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The Brothers of Monkey Island
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The Beginning...no really, this is the VERY beginning! Iím about to explain an awful lot of the plot holes in the MI games, and I suggest that if you donít have them or havenít played them, DO SO NOW! BUY THEM ALL! IF NOT, TURN BACK!!! TUUURN BAAACK! Just kidding, I have something for everyone, Ďcuz Iím just THAT good. Praise me! Huzzah! Oh. Any fan art would be very nice! And tell me what you think while your at it! OR ELSEÖIíll sick my pet skull Bob on you!
Copyright: I own every bit of this, itís all mine, muahhaha!
Part 1: Sibling Hatery
Deep in the Caribbean...when itís actually daytime for once! An almost 18 year-old Guybrush wearing a really nice, soft leather trench-coat with gold buttons on the front, giving him an all-round Ďsnazzyí look, runs as fast as he can onto the deck of his new ship and looks around all happy. Well, it wasnít his really...
"CíMOOOON, Chucky! Weíre gonna be late!"
"Hold your freaking seahorses, Guybrush," replied his older brother, looking the same as always (only in flesh and blood and breathing) carrying a heavy, heavy load of bags, suitcases, rubber duckies, robot bees and anything else you might need on a pirate adventure. "Iím almost there."
Wow! Bet ya didnít see that coming, did ya!? Alright, yes you did, admit it. Heís alive though, so relax. Relax some more. Yeah, right there. Hooold itÖgood!
While the actually skilled pirate crew made ready the sails and booster seats of the actually nice ship, the two genetically-related people (I got tired of saying "brothers") looked at the horizon over the sea. It was neat and all sparkly and stuff.
"Our first adventure!" says the enthusiastic and well-dressed Guybrush.
"With you, little brother, it should be anything but boring."
"I love you man."
"Watch what you say, twerp, Iím doing this to impress a certain someone after all."
Guybrush looked up at him a bit confused.
"Not you, you peg-necked undergraduate!"
"Awww, thatís so sweet!...Iím hungry, whatís for dinner?"
THREE DAYS LATERÖ
There was a horrible storm of doom! Oh no! It involved lots and lots of cowardly clowns and ninja llamas fighting with horrible demon monkeys! Plus lots of wonderfully rendered action and magic! But I wonít bore you with that. The REALLY interesting thing was going on up at the crows nest...
Guybrush is trying to climb up the rope ladder to reach Chucky (who IS still alive, and now speaks fluent and nothing but pirate) and trying to shoot Guybrush with a voodoo talisman of some sort of funky curse of voodoo-ness. Yikes!
Chucky, "You yellow-bellied, sissified sea urchin!"
Guybrush, "I wouldnít insult you if I were me!"
Chucky, "Yeah, well...er, wait, what?"
Guybrush, "Ha! Gotcha that time!"
"No ya didnít!"
"Yes you did!"
"No I didnít!"
"Well I did!"
"Exactly! HAHA, I got you again!"
With a mighty piraty cry, Chucky lets loose another shot from his talisman which, luckily for Guybrush, misses him, but unluckily for the film crew, hits the camera guy dead-on.
Camera guy, "Ahhhh!-grblsjhsf..."
Guybrush, "...Ewwww, you turned him inside-out!"
Chucky, "Yeah, well...serves him right...I guess...hisÖangles needed work anyway! He had it cominí!ÖHe DID!"
"Lemme fix the lens cap..." Guybrush grabs and "fixes" the lens, all we can see is his hand until he lets go, and the whole scene is...upside down?"
"There! I fixed it!"
"No ya didnít! WOAAAHHH!!!"
Though I would like to say that Chucky screamed for no reason at all, there was, in fact, validity to his freaking out. Since whatever your see on T.V. is 100% true to life, gravity itself is reversed, and so the two start hurtling towards the stratosphere, all thanks to a little camera lens. Nifty, yes?
"EEEEEEEK! NOT AGAIN!" Screams a terrified Guybrush, waving his arms not too unlike a chicken.
"This is all yer fault, ya pencil-neckedÖfreak!" Yells back the massive pirate, trying his best to appear macho and in control as he flies out to space.
Guybrush (All self conscious) "Hey, that hurts."
"Well it IS yer fault, you were the one who-"
"Hold up one second. Donít you think the audience would like to know whatís going on? Why we have neat voodoo thingies? Why weíre fighting each other? And why we have ninja llamas and clowns are fighting demon monkeys on our deck?"
Chucky looks at the camera. "No." Then he is handed a piece of paper from off the screen. He reads, "Why...yes...Guybrush, I would indeed. Wait, ninja llamas are fighting on our deck?"
"Shhh! Iíll tell this part!"
"This whole mess began with us, two innocent little kids, fighting for our lives in a carnival filled with space-time rips, and our unfortunate parents who-"
"Guybrush! Just start from our voyage! No one wants to hear THAT one again!"
"Oh, sorry...it all started when-" the screen starts to go all wiggly, "Woohoo! Flashback! Anyway, after another rousing game of checkers, which my "brother" here lost..."
"Shush! Iím telling the story!"
We are brought to the ships hull, the night after setting sail, where Guybrush and Chucky are playing...uh, checkers?
Guybrush is about to roll some dice, "Come-ooooon seventeen!" He rolls. "Huzzah!"
Chucky is on top of a pole, balancing by his head. "No, thatís four, Guy."
Guybrush, "Awww, toothpaste!" He folds his arms and looks all upset in his immature, kid way.
