when was the tide so strong in here? Hey that 
guys chickened out! (as his head goes beneath the water) Well, 
that just means all the more drink for me!

Scn 64- L's hideout. Largo sits across from L's silhouete. 
Incredibly stern and serious atmosphere.
L: So... Mr Threepwood has the fourth map piece?
Largo: Indeedily doodily. (L's hand slaps him)
L: But tell me, who was this inside contact of yours?
Largo: (big pause) I honestly don't remember.
L: Oh well, it is of little import now. For now Guybrush has 
the map and will take it to the Scabb Island cartographer to 
be identified. Little does he know that we have already kidnapped
this cartographer and that he is in my dungeon right now... 
and then Guybrush will learn the sickening irony when he comes 
here to rescue the cartographer, for Big Whoop is already in 
my possession. (offers a plate) Have a biscuit. (Largo takes 
one) And not only that, but the location of Big Whoop and of 
my stronghold is the same island... and it is no other island 
than... MONKEY ISLAND!
Largo: I know that, no need to shout! Who are you, the narrator?
L: That's your third Double Oreo, greedy! Have a different kind 
of biscuit, don't eat all the good ones!

Scn 65- G dashes into Wally's store. It is deserted. He sees 
a note on the desk. He reads it.
G: Note to self. Just a note now that you broke your monocle 
and can't see properly that this is your desk. Oh and dont bother
trying to read this because without your monocle you can't. 
And in case you forget, don't write this note because you have 
a 6:30 kidnapping with LeChuck tomorrow so you won't be doing 
any work. Don't worry if you forget about the kidnapping, they'll
send someone over.

Scn 66- He leaves Wally's shop to see the guard from Phatt Island
posting a Guybrush Wanted poster on the post office wall and 
then leaving. G inspects the poster.
G: Wanted, Guybrush Threepwood, alias Squinky. For the semimurder
of LeChuck, the thievery of medically supplied supplements, 
graverobing, trespassing, larceny without a permit, disturbing 
the peace, disturbing in general, indecent assault, decent 
assault, half-decent assault, premature entombment of non-dead 
individuals, impersonating a federal mail boat, unauthorisedly 
exiting from a penal institution, reanminating dead persons 
within city limits... he is warm and friendly. I wonder why 
they always put these things on the walls of post offices. Maybe 
they figure that those psycho mailmen move in the same circles 
as- hey what's that on the label of this outgoing crate from 
the House of Mojo? (reads label) To LeChuck's Island Getaway 
and Spa. Contains misc voodoo supplies, one stowaway sized empty 
gap. (gets into crate) OH MY GOD THERE'S A PUTRID DECAYING BODY 
IN HERE! Not a lot I can do about it until my next bath though.

Scn 67- Shot of G inside the crate. He is bumped around a bit. 
Pause. Mumbled speaking is heard.
G: I can hear voices! (clutches head) Shut up all of you! I'm 
trying to listen to what the guys outside the crate are saying!

Scn 68- The foyer to LeChuck's fortress. Two postal workers 
are delivering the crate to Largo. Largo and the crate are inside
the entrance while the workers are standing on the drawbridge.
Worker: Are you going to give us a tip?
Largo: Is it OK if I over-tip you?
Worker: Sure!
L pulls a lever and the drawbridge flips over, tossing the men 
into the moat.
L: Whoops, I meant tip you over. I'd better tell LeChuck his 
stuff is here. (leaves)
G: (from inside the crate, the lid is lifted slightly before 
he speaks) Now that everyone's gone, I have the opportunity 
to poke my eye out... (an unpleasant squish sound) ARRGH! what 
a stupid thing to do, now I only have half my vision! Better 
put my eye back in... (gets out and sneaks off)

