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The Big Whoop Chronicles
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Guybrush groaned. It had been three days and he was still hanging off a cord, overtop a bottomless pit, while clutching a chest which contained the legendary treasure of Big Whoop within. At first, he had set out from Melee Island in search of his love, Elaine Marley, and the next thing he knew, he had washed up on shore on Scabb, suffering from possible amnesia since he couldn't figure out when he had grown a beard, where he got his blue coat, and where on earth he had gotten millions in cash. All he seemed to remember was his little escapade against LeChuck on Monkey Island, and that he needed to find Big Whoop for some reason or other, so said a fragment of paper from a journal written in his writing. But from then on, things just got worse for him until now, where he had finally found Big Whoop, but the only way to save himself would be to let go of the chest and use his free hand to climb to safety. Not now, not ever. Suddenly, a rope was tossed down the pit, and the ! ! lovely Elaine Marley, in her glorious gorgeous splendor, came sliding down the rope to meet Guybrush.

"Well, well, well." she said, "Guybrush Threepwood. You do turn up in the strangest places."

"Er..." Guybrush muttered, "Hi, Elaine. Do you think you could help me out here?"

"How did you get in this mess?" she asked.

"It's kind of a long story." Guybrush said.

"That's Ok." she said with a grin, "I have time." Guybrush sighed and stared down as the infinite dark pit below him. He looked back up at Elaine and took a deep breath.

"Well," he said, "It all started on Scabb Island. Some of my admiring fans had pressured me into telling my LeChuck evaporating story once again..."



LeChuck's Revenge


Written by Chris Ushko; Based on the game created by Ron Gilbert, but with more plot twists

Deep in the Caribbean;
Scabb Island

I sat on the beach by the fire with a couple friends I had made on the island, Bart and Fink, two local slackers who really had nothing better to do. As we roasted marshmallows (I THINK they were marshmallows) by the moon light, I told them the great story of how I had defeated LeChuck. They were only too eager to listen, as long as there was no fee involved.

"...And so I burst into the church and say, 'Now you're in for it, you bilious bag of barnacle bait!', and then LeChuck cries 'Guybrush! Have mercy! I can't take it anymore!!!"

"I think I know how he must have felt." Bart said, spitting into the fire.

"Yeah." Fink said, "If I hear this story one more time, I'm gonna be crying myself."

"Don't you have any new stories?" asked Bart.

"Well, actually, that's why I'm on Scabb Island." I said, assuming I knew what I was talking about, "I'm on a whole new adventure."

"Growing a mustache?" Fink asked.

"No." I said, "Bigger than that."

"A beard?!?" he asked in excitement.

"No, I'm in search of treasure." I said, as far as I knew anyway, due to my amnesia, "The biggest treasure of them all. A treasure so valuable and so well hidden that it haunts the dreams of every pirate on the seas."

"You mean..." Bart and Fink asked together, "Big Whoop?"

"None other." I said.

"Then why'd you come here?" asked Bart, "There's no treasure on Scabb Island!"

"Well, I didn't know that before!" I exclaimed, since I didn't know it before Bart told me, "Now I'm trying to charter a ship and look some place else. When I return, I'll have riches galore, and a whole new story."

"Or you'll have died trying." Bart sneered.

"Either way, we won't have to hear about LeChuck anymore." Fink said as I climbed off the log I was sitting on and started heading off into the island.

"Ha!" I laughed, "Those guys wouldn't know a good story if they paid fifty bucks for it! When I find Big Whoop, I'll become a legend among pirates for generations to come. If I could only charter a ship and get off this stinking island."

Part 1: The Largo Embargo

"So," Elaine said, "You're practically going to tell me every detail about how you got here?"

"Well, yeah." Guybrush said, "If you really want to know how I got here."

"I really don't think I want to know." Elaine moaned.

"No, it gets really good!" Guybrush said, "You don't know what happened to me next! Listen!"


I came through the dense swampland of the island, and arrived at the town of Woodtick. It was a pretty interesting place created by the reef. Mainly because ships came and crashed upon the reef, and left them unusable. People had later come, built sidewalks leading to these boats, and people established their homes within. But as I came up to the bridge leading into town, I came into a little problem...

"Where do you think you're going, fancy-pants?" a voice asked from below me. I looked down to see a short little ill-tempered midget with black hair looking up at me. "You aren't from these parts, are ya? This here's a toll bridge. You gotta pay."

