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The Conquest of Monkey Island
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Chapter one: Tooth Island
It was such a shiny day.the birds were singing and the sun burned down every single citizen who walked by without any protection or just was to drunk to stand up from yesterday night’s fun. Neer the beach where the so called pub was , the owner took a broom and started to clean up around it. In the corner there was something. Or to be more specific somebody.
-Hay Jose! – yelled the owner but Jose did the same. Nothing.
-Jose! You darn!Wake up and help me clean up this mess ya hear me?
Thank God that he had given the human being ears. At this point it was so useless but anyway our hero Jose just opened he’s eyes and stand up.
-Guybrush! – yelled he back.
-Wha? –asked the owner.
-My name is Guybrush not Jose!
-Well see if I care! By me you can be Betty I don’t give a half piece of eight for it. As long as you are working for me I will call you as I wish. So take up your butt and clean up this mess.
-Gee. Ok. –says Guybrush.
After the too loved owner of the pud got inside for he’s daily work , what as a mather of fact was sitting at the bar and looking out the window , Guybrush took the broom and started to clean up those bottles and mug’s of grog.. It didin’t took such long time. He also colected a purse.
-Wow! Well ill be! A purse! Im rich!
Well after he opened it suddenly he’s ilusion of well richness flyed away like the birds on Phatt Island. To be told it is the fact that how many pieces of eight could be in that purse. Not to much at least. Not enogh anyway to help Guybrush get a ticket to leave this darn island. You ask me how he got here? Well I will tell you the whole story!
Get the grapes and run!
-And then I punched the statue right in the head and he blew of this island! –says Guybrush standing onm a chiar surounded by three or for pirates. in the old Lula bar. Lula? Ok so it was the old pirates bar on Melee Island.
-Really? – aksed Ingatius Cheese who was just fascinated.
-Yes! It was all I did! I did it for you guys!
-That’s amazing Guybrush! –said Lil Bob. Tell us more!
-Ok did I told you the story when I was after the big tresure….
-Of Big Woop? – interupted I. Cheese.
-Uhhuuu. –answered Guybrush.
-Yes several times!
-Well then! I will tell you that part when I was fighting with monkeys and…
-Monkeys?!!??! – yelled somebody from behind.
-Yeeeeeess. – said Guybrush.
-AAAAAAAAAA! – it was heared and somebody just crushed out of the pub.
-Who was that? – asked Guybrush.
-Ohh it was only Otis.
-Ohh. Poor soul. Ok then so I said to the monkeys EEK – UKK – CHAA and then they were like CHII- IKK – Oukk and then I was ….
-Guybrush! – said Elaine and entered the pub.
-Honey! Hi there! What is the problem?
-What are you doing Guybrush?
-Well just chatting with my old pals! Why?
-Don’t you forgot something?
-Ok ok! Sorry guys I must go now. I must do some more brave things you know?
-Yes you do that! After you cleaned you room big boy!
At that poin the whole bar was laughing. Guybrush just said “Ehh” and walked out full of guilt.
-But honeypup! Why must I clean my room?
-Guybrush you know that we must help the poor people from this island!
-Yeah sure. We must give to them everything that we don’t use anymore.
They walked to the big manor. In the courtyard old Herman Toothrot was sitting on a chair.
-Sissi! Hihihihi! – said Herman turning to Guybrush.
-Daddy! Stop calling Guybrush a sissi! – said Elaine and turned over to Guybrush. You know he’s just kidding right?
-Yeah. But ask him to stop that! It realy hurts my personality!
-You what? – asked Herman. You loosed that real after you was born sonny. Ehhehhehh.
-Let’s just leava father alone shall we?
-Well listen pops why don’t you go and taka a walk at the edge of the cliff he?
-Ok I’m comming.
They got inside and guybrush just got to he’s room.
-Now let’s see. What I don’t need is…. Ahhmm…
-Ok here is this box you just put everything that you wont use in this ok honneycup?
-I go check on daddy.
-You do that!
Guybrush started to look around the room. There was a lot of stuff.
-Ok! I wont give away my rubber chiken! None my T-Shirt and I definetely wont go away my diving trofe no sir.
After three hours.
-And neither my baloon and my scope and…
-Dear. What are you doing? –entered the room Elaine.
-Just putting away the stuff I want to keep.
-That is nice. Ok so let me see what you will give away. Let me check the box. – Elaine took the box and looked into it.
-Okay so let us see. A bag of wooden nickels.
-And that’s about it.
-Well your very ignorant! What good will do for me those nickels?
-Guybrush! As I told you several times you must give away your old stuff!
-These are like relics for me! I wont give them away!
-Ok that’s it! What good can be for you that rubber chiken?
-Well if one day Meathook’s bridge will colapse I will be the first one who got there!
-You must be kidding!
-No im dead serious!
-Well that’s just stupid!
