Written by Chris Ushko; Based on the
game created by Ron Gilbert, but with more plot twists
Deep in the Caribbean;
I sat on the beach by the fire with a couple friends I had made on
the island, Bart and Fink, two local slackers who really had nothing better to do. As we
roasted marshmallows (I THINK they were marshmallows) by the moon light, I told them the
great story of how I had defeated LeChuck. They were only too eager to listen, as long as
there was no fee involved.
"...And so I burst into the church and say, 'Now you're in
for it, you bilious bag of barnacle bait!', and then LeChuck cries 'Guybrush! Have mercy!
I can't take it anymore!!!"
"I think I know how he must have felt." Bart said,
spitting into the fire.
"Yeah." Fink said, "If I hear this story one more
time, I'm gonna be crying myself."
"Don't you have any new stories?" asked Bart.
"Well, actually, that's why I'm on Scabb Island." I
said, assuming I knew what I was talking about, "I'm on a whole new adventure."
"Growing a mustache?" Fink asked.
"No." I said, "Bigger than that."
"A beard?!?" he asked in excitement.
"No, I'm in search of treasure." I said, as far as I
knew anyway, due to my amnesia, "The biggest treasure of them all. A treasure so
valuable and so well hidden that it haunts the dreams of every pirate on the seas."
"You mean..." Bart and Fink asked together, "Big
"None other." I said.
"Then why'd you come here?" asked Bart, "There's no
treasure on Scabb Island!"
"Well, I didn't know that before!" I exclaimed, since I
didn't know it before Bart told me, "Now I'm trying to charter a ship and look some
place else. When I return, I'll have riches galore, and a whole new story."
"Or you'll have died trying." Bart sneered.
"Either way, we won't have to hear about LeChuck
anymore." Fink said as I climbed off the log I was sitting on and started heading off
into the island.
"Ha!" I laughed, "Those guys wouldn't know a good
story if they paid fifty bucks for it! When I find Big Whoop, I'll become a legend among
pirates for generations to come. If I could only charter a ship and get off this stinking
Part 1: The Largo Embargo
"So," Elaine said, "You're practically going to
tell me every detail about how you got here?"
"Well, yeah." Guybrush said, "If you really want to
know how I got here."
"I really don't think I want to know." Elaine moaned.
"No, it gets really good!" Guybrush said, "You
don't know what happened to me next! Listen!"
I came through the dense swampland of the island, and arrived at
the town of Woodtick. It was a pretty interesting place created by the reef. Mainly
because ships came and crashed upon the reef, and left them unusable. People had later
come, built sidewalks leading to these boats, and people established their homes within.
But as I came up to the bridge leading into town, I came into a little problem...
"Where do you think you're going, fancy-pants?" a voice
asked from below me. I looked down to see a short little ill-tempered midget with black
hair looking up at me. "You aren't from these parts, are ya? This here's a toll
bridge. You gotta pay."
"Who's going to make me, shorty?" I asked, positive that
this guy was just a minor obstacle.
"Tough guy, eh?" he asked. I suddenly found myself in an
awkward position as he grabbed me by the heel of my boat, and jerked me upside-down! By my
ankle, he twirled me around in circles over his head, my millions of pieces of eight in
loot just flying out of my coat pockets as he went! He grabbed me by the sides, held me
upside-down, and shook the rest of the cash out, then held me by the heel over the edge of
the bridge upside-down over the water!
"HELP!" I screamed, "POLICE!"
"Ha, ha, ha!" he laughed, "Scream as loud as you
want! There are no police on Scabb Island!"
"Then who eats all the donuts and roughs up the
transients?" I asked.
"I eats all the donuts, and I roughs up what need roughing up
on this island!" he exclaimed as he threw back over the rail of the bridge and face
first on the ground again. He bent over and collected as much of my loot as he could
carry, then kicked the rest into the water below where it sank to the bottom, never to be
seen by me again.
"Hey!" he said, "Yer loaded! This is my lucky
night!" He stepped on my face on his way out of the town, and turned back to me
saying, "Remember...wherever you go, on sea or on land, you can't ever hide from
Largo LeGrande!" As he strolled off intot he forest, I got back up to my feet and
wiped the sweat from my brow.
"Tough town." I said, "I guess I should've gotten
those traveler's checks after all." As I quickly overcame that ordeal and realized he
had robbed me of all the money I guess I must've worked hard for, I headed off the bridge
onto the boardwalk in town to look for signs of human life other than Largo. As I came
past a big boat turned on it's side, I heard whistling within. The door was left wide open
so I estimated that whoever was inside must be practically inviting people in. Or the door
was broken. As I entered, I met a tiny little red-haired man/kid who resembled a beanie
baby wearing a monocle, drawing about on a map on his table.
"Oh," I said catching myself, "Excuse me,
"Oh, yes." the little guy said, "Hi there. Can I
"Uh, maybe." I said, "I'm Guybrush Threepwood. Who
"Wally." he said, "Wally B. Feed. At your
"I don't to interrupt you or anything, but any idea where I
could hire a ship?" I asked.
"Well, you'd need to go to the far side of the island, "
Wally said, "and there you'll meet a man named...Captain Dread!"
"Yikes!" I exclaimed, "Sounds intimidating!"
"Not really, once you get to know him." Wally said,
"Of course, he can't take you anywhere until Largo lifts his sailing embargo. A tax
so high, even Dread can't afford it."
"Um, yeah, what's up with this Largo guy?" I asked.
"He's just the local hood--shakes down everybody in
town." Wally explained, "Nobody comes or goes from Scabb because Largo makes
them pay through the nose."
"Yeah." I said, rubbing my sore nose, "Tell me
about it. Um, Wally? I don't really want to bug you much more, but do you know anything
about Big Whoop?" I figured that if I had forgotten anything I might have known about
it, it might be good idea to try and refresh my memory.
"Uh-oh." Wally said, pointing his quill pen at my
throat, "Who sent you here? I should warn you: I'm heavily armed."
"I was sent by the IRS." I said, without thinking much
on that one, "Let me see your files."
"The who?" he asked, "You'd better not try for
files. All my research for Big Whoop is in there."
"Ah, so you do know something about it?" I asked.
"Well, I haven't been able to find out much hard
information." Wally said, "What do you know about it?"
"I know I'm looking for it and that's about it." I said.
"You mean, you never heard about the four men who buried
it?" Wally asked.
"No, tell me about them." I said.
"Well, all anyone knows for sure is that there was a
shipwreck." Wally said, "The Merchant Vessel Elaine went down in a terrible
"Elaine?" I said to myself, Wally not hearing a word I
"Only four crew members survived." Wally said,
"They washed up on a remote, deserted island. Some say it's name was Inky Island, but
I don't believe that. There's no such island. Anyway, that's where they supposedly found
"So what is Big Whoop that makes it so valuable anyway?"
"Whatever it was, it was so wonderful, or so horrible,"
Wally said, "that they never wanted anyone else to find it. So they took the map they
made of the island, and split it up among the four of them. And they all went their
"Wow." I said, "That's some story."
"Of course, it could just be an old legend." Wally said,
"But if I could just see the map of that island, I bet I could recognize the shape of
the island and track it down myself."
"Why is it you would you recognize it?" I asked.
"I'm a cartographer." he said.
"YOU DO OPEN-HEART SURGERY?!?" I exclaimed, "IN
"Oh, no." Wally moaned, "I'm the map-making sort of
"Oh." I said, "Is that all you do? Make maps?"
"Well, I do some restoration work too." he said, "I
paste them together, re-copy them, paint little cupids in the corners, you know,
Artsy-Fartsy stuff. You know, maps are very, very, important..."
"This map of Big Whoop, do you know where it is?" I
"There's four pieces to it, remember?" Wally asked,
"There's some kind of book at the Phatt City library that describes where they are,
but because of Largo and his lousy embargo, I can't go check it out."
"We could go together if we got rid of Largo!" I said,
"You wanna help?"
"Well, maybe." Wally said, uncertainty in his voice,
"Two heads are better than one I suppose. But I'm not going anywhere near Largo, you
understand. He'd probably dip me in the swamp or send me through the local
"Geez, I wish I knew what happened to my sword." I said,
"I could really use it right about now. Where do you get weapons around here?"
"Largo Inc." Wally said, "He's confiscated every
weapon on the island, other than a few measly knives, and is selling them for a large sum.
But it's cheaper than his embargo."
"Do you have any money?" I asked, "I go buy a
weapon from him and kill him with it!"
"Sorry." Wally said, "He's robbed everyone of their
money, though I suppose you could get a job down at the Bloody Lip Bar and Grill..."
"Hey, great!" I exclaimed, "I'll go see if I can
get the money! I'll come see you later, Wally!"
"See you later, Mr. Wood!" Wally said as I walked out
the door. Like Wally said, we needed to get rid of Largo, and I supposed that killing him,
or scaring him off with a weapon could come in handy. I came by a ship with the sign over
it called: The Bloody Lip Bar and Grill,' and a sign underneath marked "Help Wanted'.
This was the place! I headed down the stairway leading into the ship, where I saw a
bartender sitting behind a bar cleaning a glass.
"Bartender!" I called.
"Yeah, boy?" he asked.
"I understand you have a job opening..." I said.
"Oh, yeah." he muttered, "I should take down that
sign. The position's been filled. Sorry, boy."
"Well, shoot, I need the money to buy a weapon to get Largo
with." I said.
"Ha!" the bartender said, "To afford anything of
Largo's costs more than a years wages here, and it's even worse with my current
"Well, how is business?" I asked.
"It's just terrible." he said, "No one ever comes
down here anymore. Largo's got all my regulars spooked. You know, I can can mix any drink
there is, make anything you could name, but I can't make the one thing that could really
do this island some good."
"An all-night tattoo parlor?" I asked.
"A voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande!" the bartender
"YOU THERE!" Largo yelled as he came down the stairs.
"Uh-oh." Bartender said under his breath.
"Give me my usual!" Largo demanded, "And put it in
a real glass!!!" The bartender quickly leaned over behind the bar, filled up a mug,
and tossed it down in front of Largo. Largo grabbed the mug and chugged down the alcoholic
beverage. He threw away the mug and reared up his head, snorting as he went, and let loose
a huge wad of saliva go flying across the room, into my face! As I wiped off the spit,
Largo grabbed the bartender by the nose and threw him down to the bar, pinning him by the
"Fork over the dough, or you'll be serving Bloody Mary's for
a week." Largo ordered, "From your nose." The bartender reached under the
bar and lifted up a bag full of money, handing it over to Largo.
"That's all I have." The bartender whined.
"Well, you better have more tomorrow or we might have to move
this dump to a new location," Largo said, heading up the stairs and out into the
night, "Like, say, the bottom of the ocean? Ha, ha, ha." As I stowed away my
hanky full of spit into my pocket, I looked at the bartender who was moping, his head down
in his folded arms.
"Boy, you just gave him all your money?" I asked.
"I don't want to talk about it." the bartender whined.
"Hmmm..." I thought, then I noticed a little
advertisement on the piano next to me. I came closer to the piano. The sign read:
International House of Mojo; Curses; Potions; Voodoo Supplies; Fortunes Told, Free
Popsicle with every third visit; Inquire at the Scabb Island Swamp; First Job Free.' An
idea formed into my mind. It had taken me a voodoo potion to kill LeChuck, and it just
might work with this guy.
"Hold it." Elaine said, "You went off to a voodoo
house to get help? Then tell me why you did, and no one else ever did."
"Well, uh, er, that is..." Guybrush muttered, "I'm
coming to that part!"
"And how is it you're remembering every single thing you
said?" she asked.
"Um..." Guybrush thought aloud, "Actually, I'm
making up most of it as I go along. But you get a good idea as to what happened."
"Fine, continue with the long story." Elaine said,
"I can hang here all day." Guybrush stared back into the abyss below him and
continued his story.
I traveled across the island in search of the swamp, and after
several misguided journeys, I finally came to it. The swamp was damp and murky, and a lake
of sludge covered the ground, making passage to the huge skull-like shack in the center
unpassable. A sign nearby indicated that this must be the right place, and a coffin with a
rowing stick had been set in the water nearby for my convienience. Though finding it odd,
I climbed into the coffin and found it seaworthy. I paddled across the lake to the
underside of the shack where a platform raised beneath me, lifting my coffin up into the
house. Inside was all creepy, wheras spiders make their webs in every corner, strange
display potions were set about in the shelves, and a whole bunch of other creepy stuff
inhabited the area. As I climbed out of the coffin, a low female voice spoke.
"Guybrush Threepwood." it said, "It's been a long
time since you last came to see me." I entered the other room to meet a mystic voodoo
woman sitting in a snake-like throne, amidst some flaming torches.
"Do I know you from somewhere?" I asked.
"Ah, we often forget those who help us most." she said.
"We do?" I asked.
"It was I who told you how to do away with LeChuck." she
said, "I told you where to find the voodoo anitroot, and how to turn it into the
ghost-dissolving potion you needed."
"Oh, yeah, now I remember." I said, "Well, anyway,
I want to know what you could tell me about this Largo guy."
"He's a weak little man who bullies this whole island
around." she said, "Most people are afraid of him, because he was once LeChuck's
"But LeChuck's history." I said, "I got rid of him
"True evil can never be destroyed completely." she said,
"You will see."
"And why don't you just put a curse on Largo?" I asked.
"I tried." she said, "My most powerful magic lies
in voodoo dolls. But to make an effective doll, I need some items from Largo's person, and
no one's brave enough to get them for me."
"What kind of ingredients do you need for the doll?" I
"Are you willing to help me make one?" she asked.
"Uh, maybe." I said.
"To make it work, you need to bring me some personal
artifacts of the victim." she said, "One from each of the four basic voodoo
groups. Something of the Thread, Something of the Head, Something of the Body, and
Something of the Dead."
"Hey, that almost rhymes!" I exclaimed.
"For the thread, I need a piece of Largo's clothing,"
she said, "And a lock of hair will do for the head. Bring me a sample of fluid from
his body, and from his dead relatives, you must acquire some remnant of a corpse. Here,
take this shopping list." She handed me a voodoo shopping list.
"Thanks!" I said, grabbing it.
"Now go!" she exclaimed. I went racing wildly out of her
shack, hopping into the coffin, and speeding across the swamp! I hopped out of the coffin
and went running wildly over the hills, through the forest, through caves, around the
mountain, and arriving at the cliffs. I stopped at the cliffs and realized I had raced
clear across the island for no reason. Getting to mind, I hurried away from the cliffs,
and towards Woodtick.
I sneaked into the Swamp Rot Inn, noticing that whatever guard
creature was chained up here had broken away from it's leash, and that the manager of the
inn must have went after it, considering no one presented a problem for me breaking in. I
came past the desk and up to the only door. I put my ear to the door and listened. No one
inside. I check the knob. It was unlocked. I slowly opened and peered inside. The room was
empty. I hopefully had enough time to find what I needed.
Largo came strolling up the sidewalk outside, humming an annoying
tune. It had been an avaricious day for him and he wanted to get back home for sleep.
I checked inside the open drawer in Largo's dresser. All that was
inside was a pearly-white bra. Better than nothing. I crossed off 'Something of the
Thread' on my shopping list.
Largo started up the stairway leading into the inn.
"I snatched a toupee off this top of his dresser. This would
work nicely. I checked off 'Something of the Head.' Pocketing both items, I looked at my
watch. It was almost midnight. That's when ghosts came out (Or at least what my mother
told me). If I wanted something of the dead, I had to get in and out of the cemetary fast.
I headed for the door and was startled as the doorknob rattled from the other side! Largo
was back! I looked around the room for a place to hide. Nothing but a dressing screen, and
considering what I saw this guy wear, I didn't think I wanted to know what was back there.
The door started to creak open. I needed defense. I quickly grabbed a bucket of leftovers
from the floor and went leaping up into the air like a psycho as Largo came in! I came
crashing down on his head, jamming the bucket around that fat thing in a great big splat!
I fell backwards to the floor as Largo stumbled around cursing as he tried to pull the
bucket off his head.
"Hey!" he exclaimed as I rushed out the door, "What
the HECK? What's going in? Whoever did this is gonna pay! I can't get this thing off my
head! WHEN I GET THIS THING OFF MY HEAD, SOMEBODY IS GONNA BE REAL SORRY!"
"Maybe I shouldn't have done that." I said as I raced
out of town, "He looked pretty steamed."
Largo popped the bucket of old leftovers off his head, angrier
than electric eels in heat. His head and shoulders were covered in the remnants of his old
past crap lunches. He tossed the bucket aside and looked around for his assailant. He
glanced down on the ground and saw peices of leftovers all over the floor, and a foot
print in them. The footprints lead clear out the door and out of the inn. Largo started
I arrived at the cemetary. I still had ten minutes before the
ghosts came out, and I figured I had lost Largo. Grabbing a shovel by the gate, I headed
into the cemetary, disrupting a bunch of bats that were resting nearby. I searched on
every tombstone until I came to the top of the hill, where I found the following epitaph
on a stone: "Here lies Marco Largo LeGrande, Hell on Sea or on Land, the Good News is
he's Dead, the Bad News is he's Bred.'
