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Murray’s Story of Evil and Destruction
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Chapter 1: Becoming Undead

It doesn’t take much time to change your life forever. For me, it happened in about three seconds. But hold on; let me tell you a little about my EVIL self. My name is Murray, and I am now sitting on a stool on Jambalaya Island outside Planet Threepwood working as a greeter/bouncer.

Back up. My whole journey of MALICE and PAIN started about four years ago.

My friends and fellow crew, Ron and Tim, were pirates, just like almost everyone in the Caribbean. We had a good life. A robbery here, a kidnapping there, and every so often blackmail. We had just gotten back from Lucre Island with a shipment of…well, lucre. As we cruised in our ship, The Destructive Ferry, Ron had just received a flyer about a new carnival.

Big Whoop.

No, that was the carnival’s name.

But, we didn’t have enough time at the moment. We had a busy schedule! We had to ransack villages, desecrate buildings, loot citizens of their valuables, and other numerous jobs.

Our captain, Beardhook, had given us a little shore leave. But the island where we spent our leave was Scabb Island.

Let me just tell you, that there is almost NOTHING to do on Scabb Island. We did find a bar called the Bloody Lip Bar and Grill, which was pretty entertaining. A monkey named Jojo played the piano while we drank our grog. The bartender kept mumbling about how he hopes that ‘Largo’ doesn’t show up, because he doesn’t have much money.

Our crew was pretty lucky to get out of Scabb in time, because shortly after we left, some short guy put an embargo on the island, which I heard was a LOT of money.


Anyway, Ron, Tim, and myself were looking forward to getting more shore leave and head to Monkey Island, where the Big Whoop Carnival is held. After all, what does a pirate long for after months on the sea? As soon as he steps on that dock, what does he desire?

No, not that, you perverts.

A family oriented fun park!

After five long months working for Captain Beardhook, we deserved a break, and finally, FINALLY we heard those words we longed for him to say.

“Set sail for Monkey Island!”

We sailed for weeks until we saw the skyline of roller coasters on a small atoll on Monkey Island. The Destructive Ferry sailed into the port and we got in line for tickets. This place was BOOMING!

Two short hours passed and we were admitted access to the park. A man in a lion suit greeted us, and I think his name was Laughing Lion, but I could guess that the person inside wasn’t. In fact, almost none of the employees looked happy. That is, except for this big goof dressed in a dog costume, Dinghy Dog. He was the only happy go lucky guy there.

Me, Ron, Tim, and Beardhook got in line for the Great Monkey Mountain, which was a roller coaster that went inside a giant monkey head. I heard lots of screams coming from inside. Loud, bloodcurdling screams.

It looked like fun.

Our coaster took us through a few exhibits, showing an old man, a dead man, and a three-headed monkey on Monkey Island, a ship crew, LeChuck torturing a man on a stretcher, and a big snow monkey. Then, something unexpected happened.

The car swept out of the cave, flew outside, and stormed down the mouth of the giant monkey head. I could feel the heat already.

The moment that changed my life came in an instant. The second before we plunged into the lava filling the head, I knew we were done for. We splashed through.

Everyone, including myself, felt downright unpleasant when that happened.

But then we came out of the fiery lava still alive. We were okay! Something was wrong though.

Everybody was a skeleton.

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