"Come on, you know the rules!"
"Ooohhh, fine..." He goes over to a pot of boiling water, looks back at Chucky, (who has surprisingly good balance and now a pleased expression on his face) grabs the handles of the pot, dunks his head into it, screams, (ĎCuz it was HOT!), runs in a circle about six or seven times, grabs a wooden spoon and hits the pot as hard as he can.
He takes the still-vibrating pot off his head, himself shaking like mad, and sits back down. "Y-y-y-y-y-our-r-r-r-r tur-r-r-r-rn-n-n-n-n..." Chucky suddenly has the dice (...?) and shakes them up. He rolls and they bounce off of Guybrushís head, then land on snake eyes.
Chucky, "WHAT?! THAT CANíT BE! NO FAIR, YOU CHEATED!"
"Y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-o-o-u-u-u-u l-l-l-o-o-o-s-s-s-e!" He hits himself again with the spoon, making the shaking stop. "I win! I WIN! I actually WIN!"
While our lovable hero gloats over his victory, Chucky hops/falls off the pole, and looms behind Guybrush. Uh-oh...
"I win, I win! Who won?! ME-GAH!"
Chucky had grabbed Guybrush by the throat, (hence the "GAH" ) and was holding him up an impressive distance above the ground. This is sort of bad and stuff. Seems like they could use family counseling!
Chucky, "You little FREAK! NO ONE beats ME! Iíll teach you how to play fair!"
Guybrush, "Gh-ack-grgle!" Translation, "No, please! Not the face! Itís my best feature!"
Chucky, "Iíll assume that was something wimpy and pummel you even harder for it." He pulls back his fist, more than ready to beat the one in his family who got the good looks, when-The ship takes massive impact, throwing them across the hull! Guybrush is crushed under his brotherís massive girth. Seriously, he weighs like 275 pounds!
One of the crewmen pokes his head in, a bit shaky from the impact, but also from embarrassment. "Uh, captain? Sir? L-land...hit." He then looks at the two, and, flustered at the horribly BAD innuendo, stutters, "Oh-oh gosh Iím so sorry! I didnít mean to-uh-interrupt!" He then bolts out of the hull, shouting orders to get up on land. Chucky gets up off his brother, all anger forgotten.
Chucky, "Now whatís gotten into him?" Guybrush simply shrugs and Chucky helps him up and then throws him back down. "Good game! I won again, of course." Guybrush looks at him all confused like.
"What? Are you sure? But...I thought-" Chucky throws him a glare making him cringe all like a bunny. "Oh-oh right yeah, o-of course, YOU won, eheheh...mustíve hit my head there, how silly of me...yes."
The crew makes ready the life boats, and let them down. However, conditions being as they are, when they landed, they hit beach, and all of them were whining Ďcuz their backs were broken or spleens popped out or something. Babies.
Chucky and Guybrush get up on deck, and Chucky starts calling his crew a bunch of names, and yells at that one poor crewman for hitting the land instead of staying a good distance away like a good sailor, when Guybrush for the first time gazes upon a new land, untouched by anyone besides cut-throats and the occasional unfortunate castaway. The sight he saw, what a sight it was! Yep. The beautiful sky, the fluffy clouds, the aesthetically pleasing mountains...
Aw heck, it was Monkey Island. I laugh at those who didnít know that.
"Guybrush!" Bellows a chunky Chucky (heheh). "Letís get off this stinking heck hole! I mean festering flea-bag. I mean...shi-p." He turns to his crew, who by now cower at his glance. "You men...are the LOUSIEST bunch of LAME, UNPROFESSIONAL excuses for PIRATES it has ever been my DISPLEASURE to share the same PLANET with! Now GET up on SHORE, and MAKE up our CAMP! Itís dark and cold outside."
"And heís afraid of the dark!" Chirps a happy Guybrush from behind him. Chucky turns slowly around to face his brother, who remains completely unaware of the embarrassment he has caused his now menacing older and much, much stronger sibling. The snickering of the crew is heard in the background.
"And he sleeps with a nightlight, so donĎt forget to set that up. Oh, and hereís your teddy-bear, I didnít forget it like last time. Here you go!" As he hands Chucky an incredibly cute bear. Awww!
This gesture, of course, was, as far as Guybrush was concerned, purely out of the dearest love for his older brother. However, either his sub-conscious wanted desperately to get him back for almost killing him, or the fates have a mean sense of humor. Maybe itís a mix of both...
"G-Guybrush..." Chucky whispers and looks back at his now hysterically laughing crew, "Your...embarrassing me again..."
"And donít forget an extra blanket or two, he has that, you know, Ďproblemí once in a while. Never got over it since that nasty penguin incident. Still gives him nightmares."
Chucky is now glaring at Guybrush with utmost hatred, and turning all sorts of interesting shades of red and purple. Neat!
"Aw, itís nothing to be ashamed about, big bro! Those penguins would have scared the crud out of anyone! Yeesh, they were so evil! (Shudders)"
Even if no one was around to witness this act of..."kindness," Chucky would have beaten the snot out of Guybrush. However, in order to save face in front of his crew, his brain worked enough to make the conclusion that a simple pummeling would not be enough. Besides, Guybrush was a lot faster than he was, and if he got away as usual, it would have made things much worse. No, this takes something drastic. Keelhauling? No, they were on land. Tie him up and dress him like a girl? No, that doesnít affect him anymore. Breaking his neck?...Maybe later. How about...well, it would have to do for now.