"This is creepy feelin'." I said as I jammed the shovel
into the grave below.
Largo raced across the island, over hills, through the forest,
around the mountain, following the still-fresh tracks covered in leftovers. He would catch
up to his attacker soon enough.
Lightning flashed as I continued to dig through the grave. Things
were getting bad. I repeatedly shoveled out dirt, getting deeper and deeper. I checked the
watch. Only a few minutes until midnight.
Largo came upon the cemetary. The tracks lead through the gates.
He had the little twerp now.
I reached into the grave and removed the leg bone of his
"Ick." I said, scowling at it. The thing was dirty and
raunchy. A moment later, I heard a scream! Ghosts! Glancing towards the gates, I saw Largo
fighting off some wild bats who were just plain tired of being disturbed all night. As he
was shooing them away, lightning flashed again as I started to rapidly fill in the hole I
"Beat it!" Largo yelled, as he swatted away the flying
rodents. He hurried to the top of the hill where the trail of tracks faded, and a shovel
lay on top of a newly-covered hole in his grandfather's grave. He stared a moment, and
looked around. No one in sight.
"I'd swear on my grandfather's grave," he said,
"something weird is going on here." And with that, he started heading away from
the cemetary. A few moments later, I peered out from behind the tombstone. He was gone. I
checked my watch. A minute past midnight. I guess my mother was wrong, no ghosts. I pulled
out my shopping list and checked off 'Something of the Dead.' I was all set.
"Guybrush," Elaine said, "Collecting voodoo
ingredients for a doll hardly explains why you're here, dangling over an abyss, with Big
Whoop in your hand."
"I'm getting there!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Hold your
After my brush with possible near-death, I left the
watching for Largo, and made my way back to the voodoo shack, where I met the voodoo lady
awaiting my arrival.
"You're back?" she asked, "Have you brought me the
"I have his pearly-white bra, his toupee," I said as I
handed them over to her, "A hanky full of spit that he hucked upon my complexion, and
the bone of his grandfather. And let me tell you, these were not easy to get. If Largo
caught me, I'd be here handing these things to you with a prosthetic limb."
"Hmmm, the toupee isn't exactly part of his head." the
voodoo lady said, "Maybe I could get some scalp fragments from it." She fumbled
around with the ingredients.
"At last!" she exclaimed, "Now I can make a voodoo
doll to be reckoned with! Let me get my Juju bag!"
"Heh, heh." I chuckled as she fetched her bag,
"And for the ingredients," she said as she put them in
one by one, "A dandruff flake from Largo's Head, a single piece of Largo's Thread, a
drop of fluid from his Body, a single chip off the bone of the dead, and finally some
miscallaneous voodoo herbs and seasonings, including monosodium glutamate."
"My favorite cereal's packed with that stuff!" I
"This ought to be good." the voodoo lady said as she
finished filling the bag and started her voodoo chant, "Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who do
we assassinate? Largo! Largo! Yeah!" We waited moment. She raised the bag high over
her head. I looked around. Nothing seemed to be happening, until the darkish-blue hue of
sky outside turned pure black. I glanced out the window to see the sky completely covered
in black, no clouds, no stars, no anything. I backed away from the window as a blast of
lightning came shooting out of the sky, striking the skull shack! I went flying back
across the shask in a pile of voodoo supplies as the room glowed radiantly for a second or
two. I got up from the pile to see the voodoo lady still holding the doll.
"Wow, that's some voodoo!" I exclaimed, "Did it
work?" The bag exploded, sending me back clear across the room! I crashed into the
exact same pile as before. A doll fell out of the bag into the voodoo lady's hands.
"Yep." she said, tossing it to me as I climbed out of
"Hey!" I exclaimed, "That looks just like him!
Thanks, voodoo lady!"
"One more thing," she said, "Some of the
ingredients were not the optimum specimens. It should still work, but it will have a
limited range. You will have to get close to Largo. Very close."
"Uh, ok..." I said backing out of her room, "See
"I know you will." she said, "I've foreseen
"What else have you foreseen?" I asked.
"That you'd better duck." she said, waving me down. I
ducked as a fist came flying over my head! As I quickly got back up, a foot came up from
behind and tripped me down to my face! As I spun around, I came face to face with Largo!
"I saw you coming out of that
cemetary!" Largo said,
"And I followed you here! No one breaks into my room, steals my nightwear, throws
leftovers over my head, tracks mud all over my floor, digs up my grandfather's grave and
gets away with it!" He swing again at me, nearly knocking off my head, and knocked
the doll out of my hand!
"Ow!" he said momentarily as he struck the doll. The
doll went flying across the room into the wall. Largo's pain only lasted a second and he
attacked me again. The voodoo lady watched, not seeming to notice, but just staring ahead
as Largo tried to kill me. I backed up into something on the shelf which pricked into my
"Yee-Ow!" I yelled, jumping away and dodging another
attack by Largo. I pulled a pin out of my butt! I lunged at Largo with the pin, and he
stepped aside, causing me to miss and send myself into a pile of voodoo stuff.
"Is that your best?" Largo asked, "Come on,
moron!" I noticed the doll right behind him and made a run for it. He grabbed me by
the neck and threw me across the room. I went flailing to the floor and rolled onto my
"I could use a little help here!" I yelled to the voodoo
lady who ignored me and stared blankly ahead. Largo knocked aside a series of jars and
bottles from a shelf and grabbed a jar of Pirate-B-Gone.
"This'll teach you!" Largo laughed.
"That's only a display model." I said, "It won't
work on me."
"I didn't plan on using potions on you." Largo said,
"I was going to hit you with this!"
"Oh," I tried to get up, but it hurt too much. Largo
raised the jar over his head, and was ready to bring it down onto mine, when Wally came
flying in through the window and leapt onto Largo's face, knocking him down!
"Wally!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing
"Saving your butt, Mr. Wood!" he said, "I saw you
running past my door with Largo after you and came to help!"
"Quick!" I said, "The doll!" He grabbed the
doll and threw it to me! I grabbed the doll and quickly shoved the pin into it's back!
"OW!" Largo yelled, grasping his back in pain.
"Take that, you stumpy little dim-witted toad!" I
"What?" Largo asked, rubbing his back, and getting up,
"Who do you think you are anyway?"
"I'm Guybrush Threepwood." I said, "People don't
always recognize me, that's why I carry this!"
"I'm going to tear you from limb to limb!" he said as I
brought the pin down into the doll again! "OW! How you are you--OW!--doing
"Largo LaGrande, you are a no-good, vicious, two-bit
thug!" I said, "I command you to give us back our money and leave this
"Tell him, Mr. Brush!" Wally said.
"Ha!" Largo laughed, rubbing his sore areas, "I
already spent all your money!"
"Oh...well." I thought aloud, "I command you to
leave this island!" He rolled up his sleeves and started advancing towards me.
"Just you try and make--OW! OW!
OW! OW! OW!" he screamed
as I repeatedly jammed the doll with the pin. He hobbled away, headed for the window from
which he came in. I removed the doll as he disappeared out the window.
"That'll teach you to mess with the slayer of the Ghost
Pirate LeChuck!" I yelled. He came back through the window in shock.
"What's that?" he asked, "You killed LeChuck?"
"As a matter of a fact, I did." I said, "Quite an
interesting story, really..."
"The fortune-teller told me she did in LeChuck!" he
"She did, did she?" I asked looking over at the voodoo
lady, who was looking in the other direction and whistling, "Did she have one of
these?" And with that, I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my souvenir of
LeChuck's attack on me. A squirming piece of LeChuck's spectral beard which I found laying
around after the battle. Largo stared in shock at the sight of it.
"Is that..." he asked.
"Yes, LeChuck's beard." I said, "Still alive and
"Let me see that!" he exclaimed grabbing it away from
me, "Boy! It is alive! We've been looking for a living piece of LeChuck for years!
Now we can bring him back to life!" I lunged at him as he tried to get away, but my
face met floor!
"That has got to hurt." Wally said. Looking down at me.
"Get him, Wally!" I yelled. It was too late. Largo was
already making his exit.
"Look out world!" Largo yelled, leaping out the window,
"The most fearsome pirate of all time will soon sail the seas again!!!" I got up
to see him making a hasty escape through the swamp, moving swiftly through the trees and
jumping into his rowboat. He rowed out of the swamp and into the ocean with LeChuck's
"Whoops." I said.
"Oh, crap." Wally said.
"Aye, yi-yi." the voodoo lady mumbled.
"Well, don't blame me!" I exclaimed, "You're the
occult member here! Why didn't you do something instead of let me and Wally fight? Why
didn't you use some voodoo? Why did you let me show him that thing?"
"I told you, my most powerful magic lies in voodoo
dolls." she said, "You were the only with a voodoo doll. Unfortunately, a sudden
unpredictable turn of events prevented me from knowing that you would have the
"I wouldn't have shown it to him if he didn't think you
killed LeChuck!" I exclaimed.
"Everyone makes mistakes." the voodoo lady said.
"But what about that bringing LeChuck back to life?" I
"I'm afraid it's true, Guybrush." the lady said,
"If they have any animated tissed, they can reanimate his whole body."
"But I blew his body in a zillion gooey pieces!" I
"Not his body, Guybrush." the lady said, "You
destroyed his spirit form. His body was buried far away."
"But by now it must be..." Wally mumbled, then started
to get nauseous.
"Rotten?" she asked, "Partially decomposed? Yes.
And I don't think that's going to make him any more pleasant to deal with."
"He's going to be looking for me!" I exclaimed.
"Yes." she replied.
"He's going to try to kill me!!!" I yelled.
"Undoubtedly." she responded.
"Can you just kill me now and get it over with?" I
"You must try not to lose hope, Guybrush." she said,
"There is a way out."
"What is it?" I asked.
"You're doing it right now." she said.
"Fiddling with the change in my pocket?" I asked.
"Hunting for Big Whoop." she answered.
"Oh, yeah." I said, "I was doing that, wasn't
"Big Whoop isn't just a treasure." she said, "It
contains the secret to another world. Find that world and you'll be able to escape LeChuck
"But I know so little about Big Whoop..." I said.
"Take this book." she said, reaching in a trash can next
to her and tossing a fat red book to me. I looked at the cover. It read: "Big Whoop:
Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth?" "I checked it out at the Phatt City library. I
foresaw your need."
"That's the book I told you about!" Wally said.
"Gee, thanks!" I exclaimed, gratefully.
"I used your name when I checked it out," she said,
"So be sure and return it when you're through reading. I overdue fines in Phatt City
are pretty steep."
"Gee..." I said, ungratefully, "Thanks."
"Now the two of you must go." she said.
"Let's go, Wally." I said as we hopped into the coffin.
As I lowered ourselves down into the swamp again, Wally opened the book and read it aloud.
"This is fascinating!" he said as I paddled through the
swamp, "It says here there were four pirates: Rapp Scallion (the cook), Young Lindy
(the cabin boy), Mister Rogers (the first mate), and Captain Marley..."
"Marley?" I asked in shock, "I wonder if there's
"Yes." Elaine said.
"Yes what?" Guybrush asked, his arm beginning to strain.
"It was my grandfather who buried Big Whoop." Elaine
"Well, yeah." Guybrush said, "I figured that out by
As Wally said, the only place to hire a ship would be at Captain
Dread's, so following Wally's directions, we hiked across the island as he continued
"They buried their treasure along with--uh-oh--" he
read, "--booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island. They made a map
which they divided into four pieces, each taking one. Rapp Scallion later opened a
Steamin' Weenies Hut on Scabb Island. It was a huge success but fell into disrepair after
Rapp was killed in a flash fire. Young Lindy drifted aimlessly, down on his luck until he
mysteriously came into money while panhandling on Booty Island. He used the cash to
bankroll an advertising firm and later escaped from the law after his gross mishandling of
the Gangrene 'n Honey account. It was said he stowed away on a ship called the Mad Monkey
to avoid being arrested, and the ship later sunk, taking him with it. Mister Rogers
retired off the coast of Phatt Island. He marketed homemade contest grog brewed in a
bathtub until his recent disappearance . Captain Marley vanished while sailing in the
Amercia's Cup Race. His boat was leading at the time."
"And there's no clue where he or the map piece may be?"
"None." Wally said. I bumped nose first into a tall pole
and fell backwards.
"Ack!" I exclaimed, "It jumped right out at
me!" We looked up at the sign post which indicated we found Captain Dread's place. A
crooked dock lead the way over the water to an old boat in disrepair, being used as a
shack. We crossed over the dock, Wally pocketing the book as we went, and entered the
shack. Inside was Captain Dread, leaning against his wheel, looking bored. He was Jamaican
man, with a big red hat, dark skin, and long dreads poking out of his head.
"Natty dreads!" I exclaimed.
"Thanks, mon!" he said turning to me, "I'm Captain
Dread. What con I do for you?"
"We need to charter a ship." Wally said.
"You're in luck my friend." Captain Dread said,
"Rumor from Bart and Fink has it Largo's been run off the island, so I'm free to sail
again! The only problem is that you two don't look like the types that has twenty pieces
'o eight on you."
"Oh...uh..." I checked my pockets searching for any
loose change Largo may not have stolen.
"Actually, I have that much." Wally said emptying his
pockets, "This is the last of my cash."
"Well, mons!" Captain Dread exclaimed, "Consider my
"Great!" I said, "Where is it?"
"You're standing in it, mon." Dread said.
Part 2: Escape from Phatt Island
MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE CARRIBEAN, HIDDEN BY AN ENDLESS STORM, LIES
Largo marched through the mystic maze of corridors in LeChuck's
fortress. The surrounding crew of skeletons, what was left of LeChuck's crew from what
they decided to call: 'The Melee Island Incident', guarded the corridors and kept an eye
on Largo as he stormed through impatiently. He came to a huge door covered in locks. He
bashed in the door and as he stepped through, the skeletons behind began putting in a new
door. They were getting used to this. Largo came up to LeChuck's personal voodoo
practicioner, dressed in a purple robe and a purple face mask, carrying a
shrunken-head-on-a-stick. A voodoo man's favorite after-dinner treat.
"So, when are we going to ressurrect the old bloated
fool?" Largo asked him.
"LARGO!" LeChuck yelled from behind. Largo spun around
in terror as a large creature, that resembled LeChuck, only with a long black beard,
greenish decayed skin, and yellow eyes came up behind him. LeChuck stared daggers down at
Largo who cowered in fear.
"Oops..." Largo moaned.
"I'll ignore that comment just this one time, Largo."
LeChuck said, "Only because they tell me you've found Guybrush Threekwood."
"It's Threepwood." Largo said, "And I've found him
on Scabb Island, though he could be anywhere by now."
"Very good." LeChuck said, "No one gets the upper
hand on LeChuck without getting what he deserves. I want Guybrush brought to me, and I
want him alive. I am entrusting this to you, Largo. Do not fail me."
"Never, your voodoo lordship." Largo said, heading out
the door, then talking to the skeletons outside, "Come on, you stupid bags of bones,
we're going to set up a drag net on the Scabb-Phatt-Booty Triangle. Guybrush ain't leaving
that area without our knowing."
"Aye," LeChuck said, turning to his voodoo-in-chief,
"Guybrush Threepwood is finished. I need you to start building me a very special
"With pleasure." the voodoo master said.
"Hold it right there!" Elaine exclaimed, "I can
tell this is all a big lie! There's no way you knew exactly what happened at that time!
You weren't even there!" Guybrush stopped talking for a moment.
"Um, well," he said, "Sometimes, you just have to
"That doesn't explain how you knew what was happening over
there." Elaine said.
"Well, how do you know I wasn't there?" Guybrush asked,
"I could've actually been there, or had a vision, or maybe a friend of mine was
spying or something!"
"What was it?" Elaine asked.
"Uh, pirate's intuition?" Guybrush asked, Elaine rolling
her eyes, "Come on, it makes a great story! Anyway, I had just chartered my
We sailed over the sea in a old junky excuse for a boat. Captain
Dread knew his business.
"I'm off to find Big Whoop." I said to Wally.
"I know." Wally said. After a few moments of staring out
at the seascape behind us, we entered the cabin. Captain Dread turned to me.
"Welcome to the Jolly Rasta!" Dread exclaimed,
"Where do you want to go?"
"Uh, do you know how to get to Phatt Island?" I asked,
"I have a library book I really need to return, lest I want to pay an overdue
"And while there, we can search for Mr. Rogers' piece of the
map!" Wally said.
"That too." I said.
"Sure, mon!" Dread said, "To Phatt Island!"
And so, hours passed. Dread drove all over the sea, constantly
driving in circles. We found ourselves dodging manatees, mermaids, rocks, tidal waves,
mythological sea creatures, meteorites, Greek Gods, vampires, and an evil giant gerbil
names Gerby the Great, then we found Scabb Island again, and had to start all over. Hours
later, we found ourselves at the docks of Phatt Island. Captain Dread smashed right
through the dock and his boat came to a stop.
"Ahoy, mon!" Dread yelled, "We've arrived at Phatt
Island. Go out and enjoy yourself, I'll be right here."