"Who's going to make me, shorty?" I asked, positive that this guy was just a minor obstacle.

"Tough guy, eh?" he asked. I suddenly found myself in an awkward position as he grabbed me by the heel of my boat, and jerked me upside-down! By my ankle, he twirled me around in circles over his head, my millions of pieces of eight in loot just flying out of my coat pockets as he went! He grabbed me by the sides, held me upside-down, and shook the rest of the cash out, then held me by the heel over the edge of the bridge upside-down over the water!

"HELP!" I screamed, "POLICE!"

"Ha, ha, ha!" he laughed, "Scream as loud as you want! There are no police on Scabb Island!"

"Then who eats all the donuts and roughs up the transients?" I asked.

"I eats all the donuts, and I roughs up what need roughing up on this island!" he exclaimed as he threw back over the rail of the bridge and face first on the ground again. He bent over and collected as much of my loot as he could carry, then kicked the rest into the water below where it sank to the bottom, never to be seen by me again.

"Hey!" he said, "Yer loaded! This is my lucky night!" He stepped on my face on his way out of the town, and turned back to me saying, "Remember...wherever you go, on sea or on land, you can't ever hide from Largo LeGrande!" As he strolled off intot he forest, I got back up to my feet and wiped the sweat from my brow.

"Tough town." I said, "I guess I should've gotten those traveler's checks after all." As I quickly overcame that ordeal and realized he had robbed me of all the money I guess I must've worked hard for, I headed off the bridge onto the boardwalk in town to look for signs of human life other than Largo. As I came past a big boat turned on it's side, I heard whistling within. The door was left wide open so I estimated that whoever was inside must be practically inviting people in. Or the door was broken. As I entered, I met a tiny little red-haired man/kid who resembled a beanie baby wearing a monocle, drawing about on a map on his table.

"Oh," I said catching myself, "Excuse me, but..."

"Oh, yes." the little guy said, "Hi there. Can I help you?"

"Uh, maybe." I said, "I'm Guybrush Threepwood. Who are you?"

"Wally." he said, "Wally B. Feed. At your service."

"I don't to interrupt you or anything, but any idea where I could hire a ship?" I asked.

"Well, you'd need to go to the far side of the island, " Wally said, "and there you'll meet a man named...Captain Dread!"

"Yikes!" I exclaimed, "Sounds intimidating!"

"Not really, once you get to know him." Wally said, "Of course, he can't take you anywhere until Largo lifts his sailing embargo. A tax so high, even Dread can't afford it."

"Um, yeah, what's up with this Largo guy?" I asked.

"He's just the local hood--shakes down everybody in town." Wally explained, "Nobody comes or goes from Scabb because Largo makes them pay through the nose."

"Yeah." I said, rubbing my sore nose, "Tell me about it. Um, Wally? I don't really want to bug you much more, but do you know anything about Big Whoop?" I figured that if I had forgotten anything I might have known about it, it might be good idea to try and refresh my memory.

"Uh-oh." Wally said, pointing his quill pen at my throat, "Who sent you here? I should warn you: I'm heavily armed."

"I was sent by the IRS." I said, without thinking much on that one, "Let me see your files."

"The who?" he asked, "You'd better not try for files. All my research for Big Whoop is in there."

"Ah, so you do know something about it?" I asked.

"Well, I haven't been able to find out much hard information." Wally said, "What do you know about it?"

"I know I'm looking for it and that's about it." I said.

"You mean, you never heard about the four men who buried it?" Wally asked.

"No, tell me about them." I said.

"Well, all anyone knows for sure is that there was a shipwreck." Wally said, "The Merchant Vessel Elaine went down in a terrible storm."

"Elaine?" I said to myself, Wally not hearing a word I said.

"Only four crew members survived." Wally said, "They washed up on a remote, deserted island. Some say it's name was Inky Island, but I don't believe that. There's no such island. Anyway, that's where they supposedly found Big Whoop."

"So what is Big Whoop that makes it so valuable anyway?" I asked.

"Whatever it was, it was so wonderful, or so horrible," Wally said, "that they never wanted anyone else to find it. So they took the map they made of the island, and split it up among the four of them. And they all went their seperate ways."

"Wow." I said, "That's some story."

"Of course, it could just be an old legend." Wally said, "But if I could just see the map of that island, I bet I could recognize the shape of the island and track it down myself."

"Why is it you would you recognize it?" I asked.