Scn 69- LeChuck's throne room. G enters nervously from one end 
and attempts to quietly sneak across.
L: (blatantly sitting in his throne) Do ye think I'm blind or 
something?
G: I was hoping you were an incredibly lifelike animatronic 
doll.
LeChuck, now in zombie form looks like he did in MI1 except 
solid, decrepid and green. CU of G's hand reaching for his belt 
while he faintly babbles about the weather in Spain.
G: (voiceover) Now if I can just distract him while I reach 
for my pirate utility belt...
Normal shot. G suddenly holds up a capsule in each hand.
G: (Shredder voice) Sayonara, turtles!
G throws the capsules at the ground and they explode into thick 
bursts of smoke. We hear much choking and gagging. When it clears
L is just as he was and G is on his knees gasping.
L: We dead people aren't renowned for our breathing.
G falls unconscious.
L: Oh Largo... (pause. Noone comes) Largo! Mark? Anyone? (big 
pause. L sings) Where have all my henchmen gone, long time 
passing-
Largot+Mark stampede on.
L: Take him to the torture room and-
Mark: Wait, I don't have my hearing aid on. (preses the side 
of his voodoo mask with a click)
L: Take him to the torture room and-
There is a high pitched whining from M.
M: ARGH! (yanks his aid out) Too sensitive!
Largo: Let me take a look at it. (he and M fuss over it)
L: Take him to the torture room and-
Largo: Can't you see we're busy here?
M: What?
L sighs and starts to drag G away himself. We hear a clink of 
a small metal object hitting the floor.
Largo: Nobody move! That tiny crunchable piece fell out! Hold 
it right there LeCh-
L clubs Largo with G, and drags G away.
M: What?

Scn 70- G awakes to find himself hanging alongside Wally above 
a pool of acid.
L: Arr, ye be in trouble this time Threepwood. I couldn't decide 
which of me many magical implements to dispose of you with. 
My wand of a whole heapin' helpin' o' death, the staff of much 
fireball chuckation... but I decided to stick to the classics, 
the ol' hero suspended over dangerous substance replete with 
ridiculous device to lower him in there.
G: All I did was share my rootbeer with you...
L: (pointing at stuff all off-screen) See that candle? When 
it burns through that rope, the bag of sand will fall onto the 
bellows which will spit a bullet out, the bullet then ricocheting
of this precisely angled pan, then off this shield, striking 
the helium balloon. When it pops, the lever fals, causing this 
little green light to go on. When the light goes on, Mark up 
there will slash your rope with his sword.
Cam cranks up to show M standing on a ledge where G+W's rope 
ties to the ceiling. M waves. Cam cranes back down.
L: Any questions?
G: Where's the bathroom?
L: (points) Down that hall, third on the right.
G: What WAS the secret of Monkey Island?
L: That's easy. My underground base.
G: But you went to Monkey Island to find the secret, so it can't 
be your base because that wasn't there before you got to Monkey 
Island and built it. And how come you're a zombie anyway? Why 
didn't you just drown when your ship sank in that storm?
L: Errrr... well... I could explain that to ye... but this 
movie's longwinded enough as it is, it'll keep till the third 
one.
W: Is it really necessary for me to be here? I'm just getting 
chafed. Why don't I go to the canteen and the camera man just 
go to a closer shot that only has LeChuck and Guybrush in it?
L: I was just leaving anyway. (goes)
G: Hey Wally. (pause) I love you man. (pause) Could you scratch 
my back?
There is some noises according to how L described the machine 
and a green light goes on in the top right corner of the screen. 
Nothing happens.
G: Yo Mark, let's have some hustle up there!
M: (off) What? Oh yeah, sorry.
The rope is cut and G+W fall into the acid. They disintegrate 
and scream horribly.
W: (hideous wailing) What spot did you want scratched?
They both die.

Scn 71- As in Scn 1.
E: So that's it then?
G: Yep. He forced himself onto you and you bore him the first 
in a line of mentally unstable tyrants who would rule the 
caribbean forever.
E: That story doesn't really explain how you got here.
G: No... it doesn't does it? I must've told the wrong story, 
sorry about that.
E: If you died in the acid how come you're able to tell eme 
about it? Aren't you dead?
G: I am? Oh, wait now I remember! I escaped! Sorry, I get these 
details confused sometimes. Actually I managed to swing the 
rope so that it hit Mark's sword and cut it, but the momentum 
caused myself to fling out of the tower window and onto the 
beach below. Wally unfortunately hit the wall but was saved 
from an acidy death. And he's not all I saved, as hundreds of 
movie budget dollars were spared when I simply narrated this 
event instead of filming it. Wandering around the island I now 
find myself on, I recognised it as none other than Monkey Island 
and also realised, by looking at the Big Whoop map pieces and 
checking the shape of the coast, that Monkey Island was the 
one depicted in the map, meaning Big Whoop was on Monkey Island 
and-
E: OK that's enough cheapskatery. You may as well use those 
scenebuilder guys the union makes us have on set wether we need 
them or not.