"Thanks for the ride." I said, "Stick around, we'll
be back. Come on, Wally."
"Coming, Mr. Wood." Wally said as we hopped out of the
boat. We wandered along the docks and came past the library.
"I'll just be a second." Wally said, "I return this
book and see if I can find any more research on our search."
"Sounds good, Wally." I said, "I'll ask the locals
if they know anything about Big Whoop. As I wandered away, I came past a tall muscular man
with a helmet overlapping his eyes, and a sword dangling from his belt. He was looking at
a WANTED poster with the words GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD on it. On the poster itself was a
picture of someone that looked like me, but had a mustache drawn on him. Kind of ironic
how we both had the same name...
"Excuse me sir," the man said, stopping me, "Aren't
you Guybrush Threepwood?"
"That right." I said, "I'm the man who swashed the
Ghost Pirate LeChuck's buckles!"
"I'm sure that an interesting story," the man said,
"but we don't have time for that now. You'd better come with me. Governor Phatt would
like a word with you."
"Am I under arrest?" I asked.
"If you want to put it that way, sir, yes." the man
"Oh, all right." I said, "Let's go." As the
man walked off, I started hurrying back to my ship. He spun around, already having drawn
his gun and fired! I ducked as a bullet came firing past me. I got back up.
"Coming!" I said, hurrying back to him.
A few moments later, we arrived at Governor's Phatt's mansion. The
mansion stood large, painted in white with a red roof, and covered in flora from all
around. Inside was spacious, and mostly everything could be described as either plush,
marble, or expensive. Or all. I was taken upstairs into Governor Phatt's room, which was
nothing like the downstairs. Governor Phatt was probably the fattest thing anyone ever
saw, with about eight neck rings and crazy uncombed red hair. He laid in his bed which was
next to a huge wash basin, and a large pipe stuck out through the bottom of the bed for,
well, you know.
"Well, Mr--" Phatt began, then heard a loud ringing
noise, "Oh, excuse me." He turned to three large pipes sticking out through the
wall and opened his mouth as food came spurting out of the tubes into his mouth. He
swallowed, burped, and continued to talk, "Well, Mr. Threepwood, I can't tell you how
pleased I am to have you here as my guest."
"Would you like to hear the story of the time I blew
LeChuck's top?" I asked, "I'm assuming that's why I was brought here."
"Hahaha!" Phatt laughed, "Funny you should mention
LeChuck, as he's the reason I brought you here."
"I knew it, you wanted to thank me for getting rid of him,
eh?" I asked, "Well, no thanks are necessary. You see, I--"
"Perhaps you didn't kill him quite so throughly as you
imagined." Phatt said, "He seems perfectly healthy considering what's been going
"What do you mean?" I asked, "What's been going
"Largo and LeChuck's skeletal crew have been coming
around," Phatt said, "They're looking for you, under order of LeChuck."
"Oh-no!" I exclaimed as Phatt started to eat another
delivery of food from the kitchen, "LeChuck's back!"
"I beg your pardon, did you say something?" Phatt asked,
wiping his mouth.
"Could I hide out here for a while?" I asked.
"You can hide out until LeChuck comes to pick you up."
Phatt said, "You see, he's put a sizable bounty on your head. A bounty I intend to
"Oh." I said, "I guess that bounty would buy a lot
of bacon grease and pure fat, huh?"
"Why, you!" Phatt growled, "You can figure it out
while you wait in the jail for LeChuck to pick you up. Take him away!" The big tall
man behind me grabbed my arm and jerked me out the door.
"Yes, sir, Governor Phatt." the man said, "Come on,
you little weasel."
"I'LL BE BACK!." I yelled to Governor
So I was dragged back across the island, into the local jailhouse,
where I was thrown into a cell and locked up. The man on his way out, gave the key to his
cute little dog who stood guard at the door.
"Don't try to escape or anything." the man said,
"Walt will chew you to bits. Walt, I'll be back to relieve you at eleven." The
man left the jail cell and I plopped down on the mattress left out for me.
"Where's Wally when you need him?" I said.
"Who said that?" a female voice asked from the next
cell. I looked over at the next cell to see a pretty pirate woman with red hair pulling
down her blanket to see what was happening.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm Captain Kate Capsize." she said, "Who are
"My name's Guybrush Threepwood and I'm and mighty
pirate." I said.
"Right, so what are you in for?" she asked.
"Killing LeChuck, you?" I asked.
"Marketing my glass-bottom boat service without the Food Tax
on my prices." she said, "This is the last time I work on Phatt Island."
"How long you've been in there?" I asked.
"Two days." she said, "Frankly, I don't think
there's any way out of this cell."
"If only Wally was here, but Walt would bury him." I
said, "Hey, Walt's got the key! Here, boy! Gimme the key!"
"I've tried that." she said, "He's too
"I'm pretty good with dogs." I said, "Hey, Walt!
Woof-aroof-roo! Bark, woof arf keys?"
"Grrr." Walt said, "Bark woof, ruff LeChuck!"
"Roof!" I exclaimed, "Baroof-woof bark bow-wow
"Bark?" Walt asked, "Woof ruff?"
"What's he say?" Kate asked.
"He claims to be open to bribes." I said, "it's
hard to tell, with his accent and all." Kate looked around her cell and saw the
skeleton of a former prisoner. She snapped off a tibia bone and passed it over to me.
"See if he likes this." she said. I held it out through
the bars. Walt came over and drop the keys, snatching the bone from my hands. I reached
down and grabbed the keys.
"Good boy!!!" I exclaimed, petting him, "If anyone
asks, I drugged you, Ok?"
"Woof!" Walt said, laying down in a corner with his
bone. I unlocked my cell and forced it open, then headed over to Kate's, releasing her.
She hurried out of the cage and grabbed her things from a nearby desk.
"Thanks, Guybrush." she said, "Sorry if I don't
stick around, I have to get out of here. I wish there were someway I could repay you or
"Well, know that you mention it, I'm looking for map piece to
Big Whoop on this island." I said.
"You mean Mister Roger's piece?" she asked, "I
actually tried my luck in finding it too while I was here, with no such luck. If you
insist on finding it, there's a shack on the other side of the island where he used to
live, though his grandson resides there. That might be a good lead. For now, I'm gone.
Catch you around the turnpike."
"See ya, Kate." I said as she hurried off. I hurried
back through the town and located the library just as Wally was coming out carrying a ton
"Hey, Wally!" I yelled.
"Hello, Mr. Brush!" Wally said, "Look at all the
discount novels I found! They were just lying around for the taking!"
"Those are library books." I said. "They're always
around for the taking."
"Oh." Wally said, "Did you find out anything from
"Just that LeChuck's alive and is coming here for me." I
said, "We'd better find that map piece, pronto. There's a shack on the other side of
the island where it must be."
So we hiked off across the island, being efficient since LeChuck's
crew could be coming here any minute. After about ten minutes of hurrying, we arrived at a
large waterfall spouting down from an above hill, and on top of that hill was an old shack
among some palm trees, and a large gorilla statue.
"There it is." Wally said, "Let's see if the
proprietor will allow us entry into his residence."
"And while we're at it, ask the guy who lives here if we can
come in." I said. We climbed up the hill and crossed over a stone bridge leading over
the river that formed the waterfall, and came up to the house. Wally reached forward and
knocked. A moment later, a fat slob of a man, an old sot with a red nose opened the door
"Yes?" he asked, "What do you want?"
"Uh, we were wondering if we could come in for a minute,
Mr....uh..." Wally said.
"Rum Rogers." he said, "Why do you want to come
"Well, we heard about this guy who used to live here."
"I knew it." he moaned, putting his hand on his face and
shaking his head, "Look kid, I'm sick of you would-be treasure hunters
here. I just inherited this house two months ago, and every single day, all I've heard is
'**rap tap tap** Do you have a treasure here? **SLAM!** **Rap tap tap!** Do you have a
treasure here? **SLAM!** **rap tap tap** DO YOU HAVE A TREASURE HERE?!?' Augh!!! Why can't
you people just go away and leave a retired pirate in peace???"
"Pretty please?" Wally asked, "I won't touch
"I said NO!" Rum Roger exclaimed. I pushed my way past
Wally and came face to face with the old moldy breath man.
"Stand aside, Wally, I'll take care of him!" I said.
"Who are you?" Rum asked.
"My name is Guybrush Threepwood; prepare to die." I said
as I reached into my coat for my sword. A moment later, I realized I didn't have one on
"So you want to swordfight, eh?" Rum asked.
"Well, uh..." I muttered, still checking to see if I had
"Sword fighting is for wimps, weenies, and sissies." Rum
said. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Giving up so easily?" I asked, "Wow, this
adventure's a cinch!"
"I have a better way to solve this dispute, come on in."
he said as he motioned us into his house and closed the door, "Real pirates solve
their differences with a drinking contest."
"Drinking contest?!?" I asked as he shoved me into a
chair. Wally jumped aside as Rum Roger came past him carrying a tray of two mugs of grog.
He sat in the chair opposite me and gave me a mug.
"This is my special grog, it's just for contests." he
said, "Twice the alcohol, twice the calories. I hate having to use it."
"Um, listen, I've never been much of a drinker." I said,
"How about you, Wally?"
"Are you crazy?" Wally asked, "I get drunk even
"Well, uh, I guess it's gotta be me." I said as I
grabbed the mug.
"You drink, then me." Rum said. I held the mug up to my
lips and tilted my head back. I suddenly jumped off my chair, staring and pointed in the
direction behind Rum Rogers!
"Look behind you; a three-headed monkey!" I exclaimed.
"Where?!?" Rum asked as he spun around looking for it. I
quickly dumped the grog into a potted plant of his which died immediately, then sat back
down in my seat as he turned around to me.
"My mistake." I said, "I saw a mirror image of the
three of us and interpreted the three heads I saw as..."
"Ah, shut up." Rum said, "Now drink...oh, you
already finished yours. Well, my turn." Rum said as he held the grog to his mouth.
There was a moment of consideration, then he guzzled down the foul fluid. Wally and I each
made a disgusted face at the sight of it. Rum tossed the mug to the table and sat up
"All right." Rum said, "Looks like a tie." A
second later, he fell straight off his chair and landed on the ground, drunk as a skunk
and twice as smelly.
"Ha!" Wally laughed, "That'll teach him!"
"Now let's look for that map!" I said as I got off my
chair. We set about searching the area, looking behind the mirror, in the liquor cabinet,
under the table, in the barrel, etc.
"Boy, it sure is hidden well." Wally said as he leaned
against the wall. It sank in, triggering a mechanism that caused a section of the floor to
open, with me on top!
"ACK!" I yelled as I plummeted into the secret basement!
Wally rushed over to the hole and stared down into the basement, looking for me. It was
"Mr. Wood?!?" he called down, "Are you all
"Yeah." I moaned from below, "Hey, I found
"Really?" Wally asked.
"Nope." I said, "My mistake. Hey,
Wal? Come down
here and bring a light or something! I think I found something!" In moments, Wally
found a piece of rope and a lantern. He tied the rope to the table and lowered himself
into the hole, where he turned on the lantern. I could now see what was down here! A huge
still laid aside, and several bathtubs and jugs of liquor stood nearby. A skeleton as
inside one of the bathtubs.
"I think we found Rogers' brewery." Wally said.
"And I think we also found Rogers." I said, staring at
the creepy skeleton, who seemed to be smiling while holding a jug of liquor in his boney
left hand, "At least he died happy. Drunk, but happy."
"What's that in his other hand?" Wally asked, pointing
at Roger's boney right hand. Inside was a torn piece of paper. I yanked it (and the
skeletal hand) right off him and looked at it for a moment.
"This is it!" I exclaimed, excited, "This is the
"Wow!" Wally exclaimed taking it from me, "Three
more pieces and we're set! Let's go find them!" And with that, we started climing out
of the cellar.
Moments later, we arrived back outside, our eyes taking a moment
to adapt to the sudden light change.
"Finding this was rather easy." I said, "I hope the
rest of them are like that." We climbed down the hill and started heading back
through the jungle of the island, when we started hearing voices. The voices were chattery
and gnawy, and one sounded exactly like Largo.
"Don't worry, men!" Largo yelled, "He can't have
gotten far on this island!"
Wally and I exchanged looks in terror! Largo and the crew had come
after us! We quickly dove into the bushes as Largo came storming through, hacking away at
the foliage with his machete, and several skeleton crew members walking after him. Wally
and I kept quiet. Largo's machete hacked through our bush, and missed my face by inches!
We dove down lower and waited until they had completely passed. As soon as they had gone,
Wally and I rushed out of the bushes and raced back towards town while Largo and the rest
headed for the shack. We raced through the jungle and arrived shortly at town, only to see
a crew of skeletons surrounding our ship. One of them quickly recognized me.
"That 'im!" the skeleton exclaimed, "That's da guy
who moiderized LeChuck! After him!"
"What do we do, Wally?" I asked.
"Run." Wally said.
"You're a smart boy, Wal." I said as we raced back the
opposite direction, back into the jungle in horror, as the rest of the skeletal crew
charged after us. We scurried through the only trail we could find, and after a moments,
found it lead us straight back to the waterfall. Largo and the skeletons were trashing the
inside of the shack.
"Great." I said in dispair, "We're being chased by
skeletons in one direction, and in the other, a crew awaits to ambush us."
"We need more firepower." Wally said, "Other than
what we got."
"We don't have anything!" I exclaimed.
"Exactly my point." Wally said, "Come on, we stand
a better chance up at the shack than here!" Wally hurried up the hill with me in
pursuit, as the crew started hacking their way into the opening of the jungle. We stopped
at the stone bridge to see a skeleton on guard.
"You guys!" he exclaimed, "Stop or I'll
shoot!" He quickly extracted his gun! I made a run at him, and knocked him off the
bridge, grabbing his gun as he fell! He went tumbling down the waterfall and his bones
shattered on the rocks below! The ruckus caused Largo to poke his head out the shack's
"It's them!" Largo yelled. A bunch of skeleton burst out
through the door and stood ready to attack. Wally and I spun around to see the rest of the
crew hurrying up the hill, guns blazing and swords waving in the air. We stood at the foot
of the bridge trapped. Wally glanced around.
"The statue!" Wally exclaimed, "Shoot the
"I know you're stressed, but taking out your anger on an
inaminate object?" I asked.
"Just shoot it!" Wally ordered. I took a quick aim and
fired clear across the river, straight into the base of the gorilla statue that stood near
the shack. Largo and his crew jumped aside as the gorilla statue toppled straight over!
Wally and I hurried out of the way as the statue collided with the stone bridge, causing
it to tip over into the water! The rocks slipped apart from the bridge and collapsed into
a tightly sealed dam! The river hit the dam, the waterfall stopping, and split into two
rivers, both blasting straight out the sides! Largo and his gang were the first to be hit
by the water and were sent flying back into the shack, while the other half of the water
spray blasted into the pursuing crew of skeletons! Wally and I dove to the other side of
the dam and watched as our obstacles were blown away by the water!
"Now!" Wally exclaimed, jumping to his feet and me
following after him. We rushed down the hill beside the newly formed stream, through a
pile of angry bones and back into the jungle!
A few moments later, we arrived back at town, where Captain Dread
was still waiting for us, and a huge pirate ship was off in the distance. We jumped onto
Dread's ship and hurried into the cabin where he was waiting.
"Mon!" he exclaimed, "Where've you been? Those
fellows were asking for you!"
"Well, we're not asking for them!" I said, "Get us
out of here!"
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Anywhere but here!" Wally said, "Get us to the
farthest island from Phatt Island as you can, before the rest of the crew arrives at the
ship and come after us!"
"Right, mon!" Dread said, "To Booty Island!"
He shifted the gear into the reverse and jammed the accelerator to the floor! The boat
sped out of the docking bay and sped across the water, into the horizon, leaving the
deserted ship and the crew behind for Governor Phatt to deal with.
Part 3: The Third Chapter of this Story
MEANWHILE, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY...OOPS. WRONG STORY.
MEANWHILE, BACK IN LECHUCK'S FORTRESS...
LeChuck sat in his throne at his desk, waiting impatiently. It had
been hours since he had last heard from Largo or his Voodoo Priest. He brought his fist
down on his desk which jarred loose a special Voodoo Viewer Window to open up in his desk.
Through this wondrous piece of magic, he was able to contact Largo.
"Largo!" LeChuck scowled, "Where the devil are
you?!?" Largo's image fizzed into the screen. Largo was soaking wet, and he and a
group of skeletons were busy reattaching skeleton parts, trying to rebuild the crew. Largo
looked shocked at the sight of LeChuck.
"Captain LeChuck!" Largo exclaimed, "I wasn't
"You were expecting Errol Flynn perhaps?" LeChuck asked.
"In a swashbuckling episode like this, probably so."
"What happened?" LeChuck asked, "Where's
"Oh, uh...Guybrush?" Largo asked nervously, "Um,
yes! Guybrush! Well, you see, he isn't alone! Um, as a matter of a fact, he's got himself
a whole crew! They ambushed us and then caused a waterfall to backfire into us, or
something...then like, they rushed back into their ship and sailed off, leaving us to
die...uh...did I mention that they might have a piece of the Big Whoop map?"
