actually, they call us ďundeadĒ. Basically, Iím a skeleton who can still
walk and talk. Plus I get bonuses like eternal life. This happened almost
immediately after we passed through the lava in Great
Monkey Mountain at Big Whoop.
you donít know what Iím talking about, go back and read Chapter One.
after we all had our bodies mutilated, the coaster car slowed and stopped. A man
in a big monkey costume grumbled for us to get out and line up in rows.
Normally, we might ask questions, but the man had a bone saw.
see, when youíre stripped of your skin, you can become afraid of things you
might have laughed at when you were living.
a bone saw is very sharp.
we lined up in rows examining our new bodies. While we were doing this, one guy
fell over, and his head rolled off. He was still alive and his skull was
laughing, while his body was searching for its missing part.
told you already that we have eternal life.
man who looked like rotting flesh walked, or should I say limped, himself over
to the front of the rows. I later found out that this was LeChuck.
briefly said that we were now part of his army of the undead, donít try to
escape, youíre with me forever, blah blah blah.
didnít look like the talking type.
men didnít like the idea of being drafted. Weíre pirates! they would shout.
We want to do our own things! It was pretty useless though. No one defies
LeChuck, the big rotting corpse whoís now in charge of you.
used to have an army, but most of them were liquidated on Melee Island a few
years back. Thatís why he built Big Whoop to build and train his army.
not everyone who comes to Big Whoop is a pirate, LeChuck and his minions give us
basic training. Myself, I didnít need training. I did sign up for Advanced
Diabolic Pirate Lingo.
I looked for my class in the warehouse, which was disguised as an Employee
Lounge, I saw numerous courses labeled on the door.
to Break the Law (Beginnerís Course)
Pillaging a Town
The Sword and You
Navigation Made Easy
Flogging the Inner Child
Advanced Diabolic Pirate Lingo
Ah, thereís my class.
I took that class for two weeks, taught by a pirate named Sir Beltsalot.
And yes, he was covered in belts from head to toe. It was like he was afraid of
falling apart if one of his belts were loosened.
Beltsalot taught us sayings and terminology that youíll find in no phrase
book. He constantly said to say them with feelings that YOUíRE the boss and
everyone around you should be afraid. How to pretend that you have powers that
no mortal could ever think of. Every day, we got tests and quizzes to test us on
our ways of telling a guy that you could call on demons from hell and command
them to do your bidding.
got an A minus. Because, just BECAUSE I might sound more sarcastic than
Oh well, they said. Iíll just have to make do.
am I really ever going to need this? I just took the course for kicks.
two months I stayed on Monkey Island in the Big Whoop Carnival. Everyone pretty
much got along trying hard as heck to scare people and test out their newly
Then came Wally.
was NOT an undead skeleton, he was a human. A very short, red-haired human. Also
a cartographer. Somehow, he got past the roller coaster and signed up for the
I didnít trust him the moment I met him.
He was in one of those seminars that LeChuck was meaning to close down
but never got around to it. I was in the next room when he kicked down the door
screaming at the pirates to get back to work.
You see, some of the ďnewbiesĒ had to work at the carnival. It was a
very boring job, and some of them sneaked off to the seminars to raise their
self-confidence. And if they werenít working, that means fewer soldiers for
LeChuck, and if LeChuck doesnít get enough soldiers, then he canít send all
of us to rescue some girl he likes from an idiot. Name of Lielush Keepthood. Or
something of the like. Later, I found out his name was Guybrush Threepwood.
And yes, he is a moron. Sometimes.
LeChuck told us of his plan to marry the governor of Melee Island, Elaine
Marley. But she had fallen for this Threepwood fellow and LeChuckís goal is to
capture Guybrush and keep him somewhere so he can rescue Elaine from this moron.
That place, was Big Whoop.
LeChuck had paid some pirates to tell Guybrush about Big Whoop, making
him think itís a treasure and convince him to look for it. When Guybrush
eventually finds Big Whoop, he goes through a voodoo spell and thinks that
heís a child and then gives up the whole idea of pirating, thinking that
heís just a little boy.
LeChuck explained this very clearly to us.
About a week later, everyone had to clear out of the carnival. LeChuck
had just gotten word that Guybrush was coming closer and closer to discovering
Big Whoop. We loaded tons of treasure onto the ship.
portraits of LeChuck
brought all this to try and buy Elaineís love.
loading the treasure on board, equipped with our safety floaties, all of
LeChuckís undead army scrambled on board.
tight fit with over fifty skeletons plus one human.
So while we waited, LeChuck sent two scouts to find the location of
Elaine Marley. A week later, they returned saying that she was on Wonder Island.
LeChuck was angry. Thereís no such thing as Wonder Island, ye stupefied
skeleton, he yelled. And he ripped each guy in half and threw them into the sea.
Of course, they would live, but be disfigured for the rest of their life.
So basically theyíre stuck like that for the rest of their never-ending
yelled at the navigators to sail to Plunder Island, which was probably what the
two deformed pirates meant.
sailed for a few days, in search of Elaine Marley, the girl who LeChuck will
marry and live with happily ever after.