Scn 72- G stands on the familiar beaches of Monkey Island. Herman
Toothrot, apparently asleep, lies in the shade by the trees. 
G walks up to H and kicks him.
G: Hello Herman.
H: Ah, I've been waiting for you.
G: You have?
H: Our meeting comes at the final moment of our existence so 
far. All that has taken place in my life up till now has been 
mere preperation for this now.
G: You mean everything we've ever done is but a prelude to this 
conversation?
H: But the moment already passes and now our meeting is nothing 
more than another note in the grand overture to the next 
performance.
G: That's swell! I'm looking for treasure.
H: There are many treasures here, found and unfound. The beauty 
of the ocean. The treasures of the future, waiting in the seeds 
of mangoes, and the treasures of the past seen in the rings 
of trees. And may not riches be found in the words of one who 
has explored the vast-
G: That'll do.
H: Not to mention the treasure of patience.
G: Why are you talking so differently from how you used to?
H: Well ever since a friend of mine TOOK MY SHIP AND ABANDONED 
me here, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my thoughts. I 
now teach philosophy.
G: On the beach?
H: It beats trekking up to a Tibetan mountain top. And if things 
get too heavy we can have a surf break. I've nonly had three 
students and they graduated and left already. but one day I 
hope to have a thriving band of hermit philosophers here. We'll 
be known as Herman's Hermits.
G: Something tells me you're onto something good.
H: I'll have to beat students off with a stick! (pause) Camn 
I beat you off with a stick?
G: No.
H: How about I just beat you with the stick? Ok, no stick-
G: I have to go stand over here now...
H: And a good thing too, you're no philosopher! I bet you can't 
even answer a simple Zen koan.
G: Go ahead. I know my Cohens.
H: If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear 
it (slaps hand over top of face) what colour are my eyes?
G: Summergrove Mint.
H: Wha- How'd you- No they aren't. (H keeps hand over eyes for 
rest of film)
G: Yes they are!
H: No they aren't. Now leave me, I have a lot of sulking to 
do.
G goes into the jungle.

Scn 73- G discovers a colossal X in a clearing.
G: That's the second biggest X I've ever seen! This has gotta 
be Big Whoop's resting place! I just hope it's resting right 
now so I don't have to look for its place of business or 
anything-
H sidles up out of nowhere.
H: Oh you mean this treasure! f you want some help uncovering 
it, I've some dynamite back at the abandoned fort I live in,
G: Is it real heavy duty stuff?
H: 'Adult supervision required'.
G: Whoa! Go get it!
H comes off and returns with a box of TNT.
G: What are you doing with this stuff anyway?
H: The fort I live in is a leftover from when they tried to 
colonise this place but got fought off by the cannibals. They 
left a bunch of weaponry behind.
G: How are the cannibals?
H: I wouldn't know.
G: You guys aren't fighting again already are you?
H: No, they've left the island. There's a big construction 
project going on over there and they've decided to take the 
big fat compensation cheque and move on.
G: Construction project? What's being built and who's building 
it?
H: Dunno who the backer is, but it looks to be some sort of 
abusement park.
G: Don't you mean amusement?
H: No, there's something sinister about this one.
G: There's something sinister about most theme parks. I swear 
that last time I rode the Matterhorn the abominable snowman 
was whispering 'Help me'. I'll worry about this construction 
later though. I need something to light the dynamite with.
H: Got it covered. Here's a flamethrower that was also up in 
the fort. (hands it to G) Don't like blow yourself up and leave 
all the treasure to me or anything.(runs into the distance)
G tosses the TNT onto the middle of the X and toasts it up close.

