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Chapter 2: Woman Overboard!
“Alright, men,” Guybrush
commanded as the ship anchored in the bay, ”Bring up the cargo, we’re going
ashore.” He stood at the helm, gazing at his pocket picture of Elaine
while the sailors snapped to obey his orders. “Oh Elaine,” he
murmured. “Why can’t we ever be together?” He hastily tucked it away
as the men returned, dragging a young girl with them.
“It’s a stowaway Captain. And she’s broken up all the cargo.”
“I needed that rootbeer!” cried Guybrush in disbelief.
“Well, Ay was thirsty!” she clamored. “You didn’t expect me to drink
bilge water, did ya?”
“I didn’t expect that I’d have to supply drinks for a stowaway!”
answered Guybrush. He surveyed the girl pityingly. She couldn’t be
too young, a little younger than he was maybe, when he had first set foot on
Melee Island. Her blond hair hung over her face, which was dirty anyway,
and a gold tooth glinted in her cocky smile. A long naked sword hung from
her belt, and something in her eye told Guybrush that she was determined to keep
“Well?” she demanded, “Am I going to walk the plank? Or will ya tar and
feather me? Perhaps you’ll sacrifice me to Ricky.”
“The God of Fingerdishes?” Guybrush asked in confusion.
“Oh you know him. “ the girl sneered. “well that’s it I guess. Goodbye
world. I’m leaving you in order to placate a tiki man.” Guybrush
wasn’t sure what to say. He could have her locked in the hold while he
went ashore, or then again, she might prove useful. He decided to find out
more about her before he made a decision.
“Why are you on my ship?” he asked.
“Well, we are at Blood Island right? I need to meet up with my tribe.”
“TRIBE?” gasped the crew. They all hastily retreated a few feet away.
Even if the cannibals had undergone a paradigm shift, there was no telling if
this girl, after being trapped in the hold for days, was willing to go to
desperate measures for food. The girl groaned, rolling her eyes as she
figured out the reason behind their fright.
“Oh yeah, what do you have to eat around here?” she smirked. “I could
really go for a nice lean cabin boy right now, or maybe a plump first mate.
Say, you wouldn’t happen to have any oregano on board would ya?” Wally
took off for below decks, howling as he ran.
“That’s alright; he was too small anyway.”
“Cut it out,” Guybrush said. “Why don’t you just tell us what you
“Like I said,” the girl responded as she pulled out her sword. “I need to
see my tribe. And, I’m looking for someone.” The sword sank into the
deck, wobbling from the force with which she plunged it.
“Who might that be?” Guybrush warily asked.
“Some guy named Tighttush Creephood. The one who keeps beating LeChuck.
I’ve been to Melee, Monkey, Phatt, Scabb, Booty, Dinky, Puerto Pollo, Skull,
and now I’ve returned to Blood. I can’t finish my training unless I
face him in combat.”
Guybrush shook his head.
“I can’t believe this. Are you sure his name isn’t Guybrush
She brightened. “Hey yeah! That’s the one! Tell me, where can I find him?”
Guybrush turned to Meathook. “Go to my quarters and fetch my sword.”
Meathook blanched in disbelief. “But Captain! You aren’t seriously
“I defeated LeChuck four times, how much harder can a teenage girl be?”
“Then you’re Threepwood!” The girl yanked her sword from the deck.
“Are you ready to die?”
“Oh please, calm down. You’re starting to annoy me.” Guybrush eyed
the girl with scorn. She was tall, but not very big. It seemed silly
to have to actually fight her, but if he didn’t, every other pirate wannabe
was going to track him down and challenge him as well.
Carla’s hand fell on Guybrush’s shoulder. “Now do you know how I feel?”
The crew lined the main deck, ready to defend their Captain if he so much as
lifted a finger. He raised his sword against the girl’s, and began his
“I hope you’ve bought some life insurance.” Her sword struck his with a
“For you I hear that’s a common occurrence.” Guybrush didn’t mind
the first blow; he rather expected her to be mildly experienced. Yet he
had spent days working on that line. Nevertheless,
“I don’t blame your parents for being ashamed,” His feet were nimble, and
his insults smooth.
“At least mine gave me a respectable name.” The crew watched with
surprise as the girl gave Guybrush a real battle. It wasn’t that he was
out of practice, quite the opposite. It was only that this girl was surprisingly
“Can you feel defeat, breathing down your neck?”
“I thought that was fate, swabbing you off the deck.” She backed him
into a bucket, carelessly left on the deck. It spilled, dirty water and
suds flowing everywhere.
“Your timbers are shivered; your end is in sight.”
“Your end is so big, it blocks out the light.” The girl caught Guybrush in
the rear with a sudden jab. Guybrush had a growing sense of dismay that
maybe this girl was better than he was. She was better than better, she
was the best.
“I’m gonna keelhaul your hide, like a day’s catch of tripe.”
“I’m gonna scratch you out, like an endless bug bite.” Guybrush now
braced himself against the stairway, flailing desperately against the steady
barrage of blows. His insult about tripe suddenly called his attention to
the fish net, hanging from the boom. All he had to do was back her three
“Your skills are lacking, you fight like a girl.” It caught her off
“Well of course I do…”she faltered, “You uncultured churl.” It
was just the distraction Guybrush needed. He slashed through the ropes
holding the net, which came tumbling down on top of the unsuspecting assailant.
“That’s not fair a’tall!” she cried. “That’s not part of the
fight!” Guybrush stooped to eye level, his foot securely over her sword,
which she furiously worked trying to free.
“Winning a fight,” he said, “is not always beating your opponent, but
knowing how he can be defeated.” He pulled the net off her. The
girl looked for a means of escape, but twenty swords points prevented her
attempts. Haggis peered overboard, then turned to Guybrush.
“If the tide gets any lower,” he said, ”we won’t be able to go ashore
for a coupla hours.”
“Well then, “Guybrush responded. “I’ll take this girl along to see what
can be done for her, and in the meantime-” The girl took the crew’s
temporary distraction to snatch up her sword and race for the edge of the deck.
Before anyone could stop her, she had dived into the water and was hastily
swimming towards the nearby shore.
“Should we try to retrieve her?” Haggis asked.
“No.” said Guybrush, as he watched her swim away. “I’ve got a feeling
we’ll see her again.”