"I'm a cartographer." he said.

"YOU DO OPEN-HEART SURGERY?!?" I exclaimed, "IN HERE?!?"

"Oh, no." Wally moaned, "I'm the map-making sort of cartographer."

"Oh." I said, "Is that all you do? Make maps?"

"Well, I do some restoration work too." he said, "I paste them together, re-copy them, paint little cupids in the corners, you know, Artsy-Fartsy stuff. You know, maps are very, very, important..."

"This map of Big Whoop, do you know where it is?" I asked.

"There's four pieces to it, remember?" Wally asked, "There's some kind of book at the Phatt City library that describes where they are, but because of Largo and his lousy embargo, I can't go check it out."

"We could go together if we got rid of Largo!" I said, "You wanna help?"

"Well, maybe." Wally said, uncertainty in his voice, "Two heads are better than one I suppose. But I'm not going anywhere near Largo, you understand. He'd probably dip me in the swamp or send me through the local laundromat."

"Geez, I wish I knew what happened to my sword." I said, "I could really use it right about now. Where do you get weapons around here?"

"Largo Inc." Wally said, "He's confiscated every weapon on the island, other than a few measly knives, and is selling them for a large sum. But it's cheaper than his embargo."

"Do you have any money?" I asked, "I go buy a weapon from him and kill him with it!"

"Sorry." Wally said, "He's robbed everyone of their money, though I suppose you could get a job down at the Bloody Lip Bar and Grill..."

"Hey, great!" I exclaimed, "I'll go see if I can get the money! I'll come see you later, Wally!"

"See you later, Mr. Wood!" Wally said as I walked out the door. Like Wally said, we needed to get rid of Largo, and I supposed that killing him, or scaring him off with a weapon could come in handy. I came by a ship with the sign over it called: The Bloody Lip Bar and Grill,' and a sign underneath marked "Help Wanted'. This was the place! I headed down the stairway leading into the ship, where I saw a bartender sitting behind a bar cleaning a glass.

"Bartender!" I called.

"Yeah, boy?" he asked.

"I understand you have a job opening..." I said.

"Oh, yeah." he muttered, "I should take down that sign. The position's been filled. Sorry, boy."

"Well, shoot, I need the money to buy a weapon to get Largo with." I said.

"Ha!" the bartender said, "To afford anything of Largo's costs more than a years wages here, and it's even worse with my current business!"

"Well, how is business?" I asked.

"It's just terrible." he said, "No one ever comes down here anymore. Largo's got all my regulars spooked. You know, I can can mix any drink there is, make anything you could name, but I can't make the one thing that could really do this island some good."

"An all-night tattoo parlor?" I asked.

"A voodoo doll of Largo LaGrande!" the bartender exclaimed.

"YOU THERE!" Largo yelled as he came down the stairs.

"Uh-oh." Bartender said under his breath.

"Give me my usual!" Largo demanded, "And put it in a real glass!!!" The bartender quickly leaned over behind the bar, filled up a mug, and tossed it down in front of Largo. Largo grabbed the mug and chugged down the alcoholic beverage. He threw away the mug and reared up his head, snorting as he went, and let loose a huge wad of saliva go flying across the room, into my face! As I wiped off the spit, Largo grabbed the bartender by the nose and threw him down to the bar, pinning him by the nose.

"Fork over the dough, or you'll be serving Bloody Mary's for a week." Largo ordered, "From your nose." The bartender reached under the bar and lifted up a bag full of money, handing it over to Largo.

"That's all I have." The bartender whined.

"Well, you better have more tomorrow or we might have to move this dump to a new location," Largo said, heading up the stairs and out into the night, "Like, say, the bottom of the ocean? Ha, ha, ha." As I stowed away my hanky full of spit into my pocket, I looked at the bartender who was moping, his head down in his folded arms.

"Boy, you just gave him all your money?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." the bartender whined.

"Hmmm..." I thought, then I noticed a little advertisement on the piano next to me. I came closer to the piano. The sign read: International House of Mojo; Curses; Potions; Voodoo Supplies; Fortunes Told, Free Popsicle with every third visit; Inquire at the Scabb Island Swamp; First Job Free.' An idea formed into my mind. It had taken me a voodoo potion to kill LeChuck, and it just might work with this guy.


"Hold it." Elaine said, "You went off to a voodoo house to get help? Then tell me why you did, and no one else ever did."

