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Monkey Island V: LeChuck Strikes Back
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Monkey Island V: LeChuck Strikes Back
Chapter One: Oh Man, They´ve Ruined my House!!!
A warm summer night, Guybrush Threepwood came back home after a hard working day (20 plunders, 12 sea battles, an insult-sword-fight with Captain Rottingham and a session of shavin´ n´ haircuttin´ in the Barbery Coast). That day, he found the Governor´s house´s door open and everything inside revolved.
-Wow!- thought Guybrush – Elaine’s given ‘em a BIG resistance…I only feel sorry of Timmy…I bet he´d rather playing a Battleship™ round than lying on a filthy prison…Oh, whatever…Hunh? What the heck is this?
What Guybrush found was a tiny, microscopic piece o´paper. It smelled like a bunch of dead pirates. It said:
“I’ve got yer wife, Threepwood. If ye wanna see´er again, just come to Lucre, to the Mystes o´Time Marsh, IF ye are able to find yer way…”
LeChuck, Undead Zombie Demon Pirate
-Hey, Narrator Guy, why has LeChuck written « Kindly » instead of “Lookin´ forward to see ye die”?- said Guybrush –I know this is cliché, but it’s the only way…
No response. Guybrush felt something strange, like if somebody would be watching him. Suddenly, the hologram-like form of Obi-Wan Kenobi came out of nowhere.
-Master Kenobi, what can I do? You’re my only hope!
-Use the Force, Luke…err, I mean… use your ship, Guybrush.
-That’s it! Thanks, Master Kenobi!
-You’re welcome, young Padawan, I mean swashbuckler.
Just then, Obi-Wan disappeared in the thin air, but he left something behind…a Jedi Lightsaber!!!
-Well, well, well…this could help. It’s time to kick an undead butt!!!
He went running until he reached the main door. Then, he turned around, his face went ghostly white, and he yelled:
-OH MAN, the house, it’s totally RUINED!!!…Elaine’s going to kill me…
He opened the door and headed for the docks.
Chapter Two: Meetings in Embarkment Pier 94
In his way to the docks, Guybrush noticed that the Lua Bar had disappeared, because the Scumm Bar was being built again. Near the construction site stayed Ignatius Cheese. Guybrush headed for him.
-Mr. Cheese! Is it TRUE? Is the Scumm Bar being built again? – exclaimed Guybrush.
-Yes, young lad, the Scumm Bar has revived! Well, the people wanted to have a good piratesque tavern, and not tropical-like shit. And you now the saying, “Populo, populo, populo”.-
-“Popu…WHAT???”- Guybrush didn’t understand anything.
-“Populo, populo, populo” – Ignatius Cheese seemed annoyed (probably because Guybrush had ruined his latins) – it means “People, for the people, with the people”. At least, I think it was so…
-Ok, thanks for the explanation, but I have to rescue Elaine!
-ELAINE MARLEY, I have to rescue her from LeChuck’s grasps!
-All right, see you, young lad!
Finally, Guybrush reached the docks. There was still that woman, who controlled the docks and had a funny accent in the “r”-s.
-Oh, why isn’t Stan here? I liked the decoration he had…
-If yerrr lookin’ forrr that frrraudulent salesman, he’s supposed to be in Plunderrr Island.
-All right, that’s where I’m headin’! Where’s my ship?
Guybrush showed the Mêlée Island Governmental Symbol.
-Ok, the Marrrleys. The “Sweet Lady”, embarrrkment Pierrr 94.
Guybrush shouted some kinda “Bye” and he went running through the piers.
-85, 86, 87, turn left, 92, 93, 94! There it is!
Guybrush saw the pink vessel with the alive figure in front. Guybrush kinda hated it.
-Oh, it’s STILL pink…Elaine didn’t allow me to repaint it. Hey, wait a sec, who’s there?
Actually, there were two people standing in Pier 94. As Guybrush neared himself, he recognized Carla, the Swordmaster of Mêlée, and Otis, the self-called “victim of the society”. They were looking at the ship.