"WHAT?!?" LeChuck yelled, "Do you know what happens
if he gets the entire map???"
"What?" Largo asked, trying to stick a head bone into a
"Well, he gets rich...but...oh, crap, there's something
else." LeChuck growled, "You just get Guybrush Threepwood and his crew and bring
them back to me. Don't let them find the other three pieces."
"Right, sir." Largo said, "They probably ran off to
"Booty Island?" LeChuck asked, "I was just told
that Elaine Marley is now Governor there! While you're there, could you see about
kidnapping her for me again?"
"Sure, boss." Largo said as his screen fizzed out.
LeChuck stared at the screen for a moment. Another screen came up. The Voodoo Priest
fizzed into screen. In the background, one could see the governor's mansion on Melee
"Ah, Captain LeChuck." the Priest said, "Things are
coming along well. I've already located a sample of his thread from Ex-Governor Marley's
bedroom, and a piece of his hair on the stairwell..."
"I'm pleased to know you are doing well." LeChuck said,
"But right now, we may have a bigger problem. I need you to prepare another special
voodoo concoction...only as a precaution."
MEANWHILE, OVER THE BOUNTY MAIN....
"No, Mr. Wood!" Wally yelled as I held him up over the
bow of the ship, "Put me back on the ship! I'm acrophobic!!!"
"Come on, I'm teaching you to fly!" I exclaimed,
"Whoa, I bet you're feeling like an academy-award winner, eh?"
"I'm feeling nauseous!" Wally yelled, "Put me
down!" With that, I set Wally back onto the ship, where he hurried away from me into
the cabin. I followed after him.
"Hey, Dread." I said to the captain, "Where are we
going again anyway?"
"Booty Island, mon!" Captain Dread said, "The
festive French, Mardi Gras, party-all-the-time island, run by the most respected governor
around, Governor Elaine Marley!"
"Elaine?!?" I exclaimed in shock, "Full speed
ahead! Floor it! Move this hunk of junk's butt!"
"Are you kidding?" Dread asked, "This is as fast as
it can go! Any faster and it'll fall apart!"
"What's the sudden rush?" Wally asked.
"Never mind." I said, "When we get there, you ask
around about the Big Whoop pieces, okay? I'm going on a 'business trip'."
A few hours later, the Jolly Rasta arrived at Booty Island and
parked just off the shore of the capital city of Booty Island, Ville de la Booty.
"Keep an eye out for Largo and the crew." I told Dread,
handing him the gun, "We'll be back soon."
"Aye, mon." Dread said, "While you're gone, I'll
just amuse myself with this Pop-Up Book of Rancors."
"Hey, that's mine!" Wally exclaimed.
"Come on, Wally!" I said as I hopped off the ship into
the town. I wandered out into the center of the town to see very little activity. A
Previously-Owned Coffin shop was placed nearby (and my sixth sense picked up Stan's life
sign; telling me to avoid that place), a Pawn Shop was also nearby, along with a costume
shop (which seemed to be closed for some reason), and several other buildings. An old man
next to a cannon was stationed nearby, looking out to sea.
"I'll be in the Pawn Shop if you need me." Wally said,
heading off. I stepped up to the old man.
"Hey!" I said, "Where's the governor's
"What did you say?" the man asked, putting up an
earphone, "Say it again?"
"I'm looking for the governor's mansion, old man." I
"The name's Augustus DeWatte!" the man snapped back.
"Whatever." I said, "For the third time, where's
the governor's mansion?"
"I fire this cannon whenever I hear the mail boat
coming." Augustus said.
"WHERE IS THE MANSION???" I yelled.
"Well, you're pretty rude." Augustus said.
"PLEASE, where is the governor's mansion?" I asked.
"Ya know, it's Mardi Gras all the time on Booty Island."
Augustus said, "That's french for 'Fat Tuesday'..."
"Listen, AUGUSTUS, will you PLEASE tell me WHERE the MANSION
is?" I asked angrily.
"Oh, on the other side of the island." Augustus said,
"All you had to do is ask."
"Right." I said wandering off into the island's jungle.
Moments later, I came up to a huge white mansion in the middle of
heavy jungle flora. Wild party music blared from inside and a gardener and his dog were by
the door. As I came up to the door, the gardener stopped me.
"Hold it." the gardener said, "Costumes and
"Um...this is my costume!" I said.
"Right." the gardener moaned, "You come as a
"No!" I exclaimed, "I'm a pirate! See the big
captain's jacket (I wish I knew where I got it), the beard, the boots?"
"Well, yeah, I guess no one would where that in public
without a reason." the gardener said, "But your invitation?"
"Your dog ate it." I said.
"Seriously." the gardener moaned.
"Listen, I used to go out with the governor!" I said,
"I'm her ex-boyfriend! I killed LeChuck! I drove Largo off Scabb Island! I defeated a
crew of skeletons on Phatt Island! Lemme in!"
"No invitation, no party." the gardener said.
"Well, maybe you'd like to hear about how I killed G.P.
LeChuck..." I started my story when he stopped me.
"Oh, for crying out loud!" he exclaimed, "Go into
the stupid party! Just don't go telling me stories! The governor's version of that story
is long enough!"
"Hey, thanks!" I said, heading into the mansion. As I
entered the ballroom, my mouth dropped in amazement. It was astoundingly small. And it
seemed like only ten people were invited, all in costumes. A couple made out by the
stairwell, blocking passage upstairs. Another couple guys were chatting about sexual
innuendos and how anyone in the room could be a chick in disguise. Two more people stood
by an eaten fish, toasting anything that came to mind, and four more people were arguing
"Hey, anyone seen Elaine around?" I asked. No one paid
attention to me. "I'm serious here! Maybe one of you are the governor? It's hard to
tell with all these crazy costumes." As I looked around the room, my eye spotted a
strange piece of art framed on the wall. I raced up to it and snatched it off. It was the
second piece of the map!!!
"Holy crow!" I exclaimed, "Captain Marley must have
given this to Elaine before his disappearance! I can't wait to tell Wally!" I hurried
out the door, pocketing the map piece, and completely forgetting about Elaine, and was
stopped by the bloodhound outside, who was continuously yapping at me!
"What's the matter, boy?" I asked in shock, "Smell
something? Uh...nice doggy?" The dog kept barking at me angrily. The gardener turned
from his post to look over at us.
"What's the matter there, Guybrush?" he asked.
"That crazy dog is trying to kill me!" I exclaimed.
"I was talking to the dog!" the gardener exclaimed,
"Who are you?"
"Elaine named her dog Guybrush?!?" I asked in
"Yeah, I don't get it either." the gardener said,
"It's not much of a name if you ask me. She says it's cause he's dumb and helpless
and keeps getting in the way...but he can sure sniff out the governor's possessions. Maybe
you should empty your pockets?" I realized the dog smelled the map piece on me! If I
was caught, I'd end up in another jail cell! I had to make a break for it!
"Try and catch me, old man!" I exclaimed, running off as
fast as I could! The gardener hurled the rake clear over my head and into my path, and not
watching where I was going, I stepped straight onto the rake, it's handle flying up into
my face, beating out a few permanent teeth, and knocking all consciouness out of my head.
As I fell backwards and went to sleep, the last words I heard were from the gardener.
"Oh, look out for that rake."
"Um, Guybrush?" Elaine asked, "Is this, by any
chance, the part where we meet?"
"Of course." Guybrush said.
"Well, is it neccessary to go through it?" Elaine asked,
"I mean, I was there. I know what happens."
"Hey, this is my story." Guybrush commented, "I'll
say what I want."
"And do you have to keep referring to me as Elaine?"
Elaine asked, "You're talking to me, so why don't you say things like 'you' when
referring to me? Is it neccessary to keep referring to me in the third person?"
"Yes." Guybrush said, "Anyway..."
As I came to, I found myself waking up on a carpet floor, and
looking up at the gardner, who was talking to someone.
"Governor, I caught one of your party guest making off with
your grandfather's map." the gardner said.
"Another would-be treasure-hunter, eh?" a female voice
answered, "Bring him in."
"In here, Guybrush." the gardner said, helping me up. I
entered the room to see her, Elaine! Elaine Marley! I had found her! The beautiful
brunette whom I had rescued on Melee Island, the lovely woman I had lived with, the---OW!
All right, all right! I'll tell the story! Geez, you can get touchy, can't you, Elaine?
"Guybrush!" Elaine exclaimed, "Guybrush
"The one and only, sugarbear!" I said, running in to hug
her. She jumped out of the way over to the gardner, who handed her the map piece. She took
a look at me and sighed in disgust.
"Of all the parties, in all the houses, "she said,
"on all the island in the Carribean...he had to crash mine."
"We'll always have Melee Island." I said, doing my best
Bogie impression, "Here's lookin' at you, kid."
"Why do I feel black-and-white all over?" Elaine asked
"It's destiny, honey cakes!" I said in a mushy voice.
"Don't talk to me." Elaine said, turning away to the
"Snugglepuss!" I exclaimed, coming closer.
"Get lost." she said.
"I'm warning you...."
"Maybe I should go rake the back forty." the gardner
said, hurrying out the door.
"Boy," I said, "We haven't been like this
"Since I quit my job and moved away without leaving a
forwarding address?" Elaine asked.
"Was that what happened?" I asked, "Gee, I
"Guybrush, can't you take a hint?" Elaine asked,
"We were a mistake. I thought we had an agreement..."
"Aaahhh...." I whined.
"Please don't do that." Elaine said, "Our love
isn't meant to be."
"Maybe not yours..." I said, "But mine. I'll leap
out this window to prove my love!" I hurried up to the window and flung it open. I
stood on the sill and looked back at her.
"Here I go, Elaine!" I said, "Don't try to stop
"I won't." Elaine said.
"I'm jumping..." I said, holding one foot out the
"That isn't going to work on me." Elaine said.
"Rats." I said to myself. The windowsill snapped. I went
plummeting off the windowsill by accident and smack dab into the ground. I laid flat on my
back, staring up into the sky in a dazed sense. Elaine leaned out her window and stared
down at me.
"A maiden in the window, and the guy on the ground."
Elaine said, "Sounds too Shakespearean to me, and you're definetely no Romeo. You
"Fine." I squeaked, mostly paralyzed, "Very fine.
Got any Tylenol, sweetie-pie?"
"Oh, Guybrush." Elaine said, looking down at me with a
smile, "I know I shouldn't have anything to do with you, but there's something about
your weakness and ineptitude that I find infectious." I lifted myself slowly off the
ground, slightly hearing a snap somewhere on my person, and looked up at Elaine.
"Does that mean you're going to let me have the map
piece???" I asked in high hopes. Elaine's expression dropped and she got that angry
look that made her look cute.
"That map!" she exclaimed angrily, "Is that what
this is all about? I should have known better! If the map's all you care about..."
She flung the map piece out the window, the wind carrying it off
across the island!!!
"Then you'd better go fetch." And with that, she closed
the windows shut. I stared in horror as the map went flying out of sight. I looked around
for aid, and only saw the dog, Little Guybrush.
"Guybrush!" I exclaimed, grabbing a fallen vine off the
ground and tying it around his collar, "You can sniff out the governor's possessions!
Can't you! Go fetch the map, boy! Go get the map!"
Guybrush didn't do anything. I gave him a kick. It wasn't a
"Go, or I'll tell you how I killed LeChuck!" I
exclaimed. Guybrush leapt to his feet and raced across, pulling me off my feet and racing
through the jungle at warp speed, after the map!
"WHOA!" I yelled as I flew behind, holding tight to the
leash, my feet not even having a chance to touch the ground! I went flying into trees! I
went crashing into rocks! I went through a mountain! Guybrush's sense of smell was homing
in closely on the map piece in record time!
"Keep going, boy!" I exclaimed. We rushed through the
village, going past Wally!
"Mr. Brush! We...!"
"No time for talk, Wal!" I said, going past him, and
straight out of town! Up ahead I saw the map piece through a hole in the dense jungle
canvas. We rushed out fo the jungle, and Guybrush stopped in his tracks, sending me flying
over him and straight at the map! I grabbed it in mid-air!
"I got the map!" I exclaimed, then started to fall. I
stared down the cliff I was been flung over and fell straight down to the thrashing waves
Everything went red.
I didn't know what happened, but it was neat! I stood up and
walked across the red ground I had appeared on.
"Do not attempt to adjust your color!" I exclaimed to
unseeing eyes, then I saw two people coming towards me.
"Mom! Dad!" I exclaimed as I looked at them, "What
are you doing here? I thought you abandoned me!"
"We didn't abandon you." Mom said, "We dropped
"We're here to give you information, son." Dad said.
"Oh, really?" I asked, "What is it?"
"Well, we're going to give it to you in the form of a
song." Mom said.
"But, mom!" I exclaimed, "I don't have time for a
song! I have to get out of wherever I am and go find the Big Whoop map!"
"I guess we could just tell you." Dad said, "Son,
did I ever teach you the Perfect Spit?"
"No." I said.
"It's been handed down from Threepwood to Threepwood."
he explained, "All you have to do is visualize your target and spit in the
"That's it?" I asked, "LeChuck's loose and I'm on
the lam, we have to find two more pieces before he finds me, and you're teaching me to
"Yes I am." Dad said, "You never know when you need
to spit. Now we have to hurry away right now."
"Bye, son!" Mom said as she and dad raced off. I hurried
after them, but stopped.
"Wait!" I exclaimed, "Where are you going?"
"BWAHAHAHA!" A loud voice burst out from behind me! I
spun around to come face to face witht he decaying green face of the Zombie Pirate
"LeChuck!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing here
"Returning the favor!" LeChuck exclaimed, "You
killed me, now I kill you!"
"No!" I exclaimed, "This has to be a dream!"
"Actually, yes, but don't worry, it'll be over in a
moment." LeChuck said, drawing his sword and bring it down on me!
"OW!" I said as it hit me head on that head!
"Come on, wake up, kid!" Augustus said, poking me in the
head with his earphone. Opening my eyes, all colors were normal. I realized I had washed
up on the shore of the beach of the town, my mouth full of sand, and I noticed the map
piece in my hand.
"Wow, whatta dream." I said, getting up, fully awake,
"Man, oh, man, Augustus, how long was I out?"
"Your friends ran off with your other friends moments before
you washed up." Augustus said, "And they kidnapped the Governor!"
"WHAT?!?" I exclaimed, turning to the sea, "What
other friends?!? Hey! Where'd Dread's ship go?"
"One short guy and thirty dead guys came along looking for
the killer of LeChuck," Augustus said, "After kidnapping Govenor Marley, they
kidnapped your friends too!"
"Largo!" I exclaimed, "He's captured Elaine, Wally,
and Dread! Where'd they go?"
"Um, that way." Augustus said.
"Which way?" I asked, "Point! Ah, forget it! I need
a boat! I have to go rescue them! I think."
I looked around desperately in panic. Nothing that could help me.
No boats in sight. I then noticed a sign up in Stan's window advertising Water-Proof
Coffins on Sale.
"Stan!" I exclaimed, rushing into Stan's
Previously-Owned Coffins! Stan came rushing up to me, at the sight of a customer.
"Howdy, partner!" he exclaimed. I fought my way past
him, forcing him into a coffin before he could lay any selling gimmicks on me. I slammed
it shut tightly on him and searched for a water proof coffin.
"Hey!" Stan yelled, "I can't get the lid
"That's your problem." I said, finding a nice large one,
similar to the one that the Voodoo Priestess on Scabb Island used. I rushed out the door
dragging it behind me, and down to the beach where I tossed it in the water. Grabbing a
paddle I found on the sand, I hopped into the coffin and immediately started paddling it
away from Booty Island.
After a couple of hours of paddling, I found my arms growing weary
and the heat searing into my head. I dropped the paddle and fell back in the coffin. I was
going to die in a coffin. How ironic. I guess I should have waited until Augustus actually
got around to pointing out directions.
I yelled, "Down here! Help! Guybrush Threepwood in trouble! Help!"
Someone answered from above.
"Hey, Largo!" the skeleton yelled, "He's over
here!" Largo came rushing over to the edge of the ship with a crew of skeletons by
his side, all pointing guns at me.
"Yeah!" Largo exclaimed, "That's the guy! Throw him
in the hold! LeChuck's waiting!"
"Ah, geez." I said to myself, considering the irony,
then I had an urge to do something, "I can't resist." I withdrew my voodoo doll
and pin and stabbed it a couple times.
"OW! OW!" Largo screamed in pain.
Part 4: Elaine kicks butt
Well, I had sent myself into a trap. My search for Largo's ship,
Elaine, and my friends had resulted in me being captured, my seaworthy coffin blown apart,
and me being trapped in the hold, as Largo and the crew took me to LeChuck's fortress.
Everything I had was confiscated, including the map pieces, and the voodoo doll, not like
it would fight the rest of the crew, but I loved watching Largo suffer. Down in the hold
was wet and damp, with only a few crates to sit on, a lantern, and a rat. Captain Dread
and Wally had already made themselves at home, while Elaine sat in the opposite side of
the room, her back turned from us, as if pouting.