-Yeah? Well you kept your stuppid raincoats!
-Tell me the last time that raind on Melee Island!
-Well it will some day.
-Well if it will that someday Meathook’s bridge will colapse too!
-No ti won’t!
-Yes it will!
-No it won’t!!!
-Ohh yes it will baby!
Several minutes later…
-And I’m not running like a girlie!
-I never said that!
-Your father did!
-Well you called him a tombstone!
-Cause that’s he looks like!
More minutes later…
-And … and!
-Uhm well… ahm…
-Well you fight like a cow!
-That’s enough! Im don’t with you! Fine don’t eventhink to help those children!
-Children? They are grown up adults who just “accidentaly” crushed into our’s island!
-They were hit by a storm!
-“Storm”? this is the new word for grog? I think they were hit by a big barrel of grog!
-Not funny Guybrush!
-Never intended so!
-Im getting tired of you!
-Well me too.
-No because iwill leave!
-I said fine!
-Wait just a seccond! Why don’t you leave?
-This is my house!
-Yeah? And who stopped that idiot who wanted to crash it down with that catapult?
-Ok so your right whatsoever!
Meanwhile somewhere on a unkown island coast…
-Uhhhh….- said the person who was just getting concious from something that made him knock out.
This person opened he’s eyes and get up from the sand. He looked around and noticed that a lot of stones were around him.
-It must have been some kind of crush here. – said and and started to walk to the beachside.
-Wow! I’m alive! Hahahaha!
Suddenly a guy camed out from the bushes.
-Ohh you are ok!
-Yes im fine!
-Hey! Hold on don’t need to yell at me!
-I’m not yelling at you! I just stepped into a starfish!
-Well we can fix that.
-Let me take a wild guess! You will help me pull it out?
-Just like I guessed! Now help me.
The hepl was done. The guy pulled out the starfish from the end of the boot.
-Hey! Nice boots!
-Is that leather?
-Yes it is!
-Let me guess! Bear!
-Uhh… I’m not familiar with other animals witch has leather.
-Kangoro you morron!
-Stop yelling at me! And besides I don’t know you and my mom said I should never talk to strangers.
-Your mom said that?
-Yes she did.
-Well then I should introduce myself!
-Ozzie… Ozzie Mandrill.
-Nice to meet you Mr. Ozzie. I’m Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala.
-Ohh. I will call you simply Rico. Now tell me what island this is?
-Yes Mr. Ozzie.
-And why you call it that way?
-Because Mr. Mandrill here on this island are the most talented and powerfull fortune tellers.
-Really? Take me to your village… ahm what is your name again?
-Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala.
-Ok Tala! Let’s go!
So then Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala and Ozzie Mandrill went to the near little village called Roxford. As Ozzie saw the village he realized that this is not a village. This is a trashdump.
-This is your village?
-Well never mind.
As they netered the village Ozzie noticed that it is full of little stores and shops with all the good’s any fortune teller needs. Voices where heard like “ Buy today this little bag of goods and you will be healed” or “ Buy poison today! Tomorrow youl’d be dead!.
-Where are you taking me?
-To my house of course. My mom whant’s to meet you. As a matter of fact every one wants to know where are you from.
-Well I really can’t reamember. Only thing I know is that I woke up on this island. I have no ideea how I got here.
-But you know your name?
-I can’t forget because it is written on my shirt.
-I see. Then I should tell you how you ended up here yes?
-Is you may.
-Well it hapend three mounths ago. We were sitting on the beachside with some of my friends and suddenly some big fire ball was aproaching. We got cover near that big rock. Then the fire ball crushed into the ocean. By the way the fisherman who lives neer is very angry cause the crush made a huge wave and destoryed he’s house. Ok so then after the cruch we thought that it was somekind of huge fish or wale so we really payd any attention to it. But then after some minutes you apeared from the water and lost you concience and fall down. Then we saw a big foot under water. And that foot is hanging out of the water yet too.
-Now wait just a second! You mean I’m laying down on this beach since three week’s?
-Well not really. We took you into our house and took care of you but then my cousin camed from a long trip and we needed the space and the bed so we took you back here.
-I really apreciate it. How can I ever thank you?
-Ohh well! Don’t mention it.
-Now tell me. What happened to the big fire ball after?
-Well we don’t know. It is under the sea right near that big rock. As Toby sais it is a statue of a great evil.
-Ok I’ve like to check that if it is possible.
-Well sure but don’t you want to eat something first? I mean you must be really hungry.
-Ohh yes! If you can give me some food I’ll be greatfull!
-Sure come this way.
Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala took Ozzie into a really nice house. It had two floors and all kind of fishbones and plants on the wall.
-Mama! I’m home! Look what I brought!
Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala’s mother took a look at Ozzie.
-Great! You sir finally woke up! That’s good.