-CARLA, OTIS!!! What a surprise!!! – screamed Guybrush.
-Who the…?- said Carla.
-Monkeys, monkeys, MONKEYS!!! – yelled Otis, quite frightened.
-You! I told you not to near ourselves to Pier 94, I knew this would happen! – said Carla, angry.
-C’mon, people, I’m not gonna ask you to get into my crew!
-Phew… - Otis breathed calmly. His face was still red.
-I’m heading for Plunder Island, would you two help me?
-NO!!!! – Carla and Otis screamed at once.
-Well then, I was gonna offer you an undefined vacation, first in Plunder Island, and then in Lucre Island.
-Lucre??? Why Lucre??? Why not Jambalaya???- asked Otis, in quite a childish position.
-Idiot! Jambalaya is as alive as Knuttin Atoll now! Mandrill Enterprises exists no more! – said Carla
-Oh, true… - said Otis.
-Are we going? – asked Guybrush
-Ok, you win…
Our three “heroes” embarked in direction to Plunder Island.
Chapter Three: French Names, Voodoo, Chicken and Theatre Plays
As Guybrush and company arrived at Plunder, Guybrush said:
-Ok, Otis, you’ll stay aboard. Carla you’re free to move around the island.
-All right, boss. –they answered.
Guybrush headed for Puerto Pollo.
He noticed that “Speare!”, Slappy Cromwell’s play was being shown, once again.
-I can’t lose that one!- said Guybrush to himself.
As he reached Blondebeard’s Chicken Shoppe, he found out that it had been renamed. It was called “Château du Poulet”.
Entering the restaurant, Guybrush thought:
-Yuck! I just HATE French names. Specially when food is being named. I once ordered “Hors d’oeuvres” (sounds fancy), and it came to be an extra-fermented king size grog mug… Ridiculous!
He entered the restaurant, and he was attended by Blondebeard.
-Hello! “Qu-est que le monsieur vais?”
-Whaaat?-asked Guybrush – what do you mean?
-Arrr, I mean, “what does the lord want?”
-Errmm, I’ll order 2 litres of pure grog, 5 king-size chicken packets, and 3 king-size orders of Blondebeard’s Super-Slaw.
-Ok, that’ll be 35 pieces o’ eight.
-Here you are, “messié”.
He came out of the shop and headed for the ship. Otis was guarding the entrance.
-Oh boy, great, we’ve got FOOD!!!
-Don’t touch anything, Otis.- said Guybrush firmly –Great, now I notice that I have leading ability! –
Guybrush headed for the town again.
-“Don’t touch anything, Otis” – kidded Otis – We’ll see who leads here.
As he reached the Long John Silver Centre for Scenic Arts, he saw an overwhelming queue.
- I just hope it’s good…As good as they announce it. – thought Guybrush.
He entered the place through the side alley. In the backstage, Palido Domingo, the representative of Cromwell, watched the play.
-Palido! It’s been a long time since…
-Shut up, bastard! My back still burns…Seems like you like making fun of others, Treepod.
-It’s Threepwood, mister. And I needed the map.
-Ok, don’t get so angry.
They chatted for a long while, and in a stop in the play, Slappy Cromwell came to the backstage.
-Hey, Slappy! Seems like your Shakespearian shit is being a success… - said Guybrush.
-Well, my variations of the master’s plays are better than the originals… - said Slappy cockily.
-Threepwood’s right! Your variations are a succeeding shit!! – shouted Palido.
-Well, people, I’ve gotta go! – said Guybrush waving his hand.
He came out of the Centre. The queue was still there. It headed now to the grassy knoll over the town. A sign said: “Caber tossing and Banjo duels with the BARBER QUARTET”
-Huh? Well, seems like Dominique’s back in town!
In the Main Square, Guybrush met Stan. He was selling luxury cruises through the Caribbean.
-Stan!!! – shouted Gubrush.
-Oh hello boy. Interested on a cruise? 5000 pieces of eight each! Luxury services everywhere! Departs Mondays, right here!
-Stan, weren’t you renting bungalows in Jambalaya?
