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The Conquest of Monkey Island
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Chapter two: Once upon a time beneath the moon

That night on the deck of a ship…

“Uhh… my head…” said Guybrush.

Okay, so he was scared at first ‘cause he thought that he was blind but then he realized he must open his eyes in order to see. Then after he opened his eyes he was scared again ‘cause the same darkness could be seen.

“My God! I’m blind!”

After 15 seconds of self pity a voice was heard.

“Calm down. It is dark inside here that’s why you can’t see,” said somebody from a dark corner.

“Yiiiikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!” yelled Guybrush. “Who is there?”

”Relax. Nothing to fear!”

“Where are we?”

“Well, we are in the so called ‘hole’ on my private ship.”

“Your ship? Then why are we here?”

“Maybe that’s because they hijacked my ship.”

“Oh my God! So we are now prisoners on your own ship?”

“Thank the Lord for this mind you given him. Yes, that’s it.”

“And who did this?”

“Well it was a bit after I docked on Melee. About ten miles from the island some guys from on the deck that I picked up from a shipwreck thought that they might be much stronger than us so they took over the ship and threw me and my crew into my own hole.“

“And you didn’t do anything about it?”

“Oh, sure I did!”

“Great! What you did?”

“Well, first I asked them nicely to reconsider. Then after they threw a large dead fish in my face as an answer I tried to be more aggressive.”

“That’s cool! And what did you do?”

“Well I got a problem when I get aggressive.”

“What’s that?”

“I always wait to calm down.”

“Oh dear.”

“So I’ve been sitting here for about two days now waiting to see what will happen.”

“Err. I mean gee. And you mentioned your crew. “

“Yes, I did.”

“Well where are they?”

“Um, upstairs.”

“On the deck?”

“Yes.”

“But what are they doing there?”

“Well, they joined those who took over my ship.”

“Some loyalty.”

“Well yes, but I don’t really care.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well to be honest as I was traveling I never had the chance to rest.”

“And?”

“And now I have all the time. The food isn’t bad and I get washed every day.”

“Washed?”

“Well they throw their dirty laundry water on me. For fun.”

“They do their laundry?”

“Yes I taught my crew to be very clean, you know.”

“Oh, well, I just wanted to get back one of my belongings when some of the guys upstairs hit me hard and I passed away.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

“Wait just a minute. I’ll find out more.”

“Ok?!”

“Yo! Francis!”

After a short while a guy appeared upstairs and opened the trapdoor that was blocking the “hole”.

“Yes, cap’n?”

“What is this guy doing here with me?”

“Captain AshBone caught him stealing goods sir!”

“Really? And what did he want to do with him?”

“Well he said that he gonna sell him to a slave trader sir.”

“Oh, ok. You can go now.”

“Yes, cap’n!”

“Now wait just a second!” said Guybrush.

“Yes?”

“You can command to those people?”

“Well they are my crew.”

“But you said they switched loyalties!”

“That does not mean they should stop getting orders from me.”

“Gee! Then why don’t you order them to let you go?”

“Well as I said already I like to rest so…”

“Never mind.”

“All right.”

“What’s your name, anyway?”

“Dear son my name is Captain Winny LeFog.”

“I’m Guybrush Threepwood.”

When Guybrush said he’s name LeFog got so pale that even a dentist would say: “Now those are some white … “

“THE Guybrush Threepwood?”

“Not ‘The’. Just Guybrush Threepwood.”

“Oh my God! It is such a real pleasure to meet you, Mr. Threepwood!”

“Really?”

“Yes! I know everything about you!”

“Well that is so nice to hear!”

“I’m your biggest fan!”

“Nice!”

“You must tell me everything!”

“What?”

“Tell me every story that you’ve got! I want to hear them all!”

“Now wait a second. Are you sure?”

“Yes! Tell me! We’ve got plenty of time!”

“Well… okay, so it started when my mom met my dad and…”

Okay, so we can forget about Guybrush for, let me see—about half of the story.

Okay, I’m just kidding.

Back on Tarrot Island…

“So. This is the pub?” asked Ozzie, really mad.

“Well, yes. Can’t you see all the drunk pirates and…”

“Never mind. Who is the owner of the bar?”

“Ohh he is a mess. Really. He came here about four or five years ago and opened this little pub. Since then he mostly runs every dark business around here. He got pretty powerful. He is like a GodPirate.”