"She's been like that since we arrived." Dread said.
"Elaine?" I asked sensitively, approaching her.
"She said she wanted to be left alone, mon." Dread said.
I noticed Wally was stumbling around, as if in darkness.
"Wally?' I asked.
"My monocle!" Wally exclaimed, "Where'd they put my
monocle?!?" Wally ran into a wall.
"You know, I can't believe they sunk my ship. mon!"
Dread exclaimed, "I had only one more payment on it!"
"Mr. Wood, are we going to die?" Wally asked, "I'd
hate to die blind!"
"We're doomed." I said, "Unless we get out of here.
Hey, Wal? If we do get out of here, where do you think the other map pieces are?"
"This is hardly the time or place to discuss this."
Wally said, shooing away the rat, "I need to find that monocle! It must have fallen
off in here or something!"
The hatch for the hold slowly opened.
"All right, which of you guys are..." the skeleton
"Him, mon!" Dread exclaimed pointed at me, "Us,
we're just Dread and Wally! He's the guy you want!"
"Traitor." I mumbled.
"Ah, good." the skeleton said, "Largo wants to see
the two of you."
"Us?" Wally exclaimed, "Does he know where my
"No, we wants you because you're deadweight." the
skeleton said, "Beepwood and Marley are all we want. Now get up here."
Two skeletons came down and seized Dread and Wally! I couldn't let
that happen! I jumped to my feet, and sent a swift karate kick to the skull of one
skeleton, knocking it's head off! I then karate chopped the ribs of the other! I then put
on my jetpack, dropped the bomb, grabbed Dread and Wally, and warped off the ship
"Guybrush?" Elaine asked.
"Yeah?" Guybrush asked.
"Where the heck did you get a jetpack, and a bomb?"
Elaine asked, "And where did you learn karate?"
"Um..." Guybrush muttered to himself, "As I was
saying, two skeletons burst into the hatch and suddenly grabbed Dread and Wally! I jumped
to my feet in a lame attempt to rescue them, but was thrown back to the floor with a sharp
blow to the head with a bony hand..."
"Save us, Mr. Brush!" Wally yelled as he was dragged up
the ladder by the two grotesque skeletons. I lunged up after them, only to ram my face
into the hatch as it closed in on me!
"Wally!" I yelled up after them, "Dread! Oh,
crap...Elaine!" I rushed over to her, "Elaine, you have to do help me get out of
here! They're going to kill Wally and Dread.
She didn't answer. I looked at her straight in the face.
"You're not Elaine!" I exclaimed looking at the face,
"You're a dummy! Where's Elaine?"
The stuffed dummy didn't answer. Apparently, Elaine had already
escaped. Meaning I had to too. I rushed up to the hatch and pounded on it. No one
answered. I pounded my fist on it several times, only resulting in massive bone fractures.
I climbed down the ladder and looked around the hole. Just crates, a rat, and a lantern.
"Hey...what's in the crates?" I asked myself, going over
to pry them open with my numb hand. I lifted the first lid to find it empty. I opened the
second one to find it empty. I opened the third one to find it...empty.
"Well, this causes a major problem." I said to myself,
"I could use the lantern to burn open the hatch, but that would take me with
it." I went back to the hatch and pounded on it.
"Hey, quit it down there!" A guard yelled.
"Hey, you!" I yelled, "Let me out!"
"Not a chance, Threepwood." the guard answered.
"I'm not Threepwood!" I said, "Uh, I'm someone you
left in here with him!"
"Elaine, right?" the guard asked.
"No, I have a man's voice!" I cried,
"I'm...uh...it's Dave, man! Lemme out!"
"Dave?" the guard asked.
"Yeah!" I exclaimed, "Lemme out!"
"Dave's not here, man." the guard answered, "Wait a
second. You sound like Threepwood."
"I'm not!" I exclaimed, "Open the hatch and
see!" A moment later, the hatch latch started to shake. As it started to open, I
forced myself into it, causing it swing open forcefully into the guard above! His skeletal
head went flying across the room as I burst out of the hold! I looked down at the head,
and the body that was searching around for it.
"Hey, you're Bob!" I exclaimed, "Remember me? I
could've sworn I disintegrated you with root beer when I last saw you!"
"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't." Bob said,
"Listen, could you direct my body over here? I need my legs back."
"Maybe later." I said, "I have to save my friends
and find Elaine!" And with that, I raced up the ladder leading to the upper decks.
I arrived at the top deck, to find myself among the entire crew of
skeletons. Fortunately, their interest was placed on Wally and Dread who were tied up and
standing on the end of the plank, where Largo was threatening them with a sword. Elaine
was nowhere in sight. Perhaps she had never been caught in the first place. Perhaps she
had, escaped, and is still lurking somewhere on this ship...
"Any last words?" Largo asked.
"Yes, mon." Dread said, "I like to thank all my
friends and relatives who helped me live this long, and I'd like to present an especially
long speech for each and every one of them. First there's my Great, Great...."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Largo moaned, "Just jump!"
"Where's my monocle?!?" Wally asked angrily.
"Hey, mon, look!" Dread exclaimed.
"I can't!" Wally said.
"Mr. Threepwood's come to rescue us!" Dread exclaimed,
seeing me across the ship.
"Mr. Wood!" Wally exclaimed, "You've come to rescue
All the skeletons turned towards me. I grinned a stupid grin and
"Yes, Wally." I said, "I came to rescue you, but a
pint-sized cartographer and a Jamaican ship captain screwed up my whole rescue
"What jerks." Wally said. Immediately, all the skeletons
aimed their guns and swords at me!
"YEEHAH!" Elaine screamed as she came flying out the
crow's nest, her sword bared and ready! She landed among the midst of skeletons, and in
seconds, fought several of them into bone piles!
"Elaine!" I exclaimed, "You're here!"
"I know!" she said, still fighting, "Just go rescue
Wally and Dread!" I raced through the crowd as the skeletons were being pummelled by
Elaine and pounced upon Largo, pushing him onto the deck! He grabbed me by the collar and
threw me over his head, through a porthole, where I landed in the captain's cabin! I
landed against a safe which burst open at the moment of impact. Two parchments of paper
floated down into my lap, along with a round glass object.
"The map pieces and Wally's monocle!!!" I exclaimed,
"What a coincidence!" As I got up, putting away the things, I forgot about
Largo. He grabbed me again and threw me through the door! I landed among the skeletons
again, who collapsed upon me as Elaine knocked them over! I squirmed out from under in
time to see Largo pushing Dread and Wally off the plank!
"This keeps getting worse and worse!!!" I exclaimed,
squeezing out from under the skeleton pile and leaping off the plank after them!
I dove through the water surface and swam after Dread and Wally
who were rapidly sinking through the cold water. I had ten minutes of air, but their lungs
weren't as developed as mine. I grabbed onto the squirming Wally and immediately set about
untying his hands and legs. His bonds slid off easily and he quickly raced back up to the
surface.I turned to Dread who finally hit the ocean bottom and quickly set about untying
his bonds. Fortunately, slip knots were easier to untie than I expected. He quickly shot
back towards the surface. As he swam off, my eyes noticed a strange shape ahead of me. My
curiousity got the best of me, and instead of going up with my friends, I swam towards the
shape which, as I came closer, turned out to a huge sunken galleon, with the letters 'MAD
MONKEY' spread on the bow of the ship, where a huge monkey figure was. The Mad Monkey!
This is the ship that Young Lindy sank on! I swam towards it, just missing the anchor of
Largo's ship as I went. I ! ! swam onto the deck, where I saw plenty of skeletons laying
about, one of which, was in cabin boy clothes. Young Lindy! I graverobbed the skeleton,
searching its pockets, and coming up with the third map piece (and a strange slimy
substance), hidden away in a coat pocket! Perfect! Now all I had to do was evade Largo's
crew and find the last map piece...Largo. Crap, I had to get back up there!
As I surfaced, I found myself swimming next to Dread and Wally,
who were looking up at the entire crew who were just throwing Elaine overboard. Largo
stepped up among and sneered down at me.
"I don't care what LeChuck says!" Largo says, "I've
had enough of you guys! Fire at will!"
"Wait!" I exclaimed, "All you have to do is shoot
and it's all over! We've caused you enough suffering, right? Why not desert us in the
middle of the sea to die?"
"What?!?" Wally exclaimed.
"He's snapped, mon." Dread said. Largo thought for a
"Sounds like a trick...nah." he said, "All right,
but in a few days, or hours, depending on whether your arms and legs give out, or you die
of starvation, you're all going to wish you;d been shot. Weight the anchor, Murray."
"Way to go, Guy." Elaine said.
"Weighing anchor, sir!" Murray said as he strolled over
to the crank for the anchor. I motioned for Wally and Dread to back away from the ship as
the anchor came up. There was a loud screeching sound from the anchor.
"What is that?" Largo asked.
"The anchor doesn't seem to want to come all the way
up!" Murray said.
"Keep cranking!" Largo ordered. Murray shrugged his
shoulder bones and tried his hardest on cranking up the anchor. The bottom of the ship
smashed open and the ship lopped over!!!
"What's going on?" Wally asked.
"I hooked the anchor onto a large piece of the galleon down
below!" I explained, "I figured it would be large enough to breech the
"Way to go, Guy!" Elaine exclaimed happily.
We watched as ever skeleton on the ship panicked, going overboard,
and Largo clinging to the rail. The ship slapped down onto the water and skeletons quickly
sank, having no skin or muscles to help keep them afloat! The ship slowly went down with
screams and everything.
"Wow." Dread said. Largo burst out of the water with a
gun and aimed it at my head.
"It's over." Largo said angrily.
"Something's happening, isn't it?." Wally said,
"Where'd that monocle go???" Suddenly, a small ship drove into the back of
Largo's head, running him over and driving him underwater! We looked up to see Captain
Kate peering over the edge of her glass-bottom boat at us.
"Whoa, mon!" Dread exclaimed, "That's a fine
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "It's you...uh...Mybrush!
What are you doing out here?"
"It's Guybrush!" I corrected her, "Now what are you
doing here? Have you came to rescue us?"
"Heck no!" she exclaimed, "I was on my way to Scabb
Island and...ah, geez. Why don't you guys get up here before you catch your deaths of
hypothermia?" Kate helped the four of us out of the water and into her glass-bottom
boat (which she probably ordered out of a comic book). I slipped Wally's monocle back onto
his eye and he smiled happily, being able to see again. We all looked through the glass
bottom and watched Largo and his crew fidgeting around underwater. Largo was constantly
banging on the glass.
"Well, that's about all I need to see." I said,
"Kate, take us to Scabb!"
"I'm the captain here, not you." Kate said.
"You'e been demoted, Guybrush." Elaine said. The four of
us sat on a bench outside while Kate drove us back towards Scabb.
"Well, that's definitely a change of events from governing
all day." Elaine said.
"So is anyone going to give me credit for this rescue?"
"What for?" Dread asked, "Governor Marley did all
"Yes, I did." Elaine said.
"But I untied you guys when you were underwater!" I
"She would have done it eventually." Wally said.
"Ah, man!" I said in frustration, "I save the day
and still lose the girl!" Elaine gave me a peck on my cheek.
"I suppose it was brave of you to come anyway." she
said, "I'm still on Booty Island if you ever need me."
"YAY!" I exclaimed.
"So what do we do when we get back?" Wally asked.
"Well, hey!" I exclaimed, pulling out the fragments of
paper I had, "I have three map pieces already! One more and we can go find Big
"Three pieces?" Wally asked, "Fantastic! And I
think I know where to find the last!"
"Hey, mons?" Dread asked, "I am still here, and
you're ignoring me, even though I've lost my business and home."
"So where's the last piece?" I asked.
"Rapp Scallion was last in possession of it." Wally
explained, "It might in his weenie-hut...or in his grave."
"Whoa, please let it be the weenie hut." I said.
"No home, no job, no life." Dread said sadly, "You
people have ruined me! You and your stupid adventures!"
"Shut up, Dread." Kate said, "You want a job? Start
cleaning the glass."
"Aye!" Dread said happily, grabbing a sponge and a
bucket of water, and starting on cleaning the glass bottom.
Part 5: A Visit from LeChuck
Once again (Yawn) back at LeChuck's...ah, you know the place...
LeChuck entered his office again. After countless hours of pacing
in the hallways outside (what else is there to do), he was eager to know what was up with
the bounty mission. He turned on his voodoo Viewer Window and a vision of Largo, soaking
wet, outside his office door appeared. LeChuck slammed down the window and threw open the
door to look down at Largo, dripping on the carpet.
"LARGO?!?" LeChuck screamed, "WHERE'S
"Oh, uh...Guybrush?" Largo asked sheepishly, "Ah,
yes, well, there's more of a problem here. His crew..."
"Enough of his crew!" LeChuck exclaimed, "Word has
it it's him, some midget, and a black guy running loose around the Carribbean!"
"Well...you see..." Largo stopped talking for a second
to rub his neck in worrying, "First we kidnapped his two friends (and Marley like you
asked) hoping to lure him to us, which worked, then we threw him in the hold while we were
delivering them to you, but stopped to get rid of the other passengers, and in that time,
Guybrush escaped the hold, Marley stormed the crew, and then Guybrush rigged the anchor up
to something which shredded a hole in our ship, then someone came and rescued them, so you
can see it's not our fault."
Largo stopped talking and glanced up at the huge looming figure
over him with terror in his eyes. He grinned a stupid grin at LeChuck and slowly started
"Did I mention you look great for a guy who's been dead for
years?" Largo asked. LeChuck growled started rising out of his ears. With a swift
blow, he sent Largo flying across the room. Largo smashed into a wall and slid onto the
floor in pain. He slowly got back to his feet in a daze.
"No more bumbling henchmen!" LeChuck exclaimed, "If
you want something done, I have to do it myself!"
"Uh, I could add that we could have just killed him on
sight," Largo explained, "But under your orders, we kept him alive long enough
to escape. Why don't we just shoot him when we see him? Then all these problems with him
would be over!"
"True." LeChuck said, "But my problems with him are
more than just him having killed me once. There are things even you don't know about
between us. Things far more personal than you would ever imagine...get my private ship
ready. We're going to storm Scabb Island before this night is through."
Night had fallen again as we hit shore of Scabb Island again. Kate
had offered to give Elaine a ride back to Booty Island, along with Dread who was now an
employee of hers. Wally and I headed back into town. I gave Wally the pieces I already
"I'll see what I can do with these." Wally said,
"Who knows? We may not need the fourth piece at all."
"Well, none the less, I'd better go look it." I said,
"Meet you back at your house later."
And so, with only one piece left to find, I headed off across the
island, in search of Rapp Scallion's old Weenie Hut. As I remembered, I had last seen it
while talking to Bart and Fink the other day, so I headed off to the beach. I arrived to
find the two of them still sitting on their logs and roasting marshmallows. I walked up to
them and sat down on the other log.
"He's back." Bart moaned.
"Hi, guys!" I exclaimed, "Wanna hear about the time
I kicked LeChuck's butt?"
"No!" Fink exclaimed.
"Well...got any more marshmallows then?" I asked.
"We don't have any marshmallows." Bart said.
"Then what's that white puffy thing on the end of that
stick?" I asked.
"That's the stuffing for behind my eyepatch." Bart said.
"We're sterilizing it." Fink said.
"Oh." I said, "Listen, I've got a great story
already lined up for you guys that involves betrayal, romance, action, adventure,
drinking, and suicide missions! It's going to be great, but first I need to find Rapp
Scallion's map piece..."
"Where are ya gonna look?" Bart asked.
"I was going to search the Weenie Hut." I said.
"Just like all the others?" Fink asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Rapp Scallion was ready to take his secret of Big Whoop to
the grave with him." Bart explained, "When he was cremated by the kitchen fire,
word has it, he had the piece of the map on his person, which was cremated along with
"Oh-no!" I said in shock, "Now what do I...you're
not making this up, are you?"
"No way." Fink said, "If you want that map, a
little voodoo is in order. You'd need to break into the crypt and rehydrate Rapp's remains
with a voodoo concoction of Ash-2-Life. Or you could use the alternative..."
"Which is?" I asked.
"Legend has it that the ghost of Rapp haunts his crypt,
spreading fear into the hearts of those who wish to steal back the map piece." Bart
said, "It is said he will not rest until he can be sure everything in his life is
secure, meaning the map piece and anything else that was important to him in life. If
someone were to appease the spirit's eternal soul, he would be eternally grateful and
serve whoever would help him. Of course, it's just a legend. Still...no one has ever been
in the crypt since Rapp's death. You never know what's a legend around here."
"You guys wanna help me?" I asked, "We could head
down to the graveyard and break into the crypt together! Wouldn't that be fun!"
"Nah." Fink said, "All this talk about ghosts and
stuff is creeping me out."
"Then I guess I shouldn't tell you that LeChuck's been
ressurected?" I asked.
"Keep that to yourself please." Bart moaned.
"All right, fine, I'm heading off." I said, getting up,
"See you guys later?"