-Details, son. Are you interested?
-Sorry, Stan. I’ve got other things to do…
He went away, heading for the swamp.
-What a man! – thought Guybrush – You can’t talk with him…
Guybrush walked a pair of steps and turned around.
-Hold it! You can’t hold a conversation with him.
As he entered the swamp, Guybrush felt a strange presence surrounding him…
-Waaagh!!! – somebody screamed in the fog.
-Eeeek!!!- yelled Guybrush.
-BWAHAHAHAAAA!!! Die, mortal!!!
Guybrush knew both the voice and the expression.
-Murray! The devilish and evil DOORSTOP!!!
-How dare you…wait…did you say DEVILISH and EVIL???
-Yes I did. What’s wrong?
-Oh, you are the first one recognizing my evil powers…
-And because of them you are hanging from that pole, isn’t it?
-Oh sorry Murray, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings… - Guybrush smiled – I know your difficulty of coping with the impossibility of scaring everyone…
-It’s a hard life…even those hateful kiddies roaming around here defeat me…
-Murray, did you say that the voodoo kiddies are here?
-Yes, why did you ask?
-Then, that means that the Voodoo Lady’s back in town!
-Back in the swamp, I would have said…
-Yes, yes, you’re right, Mr. Doorstop, well, gotta go!
-Hey, don’t you call me…Hey! HEY! LET ME DOWN AT LEAST!!!
But Guybrush couldn’t hear Murray’s last words, because he was inside the Plunder Island’s “International House Of Mojo”.
Guybrush entered the place. Everything was same-placed as in CMI, except for the Chewing-Gum machine.
-Hm? What? Where is the machine? NO!!! I wanted to taste the new grog-flavoured chewing gum!!!
Guybrush pulled the crocodile tongue.
-Yuck! It’s still wet! – said Guybrush
-SQUEAK! – the tongue returned to it’s original place and the pulleys started moving. One moment later, the voodoo Lady appeared.
-Hello, Guybrush Threepwood. Chewing gum? – asked the Voodoo Lady offering various packets.
-Let’s see: Filet, salted anchovies, rotten food… WHAT? There’s no grog-flavoured one?
-Oh sorry, the kids took them all… - Guybrush was almost crying because of his bad luck – Do you want to see their photos?
-Hmmm… - Guybrush was thinking to run away of that devilish…erm…drat, Murray’s been here…I mean unlucky place - …maybe later.
-Hey, you said the same thing last time here!
-Well, it’s TERRIBLE!!!
-LeChuck has kidnapped my wife!
-Elaine Marley-Threepwood, governor of the Tri-Island Area!
-And where is she supposed to be?
-In Lucre, in the Mystes Of Time Marsh.
-Oh well, that isn’t so terrible…you know where to go.
-Oh, you misunderstood…what’s terrible is that there’s no grog-flavoured chewing gum!!!
-Hrrrmm… - the Voodoo Lady mumbled something that sounded like “Men!”
-Hey, I didn’t have time to complain!
-Never mind…Have you got a ship? Crew? Maps?
-Yes…I’ve got a ship, crew and I don’t need any map to head for BLOOD ISLAND?
-Yes, follow the “Huge Storm dead ahead” saying signs and voilá, you have arrived to Blood Island!
-NO, I mean, what are you looking for in Blood Island?
-Well, I want to visit the Goodsoup-Blood hotel and…
-You, you know…the GOODSOUPS? – the Voodoo Lady seemed astonished.
-Yes I do! And Griswold Goodsoup has told me that…
-GRISWOLD GOODSOUP…YOU KNOW HIM??? – the Voodoo Lady almost couldn’t breathe.
-AHEM!!! I mean, he has told me that they have opened a cartographer’s office in the island, and it could help me…
-Well, do what you want.
-All right! Aboard to Blood Island!!!
Guybrush crossed the island like struck by lightning. He reached the docks, where Carla and Otis were waiting.
-At least you’re here… - said Carla.
-Look who has arrived! – screamed Otis – Our sill…beloved leader!