Scn 74- Elaine is lying on her bed reading 'Vague'. Suddenly 
there is a huge explosion and a mushroom cloud through her 
window.
E: Oh my god! Some island's just had some sort of explosion 
disaster! I'd better go offer them financial aid and screw them 
by more than making it back via cheap manual labour, while also 
instilling in the natives a sense that Booty Island is the land 
of hope and opportunity, so they'll buy all our music and dress 
like us! (dashes off)

Scn 75- As in 1.
G: So I fell down the hole the explosion caused and found myself 
standing on a thin concrete shelf with a treasure chest on it, 
the one I'm still holding, which I presume to be Big Whoop. 
When I picked it up, the shelf gave way and I grabbed onto this 
length of wire portruding from this metal support.
E: Good thing I told you to use those union set builders. Proper 
ones wouldn't have laced a supposedly authentic caribbean island 
with metal supports.
G: I hung here for about three days. Then you showed up. Then 
I told you the whole story about how I got into this mess. Then 
the rope broke and- (the rope breaks, G plummets offscreen)
There is a long silence and then a heavy thud. E whistles 
nonchalantly and starts to climb out.

Scn 76- Pitch black. We can hear G thumping about.
G: Where's the treasure chest?... oh no, it smashed! I hope 
I didn't break Big Whoop! No wait, there's a piece of paper 
in the splinters. A magic spell? A map to an even greater 
treasure? A coupon for free fries at McDonalds that you don't 
need to spend $& to use? Maybe it is toilet paper, which is 
extremely valuable for oceanlocked pirates. You'd think it would 
be luxuriant soft paper though, not crnly and rough like this. 
Mind you it's been so long since I had toilet paper, something 
close to sandpaper is probably what I need.
L: Let me see. Does it have those little pink embossed seashells 
on it?
The light goes on to reveal L standing by a light switch. They 
are in a dank dim corridor with pipes about. G clutches a scrap 
of paper, which he shoves down the front of his pants. He 
screams.
L: Screaming like a baby at the mere sight of me and I haven't 
even hurt you yet!
G: (clutching his groin) Nothing to do with you. Got a paper 
cut in a sensitive place. (suddenly leaps and roars) We're making
swords out of the wrong stuff, this hurts worse than a cutlass 
swipe!
L: That was a cutlass swipe. (removes hand from the fold of 
his coat to reveal a sword and a minature G doll, as he was 
in MI1)
G: Aha, that won't work! That's a Monkey Island 1 series action 
figure you've used for your voodoo doll! I'm from a different 
movie altogether!
L: You're still the same character.
G: I don't even have a character. I'm just a crazy mishmash 
of comic actions with no persona at all in which to frame them.
L: Good one, now those smarmy critics won't have the thrill 
of pointing that out. But nevertheless, this voodoo doll works, 
even if the logic leading to that conclusion doesn't.
G: But if the logic leading to that doesn't work, then the voodoo
doll doesn't work!
L: I said the logic doesn't work.
G: But that's illogical!
L: I KNOW IT'S ILLOGICAL! THE LOGIC DOESN'T WORK! I- say, you're 
just stalling me aren't you! If you really had a problem with 
the illogical, there's no way you would've ever signed on for 
this film. Well, no more padding! (pulls a ball of socks from 
his pants crotch)
G: (getting on his knees) Oh please don't throw that ball of 
socks at me! After where it's been I'm sure it counts as the 
sort of weapon that the Geneva-
L: (tosses socks away) Stop your whining! What a ridiculous 
idiot you are! Any sensible hero would've asked what I was doing 
down here in this passage! (big pause) Alright then, have it 
your way! Time to show you the unspeakable torment I can wreak 
with this doll! (fiddles with it, G's arm starts flopping about)
G: Hey, this is kind of funny!
L: No wait, I accidentally activated the doll's root beer 
throwing action by pressing the button on its back. This is 
what I meant to do... (raises the doll up high and chants. A 
dervish envelops G and he winks out of existence. There is 
silence for a second, then some thumping offscreen. L turns 
to see G in a heap further down the corridor.
L: What? It was supposed to send you into a dimension of eternal 
pain, not down the hall! Some ticket to oblivion this is! (goes 
over to G)
G: Can I have one request before I die?
L: As long as it's not for me to go away and not kill you.
G: That wouldn't be a request before I died would it? I was 
talking about you using this. (hands L Stan's hanky) As your 
nose has sort of rotted away, there's mucus and things pouring 
onto your beard, it's really rather unseemly.
L takes the hanky, has a good blow and hands it back to G, then 
does the teleport thing with the doll again.

