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Return to Monkey Island
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Chapter One: Freedom

I peered off the prominent peak overlooking Melee Island, ready for a hard earned vacation. Off in the distance I could still make out the shape of a gigantic monkey trotting back out into the sea off in the horizon, along with the shattered remains of an enormous formerly living LeChuck statue and a very flat Ozzy Mandrill.

Its funny, after all the work I went through to complete the ultimate insult, thinking I’d finally have a way to banish LeChuck forever, its effects only lasted a mere fifteen minutes before he was again his loathsome self. I wondered what had happened to LeChuck. After the ultimate insult wore off, he just kind of…well exploded—the statue that is. It all seemed too simple, but then again that’s the story of my life. But this time it seemed a bit too Dues Ex Machina, even for me.

Oh well, I’ll just assume he’s gone and hope for the best! Now…where’s Elaine?
“GUYBRUSH!”
I really shouldn’t have asked that…
“GUYBRUSH!”
“Yes Snuggle-cakes?” I asked hesitantly.
“Let’s go!”
“Go where?”
“You’ve been daydreaming for hours.”
“Oh sorry about that…so…umm…where to?”
“You tell me…Grandpa’s taken over as Governor, so there’s really no point in hanging around here any longer.”
I thought for a moment, remembering the places my adventures had taken me. After a minute or two, I had it!
“How about Puerto Pollo! That is where we got engaged...”
“AND where you turned me into a solid gold statue!”
“I’ll take that as a no. It’s probably for the best. Too many chickens anyway.”
“What about Phatt?” she suggested.
“Umm…I still have Mix n’ Mojo, that voodoo book from the Phatt Library.”
“So?”
“So, I also have a twelve thousand piece of eight late fee, I picked that thing up way back in ‘LeChuck’s Revenge’ remember?”
“Oh yeah.”

Another silence. We both looked off into the distance. The giant monkey was gone now, an indistinguishable form against the mid-day sky. Elaine’s face perked up with that, ‘I HAVE THE ANSWER, AND WE’RE DOING WHAT I SAY’ look.’ I swallowed as fear began tingling up my spine.

“What about…” she paused for a moment, “Dinky?”
I stared at her in disbelief. Had she really done what I thought she did? No. No she couldn’t have. After all, she knows what horrors I’ve endured there.
“No. I’m never going back THERE.”
“Come on! We could finally uncover Big Whoop.”

Her words stung my eyes like Eude de LeChuck. I can’t believe I had to remind her about the terror of Big Whoop.
“Listen Hun, I’ve done it before. It really wasn’t a pleasant, or lucrative experience.”
“Honey bun…”
“Big Whoop is the gate to Hell.” Remember? No, of course you wouldn’t. You weren’t the one that got turned into a little kid and trapped in a horrific carnival of the damned…TWICE, were you?”
Elaine’s face turned bright red…I started to back off.

“ARGH! Everything’s always about you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! It’s always, ‘I’ve been to Hell’ this or, ‘Help, LeChuck’s ripping me in half’ that. You never do what I want to do!”

“Hey give me a break! I spent the last week and a half trying to Escape from Monkey Island so I could get back here and rescue you.”

“Oh, rescue this!”
Elaine reached back and slugged me clean across the cheek. I fell back—from surprise of course…not like it actually hurt, cause you know I could take it, I’m a real pirate—and started tumbling down the hill, finally coming to a stop by crashing into a large hunk ‘o LeChuck statue. I looked back to see a two dimensional Australian gripping onto a shattered Ultimate Insult.

I studied my flattened foe. Purple tuxedo, walking stick attached to the Ultimate Insult, and the…
“Hey!” I shouted to nobody in particular.
The gubernatorial symbol of Melee Island was still intact. I swiped it, knowing from experience that it can get you into some pretty crazy parties!
Rubbing my cheek (from the surprise not the pain! Why doesn’t any one believe me?) I stood up. I looked back up the mountain. Elaine was gone. I shrugged it off and headed into town.
I ran into Carla and Otis by the Melee Island municipal building. I waved to Carla and she greeted me with a friendly, “Oh no, not you again.” Otis simply took off in the opposite direction.
“Otis?” I asked.
“Just let him go. That’s the third time that’s happened today.”
“He does that to everybody?”
“No…he just thought he saw you twice, but the other time was really odd. Somebody just offered him a breath mint and he bolted. You’ll never guess where I found him.”
“Flower patch?”
“How’d you know?”
“Lucky guess. Hey whatever happened to those, cushy government jobs I got you two?”
“Oh that…Well we lost them.”
“How? There’s only like one way to be fired from those!”
Carla’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment.
“We kind of, accidentally, stabbed some VIPs in a friendly bout of insult sword fighting.”
“And that would be the way.”
“I’d rather not talk about it. So what have you been up to Thriftweed?”
“Threepwood!”
“I know.”
“Humph…well if you must know, I recently had to, Escape from Monkey Island.”