"Let's hope not." Fink said, "Uh-oh. Bart! Your
stuffing's on fire!" As they stamped out the fire, I headed off the beach, back into
the Scabb Island jungle.
A long hike over the hills, through the foliage, and getting lost
a couple of times, I came back through the gates of the graveyard where Largo had tracked
me down earlier. It was a little more lively here, though. Three men of lower moral fibre
(pirates) were busy digging a grave by the crypt. Well, only two men anyway. The other
seemed to be asleep. I walked to the grave being dug and glanced down at them.
"Hi, guys." I said, "Overtime?"
"Uh, nah." the leader said, "This is our normal
shift. Not bad pay though."
"We're trying to earn enough to buy me a new rat." the
short guy said.
"Do you guys know anything about this crypt?" I asked.
"Just that it's been sealed off." the leader said,
putting down his shovel, "They say Rapp Scallion's ghost haunts the inside."
"Yeah, well, could you help me get in?" I asked.
"Are you nuts?" shorty asked, "We've got a grave to
dig here! We need to get this finished!"
"What's so important?" I asked, "It's not like it's
future occupant is going to be mad."
"Good point." the leader said, climbing out of the
grave, "What do you need again?"
"To break into Rapp's crypt." I said, "Do you think
you could break it open?"
"Ah, sure." the short guy said, carrying the fat lazy
sleeper out of the grave, "Help me with this guy." The two men lifted up the
third guy, straining under the weight.
"Clear the way!" the leader shouted as the two raced at
the door! I jumped out of the way as they raced past, and they rammed the sleeper's head
directly into the crypt door, smashing a huge crack into it! They dropped the guy to give
their arms a rest.
"Isn't that going render him unconscious?" I asked.
"Don't worry, he's already unconscious." the short man
answered, "Well, I hope that helps, we need to get back to work."
"Thanks, guys!" I said as they hopped back into the
grave. I pushed open the cracks in the door and slipped through. Several coffins laid
about, but only one stood out, where a crack in the ceiling allowed light to shine in on
it. I found this odd since it was dark outside. I walked down the steps of the crypt to
the coffin. Placing both hands on the lid, I wiped away the dust, revealing the words
'Rapp Scallion' on it. Taking a deep breath of hope, I raised the lid, only to find...a
pile of ashes.
"I'm sure the map is in there." I said, "All I need
is patience and glue."
I fell backwards a burst of wind escaped from the coffin and flew
into my face! I stared up at the strange phenomenom as it settled over my head.
"Who dares disturb my peace?" the white cloud asked.
"My name's Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a pirate." I
"Nice to meet you." the cloud answered, "Now, get
out of my crypt before I haunt you to death."
"You're the ghost of Rapp Scallion?" I asked,
"Great! Listen, do you think you could give that map piece to me?"
"If that was my intention," Rapp said, "I'd be like
'Here's my map piece! Go enjoy yourself while I stay here and be forever tormented!"
"Well, maybe I could help." I said.
"Um, are you ever going to run away?" Rapp asked.
"No." I said, "I'm not easily scared. I'm the one
that kicked LeChuck's butt."
"I see." Rapp said, floating to the other side of the
crypt, "Perhaps you could help me. There's something in particular, that I must know,
lest I be forever tormented not knowing, and I cannot leave the premises of this crypt to
check on it myself."
"What is it?" I asked.
"Are you willing to retrieve this information?" Rapp
"Yes!" I exclaimed.
"Could you go check on the Weenie Hut?" Rapp asked,
"I think I left the gas on."
"Gas?" I asked, "Hey, no problem!"
"Great!" Rapp exclaimed, "By the way, did I mention
"Cursed?!?" I asked in shock.
"Yeah, a side effect of breaking into my coffin." Rapp
explained, "Sorry about that. It can be broken, just go check on the gas for
"A curse!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, listen, you'd better hurry." Rapp said, "You
have five minutes to live; make that four. Sorry for the explanation."
"Ah, crap!" I yelled as I raced out the door and out of
the graveyard! With only minutes to live, I have to something! I hurried out into the
jungle, over the hills, around the mountains, getting lost a couple of times, and finally
arriving at the beach.
"He's back." Bart said.
"No time to talk, guys!" I said, "I have three
minutes to live!"
"Sounds like a good story." Fink said. I hurried into
the Weenie Hut that was on the beach, throwing open the door as I went, only to enter a
room filled with a greenish atmosphere. Glancing around and smelling the air, I released
the gas was on indeed.
Over the hills, around the mountain, through the jungle, and
getting lost a couple of times, I ran across the island at breakneck speed, finally
rearriving at the crypt, where I jumped down the steps to meet the whitish cloud that was
"You were right, Rapp." I said, "The gas was on.
Now, listen, I have two minutes to live..."
"Did you turn it off?" Rapp asked.
Through the jungle, over the hills, around the mountain, and
getting lost a couple of times, I raced across the island at twice of breakneck speed! My
lungs were ready to burst and my legs were giving out! I was hoping by my next adventure,
should I survive this one, I'd be given a moped or something to travel by! I rushed onto
the beach, not even saying hi to Bart and Fink. I hurried into the Weenie Hut and dove for
the dial on the stove, shutting off the gas. I checked my watch. I had a little more than
a minute to tell Rapp. As I hurried out, Bart and FInk were putting out another fire on
the end of Fink's marshmallow stick. He swung it about wildly and it went flying off the
end, across the beach and into the Weenie Hut! The residue gas ignited and the Weenie Hut
shattered into a huge explosion behind me. I stared at the disaster in shock for a moment,
then realized I still had a time limit.
Around the mountain, over the hills, through the jungle, and
getting lost a couple of times, I finally hurried back into the cemetary! Only ten seconds
left as I checked my watch! I leapt over the grave being dug and threw myself through the
door of the crypt! I went rolling across the floor and crashed right into the coffin.
Rapp's spirit hovered above me.
"The curse!" I exclaimed, "Lift the curse!"
"It's been lifted the moment you entered the crypt."
Rapp said, "So I take it the gas been shut off, thus preventing any future disasters
and saving innocent?"
"Well...any FUTURE disasters, sure." I said, "So
where's the map piece? I need it now!"
"It's in that pile..." Rapp said, moving towards the
pile of ashes in his coffin, "Hang on. This part is tricky." He floated into the
ashes and started glowing brightly. A rolled up piece of paper came popping out of the
light! I caught it mid-air and unrolled it to reveal the final piece!
"This is it!" I exclaimed, "Thanks, Rapp! How did
you do that?"
"When you're dead, everything seems so simple." Rapp
said, "Did you know that time-travel is so simple, a child could figure it out?"
"No." I said, "But anyway, I need to get
"Actually, you'd better stay here." Rapp said.
"What?!?" I exclaimed.
"Until I get back." Rapp said, "I need to go check
on the Weenie Hut to see if you really did shut off the gas. If you didn't, I'll come back
and crush you. But stay here, right? Because my powers are only effective in the crypt and
if you run away, I'll never be able to get revenge if there's anything wrong with the
Weenie Hut. So stay here, Ok?"
"I promise." I said, grinning. Rapp's spirit disappeared
into the cold of night and I walked out of the crypt and back to the town of Woodtick with
the final map piece...
Wallly sat in his office going over the three map pieces we had
found. He carefully sketched out the map onto a cleaner (and dryer) piece of paper, adding
every detail he took notice of with a quill pen. I came storming into his home waving the
final map piece around.
"The piece!" I exclaimed, "I got it!"
"Really?" Wally asked as I set it down onto the table.
"Can you make heads or tails of it?" I asked. Wally
glanced over the four pieces.
"Hmmm..." He said, "Very interesting..."
"Can you put it all together into one map?" I asked.
"Already started." Wally said, showing me the clean
paper he was working on, "I'll be finished in no time!"
"Excellent!" I exclaimed.
"Um, Mr. Brush?" Wally asked, "Could you run an
errand for me? I need you to go back to the International House of Mojo and ask the
fortune teller if my love potion is ready. I forgot to ask when we were there
"Love potion?" I asked, "We're on the verge of
discovering the world's greatest treasure, and you're worried about love potion! Geez!
When we find Big Whoop, women will be all over you! You don't need love potion right
"Please?" asked Wally.
"Oh, Okay." I said, heading out the door.
"I'll try to have this done when you come back!" Wally
I headed off across the island again, returning to the voodoo
shack across the swamp. I climbed out of the coffin and came to up to the fortune teller
who was sleeping. I poked her in the arm and shook her gently.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, "Wake up!"
"Huh...?" the voodoo lady asked, waking up, ",,,Oh.
"Wally sent me to pick up some love potion." I said,
"Oh, Ok." the voodoo lady said, reaching behind her
throne, "Tell him I said to enjoy, but to be careful. It's powerful stuff. Wouldn't
want that little guy getting hurt."
"Thanks." I said, as he gave me a pink Juju bag with
things inside, "I'll--"
"Wait!" she exclaimed, going into a weird hypnotic
trance, "I just felt a sudden disturbance in the Force, as if a tiny, tiny voice just
called out in fear...and then hastily scratched a message in a table! I think Wally's in
"His monocle probably fell off." I commented.
"...and I think LeChuck has something to do with it."
"Uh-oh." I said, backing off, "I'd better go check.
Moments later, after another race across the island (I was getting
really tired), I reentered Wally's office, to find the table thrown over, papers
scattered, his bed in splinters, and the maps on the wall, scorched. Slowly, I walked
through the debris in shock and astonishment. I looked at the table and turned it over
face up. Right there, scratched out with a quill pen, faint letters reading...
"LeChuck." I said.
"Something's bothering me." Elaine said, "Why is
LeChuck kidnapping everyone but you?"
"He's a busy pirate." Guybrush explained, still clinging
onto the rope, "He has more important things to do than find me specifically. You
know, islands to plunder, treasure to find...."
"All right, then." Elaine said, rolling her eyes,
"Listen, I'm getting tired of hanging here, listening to you tell me this story. Can
you hurry it up, or say, can I just get you out of here?"
"Hey, you wanted a story, you're getting a story!"
"Fine, I suppose I should be punished for forgetting to feed
Little Guybrush last week." Elaine said, "Go ahead."
I rapidly returned to the voodoo shack to tell the voodoo lady
about this disaster.
"Gone!" I exclaimed, "He and the map are gone!
LeChuck has them both!"
"Are you more concerned about Wally or the map?" the
"Uh..." I muttered, "...um...huh...hmmm...Wally, I
"Well, it's obvious you must find him!" the lady said.
"Where?!?" I asked, "Monkey Island?"
"No, his fortress within the Forbidden Circle of
Storms." the lady said, "You know...oddly enough...after you left to go check on
Wally, I received an order for a crate of voodoo supplies to be delivered to LeChuck's
"What are you suggesting?" I asked.
"The crate is outside." the lady said, her eyes stared
off blankly, "On the shore of the swamp. That should help you."
"Help me what???" I asked, irritated.
"Guybrush, you don't have any time to waste!" the lady
said, "I can offer you no more help. Your destiny is in your own hands now...be
"Wait a second!" I exclaimed, "This is my third
visit! Where's my free popsicle?"
A white light blinded me! It faded out and was outside, on the
shore of the swamp. I saw the shack across the way, and the lights within went out. There
was no way to return to it considering I left the coffin inside. She ripped me off! No
popsicle...well, considering I didn't pay her for her services, I guess I didn't deserve
it. Turning around, I noticed a large crate laying on the shore. It's address reading out
the destination of LeChuck's Fortress. I realized this was the only way there, if I really
wanted to find that map, and Wally too, I guess. I carefully lifted the lid, and slipped
inside, closing it shut. Everything was black.
"I think there's something moving in here." I said. I
heard voices approaching from outside . The crate shook a bit.
"Hey, Rich!" a man called out, "I could use a hand
with this one. Looks like another box of live snakes."
"Sounds like it too." another voice spoke.
"Well, let's get it on the truck!" the first voice said
as the crate was lifted up, and carried away with me inside...
Part 6: LeChuck's Fortress
"What a truck?" Elained asked Guybrush.
"Beats me." Guybrush said, "But that's what I was
loaded onto anyway. And so in the crate of voodoo supplies that would be my home for the
next five days and nights, I was forced to eat bat lungs and eel bladders to stay
Eventually, me and the rest of the slithering cargo were delivered
to the very door step of the Caribbean's most fearsome villain, living or dead, the Zombie
Pirate LeChuck! The Fortress was a dreaded view from the outside, a ten story concrete
complex, made out of stone, claws, human bones, and other things that you thought only
existed in nightmares...
The crate was dropped and I woke up to hear voices. One of which,
"Ah, LeChuck's crate of voodoo supplies." Largo said.
"You know," one of the delivery men said, "we don't
usually deliver out this far..."
"You guys bucking for a tip?" Largo asked.
"Well, we figured since..."
"Well you figured wrong!" Largo exclaimed, "LeChuck
don't tip no body!" And with that, I heard him storm away.
"Gee..." one of the men said.
"...What a butt." the other finished. I listened
carefully as they headed off. As their footstep's sounds grew faint, I carefully raised
the lid of the crate to a blinding light which took me a moment to adjust. Looking around
and seeing no one, I climbed out of the slimy crate into the vast slimy corridor that
reeked of death. Bones of the dead lay everywhere and a stairway lead up to the upper
levels of the Fortress.
"Ick." I said, looking back at the crate, "I hate
"Join the club." Indiana Jones said as he swung past on
his whip and crashed straight into a wall. Ignoring him, I checked my coat to make sure I
still had everything, then, summoning up all the courage I had, I carefully headed up the
stairway into the fortress.
More odd than I could imagine, there were no guards posted about
in the horrid hallways, making my search through it incredibly easy. I came through a huge
ugly doorway of skulls into a large dungeon area, lit by three candles mounted in a human
skull on the wall. I slowly entered the dungeon, and came up to a large cage built into
the wall with iron bars blocking entry (and exit). Peering inside....
"It's Wally!" I exclaimed, "Wally! Over here!"
Wally was dangling off the ceiling off the inner cell by two manacles attached to his
wrists. He swung freely, his feet not even touching the floor.
"Mr. Brush?!?" he asked in amazement, "Is that
"Are you all right?" I asked.
"It was horrible!" he exclaimed, "They abducted me
in my office, brought me here in a duffel bag, interrogated me, tortured me, then
"What, what?!?" I asked.
"They took away my monocle for awhile." Wally said
"I see." I said, rolling my eyes, "The map! What
about the map?"
"Oh, LeChuck's got it, but who cares?" Wally asked.
"Who cares?!?" I asked in shock.
"Yeah, I memorized the whole thing before he took it."
Wally said, "It's on an island called Dinky, not too far from here. After you bust me
out of here, we could steal a boat and go there!"
"Ok, stand back, I'm going to bust down the door!" I
said, backing up.
"What, are you nuts?" Wally asked, "Go get the key!
He probably keeps it in his office down the hall."
"All right, I'll go get that key!" I said, heading off
down the hall, "Hang in there, Wall! I'll be right back!"
"Hang in there." Wally said, "Funny."
I climbed the stairs out of the dungeon and found a hallway
leading higher into the complex. Keeping quiet, in case a skeleton was right around the
next corner, I hurried throughout the Fortress, down several passages, and finally coming
upon a huge massive wooden door with locks all over it. There was no way for me to open
all those locks, even if this is a story, so, after studying the door carefully, I managed
to squeeze through the mail slot, into LeChuck's office.
"Creepy." I said, looking at the large room. A large
skeletal throne stood behind a large desk, and next to that...a large voodoo key. I walked
over, and not even considering the consequences, I snatched the key away from the hook on
the wall. I dropped it in a startled motion as a large cage came falling down around me!
In panic, I tried lifting it off, but alas, it was too heavy. I spun around to come face
to face with the ghastly decomposing person of the most terrifying pirate the seven seas
ever known: The Zombie Pirate LeChuck. I felt my blood pressure decrease.
"Guybrush Threepwood." LeChuck growled, "You have
finally been caught. You evaded my crew several times, sunk their ship even, escaped from
jail, embarassed Largo, survived a deadly curse, found the complete map, and lived through
five days of being delivered in a crate without it marked 'Fragile', but now, you are
mine. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"You're looking good for a newly resurrected corpse." I
said, "Do you think you could quit spitting when you talk?"
"Largo!" LeChuck bellowed.
"Yes sir, LeChuck, sir?" Largo said, hurrying into the
"Take Guybrush down to the torture chamber and get the
machine set up." LeChuck said.
"Yes, sir..." Largo said. I couldn't restrain myself. I
grabbed the Largo doll from within my jacket and beat it against the bars of the cage.
"OW!" Largo yelled, dropping to his knees and grasping
his head in pain. LeChuck snatched the doll away from me and took out a lighter.
"You won't be needing this anymore." LeChuck said,
lighting his lighter.
"Get rid of that piece of crap!" Largo yelled. LeChuck
set fire to it. Largo screamed and racing off down the hall to the drinking fountain. I
could almost swear seeing smoke coming out of his ears.
