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The pirate menace
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"Aaargh!" yelled the frustrated pirate as he struck his sword as hard as he could against his opponents silver blade, "Every enemy I’ve met, I’ve annihilated!"

The other pirate growled and replied with a striking sense of violence in his voice, "With your breath I’m sure they all suffocated!"

The first pirate screamed in terror as his opposing foe flung his blade up into the air and sent the first pirate’s sword flying overboard of the ship.

"Now, LeChuck!" cried the defeated man, now cowering on his knees, "Lets not be too hasty, now. Come on!"

LeChuck grimaced in hatred and lowered his sword into his sheath at his side.

"Rottingham," said LeChuck, "I don’t want ye back on these waters again or I swear ye will be wearin’ me sword like a shish kebob!"

"Alright, LeChuck!" replied Rottingham in an impatient voice. He was a French man, one to have long curly hair and braided long down below his shoulders. His goatee curled up at the point and he looked as fearsome as he really was.

"Er…now hand me yer treasure and I’ll turn ye loose, ye lucky sea urchin." LeChuck let Rottingham get to his feet and run down to his treasure hold. In the meantime, LeChuck walked over to the side of Rottingham’s ship and called to his ship anchored about ten feet away. "Murray!" LeChuck called, "Bring me my row boat, and then prepare to receive the treasure!"


Part one: Elaine

Hours later…

LeChuck sat in his captain's quarters at his desk writing down estimates and calculations of the amount of treasure he had in his treasure hold, when suddenly, his first mate burst through the door.

It was a short annoying little man named Largo LaGrande.

"Captain! We're coming up to Melee Island, we'll be at port in about ten or fifteen minutes!" said Largo.

LeChuck got up out of his seat and smiled, "Alas, Largo, we have nearly ONE MILLION pieces o' eight! Enough to buy a whole pile o' flowers for my sweat Elaine. Oh, Elaine how I pine for every moment of love from your dear sweat lips and your great eyes looking into me as if I am the king o' the world! Har har har! I would die fer thee if ye told me to, and I would…"

"Alright, cap, I'll go manage the docking," said Largo quickly and left. He knew how the captain got when he thought of returning to Melee Island to see his 'love'. Largo didn't even know why LeChuck wasted his time with her still…it was just that she plainly hated his guts, and LeChuck still fell for her.

Anyway, the ship came into port and docked and everything, and the pirates went to the bar…SCUMM Bar, except LeChuck, he headed for the mansion.

He walked past the bar and into the Melee village. He walked past the houses and stores and the people who lived there and were walking the twisting streets. As LeChuck walked under the clock arch, he spotted the word STORE on a sign hanging in front of a building. He walked in.

It was a quaint little store, with equipment for pirates and the like. In one of the corners sat a huge pile of flowers.

"Ah! Flowers fer me dear sweat Elaine!" he exclaimed as he walked over to them and picked out a whole bunch of bundles. They were dying and there were flies flying around them like crazy, but LeChuck didn't care, he couldn't stop thinking about Elaine.

He walked over to the storekeeper behind the booth.

"Ahoy there fancy pants! Long time no see, ye lil' bugger. Not since the time you stole that sword and shovel from me claimin' that yer had to borrow them to use fer the three trials!" exclaimed the storekeeper.

"Aye, matey, that was a long time ago. Now, let me buy these'm flowers, eh," replied LeChuck. The storekeeper gave him a funny look but LeChuck ignored it as he forked out a lot o' money for the storekeeper. With his arms full, LeChuck walked out of the store and down the street to where another arch began a path out across the cliffs to a mansion out a little ways. It was the Marley mansion, where Elaine lived.

*

LeChuck quickened his pace up towards the door as he got closer and closer. His arms began to get tired from the heavy weight of the ugly flowers. To LeChuck, the flowers were pretty and smelled great. But they were really just a bunch of dead venus flytraps, brown with age and drooping down as they slowly withered into a tight bud of sadness. Pirates think anything is beautiful, and any pirate would be stupid enough to buy a lovely girl some ugly dead venus flytraps.

He walked up to the door and knocked.

Elaine's father opened the door and looked at LeChuck with anger.

"LeChuck, how many times do I have to tell you, she doesn't feel this way about you," said Mr. Marley.

"Er, sorry sir. I just can't stop thinkin' of her sweat lips and tender body. Let me give these beautiful flowers to me pretty Elaine!" replied LeChuck.

Mr. Marley's faced dropped when he looked at the dead, dry, brown venus flytraps that LeChuck held. Then he smiled; this would be very funny indeed.

"Elaine!" Mr. Marley called into the mansion, "Someone here to see you!"

An answer came from inside, "Father! If its LeChuck, tell him to go jump in the lake and DROWN!"

LeChuck's face went red as he saw Elaine walk across the living room and stopped ten feet from the door and stared at LeChuck with anger. She stared at the venus flytraps in LeChuck's arms and yelled, "You bastard! I told you to never come here again…"

"My sweat plunder bunny!" exclaimed LeChuck, walking into the mansion and up to Elaine. "Argh! I bought these flowers to resemble your pretty eyes and your elegant style, baby." He handed the flytraps to Elaine and she made a disgusted look and looked at her father. He was laughing at LeChuck from behind.