Scn 77- Elsewhere in the tunnels. G is in a room filled with 
various junk. Items of interest include the grog machine from 
MI1's finale, a couch with two skeletons and a doctor's 
examination table, all set up with syringe.
G: Look at all this memoribilia from my life! This must be some 
sort of HQ LeChuck set up under Big Whoop to trap me in when 
I came to get it! The guy's obsessed with me! Maybe this is 
how he got the ingrediants for the voodoo doll, through 
forensics... Forensics? That pirate setting sort of tends to 
evaporate on you every now and then doesn't it Mr Writer? (cam 
changes, all very pompous) If I am to face LeChuck, I must face 
my greatest fears, one of which is medical examinations. The 
foul fiend must have learned of this and built this medical 
centre so that he might torture me. But I shall overcome my 
fears by picking up this frightfully large evil looking syringe.
Ridiculous arthouse style montage of CUs of G's eyes, lips, 
fingers with crazy music and flash frames of whatever you like. 
Parallells drawn through editing of G's hand reaching for the 
syringe and Macbeth reaching for the dagger, an Iranian child 
reaching for a rifle, a toddler leaning out of its cot to grab 
a doll, an obese man straining to try to pick up the TV remote 
without getting off the couch etc. All is ruined by the 
voiceover, which runs:
G: (enraptured) Oh do you see? Do you see the symbolism! Do 
you see it? (pause) I don't either. Screw it.
Normal shot. He picks the syringe up, then looks in a box on 
a shelf.
G: That little baby! He has a complete set of Monkey Island 
action figures! They're all Monkey Island 1 versions though, 
they're like so last movie. We've got Todd McFarlane doing the 
ones for the second movie, which means it'll be a few more years 
before we can get them past the toy censors. Actually, seeing 
as they're there, I'll take a LeChuck for my nephew. I already 
gave him a few boxes of me. And I'll take an Elaine, er for 
my niece. it's not like I'd want it, she doesn't even have 
anything under her clothes... at least that's what it said on 
the ad.

Scn 78- Elaine sitting on her bed. She looks down her front.
E: (shrieks) He's right! There's nothing there! Damn this stupid 
anti-bimbo-babe-Barbie and pro-flatchested dolls political 
correctness movement!

Scn 79- As in 77. G notices the skeletons.
G: Oh my god! I'd recognise those skeletons anywhere! My parents!
LeChuck must've dug them up to get the dead ingrediant for my 
voodoo doll!
G sits down between them, nudging Dad as he does.
G: This is hopeless, how am I going to- (Dad's skull falls off 
into his lap. It seems to be smiling at him) Of course!
He whips out the juju bag the priestess gave him.
G: I'll put the LeChuck doll in here for the base. (does so) 
This hankerchief has plenty of snot and beard hairs on it, 
that'll cover wet and head. (chucks the hankie in) And as 
LeChuck's my brother, dad's skull will work for the dead...
(looks at camera) Yeah, I know what you're thinking. 'LeChuck's 
Guybrush's brother?' Well yes and no cos the guy who wrote the 
first two games these movies are based on envisaged LeChuck 
and Guybrush as being brothers, but the subsequent authors 
who took over the series decided to treat that as a joke and 
make it so that they weren't brothers. So come Monkey Island 
3 he's not my brother, but he still is for Monkey Island 2, 
so my dad's skull will work as the voodoo doll ingrediant of 
a dead relative. Got it? Tough. (puts the skull in) Now all 
I need is something of the thread... (makes to leave, sees the 
grog machine and pauses) Say, I wonder-
He pushes the coin return on the grog machine and a coin rolls 
out.
G: Woohoo! Jackpot!
L's voice: What's that noise?
G cowers in the corner as L stalks up to him. As L passes over 
the coin he stops and looks down.
L: Hey! A Susan B Anthony! What a find!
As he bends over, G can see that L is wearing 'plumber's pants'. 
G steels himself and gives L a mighty wedgie, breaking the straps
off his underpants. L is not amused. Dervish routine.