Shortly after getting a beating by Largo, and being chained up and
dragged over a long rough stone hallway, I was brought to the torture chamber, where I
chained up and suspended over a large pit of hydrofluoric acid, next to Wally, who would
meet the same fate. As Largo finished chaining me up, LeChuck entered the room. Largo
"Arggg..." LeChuck growled, "You be in a heap of
trouble, Guybrush Threepwood. Now that you are mine, you will pay for what you did to
"Hey, what's a little root beer between friends?" I
asked, trying to be nice.
"Silence!" LeChuck yelled, "There is only one thing
more painful than being resurrected from the dead and crammed into a rotting body. Do you
know what that is?"
"A Yoko Ono concert?" I asked.
"It is what is about to happen to you!" LeChuck
"Can't we just talk this thing out?" I asked.
"You see that candle over there?" LeChuck asked,
pointing to a candle placed under a horizontal rope suspending a punching bag over a
bellows, "When it burns through that rope, the bag will fall on the bellow. When
compressed, it will shoot a single lead bullet which will richochet off that pan," He
pointed to a pan on the ground, "then off the shield behind me," He pointed to a
shield on the wall, "bounce off that other shield," he pointed to a shield
behind us, which was next to a green balloon tied to a lever which was holding up a
ratchet on a chain wheel, "Finally, strinking the green ballon. When it pops, it will
cause the lever to fall, released the ratchet on the chain wheel and sending you down into
the pit of acid."
"Isn't it dangerous to leave a pit of acid uncovered?" I
"Do you know what happens next?" LeChuck asked.
"We die?" I asked.
"I will then take your bones," LeChuck explained,
"still alive and in great pain, and make them into a chair. I will call it my
Screaming Chair. Every morning I will sit in it and listen to you scream. Any
"Yeah." I said, "If you were going to kill me
anyway, why was your crew trying to take me alive?"
"The Screaming Chair spell works only with fresh new
bodies." LeChuck said, "If they killed you and brought you here, you wouldn't be
fresh, and I wouldn't be able to make a chair out of you. I want my Screaming Chair!"
"And Wally!" I said, "Why did you have to kidnap
him, if all you had to do was wait three minutes later, and you could have caught me five
days ago at Wally's place!"
"That was the plan." LeChuck said, "But something
came up on my schedule and I couldn't stick around. So I kidnapped him, and ordered a
crate of voodoo supplies, knowing your adventurous spirit would have you stow yourself
into it. As my plan worked out, you finally arrived, and I granted you free access of the
Fortress, allowing you to come to the bait, where I was able to trap you with ease. Plus
it allowed me five days of free time."
"Why am I going to die?" Wally asked, "He's the one
that killed you!"
"I need a foot stool for my screaming chair." LeChuck
said, "Any other questions? Make it fast."
"Where's the bathroom?" I asked.
"Up the stairs and to the left, but you won't be needing it
in a few minutes." LeChuck said, "Prepare to die." With that, he limped out
of the torture chamber, leaving Wally and I to die. My eyes were on the candle across the
room. It was burning through the rope at an alarming rate!
"Nice knowing you, Wally." I said. The rope charred
severaly and snapped! The punching bag fell down onto the bellows, compressing a lead
bullet out it! The lead bullet went richoceting all over the room and finally struck the
ballon lifting the the lever. The lever dropped, and the chain wheel spun around, lowering
us into the acid pit! I screamed in terror as my flesh came in contact with the acid, and
slowly, but surely, my body melted away...
"Horse hockey." Elaine said, "You honestly expect
me to believe you were disintergrated in acid."
"Sure...well, I--" Guybrush stuttered.
"And yet here you are telling me all about it," Elaine
said, "Looking fully integrated indeed."
"Yes, well, that is..." Guybrush muttered for the right
words, "...ah...Ok. So I embellished it a little for dramatic effect. Sue me."
"You want to try telling me what really happened?"
"Ok, as I was saying..." Guybrush began to tell his
story again, "We were hanging over a pit of acid, Death so close, I could smell his
"Hey, Wally?" I asked, looking to my left at him.
"Yeah?" he responded.
"Any bright ideas?" I asked.
"Well..." Wally said, "Actually, I was hoping you'd
think of something. I think I might be able to squeeze out of my chains, then I could pick
the lock on yours, but there isn't enough time."
"Oh." I said, kind of peeved, "Wait a second! I
have an idea! Start squeezing, Wally, we're getting out of here!"
"Oh, good, you figured out how to stop time." Wally said
sarcastically, staring at the bubbling acid. Remembering my dream I had earlier, I mixed
around the spit in my mouth as my dad in my dream instructed, and visualized my target.
"Here it goes!" I said, aiming at the candle, "The
I hauked out the biggest loogie I could manifest! I went
flying...straight into the side of Wally's face.
"Hey!" Wally exclaimed, "Watch it with the
"Sorry." I said, "I forgot you were between me and
the candle. I have to think of something else." I looked around for inspiration. I
looked back at the candle. The rope was almost ready to go. I looked at the path of Death
between the shields for the last time...then realized I could use it to my advantage!
Working out some quick mathmatic geometry calculations in my mind, then just deciding to
go on luck, I loogied a huge wad of saliva out my mouth and into the shield behind us at
irritable speed! It richoceted clear off, hitting the other shield, bouncing off the
shield, and finally flying straight into the path of the lit candle! Moments before the
rope was completely burnt through, the wad of spit splattered through the wick of the
candle, extinguishing the flame...
Everything went pitch black.
"Arggg!" LeChuck yelled in the darkness as he entered
the room, "What be going on in here? Largo! Relight the candle!"
"Yes, sir!" Largo said, relighting the candle. The room
lit up again, to reveal to LeChuck and Largo, a series of chains dangling from the
ceiling, and no one attached to the other ends.
"Guybrush has escaped!" LeChuck cried, "Find
"Ha!" I laughed, "I'll bet LeChuck is really
cheesed off now!"
"Yep." Wally replied.
"Hey, Wally?" I asked, staring around at the pitch black
room we had found.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Where are we?" I asked, trying to find any kind of
"Good question." Wally replied. I felt around in my
coat, since it was too dark to see anything, and my hand found a small box of something.
Matches! I took the matches out of my coat and blindly started to light them. The first
one struck a spark, and died, the second broke immediately. I finally struck the third
across the rough surface of the matchbox, and it lit. I lifted the match over my head to
see what I could find. The room was filled boxes, upon boxes, upon boxes. Nothing really
harmful...other than the terrible fact that TNT and DYNAMITE were written upon all of
"Holy skunk sweat!" I exclaimed, "OUCH!" The
fire on the match struck my finger and my nervous impulses forced me to throw it
away...into the pile of crates employing the explosive substances...
Outside, the walls of the Fortress shook, and windows shattered. A
moment later, the castle erupted in flames and smoke, and pieces of it shattered out
across the sea! The Fortress imploded unto itself and everything went flying everywhere,
spreading disastrous filth all over the water! Out of the smoke, I went flying, straight
up into the clouds...and away from LeChuck's Fortress...
Part 7: Dinky Island
My head came out of the clouds finally, and the first thing I saw
was sand rushing straight up at my face. I braced myself for the impact as I crashed head
first into the beach of an island, splattering sand everywhere. I laid on my front for a
moment or two, waiting for my brain cells to regroup, then finally stood up. I looked
around at the island I came upon. A single trail lead into a dense tropic jungle, and I
stood on a beach with a sign nearby reading "Welcome to Dinky Island: Home of the
Treasure of Big Whoop."
"Dinky Island!" I exclaimed, "I made it!"
I stood for a moment, waiting for the rest of my brain cells to
regroup. I suddenly realized Wally was to be seen anywhere nearby. Whether or not he was
killed in the explosion, I might never know. Getting myself together, I remembered my top
priority: Finding Big Whoop. LeChuck himself may not have been killed either, so it was
still risky to wander around the Caribbean freely. I had to find the exit from this world.
I was on the right island, I just needed directions to where Big Whoop was. I looked at
the beach I stood on, to notice a nearby moonshine still, indicating civilization nearby.
Glancing around, I only saw Herman Toothrot. So much for that theory. Herman was sitting
up, his legs folded, on the beach, not even noticing me.
"Hi, Herman." I said. He stood up.
"Hello, yourself." he replied.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Teaching philosophy." Herman replied.
"Hmmm...I don't think I want to know any more." I said,
"Could you just tell me where I could find a treasure?"
"There are treasures all over!" Herman exclaimed,
"The ocean, the trees, the birds..."
"I mean the kind you can buy stuff with." I said.
"Oh, sorry." Herman said, "I don't have any use for
material possessions, therefore, I would not know where to look for it."
"And I don't think I wanted to talk to you." I said,
"We all make mistakes." Herman replied, "It's the
only way we can learn."
I backed away cautiously into the forest, wondering why I even
bothered talking to him in the first place. I had to rely on my pirating skills to find
the treasure. I was sure my instinct would lead me straight to it. A tiny
important-looking pirate (a manifestation of my mind) appeared on my right shoulder.
"Arggg, matey!" he said, "Don't forget! X marks the
A teacher who resembled Harrison Ford appeared on my left
"X never marks the spot." he said.
A small little talking toucan appeared next to the pirate.
"Just follow your nose!" the toucan exclaimed.
"What happened to the traditional angel and devil on my
shoulders?" I asked.
"They're figments of your conscience." the teacher said,
"We are figments of your treasure hunting knowledge."
"I apparently don't have much knowledge." I said,
"Give me some new advice."
"We're only your memory." the toucan said, "We can
give you no new information."
"Oh, get out of here!" I said, swatting them away into
thin air. I headed down the trail, hoping to stumble onto something. I did. My foot
immediately hit wet dirt (mud), and I slipped down a steep trail deep into the jungle! I
came crashing down by a swamp, bruised and swollen, and got up. Next to me was a swamp I
had already noticed, but I noticed something else. A pair of legs sticking out of the mud.
Being inspired by curiousity, I reached out as far as I could and grabbed one of the legs,
to see what was in there. With a jerk, I yanked out the muddy body out of the swamp and
fell backwards. I sat up to see next to me, a human form covered in mud. He was breathing.
"Hey, are you all right?" I asked. He mumbled.
"Ugh...Threepwood?" he asked.
"Wally???" I asked in shock, "Is that you???"
"No!" the figure said, sitting up. It was Largo!
"Well, gee, I'd definitely prefer it." I said.
"You've crossed the line!" Largo yelled at me, "I
was blown off onto this island by that explosion, and now that LeChuck is probably going
to be after my hide too for letting you get away with all this, I'm going to kick your
butt so far up, you'll be talking crap!"
"That's impossible." I said.
Run, you idiot!
"Oh, great, now my brain's bossing me around." I said.
I decided to take its advice. I leapt to my feet as Largo threw
the first punch and jumped back, evading him all together. Largo quickly tackled me into a
"This is for running me off Scabb!" Largo said, throwing
a quick punch across my face. I was knocked to my side in pain, and slipped out his grasp,
quickly running away into the forest. Largo darted after me. I grabbed a hefty fallen
branch from the ground, and swung it at him as he lunged at me again! The branch snapped
in half and he fell to the ground! Not even dazed, he grabbed me by my ankle.
"And this is for blasting me and my crew with that
waterfall!" he exclaimed, pulling me to the ground and slamming me against the ground
like a pick axe. He tossed me into a bundle of foliage and I slid down another slippery
mud slide to hard dirt below. I quickly recovered my footing and hurried off again! I
scampered up a tree as Largo came after me! Largo grabbed the base of the tree!
"Also, this is for sinking my ship!" he yelled. He
snapped the tree off it's roots, and swung it around, throwing it away into the jungle
with me in it! I fell out of it and landed on some hard rocks (why are there never any
soft rocks?). I was dazed for a moment or two, just before I heard him say:
"And this is for blowing me up in the fortress!" And he
grabbed me by my collar and threw me into a clearing! I rolled along the ground and into a
tree. I got up quickly to find that Largo hadn't come after me just yet.
"This is nuts!" I exclaimed, "I need a weapon! He's
too strong for me!"
Herman Toothrot came wandering out from behind me.
"Hi!" he said.
"Ack!" I exclaimed, "Don't do that! I've got a mad
man trying to kill me!"
"So you were talking about this treasure?" he asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. He pointed at the
floor of the clearing to point out a huge X painted white on the grass.
"Why didn't you say so?" Herman asked, "I could've
shown you the shortcut!"
"I don't have time for this!" I said, "Get
"Okeydoke." Herman said, heading off, back into the
jungle. I searched around the clearing for something that may help. I spotted a pay phone
attached to a nearby tree! I grabbed the phone and quickly punched in the number for the
only people in the world who could help me now!
"LucasArts Hint Line!" a voice answered on the phone,
"I'm in 'LeChuck's Revenge!" I said, "How do I get
past Largo on Dinky Island?!?"
"Do you have the dynamite?" he asked.
"Where's the dynamite?" I asked.
"In the bushes by your feet!" he said. I kicked away the
bushes nearby away to reveal a box of dynamite inside. I quickly grabbed a stick.
"Ok, now what do I--"
An arrow zinged past my head! I spun around to see Largo advancing
on me with a handmade bow and arrow set, which he was probably making all this time.
"And this is for..." he said.
"Can I have a say?" I asked him.
"Make it quick." he said, loading up the final arrow.
"This is for messing with Guybrush Threepwood." I said,
"Ghost busting stud."
I hurled the stick of dynamite at him! He fired his arrow at it
and the two made impact! The dynamite exploded in his face and I was flung up against a
tree as dirt flew! Largo went flying high into the air and down into the ocean! As the
dirt settled, the ground gave way under me and I plunged into a pit! Moments after
falling, I landed on a stone pillar and got up,
"Wow." I said, "That was pretty intense."
I stood on a stone pillar that stretched down into an endless
abyss. Opposite of me was another pillar, with a treasure chest on it.
"That must be Big Whoop!" I exclaimed, "But how do
I get to it?"
Looking up, I saw the phone dangling off the edge of the pit.
Hoping the phone cord was strong enough, I leapt up and grabbed it, swinging across the
abyss...and head on into the side of the other pillar. The pillar crumbled as I crashed
into it! I grabbed the chest as it fell past, and I clung for dear life to the phone cord.
All this left me in this state. Hanging over this bottomless pit, unable to get back up
without letting go of the treasure, which of if I did, would mean this entire journey was
all for naught....
"...And you showed up about three days later." Guybrush
explained to Elaine, "How did you know?"
"I heard the explosion from my mansion." Elaine said,
"I figured you had gotten yourself into trouble."
"So do you think you could help me out now?" Guybrush
"Anything to shut you up." Elaine said, "That has
got to be the longest story I have ever heard."
The cord snapped. Guybrush went plummeting into the dark abyss.
"Oh, dear." Elaine said.
After plummeting several miles into the earth, Guybrush felt his
entire body crash against the feeling of a soft lump on the ground! He rolled off,
slightly dazed, but the lump having saved his life. Considering it was dark, that was all
it was. A lump. And it groaned.
"Eep...Where's a light?" Guybrush asked himself, feeling
along the walls for a torch. The walls were solid concrete, with strange metal tube-like
objects running alongside them. His fingers came across a plastic object in the wall. A
light switch. That was just as good as any torch. He flung his finger across the switch
and the room illuminated! He found himself in a huge sewer system (lacking a particular
element all sewers have, but fortunately, was not present), the huge treasure chest of Big
Whoop laid smashed against the wall, appearing empty, and the lump he had fell on was none
other than the huge rotten living corpse of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck.
"EEP!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Hello, Guybrush." LeChuck with a moan, spitting
constantly appearing when he talked. He had apparently been laying on that floor since the
explosion, and Guybrush's fall had woken him up.
"Good bye, LeChuck." Guybrush said, making a break for
"You won't escape me this time!" LeChuck said, still
"Yeah?" Guybrush asked, "Just watch me!"
"Not so fast." LeChuck said as Guybrush stopped in his
tracks, "Even if you were to escape, I would always be able to find you again. We are
bound to one another."
"Like soup and salad?" Guybrush asked.
"Not really." LeChuck replied, "More
"Eh?" Guybrush asked.
"Guybrush..." LeChuck said, "I....am your
"No!" Guybrush exclaimed, "No, that's not true!
"Search your feelings, you know it to be true!" LeChuck
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Guybrush yelled,
dropping to his knees in horror.
"I've been looking forward to this moment." LeChuck
"Then why did you try to dissolve me in acid first?"
Guybrush asked, recovering instantly from shock.
"Well..." LeChuck said, "I planned on telling you
after, but after serious thinking, I returned to set you loose, but you have already
escaped. Anyway, I've brought a little surprise for you."
"I think you being my brother is enough surprise for one
day." Guybrush said.
"Perhaps, but humour me." LeChuck said as he reached
into his coat, retrieving a scrawny little pirate doll with blonde hair and a blue jacket.
"Say, that wouldn't happen to be a voodoo doll, would
it?" Guybrush asked.
"Why, yes, as a matter of a fact, it is a voodoo doll!"
LeChuck said, extracting a large glowing pin from his pocket, "Which I'll be using to
torture you, and then send you screaming to another dimension, one of infinite pain!"