-Yes mam I’m allright. I must thank you for you “short” hospitality.
-Don’t mention it. We love to help strangers.
Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala’s mam was to kind. She gaved Ozzie a nice meal and took care of washing he’s clothes. Till the wash was over Ozzie got a towel so now he looked like a hulla dancer.
-Say Rico , can you take me to that place?
-Right now Mr. Mandrill?
-Ok let’s go then.
So Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala took Mandrill to the beach.
-Ok there it is. You see? One of the part of it can be seen just right there.
-Now that look’s like a foot ain’t it?
-Yes sir. That’s why the villagers called it a Foot Fire Ball.
-Ok so what you intend to do?
-Well I can’t dive in to check it out but I’m wondering that maybe you found something near it…
-Well after the impact , old Toby dive underneath and found some kind of staff.
-A staff you say?
-And on this staff it was a golden statue with a monkey head and a really stupid hat yes?
-That’s it yes.
-Take me to Toby!!!
They walked real fast. Toby’s house (or what remaind of it) was just down the beach.
-Hello! You must be Toby right?
-Well if you want me to be Marcus that I’ll be Marcus.
-Well then I want you to be toby all right?
-Are you sure you want me to be Toby?
-Well cause I don’t really mind to be called Marcus.
-Ok can’t we just past that?
-Well ok by me.
-Marcus!!!!! Ok then! Marcus what did you find under the sea where the statue is?
-Do you know dear sir who that statue represents?
-I can take a wild quess! The Ghost Pirate LeChuck.
-You know him?
-Yes now tell me where is that staff you found?
-Rico said you found it!
-Well that’s not a staff.
-Then what is it?
-That sir is a rod.
-Ok so… where you put that rod?
-I don’t know.
-What do you mean?
-I mean that after I found it …
-Well I lost it.
-Where did you lost it?
-I think I lost it in the pub. I go there every night and get drunk…
-Ok thank you.
-Well don’t mention it.
Ozzie got real mad. He took Rico Van Holoe Dela Muerta Tala’s hand and pulled him toward the village.
-Now we go to that pub and you show me the way.
-Ok Mr. Mandrill.
Back on Melee …
-So we gonna take this stuff to the poor people and then I buy you a candy ok?
-I’ll go now to take my stuff and we meet in the courtyard ok?
Elaine got outside.
-I will miss you my dear rubber chiken with a pulley in the middle… nad I will miss you red baloons filled with helium… and I will miss my chewgum and…
Several minutes later Guybrush put all the stuff in a box and took them downstairs to the yeard. After they meet with Elaine and old grandpa Marley said something that made Guybrush mad again , they walked to the port and started to upload the bags to the ship.
This ship was going to go to Phatt Island to a charity who helps shipbroken pirates who has no jobs and no money. So to be more exactly it helps 99.9% procent of the Island.
After they and some other people load up the stuff the captain saind thank you and preapered the crew for start. The vilaggers stood there for Governor Marley’s
thank you speech.
-Well this is something that the citizens of Melee Island should be proud. We did today a glorios donation and our name should never be forgoten. Please every one of you wrote down you name to this list so they can put it out at the charity HQ for those citizens to know who helped them.
So they startet to line up and sigh tne paper. At the end everyone got home just Guybrush and Elaine remained there.
-So hun. How many people are?
-It is not hard to count these signatures.
Guybrush took the paper and noticed that it was full of X marks.
-Hey this is like a map. But how can you tell who is who?
-They are so dump. They can’t even write!
-Hehe! Like on Phatt they gonna belive that Mr. X helped them. They gonna like him.
-Hun shut up.
-Let’s go home ok hun?
They Walked away from the ship but Guybrush saw something weird. On one of the crates neer the ship’s edge there was he’s box of suttf and he’s to dear rubber chiken was hanging out of it. Guybrush smiled and told Elaine that he is staying there till the ship departs. When Elaine asked why he said that he whant to say goodbye to the captain. Well after Elanine got away Guybrush sneaked up the ship and got to the box but suddenly…
-A burglar! – yelled somebody from behind and hit Guybrush’s head with something hard. Guybrush felt to on floor and faled asleep.
And so they took him to the captain.
-We found this burglar and knocked him out.
-Good work man! Take him to the local police departament!
-But sir the local officer may be sleaping.
-You are right! Then we should take the boy to the firs port and sell him.
-As you wish sir.
And so guybrush was thrown into the whole. The ship left the harbour and got away on the dark ocean.
After a while Elaine started to get nervous. Then she went to the harbour but found nothig, Got to the pub but ni Guybrush there. She got back home.
-Popa! Haven’t you saw Guybrush?
-Look at the time. Where can he be?
-Maybe he got lost!
-Don’t be a dummie! How can he get lost from the port to here?
-Why you say that? Yesterday he got lost in the backyard.
-Ehh ehh ehh.