Scn 80- Another hall, this time with a steel double door with 
a plaque reading 'Service Elevator'. There is a drain with a 
puddle of water beneath it. G shoves the underpants into the 
juju bag. He shakes it above his head for a bit and it explodes, 
revealing a LeChuck voodoo doll. L stomps on. G stabs the L 
doll with his hyperdermic needle. L goes stiff and drops the 
G doll.
G: Hah! Beat you at your own game! Guess you won't be needing 
your little toy anymore...
G kicks the G doll away and sends himself careening across the 
room into the wall. He almost drowns as he rescues the doll 
from lying face down in the puddle.
G: Imagine that- drowning without getting wet. (puts G doll 
safely in pocket and goes back to L) Feeling sleepy LeChuck? 
I just fed you a mammoth dose of some type of sedative, namely...
(reads label on syringe) pure adrenalin?
L reaches out and lifts G up in the air by his nose.
L: Farewell Threepwood. You were a more worthy opponent than 
you had any right to be. Now gimme that doll.
L clutches onto the L doll G still has in his grasp.
G: No!
L: Give it here!
CU of the hands of L+G pulling the doll back and forth. Suddenly 
there is a terrible ripping sound and the doll tears into half 
and all its stuffings fall out. ECU of L's face.
L: Uh oh.
Normal shot as L falls into a pile of pieces on the ground. 
His head remains intact.
L: (slowly and painfully) Guybrush, come here.
G: No way, you'll bite my toes off.
L: Take my mask off...
G: Limbs or no limbs, I trust you as far as I can throw Governor 
Phatt.
L: i beg you, take it off.. see the true face of your brother...
G: My brother? You're not my brother! That's impossible!
L: Search your soul, you know it to be true. (dies)
G cautiously pulls L's mask off. The face of a 9 year old boy 
is underneath.
G: It's my creepy older brother Charles! But why hasn't he aged? 
And why don't I ever remember having him until now? And- Hey! 
Big Whoop! The piece of paper I found inside the chest! I'd 
forgotten!
He pulls out a little scrap of paper and stares at it with 
tremendous anticipation. His excitement quickly fades and he 
frowns in puzzlement. He turns it over a few times.
G: WELL WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
The lift behind Guybrush opens. A man in a comical dog suit 
steps out. He wears a blue baseball cap.
Dinghy Dog: Hey you kids, you're not allowed down here!
Charles' eyes flick open and he steps out of LeChuck's torso 
as though it were a suit he was wearing. G is ushered into the 
lift, totally bewildered, and Big Whoop drops unnoticed to the 
floor. As the lift ascends, the camera zooms in on it and we 
see an ordinary ticket labeled 'Admit One'.

Scn 81- A carnival. A large ferris wheel rotates in the 
background. Two adults emerge from a door labeled 'Staff Only' 
with Charles and G, dressed the same, but now only 7. They aren't
the parents from the dream.
Mom: Honestly Guybrush, if that nice Dinghy Dog man hadn't found 
you, who knows how long you two would've spent wandering around 
back there.
Dad: Guybrush, are you listening to your mother?
G: You're not my parents! You look different!
D: I should've known sending Chuck to hunt him down was a bad 
idea. Why do all our outings end up like this?
M: Don't grouch, we've got them both back now.
G: What's going on? Why is my voice so high? Who are you people? 
OH MY GOD I'M SHORT!
M: Just the same boring family you've always had dear.
D: How much caffeine loaded soda did you give him exactly dear?
G: Where are we?
D: Well, we're certainly not at the Steaming Weenie Hut where 
I told you to meet us. You didn't cause any trouble while you 
were missing did you?
C: No sir!
G: I stole heaps of stuff and caused a huge explosion!
M: No you didn't Bushy. Stop being silly. It was probably just 
a dream you had.
G: This is so wierd! What happened back there?
D: Come on kids, we've got a lot more to see before we do the 
park's finale, the Monkey Mountain roller coaster! Now who wants 
to ride the Madly Rotaing Buccaneer?
C: Hooray! Let's go!
C+M+D all troop off while G attempts to go the other way. M 
grabs his arm and drags him away as he yells in protest.
G: But I'm a mighty pirate! A mighty pirate I tell you! Help!
The cam drifts off into the sky and we see a transparent vision 
of LeChuck gazing sinisterly down. He chuckles.
Caption: To be continued...

Scn 82- Two cinema goers sit in a movie theatre.
Person: Gosh, that was a bit of a serious note to close on wasn't
it? Shouldn't these kinds of movies finish with a joke? It 
stopped being funny!
Person2: It started being funny?
Person: That's more like it.

THE END


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