It doesn’t take
much time to change your life forever. For me, it happened in about three
seconds. But hold on; let me tell you a little about my EVIL self. My name is
Murray, and I am now sitting on a stool on Jambalaya Island outside Planet
Threepwood working as a greeter/bouncer.
Back up. My whole
journey of MALICE and PAIN started about four years ago.
My friends and
fellow crew, Ron and Tim, were pirates, just like almost everyone in the
Caribbean. We had a good life. A robbery here, a kidnapping there, and every so
often blackmail. We had just gotten back from Lucre Island with a shipment
of…well, lucre. As we cruised in our ship, The
Destructive Ferry, Ron had just received a flyer about a new carnival.
No, that was the
But, we didn’t
have enough time at the moment. We had a busy schedule! We had to ransack
villages, desecrate buildings, loot citizens of their valuables, and other
Beardhook, had given us a little shore leave. But the island where we spent our
leave was Scabb Island.
Let me just tell
you, that there is almost NOTHING to do on Scabb Island. We did find a bar
called the Bloody Lip Bar and Grill, which was pretty entertaining. A monkey
named Jojo played the piano while we drank our grog. The bartender kept mumbling
about how he hopes that ‘Largo’ doesn’t show up, because he doesn’t have
Our crew was
pretty lucky to get out of Scabb in time, because shortly after we left, some
short guy put an embargo on the island, which I heard was a LOT of money.
Anyway, Ron, Tim,
and myself were looking forward to getting more shore leave and head to Monkey
Island, where the Big Whoop Carnival is held. After all, what does a pirate long
for after months on the sea? As soon as he steps on that dock, what does he
No, not that, you
A family oriented
After five long
months working for Captain Beardhook, we deserved a break, and finally, FINALLY
we heard those words we longed for him to say.
“Set sail for
We sailed for
weeks until we saw the skyline of roller coasters on a small atoll on Monkey
Island. The Destructive Ferry sailed
into the port and we got in line for tickets. This place was BOOMING!
Two short hours
passed and we were admitted access to the park. A man in a lion suit greeted us,
and I think his name was Laughing Lion, but I could guess that the person inside
wasn’t. In fact, almost none of the employees looked happy. That is, except
for this big goof dressed in a dog costume, Dinghy Dog. He was the only happy go
lucky guy there.
Me, Ron, Tim, and
Beardhook got in line for the Great Monkey
Mountain, which was a roller coaster that went inside a giant monkey head. I
heard lots of screams coming from inside. Loud, bloodcurdling screams.
It looked like
Our coaster took
us through a few exhibits, showing an old man, a dead man, and a three-headed
monkey on Monkey Island, a ship crew, LeChuck torturing a man on a stretcher,
and a big snow monkey. Then, something unexpected happened.
The car swept out
of the cave, flew outside, and stormed down the mouth of the giant monkey head.
I could feel the heat already.
The moment that
changed my life came in an instant. The second before we plunged into the lava
filling the head, I knew we were done for. We splashed through.
including myself, felt downright unpleasant when that happened.
But then we came
out of the fiery lava still alive. We were okay! Something was wrong though.
Everybody was a