-Shut up, Otis! Where are we heading for? – asked Carla.
-Blood Island, crew! Follow the… - said Guybrush.
-…path of golden blocks? – asked Otis, kidding.
-…”Huge Storm dead ahead” signs!!! – said Guybrush.
Otis untied the sails, and the ship, piloted by Carla, started moving.
Suddenly, the figurehead started screaming.
-WOOO!!! I’M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!! – screamed the figurehead.
-Leo! – screamed Carla – Where’s Leo?
-Which Leo??? – asked Guybrush and Otis at once.
-Leo DiCaprio!!! Haven’t you heard “I’m the king of the world!!!”
-Carla, it was “I’m the QUEEN of the world!!!” – said Guybrush seriously – and the FIGUREHEAD said it.
-How pity! – kidded Otis.
-Shut up, you useless flower-burglar!!!
-What did you just say, Carla??!!
-C’mon guys, shut up! Carla, head for Blood Island, and Otis, be a decent lookout, would you? – shouted Guybrush.
A pair of minutes later, the ship got lost in the storm.
Chapter Four: The Bartender, His Aunt and Her Lover, The Vegetarian Cannibals, The Salesman, The Skull and The Kidnapped Cartographer
Guybrush was asleep. Everything happened came before his eyes: the ship, the storm, the shipwreck, Carla and Otis being thrown overboard… He opened his eyes.
-I still must be dreaming… - mumbled Guybrush – I’m seeing a giant yellow lemon with holes…Lemonhead!!!
-The same. What happened to you three?
-Well, we were trying to reach the island, but the storm wrecked our ship…Elaine’s gonna kill me…once more.
-Don’t worry. We – said Lemonhead referring to the other cannibals – managed to repair the ship.
-And Carla? And Otis? What happened to them?
-They were thrown overboard…
-I know that.
-…and they arrived unconscious to the beach. Our Shaman cured them. Look around.
Guybrush got up and looked around. In the cabin, apart from him and Lemonhead, Carla and Otis were lying on separate beds.
-Our Shaman cured you too.- continued Lemonhead – Now, what are you going to do?
-Well, I’m heading for the hotel and the cartography office.
-Be careful when crossing the graveyard.
-Why? Zombies? Ghosts? Sith Lords?
-No. By the way, what are Sith Lords?
-It’s too difficult to explain, and I’ve got no time. But tell me, why is the cemetery so dangerous?
-Only watch out for that crazy guy with a Scottish-like coat an a cowboy hat.
-All right, I’ll come back for Carls and Berg, I mean, for Carla and Otis.
Guybrush came out of the hut and headed for the hotel.
Guybrush entered the hotel. There was no one except Griswold Goodsoup and Madame Xima.
-You! – yelled Xima – The unlucky guy! GO AWAY!
-Hey Uncle Griswold! Got any gigantic cork? –asked Guybrush.
-Yes, I got one pair… What are you going to do with it? – asked Griswold, while he gave Guybrush one.
-Allow me! – said Guybrush.
-What? What are you…?- asked Xima – Mmghmpf!!!
Guybrush had just pushed the cork into Xima’s mouth, disabling her talking.
-Thanks a lot, Wonton! – said Griswold – I thought I would never have a little peace here.
-Shucks! – said Guybrush – It was nothing.
-Oh it was something.
-Never mind. Fix me a drink, dear uncle.
-Are you sure…it seems like alcohol has deadly effects on you, nephew…
-Forget it. Now I’m stronger!
Griswold laid a can of grog on the bar. Guybrush started drinking.
-Hey uncle, where is the cartography office?
-In the old undertaker’s house.
-But Mort died of an incredible fright…who owns it?
-Wally is a Goodsoup? Oh please, uncle…He can’t be…He’s too puny.
-Well he IS a Goodsoup.
-Ok, I’m off to the graveyard!
-See you nephew! Take care of the guy of the Scottish coat in the common crypt!
Guybrush came out of the hotel and started thinking.