“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MONKEY ISLAND!” Even muffled by the distance I could still make out Otis’s scream.
“Serves you right for stranding us there in the first place!”
“It was an accident!”
“Yeah, yeah…”
I decided to quickly change the subject.
“You look like you’re ready to hit the high seas. Where you headed?”
“Actually, Otis and I just signed on with a crew of REAL pirates.”
“Hey! I’m a real pi…”
“And we’re headed of in search of ‘Holy Cow!’”
I stared at her blankly for a moment.
“Holy Cow?”
“You’ve been gone a long time. About two months ago, when you were still,” she shudders, “ugh, honeymooning, Caribbean archaeologist Ohio Jonas discovered that Big Whoop was only one of four long lost treasures of the Caribbean. The other three have yet to be discovered by modern pirates.”
“Long lost treasures?”
“He came across an ancient tablet written in a very, very old tongue.”
“Let me guess…monkey jabber.”
“Right!”
“Figures…”

“And the tablet told of four legendary treasures: Big Whoop, Holy Cow, Nothin’ Special, and Ooh Shiny. Well, OUR captain just so happens to have his hands on a piece of information that could very well lead us directly to ‘Holy Cow.’”
“Who is this captain of yours?”
“Mancomb Seepgood.”
“Sounds vaguely familiar…”
“CARLA!”
A loud yelp cut through the air.
“COMING! Sorry Guybrush, I got to, we’re setting sail.”
I watched as she ran off towards a magnificent ship on the dock. It’s nice I thought, but its no ‘Dainty Lady.’ I started further into town, but I couldn’t help shake the thought that I’d heard of Seepgood before. I was positive I had.
What kind of a name is Seepgood anyway! And who does he think he is to try and show up a mighty pirate like Guybrush Threepwood! I’ll show him! That jerk’ll never have a chance!

All this talk of new treasure was getting my piratey blood excited. I had made up my mind where I wanted to go. Now all I had to do was find Elaine. I headed back to the governor’s mansion… she was probably catching up on old times with Grandpa Marley.
I opened the door to find, much to my own surprise, that I was right! I burst into the room like a giddy schoolboy.
“Elaine! I know what we’re gonna do!”
“What?”
“We’re going to” I paused for a moment to add a dramatic effect, “Find Holy Cow!”
I peered off the prominent peak overlooking Melee Island, ready for a hard earned vacation. Off in the distance I could still make out the shape of a gigantic monkey trotting back out into the sea off in the horizon, along with the shattered remains of an enormous formerly living LeChuck statue and a very flat Ozzy Mandrill.

Its funny, after all the work I went through to complete the ultimate insult, thinking I’d finally have a way to banish LeChuck forever, its effects only lasted a mere fifteen minutes before he was again his loathsome self. I wondered what had happened to LeChuck. After the ultimate insult wore off, he just kind of…well exploded—the statue that is. It all seemed too simple, but then again that’s the story of my life. But this time it seemed a bit too Dues Ex Machina, even for me.
Oh well, I’ll just assume he’s gone and hope for the best! Now…where’s Elaine?
“GUYBRUSH!”
I really shouldn’t have asked that…
“GUYBRUSH!”
“Yes Snuggle-cakes?” I asked hesitantly.
“Let’s go!”
“Go where?”
“You’ve been daydreaming for hours.”
“Oh sorry about that…so…umm…where to?”
“You tell me…Grandpa’s taken over as Governor, so there’s really no point in hanging around here any longer.”
I thought for a moment, remembering the places my adventures had taken me. After a minute or two, I had it!
“How about Puerto Pollo! That is where we got engaged...”
“AND where you turned me into a solid gold statue!”
“I’ll take that as a no. It’s probably for the best. Too many chickens anyway.”
“What about Phatt?” she suggested.
“Umm…I still have Mix n’ Mojo, that voodoo book from the Phatt Library.”
“So?”
“So, I also have a twelve thousand piece of eight late fee, I picked that thing up way back in ‘LeChuck’s Revenge’ remember?”
“Oh yeah.”