"Wait a second." Guybrush said, "Before you lay any
voodoo crap on me, why do you suddenly have a voodoo doll? What good would it be if you
were going turn me into a chair any way?"
"Why do you question everything supervillains do?"
LeChuck whined, "Oh, fine...I just happened to have this on my person just before I
came up with a better plan to deal with you! No more questions!"
LeChuck shoved the huge pin into the tiny doll! A seering pain
shot through Guybrush's torso! He keeled over in pain and LeChuck slowly removed the pin.
The seering pain ceased.
"Mama!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Heh, heh, heh..." LeChuck laughed. He grabbed the head
of the doll, and the legs of the doll, and bent them together backwards tightly! Guybrush
went bending himself in pain, his head touching his heels!
"This is exhilarating!" LeChuck exclaimed, "Let's
have some more fun shall we?"
He twisted the doll around! Guybrush's already-worn-out body when
twisting up like a licorice stick, then twisted back to normal as LeChuck released his
grip on the doll.
"Please, no more!" Guybrush yelled.
"Ok, I'll just send you screaming to a dimension of infinite
pain." LeChuck said.
The pin struck the body with a huge electric jolt! Guybrush's body
seered in pain, and he felt himself shrinking...out of existence.
"AIIIEEE!!!!!!!" Guybrush screamed as he vanished...
"At last, I'm rid of that pesky little wimp, Guybrush!"
There was a thump in the next room.
"Hey, I'm alive!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Eh?" LeChuck asked in puzzlement, heading for the next
room. Guybrush got off the floor, no pain at all.
"I thought I was a goner!" Guybrush exclaimed, then
LeChuck entered, "Whoops..."
"Strange, there must be something wrong with my voodoo
doll." LeChuck said, "It was supposed to send you to another dimension, not the
next room. Shoddy materials, I'll bet. I'll never trust another underpaid voodoo priest
again. Well, I guess I'll just try again!"
"Uh, no, that's Ok..." Guybrush said, backing away. He
slipped on the floor! He fell to his behind and looked at what he had slipped on. A piece
of litter...an unopened bottle of root beer! The exact same beverage he had used to
disintegrate the Ghost Pirate LeChuck! What luck! He quickly grabbed the bottle and shook
it up vigourously!
"Take this, brother!" Guybrush exclaimed, popping the
The root beer squirted out of the bottle, and into LeChuck's coat!
"Hey, nothing's happening!" Guybrush said.
"Root beer only works on ghosts, Guybrush." LeChuck
said, "Having been resurrected, I'm not a ghost anymore. Allow me to
Before LeChuck could pull another stabbing with the pin, Guybrush
make a hasty rush out of that part of the sewer, and out of voodoo range! He hurried as
quickly as his legs could carry him, until he collapsed...at a dead end. He leaned against
the wall and breathed deepily.
Must...fight...LeChuck..." Guybrush said,
Fight voodoo with voodoo, Guybrush.
"Who's there?" Guybrush asked.
The narrator. I figured you need a clue.
"Fight voodoo with...?" Guybrush quickly reached into
his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper. Unfolding it, he found the
exact same voodoo shopping list the fortune teller had given him! "A voodoo doll of
"Hey, Guybrush!" LeChuck said, entering the room, doll
in hand! Before Guybrush could react, the doll had been stabbed! He faded painfully out of
existence..and reappeared...right behind LeChuck!
"I hope it worked THIS time." LeChuck said.
Guybrush pushed LeChuck! LeChuck fell flat on his face, leaving
open a full moon in the back of his pants! WIth disgust on his face, Guybrush reached into
LeChuck's pants, and gave him an ultra wedgie! LeChuck squealed in pain as his
undergarment were ripped out of his pants forcefully! Guybrush, disgusted with him,
quickly filed away the britches as LeChuck spun around at him, ears steaming!
"YOU!" he screamed, spit flying out of his mouth into
"I'd love to stick around." Guybrush said, "But I'm
allergic to pain."
Guybrush raced back through the sewers, keeping ahead of LeChuck!
He had LeChuck's underwear (Something of the Thread), and some of his spit (Something of
the Body), all he needed was something dead, and something of his head. As he started
wondering where LeChuck found something of Guybrush's dead, he stumbled over a pile of
bones. Guybrush spun arund to find his answer.
"Holy cow!" Guybrush exclaimed, "These are my
parents! What are they doing...?"
He heard LeChuck coming. If they truely were brothers, any of
these bones would work against LeChuck. Guybrush grabbed his dad's skull, then started
heading the other way, only to find another dead end.
"It's voodoo time!" LeChuck exclaimed as he advanced on
Guybrush, pin in hand. Guybrush placed three fingers in the empty sockets of the skull,
took a bowling stance, then threw the skull at LeChuck! LeChuck never saw it coming until
it hit him! He was bowled over and Guybrush rushed past, grabbing the skull on his way
out. Having no time to talk, Guybrush just ran, ran until he arrived at a strange
"What's an elevator doing in the 1700's?" Guybrush asked
himself, "Wait! This give me an idea!" Guybrush jumped inside the elevator as
LeChuck came running after him! The old boy had picked up speed, and quickly blocked
Guybrush's exit from the elevator! He growled and bad breath hissed from his maw as he
spoke. He was pretty furious.
"I have you now!" LeChuck yelled, "There's no
"Actually, I have one more trick up my sleeve." Guybrush
said, reaching over to the side of the elevator and pressing a button. LeChuck was caught
off guard as the doors slid shut! He pulled his head out of the doorway, but not fast
enough. The tip of his beard got caught between the sliding doors as the elevator started
going up. He was dragged up along with the elevator!
"YEEEEOOOOW!!!!!!!!!" LeChuck screamed as his beard was
ripped at the top of the elevator and he fell on his butt!
"Ha!" Guybrush said, "Got him! I guess I won't need
that voodoo doll after all! I'll just get off at the next stop and get out of here!"
The elevator stopped with a jerk. Guybrush was shocked as the
gears strained and the elevator slowly descended...
Below, LeChuck groaned and pulled on the cable beneath the
elevator! His incredible strength counteracted the force of elevator's engines, which
suddenly exploded under strain at that point! Guybrush glanced around in horror as the
elevator rapidly descended!
"Now what?!?" He asked himself. Staring down at the
ground, he saw a piece of LeChuck's beard sticking through the doors! The last piece! He
reached down and grabbed it...only to discover it stuck! With both hands he tugged at the
hair to no avail!
"Come on!" Guybrush said as he kept trying again and
The elevator hit floor.
LeChuck spit on his hands, rubbed them together, and slapped them
against the sliding elevator doors, still closed. With great force he strained!
There was a snap.
He pulled the doors open.
"All right, Guybrush..." LeChuck said,
"Now...EEEYOW!!!!!!!" LeChuck dropped to his knees. screaming in pain, and
tossing away his super voodoo doll! As the pain stopped, he looked up to see Guybrush
slowly stepping out of the elevator. A large pin in one hand, a pirate doll in the other.
"Take that...brother." Guybrush said with a squint.
"That's pretty good, Guybrush." LeChuck said, "But
not good enough!" With that, he jumped to his feet and hurried away down the tunnel!
"Hmmm..." Guybrush said, "I wonder what would
happen if I tore the leg off this thing." He grabbed the leg on the doll and yanked
it off! LeChcuk stumbled in pain and collapsed, screaming.
"My leg!" he yelled, "What did you do to my
"Just teaching you a lesson." Guybrush said, "Did
you really expect me to believe you're my brother?"
"Your voodoo doll worked, right?" LeChuck asked, laying
on the floor and rubbing his broken leg.
"With my luck, those were probably YOUR parents' bones."
"And yours too." LeChuck said, "Guybrush, come over
here, and remove my mask."
"Nah, you'd probably rip out my lungs if I came over
there." Guyrbush replied.
"No, you must see the true face of your brother!"
LeChuck said, "Only then, would you believe me all together."
"Can't you take it off yourself?" Guybrush asked.
"Listen, don't make me beat you with my broken leg."
"All right, fine." Guybrush said, heading over to
LeChuck. He knelt down next to him, and braced himself as he decided to grab LeChuck's
disgusting face. He grabbed onto the green slimy flesh, and gave it a yank. The skin came
off to reveal...
"My creepy brother, Chuckie!" Guybrush exclaimed,
staring down at his ugly brother.
"Did you think I was kidding before?" Chuckie asked.
"Dude, this is pretty CENSORED up right here!" Guybrush
said in shock.
"I had to do it, Guybrush." Chuckie explained,
"After all those years of taking abuse from you, I heard that LeChuck was being
ressurected, and I had to pretend I was him, as an excuse to get my revenge! I thought it
was a great plan."
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Classic case of sibling rivalry.)
"This doesn't make any sense." Guybrush said, "I
was the one taking abuse from you! You used to shove me in your footlocker all the time!
It gets cramped in there with all those feet!"
"Oh yeah." Chuckie said, somewhat surprised, "Well,
listen, do you think you could help me out here? Those explosives are set to..."
"Explosives?!?" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Yeah, sorry." Chuckie said, "It was just a
precaution! But listen! I'm your brother! You have to help me get out of here too! I know
Guybrush couldn't make up his mind. His brother having been trying
to kill him all along? Now he needed help? After all those years of picking on him?
There was a sonic blast from the opposite end of the tunnel!!!
"Shoot." Chuckie said, "I was never good with
The tunnel started caving in towards them!
"All right!" Guybrush said, helping up his brother,
"But only because of that special sibling bonding thing, ok? I'm expecting better
treatment from you much later!"
"Anything!" Chuckie cried as he limped along with the
Guybrush down the tunnel, away from the collapsing rock. They hurried along the corridors
as quickly as they could as more explosves went off, startling gas lines everywhere!
They quickly found themselves in a dead end again. Right back
where Guybrush had first landed.
"Oh-no!" Chuckie said, "We're dead meat!"
"Hang on a second." Guybrush said, remembering something
and bending down to the smashed treasure chest of Big Whoop. Among the debris was a single
golden ticket. Guybrush held it up to his face, hoping this was what he expected. The
writing upon it read:
"For you Guybrush Threepwood; a single magic ticket that will
take you to a world to escape LeChuck forever. Signed, the Fortune Teller. P.S. Sorry
about removing all the legendary treasures. You needed this ticket even more. Good
"I hope this works." Guybrush said holding up the ticket
in the air. It glowed brightly, and a rip in the wall opened to reveal daylight!
"Yes!" Guybrush said, jumping towards it! A flash of
light sent him and Chuckie back into the walls! Guybrush quickly got up as Chuckie was
even more in pain!
"I forgot!" Chuckie exclaimed, "As a precaution, I
also had my voodoo priest cast a spell that would prevent the magic of Big Whoop of ever
being used! We can't get through!"
"You idiot!!!" Guybrish cried, "In seconds, we're
going to be flambe because of your stupid spells!"
"There's only thing that can break the spell." Chcukie
said, "...True love. You have to kiss me."
"Yeah, right, weirdo." Guybrush said, "I wouldn't
kiss you if my life depended on it."
"It does...I suppose you have a better idea?" Chuckie
"Um..." Guybrush mumbled, searching his coat.
The tunnel closed in rapidly on them! They jumped aside as a piece
of the ceiling came crashing down next to them!
"There's no time to waste!" Chuckie cried, "Kiss
"NO!" Guybrush yelled.
Guybrush reached in his coat and found Wally's Love Potion bag. He
fumbled around inside as the ceiling above started to give way. He extracted a bomb from
inside the bag.
"Oh, great." Guybrush said, "A love bomb. All the
others stop, and now we have another."
"I have matches!" Chuckie said, desperately trying to
light one. Before Guybrush could react, Chuckie grabbed the bomb and lit it, tossing it at
the force field wall, blocking their exit!
"Dive for it!" Guybrush exclaimed, taking him and
Chuckie behind a pile of rocks! The bomb exploded sending a great pink glow around the
room, the rocks shielding Guybrush and Chuckie! The shockwave shook loose the final
keystones holding up the ceiling!
"Now!" Chuckie cried as they jumped out from behind the
pile and made a break for the rip in the wall! The ceiling came crashing down behind them
as the entire tunnel collapsed.
Guybrush felt himself plummeting! He brushed against flora as he
fell and clung on tightly!
A moment later, he caught his senses. He had leapt through a hole
in the cliff, and hung on to a bundle of vines hanging out of the cliff. Looking down, he
saw his brother hanging onto some other vines, and the ocean crashing up against the
"We made it!" Guybrush said.
"Yeah." Chuckie said, climbing up towards Guybrush.
"You know, something bothers me." Guybrush said, "I
mean, I know it's not the right time to discuss it, but...you said you took on LeChuck's
identity when you heard about it. But I heard LeChuck was ressurected within the first few
hours. There's no way you could have heard..."
"That's right." LeChuck said. Guybrush glanced down to
see LeChuck coming up at him!
"LeChuck?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "How?"
"I have a literal million magic tricks up my sleeve."
LeChuck said, "I knew I'd gain your sympathy if I pretended to be your brother, and
that I could lead you out into a place where you'd be a sitting duck. That's why I had
your parent's bones placed there for your convenience."
"Oh, crap." Guybrush said. LeChuck threw his hand around
Guybrush's neck! Guybrush choked and wheezed as his fingers tightened around it, and
LeChuck laughed insanely!
"My finest hour!" LeChuck cried, holding Guybrush over
the ocean below, "You've been quite a challenge, my nemesis, but it all ends
"You bet." Guybrush said, kicking LeChuck in the side!
Guybrush was released, fell, and grabbed a vine, wrapping his foot around LeChuck's! Using
all force possible, he yanked LeChuck off the vines! LeChuck went flying over him, and
screamed as he plummeting to the thrashing waves below, and disappeared beneath the surf.
With a breath of relief, Guybrush climbed up the vines and onto safe land. He was back on
Dinky Island, and right ahead of him, Elaine stood, looking down the large hole that was
blown away earlier.
"I wonder what's keeping Guybrush." Elaine said.
"Here I am!" Guybrush said, poking Elaine on the
shoulder. She jumped in shock.
"Guybrush, you moron!" she screamed, "Don't ever
scare me like that again! What kept you?"
"Who's LeChuck?" Elaine asked.
"LeChuck?" Guybrush asked.
"Yeah, what the heck are you talking about?" Elaine
asked, "Where's the treasure?"
"LeChuck." Guybrush said in astonishment, "You
don't know LeChuck?"
"Of course not!" Elaine said. It dawned on Guybrush.
"The ticket!" Guybrush exclaimed, "The voodoo lady
said Big Whoop would send me to a world where I could escape LeChuck forever! This is
fantastic! LeChuck doesn't even exist here...uh-oh...I brought him through the portal
also...but he's dead. He has to be."
"Huh?" Elaine asked, scratching her head.
"Heh, heh." Guybrush laughed, "Elaine, forget it.
Have I a story for you."
"Well, tell me all about it on our way back to Booty Island,
Ok?" Elaine asked.
"I won't miss a detail." Guybrush smiled.
"Darn." Elaine said, "That's one of your bad
As they got back in rowboat and rowed away, Elaine being forced to
listen to this entire story all over again, Guybrush could only wonder. What changes in
this world have been made since LeChuck no longer existed? And what about the LeChuck he
had brought back with him? Had the new LeChuck survived the fall? And wasn't there
supposed to be booby traps on Dinky Island? And does that pest Stan exist in this
Largo sat in his Fortress throne, dozens of women being slaved to
bring him food, and his unholy army of skeletons standing guard. As Largo was being fed
grapes, Murray the skeleton came rushing into the room!
"Captain Largo, sir!" Murray said, in horror. Largo
sneered at him.
"What?" Largo asked.
"Well, we pursued Guybrush Threepwood like you asked."
Murray said, "But he destroyed half the crew, sunk our ship, and destroyed the other
Fortress, and he's still alive!"
"ARGGG!!!!!!!!!!" Largo yelled, every skeleton bone in
the room shaking, "You idiots! You've let that Threepwood get away after all he's
done to us? Remember when he broke onto our pirate ship on Monkey Island and made monkeys
out of all of us? Remember when he interrupted my marriage between Elaine Marley and I?
"Another problem, sir." Murray said.
"Now what?" Largo asked furiously.
"A crazed decaying zombie pirate is fighting his way through
our Fortress right now." Murray said, "He says he's the boss."
The doors burst open. All eyes (and eye sockets) were focused upon
that door as lightning flashed, and a large lumbering body entered the room.
"Largo, step off your throne." the thing growled,
"I'm running things now. You may not know me in this world, but I know you, and my
mission is to destroy Guybrush Threepwood and take back Elaine Marley."
"W-w-who are you?" Largo asked in terror.
"The Carribbean's greatest nightmare is now here, and it's
name?" it asked, "LeChuck."
EXPLANATION: These last few pages take place in
the alternate universe where LeChuck never existed until he was brought through with
Guybrush. Up until now, Largo had been running the show, but now LeChuck's taking over all
over again. This has been an explanation for people who hate alternative universe
endings.he yanked LeChuck off the vines! LeChu€