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Murray’s Story of Evil and Destruction
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Part Three: Slight Body Change
We sailed for weeks, on our way to Plunder Island. Mostly open sea, except for the outline of islands miles away. Nothing to do except watch the ocean. Lucky for us, we can’t get seasick.
I made friends with a few guys, mostly losers, like myself, who were lured to Big Whoop. We talked about the missions, tried to scare each other with our skills, and played cards. For some reason, whenever I try to scare the pants off a guy, it turns to be funnier, then scary.
Finally, after three weeks on shore, our ship, The Death Starfish hit the shores of Plunder Island, the island where our scouts reported Elaine Marley stationed. But there were a few cargo ships in the way of our goal. Naturally, we blasted them away, with fruit and animals spraying all over the ocean.
LeChuck then met Elaine. Except they were separated by water. LeChuck is in our ship, and Elaine’s in this huge fort, with a ton of her men firing cannons at us. Except they had these crappy SOMI cannons, which were made way back when. We had these great CMIs, which kick monkey.
He attempted to lure Elaine away from the fort, to come with him and sail away to be forever happy. For some reason, she refused. I don’t know, if I were a woman, I’d marry LeChuck. Go figure.
This was all happening while I was on break, as were most of the pirates. Maybe LeChuck didn’t want us hearing him getting insulted, but we all heard it. I was in the break room, when Lenny’s head bounced onto the ledge of the window. Heads rolling was so common, we all ignored it.
Just then, Carl, the guy who gives us orders from LeChuck, burst in and told us to get to our ships. We’re overrunning the island.
We were already assigned boats, so I hopped on mine just when it was let loose. Protected by yellow floaties and snorkels, and men firing cannons at the fort, we were ready to plunder Plunder.
Everything was going Fonzie until some of the cannonballs started to get a bit close. Then, one took out the boat in front of us. A cannonball hit the boat behind us, and then us.
Even though it must’ve happened in a fraction of a second, it seemed like it went on for minutes. The cannonball broke our ship in two, wood flying everywhere, along with our “protection gear”. I felt a slight pain, and blacked out.
When I woke up, I was laying face down on a plank of wood. I survived, even though I can’t really die again. I tried to get up, I couldn’t. It finally came to me…my body was missing! All except for my arm, which was a few feet away
I was ready to yell everything I got out at Wally, but decided not too. Now I just had to decide what kind of changes I’d have to make, adjusting to this new…look. A man poked out of the hole near the cannon. But it wasn’t Wally. It was some awkward looking blonde man.
He introduced himself as Guybrush Threepwood. Aha! This was the man that LeChuck was trying to kill! But how’d he get out of Big Whoop? Anyway, Guybrush (what a stupid name, what were his parents thinking?) made conversation, and I tried the best I could to scare him away from me, but it was no use. He gave me some advice on wardrobe, and then he left. A couple minutes later, he emerged again with a large ramrod, and fished my arm out. I yelled at him, demanding its return, but I slipped what I would do if I got it back. You know, the usual carnage.
So Guybrush took my arm, and a few minutes later, there was a big rumble inside the ship, and then a huge explosion. I didn’t see much, but the blast sent me flying towards the beach. The rush was intense, and it killed when I landed. Right next to a bunch of kids. Voodoo kids, that is.
They acted like they found treasure, and picked me up. But not with their hands. Using some kind of mojo force, I was being levitated in the air, and they followed me as I flew through the forest. Then, I emerged into a clearing where a destroyed ship was being used as a house atop some trees. The levitation power then flew me up higher, and jammed me onto a pole. I yelled at the kids to let me off, yelling things that I wouldn’t want my mother to hear, if I had one.
So, they left me there. On top of a pike, helpless, while the kids laughed at me, while I struggled. Not that it would do any good.
It must’ve just been five minutes, when the kids scrambled in different directions. And guess who it was? Your friend and my favorite guy, Guybrush Threepwood. The guy looked a bit worried, and didn’t notice me. I had my chance and scared the kid! Then, I warned him about going deeper into the swamp, just for kicks.
He asked me about voodoo curses, and this gave me a laugh. If I knew anything, I wouldn’t be up here in the first place. After terrorizing him some more, he moved on, going into the ship, that holds God-knows what. I think I might’ve just hung up there for hours. I saw Guybrush a couple more times, twice he looked panicked. Then, the voodoo kids returned.
I took my chance this time. When they used the powers that be to bring me down, this time they brought me into one of the kids arms. He handled me, and started playing catch with me. This got me really ticked off. When I was tossed into the arms of the leader, I bit him as hard as I could. He dropped me, and everyone ran, leaving me on the ground, helpless again.
Well, this was just great. I was better off on the pike, at least I could see what was coming. Now I’m on my side, and anyone that walks by could just kick me into the swamp.
Then, I heard some noises in the jungle. I was hoping it might be Guybrush; at least he knows me and could get me out of this mess. Or maybe even a fellow undead skeleton.