Another silence. We both looked off into the distance. The giant monkey was gone now, an indistinguishable form against the mid-day sky. Elaine’s face perked up with that, ‘I HAVE THE ANSWER, AND WE’RE DOING WHAT I SAY’ look.’ I swallowed as fear began tingling up my spine.
“What about…” she paused for a moment, “Dinky?”
I stared at her in disbelief. Had she really done what I thought she did? No. No she couldn’t have. After all, she knows what horrors I’ve endured there.
“No. I’m never going back THERE.”
“Come on! We could finally uncover Big Whoop.”
Her words stung my eyes like Eude de LeChuck. I can’t believe I had to remind her about the terror of Big Whoop.
“Listen Hun, I’ve done it before. It really wasn’t a pleasant, or lucrative experience.”
“Honey bun…”
“Big Whoop is the gate to Hell.” Remember? No, of course you wouldn’t. You weren’t the one that got turned into a little kid and trapped in a horrific carnival of the damned…TWICE, were you?”
Elaine’s face turned bright red…I started to back off.
“ARGH! Everything’s always about you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! It’s always, ‘I’ve been to Hell’ this or, ‘Help, LeChuck’s ripping me in half’ that. You never do what I want to do!”
“Hey give me a break! I spent the last week and a half trying to Escape from Monkey Island so I could get back here and rescue you.”
“Oh, rescue this!”
Elaine reached back and slugged me clean across the cheek. I fell back—from surprise of course…not like it actually hurt, cause you know I could take it, I’m a real pirate—and started tumbling down the hill, finally coming to a stop by crashing into a large hunk ‘o LeChuck statue. I looked back to see a two dimensional Australian gripping onto a shattered Ultimate Insult.
I studied my flattened foe. Purple tuxedo, walking stick attached to the Ultimate Insult, and the…
“Hey!” I shouted to nobody in particular.
The gubernatorial symbol of Melee Island was still intact. I swiped it, knowing from experience that it can get you into some pretty crazy parties!
Rubbing my cheek (from the surprise not the pain! Why doesn’t any one believe me?) I stood up. I looked back up the mountain. Elaine was gone. I shrugged it off and headed into town.

I ran into Carla and Otis by the Melee Island municipal building. I waved to Carla and she greeted me with a friendly, “Oh no, not you again.” Otis simply took off in the opposite direction.
“Otis?” I asked.
“Just let him go. That’s the third time that’s happened today.”
“He does that to everybody?”
“No…he just thought he saw you twice, but the other time was really odd. Somebody just offered him a breath mint and he bolted. You’ll never guess where I found him.”
“Flower patch?”
“How’d you know?”
“Lucky guess. Hey whatever happened to those, cushy government jobs I got you two?”
“Oh that…Well we lost them.”
“How? There’s only like one way to be fired from those!”
Carla’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment.
“We kind of, accidentally, stabbed some VIPs in a friendly bout of insult sword fighting.”
“And that would be the way.”
“I’d rather not talk about it. So what have you been up to Thriftweed?”
“Threepwood!”
“I know.”
“Humph…well if you must know, I recently had to, Escape from Monkey Island.”
“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MONKEY ISLAND!” Even muffled by the distance I could still make out Otis’s scream.
“Serves you right for stranding us there in the first place!”
“It was an accident!”
“Yeah, yeah…”
I decided to quickly change the subject.
“You look like you’re ready to hit the high seas. Where you headed?”
“Actually, Otis and I just signed on with a crew of REAL pirates.”
“Hey! I’m a real pi…”
“And we’re headed of in search of ‘Holy Cow!’”
I stared at her blankly for a moment.
“Holy Cow?”
“You’ve been gone a long time. About two months ago, when you were still,” she shudders, “ugh, honeymooning, Caribbean archaeologist Ohio Jonas discovered that Big Whoop was only one of four long lost treasures of the Caribbean. The other three have yet to be discovered by modern pirates.”
“Long lost treasures?”
“He came across an ancient tablet written in a very, very old tongue.”
“Let me guess…monkey jabber.”
“Right!”
“Figures…”
“And the tablet told of four legendary treasures: Big Whoop, Holy Cow, Nothin’ Special, and Ooh Shiny. Well, OUR captain just so happens to have his hands on a piece of information that could very well lead us directly to ‘Holy Cow.’”
“Who is this captain of yours?”
“Mancomb Seepgood.”
“Sounds vaguely familiar…”
“CARLA!”
A loud yelp cut through the air.
“COMING! Sorry Guybrush, I got to, we’re setting sail.”
I watched as she ran off towards a magnificent ship on the dock. It’s nice I thought, but its no ‘Dainty Lady.’ I started further into town, but I couldn’t help shake the thought that I’d heard of Seepgood before. I was positive I had.

What kind of a name is Seepgood anyway! And who does he think he is to try and show up a mighty pirate like Guybrush Threepwood! I’ll show him! That jerk’ll never have a chance!
All this talk of new treasure was getting my piratey blood excited. I had made up my mind where I wanted to go. Now all I had to do was find Elaine. I headed back to the governor’s mansion… she was probably catching up on old times with Grandpa Marley.
I opened the door to find, much to my own surprise, that I was right! I burst into the room like a giddy schoolboy.
“Elaine! I know what we’re gonna do!”
“What?”
“We’re going to” I paused for a moment to add a dramatic effect, “Find Holy Cow!”


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