"No thanks," replied Elaine handing the flowers back to LeChuck.

Elaine's father walked over to Elaine's side and stood there. Then he said, "LeChuck, I think its time for you to go."

"Alas, sir, I must give my sweat Elaine a goodbye kiss before I go out to the pirating world," said LeChuck, and he leaned forward to kiss Elaine.

She ducked and LeChuck missed her lips and kissed Mr. Marley instead.

"LECHUCK! GET OUT, NOW!" yelled Mr. Marley. He punched LeChuck in the face and pushed him to the door, where LeChuck bolted out the door and away from the mansion as the door slammed shut.

"Whew! That was a close one," sighed LeChuck. He was all alone now, his crew somewhere out drinking grog and passing out in stupid drunken states of mind as he stood here sad because of Elaine's father throwing him out in front of Elaine. 'I'll prove my worth to her! Ye'll see!' thought LeChuck.

A few hours later, LeChuck watched as the stars dotted the sky over the rolling sea as the tide came in. He sighed and decided to go to SCUMM Bar and maybe get a few drinks.

He arrived at SCUMM Bar a few minutes later and he entered the small building. Pirates from all over crowded the small grog tavern. Largo stood on a table dancing stupidly and taking off his pants in front of everybody.

LeChuck ignored the drunken Largo and walked over to an empty chair beside a tough looking pirate.

"Ahoy matey," said LeChuck, "Is this spot takin'?"

"Aye, sir. This be me brothers spot," replied the pirate. LeChuck sighed, "Better find me another spot then." He walked over to another empty chair, but before he even asked to sit down he was waved off a secondtime.

Finally, he went over to the table that Largo was stripping on and tried to sit in another empty chair but another pirate grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"That is my chair, ye scurvy lubber!" the pirate bellowed.

"Ye snooze, ye loose, sucker. HAR! HAR! HAR!" jibbed LeChuck.

The pirate growled and reached for his sword…LeChuck grabbed his own sword first and sliced off the man's arm. It fell to the floor with a thud and the pirate ran out of the bar and out into the night.

"Noone bother me," yelled LeChuck at everyone in the bar, all looking at him. "I'm in a bad mood right now." LeChuck sat down and ordered grog from the bartender as he passed by into the kitchen.

*

LeChuck sat at the bar late into the night and when he finally felt tired, he left to his ship for a sleep. As he walked along the board docks, he spotted something glinting in the water by the dock. He leapt and reached down to pick it up. It was a huge diamond ring glowing in the moonlight.

LeChuck smiled and chuckled. "Elaine will appreciate this!" He bolted up the docks again and past the SCUMM Bar into town.

A few minutes later, he was standing at the Marley Mansion door once again. He knocked and Elaine answered.

She exclaimed with anger, "How many times do I have to tell you LeChuck! I just don't feel that way about you!" She raised her fist to punch him but he raised the diamond into her face.

She couldn't take her eyes off it, it was so beautiful.

Har! LeChuck thought, 'She's mine now!' Just as she was going to grab it, Mr. Marley walked into the mansion lobby.

A few minutes later…

LeChuck lay sprawled on his back on the path leading to the town. Mr. Marley had beaten him and thrown him on the path to leave. LeChuck was getting really angry now. He needed to get to Elaine and…well, love her.

"I'll prove my worth to her if it’s the last thing I do!" LeChuck said to himself. He got up and headed to town.

As he walked into the village, he saw the storekeeper's sign and stopped in front of it. He suddenly had and idea! He would find a mystery or a dangerous place in the Caribbean and he would sail to it.

He walked in and was greeted by the storekeeper again.

"Ahoy there fancy pants!" the storekeeper said. LeChuck walked over to him.

"Excuse me storekeeper, but are there any sacred or deadly places in the Caribbean that no one has ever returned from?" asked LeChuck.

"Of course!" replied the storekeeper, "There's the Secret of Bulky Island, The Secret of Tanga Island, The Secret of Haiti…"

"Which mystery is the most deadly and hidden?" bellowed LeChuck.

The storekeeper smiled, "Why, the legendary Secret of Monkey Island of course!"

"Monkey Island?" LeChuck thought for a minute. "Where is it?"

"Legend has it that it is a great distance east from here, and lies within a voodoo realm different from our reality, or something like that, I don't really know," replied the storekeeper.

"Well, thanks anyway, old man!" LeChuck turned and walked out of the store and walked up towards the Marley Mansion once again.

He stood in front of the door and knocked for the third time tonight.

Elaine answered again.

"LECHUCK! DON'T EVER COME HERE AGAIN!" screamed Elaine.

LeChuck said, "Elaine, please let me prove me worth to ye. I'm settin' off to find the Secret of Monkey Island fer ye!"

Elaine was furious, "LeChuck, DROP DEAD! Literally!" She slammed the door in LeChuck's face.

"Fine then!" LeChuck yelled at the closed door, hoping that Elaine could hear him, "I just might!"

He turned and walked towards Melee Village again, intent on truly finding the Secret of Monkey Island…and proving his worth to Elaine!


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