Nope, it was a monkey.
It was coming right for me, and I tried to get out of the way, but a lack of legs can really hold you back. The big, slobbering pest picked me up, and returned to where it came from. It held my jaw shut to prevent me from talking. Or maybe that was an accident.
We traveled in the jungle for quite some time, until we came to a cove, and a ship docked nearby. The monkey and me swung from a tree and somehow flew far enough onto the deck of the ship. He galloped inside the bridge, where a strange looking man and a gorilla were sitting at a table.
This obviously insane man started scolding the monkey, saying that LeChimp wanted fried chicken, not a skull. How could the monkey mix those two up, the insane guy shouted. He ordered another monkey to go to the chicken shop. Then he reassured the gorilla that he would get his lunch. Calling him captain LeChimp and answering his questions when the ape didn’t do a dang thing.
I was then tossed down into the hold of the ship. I underestimate when I say toss. It was more like a fastball pitch, and it knocked me out for a few hours. After being knocked out twice, this was getting a little annoying.
When I woke up, I heard singing.
I managed to look up into a hole on the ceiling, but just saw sky. But the song was quite loud, something about pirates and sailing and whatnot. It sounds like there were probably three or four men up there, but I couldn’t tell. But then, I heard a glimpse of Guybrush’s voice. I called out to him, but singing drowned me out. I didn’t listen for a reply, and to tell you the truth, I didn’t really care. My life was falling apart. Other people decide where I go from now on. And it’s not going to stop, till I wise up. I got to make some friends or something. Guybrush seems nice enough; maybe if I can catch him, I’ll ask him for a lift. If I’m going to make it through this world, I’m going to need assistance.
Man, I got to stop babbling.
I heard excitement above, and it seemed that someone boarded the ship, telling from different voices and a big rumble of a ship hitting this ship. I didn’t really know what was happening, so I just took a nap. If I can’t do anything about current events, why bother?
I was awoken by thunder and lightening. The ship rocked violently, almost tossing over, but just at the last minute got back on course. Then, there was a huge crash, and like the Death Starfish, I was tossed through a hole and landed somewhere on an island that I didn’t recognize. That wasn’t exactly like the Death Starfish, but sort of.
I think it was a graveyard, judging by tombstones and crypts, but I could be wrong.
I landed face down and was stuck that way, with no way to talk. Or yell for that matter.
After a few minutes, I heard a man’s voice saying, “Oh, gosh! Not again!” He picked me up by the jaw, and I couldn’t speak at all. The man picked up a shovel, and carried me over some ground, until he stopped. He said something like, “Goodsoups just don’t like to stay dead do they?” Then, he dug a hole and dropped me in. Before I fell, the guy said, “Hope Griswold doesn’t find out about this…”
The inside of the crypt was very dark and musty, and I got wedged in between a rock and a wall. But I could see the inside the of the tomb very well, including the entrance. And I waited up there for a while. Mostly for help. For a while, I thought I heard a woman, but it must’ve been my imagination. If I had one.
I must’ve waited for hours. Then, something happened.
A new body was being moved into the crypt. A short looking man shoved his body into the coffin, moved the stone slab over the top, and left the crypt. After a bit, the coffin started to crack, and a man got out.
He started walking a bit, and then froze at something that I couldn’t see. I think he was talking to the unknown figure, and then walked toward me. But he couldn’t see me.
I then realized that it was Guybrush’s fault for leaving me like this. Wally obviously wasn’t shooting at us, because he was a friend with some of the other skeletons that he trashed. And when I floated near the ship, there was Guybrush.
I wanted to kill him. I wanted to murder him. I wanted to make him beg for his life.
I scared him. Hey, it’s the best I could do.
After jumping from my ledge, I attempted to startle him, but missed, and landed on my skull. I’m all skull!
Guybrush just a few words, and walked past me while I moaned in agony, and tried talking to someone in the crack on the wall. He was getting frustrated because man on the other side thought he was some kid playing tricks on him. I think it was the same guy who put me in here.
Then, something unexpected happened. Guybrush picked me up, and held me up in front of a light coming from a lantern. He encouraged me to “do my stuff”. I thought of every scary and frightening thing I could, and spewed it to this cowering mortal fool. I acted like I had magical and evil powers and finally scared the guy so much that he opened the door to the crypt. After that, I felt reborn, that I could scare people if I wanted to. Heck, I could do anything!
Guybrush put me in his huge pocket, and take it from me, this guy carries everything! Objects like glue to corks, pans to hammers, insurance policies to Big Whoop magnets. It was going just fine until we walked out of the crypt, and I bumped against a magic wand.
Instantly, I was out of the pocket, and on dirt ground, next to a photo frame, out of all things. When the wand went off, I must’ve been transported to…whatever this place is. All that I saw was dirt, but when I rolled over, I realized that I’m back where this whole mess started.
The Carnival of the Damned.