"Well, uh, er, that is..." Guybrush muttered, "I'm coming to that part!"

"And how is it you're remembering every single thing you said?" she asked.

"Um..." Guybrush thought aloud, "Actually, I'm making up most of it as I go along. But you get a good idea as to what happened."

"Fine, continue with the long story." Elaine said, "I can hang here all day." Guybrush stared back into the abyss below him and continued his story.


I traveled across the island in search of the swamp, and after several misguided journeys, I finally came to it. The swamp was damp and murky, and a lake of sludge covered the ground, making passage to the huge skull-like shack in the center unpassable. A sign nearby indicated that this must be the right place, and a coffin with a rowing stick had been set in the water nearby for my convienience. Though finding it odd, I climbed into the coffin and found it seaworthy. I paddled across the lake to the underside of the shack where a platform raised beneath me, lifting my coffin up into the house. Inside was all creepy, wheras spiders make their webs in every corner, strange display potions were set about in the shelves, and a whole bunch of other creepy stuff inhabited the area. As I climbed out of the coffin, a low female voice spoke.

"Guybrush Threepwood." it said, "It's been a long time since you last came to see me." I entered the other room to meet a mystic voodoo woman sitting in a snake-like throne, amidst some flaming torches.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" I asked.

"Ah, we often forget those who help us most." she said.

"We do?" I asked.

"It was I who told you how to do away with LeChuck." she said, "I told you where to find the voodoo anitroot, and how to turn it into the ghost-dissolving potion you needed."

"Oh, yeah, now I remember." I said, "Well, anyway, I want to know what you could tell me about this Largo guy."

"He's a weak little man who bullies this whole island around." she said, "Most people are afraid of him, because he was once LeChuck's right-hand man."

"But LeChuck's history." I said, "I got rid of him myself."

"True evil can never be destroyed completely." she said, "You will see."

"And why don't you just put a curse on Largo?" I asked.

"I tried." she said, "My most powerful magic lies in voodoo dolls. But to make an effective doll, I need some items from Largo's person, and no one's brave enough to get them for me."

"What kind of ingredients do you need for the doll?" I asked.

"Are you willing to help me make one?" she asked.

"Uh, maybe." I said.

"To make it work, you need to bring me some personal artifacts of the victim." she said, "One from each of the four basic voodoo groups. Something of the Thread, Something of the Head, Something of the Body, and Something of the Dead."

"Hey, that almost rhymes!" I exclaimed.

"For the thread, I need a piece of Largo's clothing," she said, "And a lock of hair will do for the head. Bring me a sample of fluid from his body, and from his dead relatives, you must acquire some remnant of a corpse. Here, take this shopping list." She handed me a voodoo shopping list.

"Thanks!" I said, grabbing it.

"Now go!" she exclaimed. I went racing wildly out of her shack, hopping into the coffin, and speeding across the swamp! I hopped out of the coffin and went running wildly over the hills, through the forest, through caves, around the mountain, and arriving at the cliffs. I stopped at the cliffs and realized I had raced clear across the island for no reason. Getting to mind, I hurried away from the cliffs, and towards Woodtick.

I sneaked into the Swamp Rot Inn, noticing that whatever guard creature was chained up here had broken away from it's leash, and that the manager of the inn must have went after it, considering no one presented a problem for me breaking in. I came past the desk and up to the only door. I put my ear to the door and listened. No one inside. I check the knob. It was unlocked. I slowly opened and peered inside. The room was empty. I hopefully had enough time to find what I needed.

Largo came strolling up the sidewalk outside, humming an annoying tune. It had been an avaricious day for him and he wanted to get back home for sleep.

I checked inside the open drawer in Largo's dresser. All that was inside was a pearly-white bra. Better than nothing. I crossed off 'Something of the Thread' on my shopping list.

Largo started up the stairway leading into the inn.

"I snatched a toupee off this top of his dresser. This would work nicely. I checked off 'Something of the Head.' Pocketing both items, I looked at my watch. It was almost midnight. That's when ghosts came out (Or at least what my mother told me). If I wanted something of the dead, I had to get in and out of the cemetary fast. I headed for the door and was startled as the doorknob rattled from the other side! Largo was back! I looked around the room for a place to hide. Nothing but a dressing screen, and considering what I saw this guy wear, I didn't think I wanted to know what was back there. The door started to creak open. I needed defense. I quickly grabbed a bucket of leftovers from the floor and went leaping up into the air like a psycho as Largo came in! I came crashing down on his head, jamming the bucket around that fat thing in a great big splat! I fell backwards to the floor as Largo stumbled around cursing as he tried to pull the bucket off his head.