“I don’t care for that! What is he’s name?”

“He calls himself Largo.”

“Largo?”

“Yes, Largo LaGrande.”

“Now that must be the stupidest name I ever heard.”

“I must say that he is very ‘gone with the winds’ like guy.”

“What?”

“Ok, I don’t know what I said. I meant that he is mad.”

“I don’t care. Let me see him.”

“Go straight to the bar and ask for him there.”

“Ok. Till then you stay here and watch my back.”

“You mean all the way I should watch your back?”

“That’s a saying you moron! Just stay here.”

“Ok, Mr. Mandrill.”

Ozzie got inside the pub. Inside there was a great party. Ok so it was filled with drunk pirates like in every single pub in the Caribbean.

“I’m looking for Mr. LaGrande.” Ozzie hit the table.

“Good for you,” answered a tall guy who had just broken a bone on his head.

“Can you help me?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Me! I! Myself! What, you don’t see me?” yelled Ozzie.

“What is your name?”

“Tell Mr. LaGrande that Ozzie Mandrill wants to see him.”

“And what happens if I’m not telling him that?”

“Well, then, dear son, I’ll tell you what will happen.”

“I’m all ears.”

On that moment Ozzie picked up a wooden chair and threw it toward the barman. The chair was in air and after it landed all was done.

“O…k… y…o…u… c…a…n… g…g…g…g…o…o…o…i…n.”

“Go now, thank you.”

Ozzie stepped over the barman and got inside the back door. After he opened the door he got himself in a tiny room filled with smoke and a table. On the other side of the table there was the old bastard named… Largo LaGrande.

“Are you Largo?”

“Who? How did you get in here?”

“The question is ‘why’, not how, Mr. Largo.”

“Then why …”

“Shut up! I came for the staff.”

“What staff?”
“Okay then, I came for the rod!”

“Rod? Anyway, who are you to bust in here? I killed people for less!”

“Really? Well I killed people for fun!”

“Yeah? Well, I once killed a frog.”

“I’m losing it. Listen, Mr. Largo. I came here to make you an offer.”

“Yeah? Like what, you fancy shirt?“

“Err… first of all I need to know if you’ve got my rod.”

“You are talking about this beauty?”

Largo got the rod out from the desk. It was there. In front of Ozzie’s eyes. The Ultimate Insult in one piece.

“Ok, so I will buy that from you. How much?”

“I don’t bloody know. Let me see. This is here gold and that may be silver and bronze, yeah?”

“Say a price!”

“I could give it to you for… let’s see… about 5000000 pieces of eight.”

“What? Are you completely out of your mind?”

“You want it? You pay for it!”

“Uhh. Let’s trade it for something.”

“I guess not.”

While they were fighting for the rod something strange happened. A guy from the bar simply yelled:

“They are taking the statue!”

“What?” asked Largo.

“What?” asked Ozzie.

“Sir the ‘Others’ are taking the statue!”

“The ‘Others’?” asked Ozzie.

“They can’t do that!”

“Yes they are! They are using ropes to pull it out with their ship. They said that it belongs to them!”

“That bloody statue could get me a fortune! Nobody puts his hands on Largo LaGrande’s stuff.”

“Sir?”

“What?”

“Actually they put their ropes around the leg so they can pull it out and…”

“Idiot! I know!”

“Sorry, sir.”

Largo bust out of there and started to run toward the beach. Ozzie got out and joined up with Rico and followed all the people who got there to see this.

The guy was right. Five ships where actually pulling that big statue out of the sand and toward the dark sea.

“Who are these?“ Ozzie asked Rico.

“These are the ‘Others’.”

“Why do they call themselves that?”

“Because they are outlaws. They are living on that other island.”

“Why, is there another island near?”

“Yes.”

“Which one?”

“Tooth Island.”

Meanwhile on the deck of the ship…

“Amazing!” said Captain LeFog.

“I know!”

“And you killed him four times?”

“Yep.”

“You are a great hero then!”

“Stop ‘cause I might blush.”

“Ok, you know what?”

“Yes?”

“You can be in my crew!”

“Really?”

“Yes! You will be my second mate!”

“Oh sir, that is an honour!”’

“Yo! Francis!”

After a while…

“Yes Cap’n?”

“Bring this man up to the dock and introduce him!”

“Sure thing Cap’n!”

“What?” said Guybrush very confused. “Ya gonna keep.


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