-A guy with a Scottish coat, cowboy hat, in the common crypt…I kinda reminds me of something…But I’m not sure…
Guybrush entered the graveyard. He walked a pair of steps further, when he heard a dark, dead-like…drat, wrong again…familiar voice.
-Hey kid, have you got a life insurance? – said the voice.
-I know that voice…Stan!!!
-Bingo, kid! I’m Stan and selling life insurances is my game!
-That’s it! Why haven’t I noticed yet? Scottish coat, cowboy hat, in the main crypt, it only could be Stan! But weren’t you selling cruises in Plunder Island?
-I’ve been here since a pair of weeks.
-But I saw you in Plunder a week ago.
Silence. Guybrush had been able to get Stan to shut up, but not for very long.
-Details, son, details. Tell me, any interest in having a life insurance?
Guybrush turned around and came out of the crypt.
-What I said. You just can’t hold a decent conversation with him!
He walked a pair of steps further and he found out that the Goodsoup Crypt was fully open.
-What’s going on there? – asked Guybrush to himself – I have to preserve my eternally-sleeping-place in good conditions for the moment I arrive here forever.
He kicked a boulder, but the boulder was in fact Murray!!!
-You! – said Murray – Are you already dead?
-No, Murray, I’m only looking around. By the way, how have you arrived here?
-Well, it’s a long story. I had to bite one of the kids who were bothering me, and then, the Voodoo Lady came out of the hut, quite angry, and she lowered me from the pole and then, she kicked me…My occipitals! Then they ached a lot! But, what a kick! She shouldn’t be a Priestess, but a footballer! Well, I arrived here and opened the door with a hit. Aaaghhh!!!
-I’ve got a headache, and I’m only a mere skull!
-Well, see you, Murray, I’m on a hurry!
Guybrush came out of the crypt and closed the door behind him.
As he reached the old undertaker’s house, he saw “W-A-L-L-Y-‘-S” in neon lights. That could only mean one thing: Wally was now an interstellar map seller.
-Impossible – thought Guybrush – We aren’t even sure if there is intelligent life in the Caribbean!
Guybrush entered the shop. The walls were fully-packed of maps of around the world. Guybrush couldn’t see Wally anywhere.
-Wally? Anybody home? – asked Guybrush.
No response. Again, Obi-Wan Kenobi came out of nowhere.
-Hey! You frightened me! Couldn’t you be a little less unpredictable?
-Whatever… I’ve felt a commotion on the Force…like if somebody was kidnapped but had left a note behind. By the way, do you know where my lightsaber is?
-No, nooooo, I dunno…
-Oh, all right. May the Force be with you!
-Yeah, the same to you…
Obi-Wan disappeared again.
Guybrush searched the office without results…yet. Suddenly, he found a note written in the back of a map.
-Let’s see what it says… - said Guybrush to himself.
“Estimated Mr. Wood:
The Voodoo Lady told me about your arrival. She also told me that the evil hordes of LeChuck would come to kidnap me. Thus, I have left behind this note written in the backside of a map of the zone between Blood and Lucre. I’ve also added the path to find us in the marshes.
-Oh no! – screamed Guybrush – That “Kindly” again!
Guybrush turned the paper around. It contained a fully-detailed map of the zone between Blood and Lucre Island, and another one of the Mystes Of Time Marsh.
-I’ve got to pick Carla and Otis up, and head for Lucre Island!
He went up the mountain really fast. As he reached the village, he met Carla and Otis.
-Ok guys, we’re off to Lucre Island! – said Guybrush.
-“Ok guys, we’re off to Lucre Island!” – kidded Otis.
-Shut up, Otis! – shouted Carla – When are we gonna embark?
Guybrush and his crew, Carla and Otis, embarked the ship. The ship started moving, and it came out of Blood Island.
Chapter Five: Battle In The Mist
-Who’s going to be free to go out of the ship this time, Capt’n Threepwood? – asked Carla.
-It’s time for Otis to come out of the ship, I think. – answered Guybrush.
-Where? In Lucre??? NO!!! EVERYTHING BUT THAT!!! – yelled Otis.
-Sorry, Otis, but it’s your turn.
