“I really do
like the whole bow tie thing, Murray. It
brings out your eyes,” commented Guybrush en route to the party that night.
“Well it took
long enough to get on,” grumbled Murray.
“I had to glue it to my jaw bone, and I accidentally got my teeth
locked together for an hour.”
teeth?” Guybrush asked, confused.
his shoulders, or at least the attempt was there.
“I got dentures. Girls dig
a guy with a great smile.”
see ‘em,” encouraged Guybrush.
Murray offered a
toothy grin. “Eeeeeee,” he
know, Murray,” Guybrush teased, “that’s a bit cruel of you.
All those women are going to be ripping each other’s arms off to get to
you when they see how wickedly dashing you are.”
Guybrush,” Murray growled happily as they approached the doorway to the party.
“You really know how to flatter a body.”
“Or lack there
of,” reminded Guybrush.
It wasn’t so
much of a door as it was an entrance. In
fact, the whole thing resembled a half-sunken ship mired in mud.
because it IS a half-sunken ship mired in mud,” explained Murray in response
to Guybrush’s observation. Even
more foreboding was the bouncer, appropriately attired in a Grim Reaper hood,
and equipped with an ominous scythe.
“Have we met
before?” Guybrush asked him.
aren’t you?” the solemn voice returned.
Guybrush laughed weakly. “You’re
really getting into the part.”
sunk into Guybrush’s arm.
“Ow! Hey! What
was that for?” he hissed.
Murray glared up
at Guybrush. “For all you know he
COULD be the Grim Reaper. A lot of
celebrities show up at these conventions. So
play along. And one other thing,”
mistake so I can bite you again. I’m
really starting to like these teeth.”
obvious post-mortem appearance granted the two of them entry, and once inside,
Guybrush was immediately struck by the size of the room.
“This is bigger
than the Governor’s mansion! How did they manage to make it look so small
architects,” replied a voice close by. “They can hide anything.
Twice the real estate at half the taxed value.”
nodded Guybrush, turning to see who had addressed him.
She sat alone,
and for a gaunt, ashen-faced spook, she still looked pretty good.
Just like a supermodel, Guybrush decided.
“My name is
Amber,” she said, holding out one thin, sallow hand.
Guybrush remarked, taking it in his own to shake, all the while hoping that it
wouldn’t fall off as he held it. “That’s actually my mother’s name.”
coincidence,” purred Amber. “Are
you sure we haven’t met before? I
know! You must have been at Phatt Island’s Buffet Week last year.”
“Uh, no, I’ve
never been to the Buffet Week,” corrected Guybrush.
coincidence,” asserted Amber, still clinging to Guybrush’s hand, “neither
have I.” Her eyes, pale and luminously glazed over, stared deeply into
Guybrush’s. “I knew you were
different the first moment I saw you.” Her
glance swept over Guybrush’s nervous figure.
“Only a dead man with a most profound sense of humor would come dressed
like Guybrush Threepwood for a joke.”
“Just wait til
you here the punch line,” Guybrush murmured.
didn’t hear. “Why don’t we go
for a walk, someplace where we can be alone,” she suggested.
Her voice dropped lower as she leaned in closer.
“I know a lovely secluded tomb.”
great!” Guybrush heartily agreed. He
pulled Murray up to eye-level. “Whad’ya
say, Murray?” he offered enticingly. “Wanna go?”
Guybrush all but forced Murray into Amber’s hands, who held him
gingerly as though he would jump up and bite her.
honey,” Murray smiled, his teeth outrageously bared, “Why don’t you and I
go somewhere and neck? I know you’ve got no lips, and I don’t have a neck,
but I could tell you my plans for world conquest.”
was closely followed by a thwack and Murray’s cry of horror as he found
himself being propelled through the air towards the back wall.
Bouncing off of that he splash-landed in the grog bowl, which several
patrons were spiking with punch.
expectantly back to Guybrush. “Well,
now that he’s taken care of, why don’t we take that walk?”
Guybrush said hastily. “Amber is
actually my wife’s name.”
her cold mouth pursing itself. “And
is she going to be here tonight?” came the icy question.
expect her to appear at any moment,” Guybrush responded.
in the direction of the grog bowl. “I
need to go help my friend. Dying
once was bad enough for him.”
the dripping skull from the grog. “Thanks
for yelling help, Murray, I needed a good excuse to get rid of her.”
“I didn’t cry
for help, you PEA-BRAINED nitwit! I am ALL-POWERFUL! Besides, I was about to
drink the whole thing, why would I want help?”
across the table lifted a weary finger. “It
was me who yelled.”
“It was I,”
corrected Murray. “Not even the
dead can escape the chokehold of grammar rules.”
replied the skeleton. “I cried
for help because he was ruining the flavor.
This isn’t just grog. This
is Lockjaw Island grog, made with that special secret ingredient.
It was brought here special tonight by the crew of the Scab-Picker.”
disgusting,” Guybrush said wryly.
they’re scary,” shivered the skeleton.
“Why do you think there are so many undead folks wandering around
recently? It’s because they’ve been pillaging all the ships and
islands around Lockjaw as of late. And
for some reason, the victims are staying around, just like what LeChuck used to
do with people. There’s some
powerful voodoo floating about.”
“I’d like to
meet some of these fearsome buccaneers,” said Guybrush.
“See any in here?”
captain is the only one here right now, and he’s in a competition.
He won’t talk to anyone unless they can beat him,” pointed the
in that direction, where a large group of rowdy pirates were hollering and
cheering, waving grog mugs in the air emphatically.
the competition?” Guybrush asked, dipping a cup into the grog bowl.
“I might want to join.”
doesn’t sound so difficult; I’m wearing layers anyway,” Guybrush shrugged,
raising his mug to take a sip.
Strip Limbs Poker.”
The mug dropped
from Guybrush’s hands, the caustic liquid burning through the floor.
might be a little harder than I thought,” said Guybrush.