Meanwhile, the ship had arrived to Lucre Island.
Guybrush jumped out of the ship, carrying Otis with him.
-Ok, I’m off to finish some affairs. Don’t get into trouble, Otis. – said Guybrush.
-I just hope not to! – answered Otis.
He left Otis in front of the Palace of Prostheses, and headed for the Marshes.
In the Marsh, Guybrush had to find his way through the mist, using Wally’s map. As he reached Pegnose Pete’s house, he saw that instead of the house, there was a huge platform. Standing on it, there were LeChuck, his skeleton hordes, and Wally and Elaine in a cage.
-LeChuck, you stinky rat, free Wally and my wife!!! – shouted Guybrush.
-Guybrush, be careful, dear! – said Elaine.
-Watch out, Mr. Brush! – said Wally.
-Arrr, Threepwood! – said LeChuck – I will exterminate ye and yer friends! Skeletons, attack!
Guybrush didn’t move. The skeletons ran for him, but they all fell into the water.
-Next time, LeChuck, try using intelligent soldiers! – Guybrush made fun of LeChuck.
-Arr, come here if ye are a man! – LeChuck used sentences picked up of cheap Schwarzenegger films.
Guybrush looked for a pistol, but he only found Obi-Wan’s lightsaber. He jumped onto the platform and turned it on.
-Whaaat? Ye also got one? – said LeChuck turning another lightsaber on.
-Yes I do have one! – said Guybrush.
LeChuck attacked. Guybrush prepared himself for the battle.
VOOM! KLANG! SWISH! The lightsabers moved up and down, until Guybrush cut LeChuck in half, because of an error of his opponent.
-Yes! I’ve won! I’ve kicked LeChuck’s butt!!!
Guybrush kicked LeChuck’s debris off the platform.
-C’mon, Guybrush! Open the cage! – shouted Elaine.
-And be careful with that thing, Mr.Wood! – said Wally.
Guybrush opened the cage, and the three came out of the swamp. They headed for the ship. Once aboard, Guybrush said:
-Off to Mêlée Island, crew!
Chapter Six: Epilogue ( Celebrations and Vengeances for Ruining Furniture)
After having left Wally in Blood Island, the ship headed for Mêlée Island. Guybrush and Elaine were talking on the main deck.
-Elaine, dear, I’ve got bad news… - said Guybrush.
-Which ones? – asked Elaine.
-Well, dear, when those thugs kidnapped you, they left the entire house ruined…
Elaine punched Guybrush once or twice.
-But dear, it wasn’t my fault!
-Oh sorry, Guybrush… I did it without thinking.
-LAAAAAAAAAAND IN SIIIIIIIIIGHT!!! MÊLÉE ISLAND DEAAAAAAD AHEAAAAAAAAAAD!!! – shouted Otis.
-Hey Otis, you almost banged my ear drums! Be careful! – said Guybrush.
Otis mumbled something like “Brainless monkey”.
They left the ship in Pier 94.
-And our money? Where is it? –asked Carla annoyed.
-Here you go. – said Elaine – Cushy Government Contracts.
-All right, that sounds good! – said Otis.
Carla and Otis headed for Meathook’s (which was now a wax art gallery), and Guybrush and Elaine headed for the Governor’s House. As they entered…
-What a DISASTER!!! – shouted Elaine – We need to get this repaired, “pronto”.
-Elaine, what’s “pronto”? – asked Guybrush.
-Did somebody say that he needs to get something repaired?
-Stan!!!! – said Elaine and Guybrush at once.
-Yes, it’s me…I’ll get all this repaired for 1000 pieces of eight.
-Whatever, here you are…But weren’t you selling life insurances in Blood Island? – asked Guybrush.
-Well, the business was too dead. Got the point?
-Yes. – said Elaine and Guybrush annoyed, because of the bad joke.
-Well, I’d only ask for one thing… - said Guybrush.
-Which one? – asked Elaine.
-I’d like to play Battleship™ with Timmy…
Elaine started laughing.
-Oh, you’re so childish, Guybrush!