"Hey!" he exclaimed as I rushed out the door, "What the HECK? What's going in? Whoever did this is gonna pay! I can't get this thing off my head! WHEN I GET THIS THING OFF MY HEAD, SOMEBODY IS GONNA BE REAL SORRY!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have done that." I said as I raced out of town, "He looked pretty steamed."

Largo popped the bucket of old leftovers off his head, angrier than electric eels in heat. His head and shoulders were covered in the remnants of his old past crap lunches. He tossed the bucket aside and looked around for his assailant. He glanced down on the ground and saw peices of leftovers all over the floor, and a foot print in them. The footprints lead clear out the door and out of the inn. Largo started after them.

I arrived at the cemetary. I still had ten minutes before the ghosts came out, and I figured I had lost Largo. Grabbing a shovel by the gate, I headed into the cemetary, disrupting a bunch of bats that were resting nearby. I searched on every tombstone until I came to the top of the hill, where I found the following epitaph on a stone: "Here lies Marco Largo LeGrande, Hell on Sea or on Land, the Good News is he's Dead, the Bad News is he's Bred.'

"This is creepy feelin'." I said as I jammed the shovel into the grave below.

Largo raced across the island, over hills, through the forest, around the mountain, following the still-fresh tracks covered in leftovers. He would catch up to his attacker soon enough.

Lightning flashed as I continued to dig through the grave. Things were getting bad. I repeatedly shoveled out dirt, getting deeper and deeper. I checked the watch. Only a few minutes until midnight.

Largo came upon the cemetary. The tracks lead through the gates. He had the little twerp now.

I reached into the grave and removed the leg bone of his grandfather.

"Ick." I said, scowling at it. The thing was dirty and raunchy. A moment later, I heard a scream! Ghosts! Glancing towards the gates, I saw Largo fighting off some wild bats who were just plain tired of being disturbed all night. As he was shooing them away, lightning flashed again as I started to rapidly fill in the hole I had made.

"Beat it!" Largo yelled, as he swatted away the flying rodents. He hurried to the top of the hill where the trail of tracks faded, and a shovel lay on top of a newly-covered hole in his grandfather's grave. He stared a moment, and looked around. No one in sight.

"I'd swear on my grandfather's grave," he said, "something weird is going on here." And with that, he started heading away from the cemetary. A few moments later, I peered out from behind the tombstone. He was gone. I checked my watch. A minute past midnight. I guess my mother was wrong, no ghosts. I pulled out my shopping list and checked off 'Something of the Dead.' I was all set.


"Guybrush," Elaine said, "Collecting voodoo ingredients for a doll hardly explains why you're here, dangling over an abyss, with Big Whoop in your hand."

"I'm getting there!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Hold your horses already!"


After my brush with possible near-death, I left the cemetary, watching for Largo, and made my way back to the voodoo shack, where I met the voodoo lady awaiting my arrival.

"You're back?" she asked, "Have you brought me the ingredients?"

"I have his pearly-white bra, his toupee," I said as I handed them over to her, "A hanky full of spit that he hucked upon my complexion, and the bone of his grandfather. And let me tell you, these were not easy to get. If Largo caught me, I'd be here handing these things to you with a prosthetic limb."

"Hmmm, the toupee isn't exactly part of his head." the voodoo lady said, "Maybe I could get some scalp fragments from it." She fumbled around with the ingredients.

"At last!" she exclaimed, "Now I can make a voodoo doll to be reckoned with! Let me get my Juju bag!"

"Heh, heh." I chuckled as she fetched her bag, "Juju."

"And for the ingredients," she said as she put them in one by one, "A dandruff flake from Largo's Head, a single piece of Largo's Thread, a drop of fluid from his Body, a single chip off the bone of the dead, and finally some miscallaneous voodoo herbs and seasonings, including monosodium glutamate."

"My favorite cereal's packed with that stuff!" I exclaimed.

"This ought to be good." the voodoo lady said as she finished filling the bag and started her voodoo chant, "Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who do we assassinate? Largo! Largo! Yeah!" We waited moment. She raised the bag high over her head. I looked around. Nothing seemed to be happening, until the darkish-blue hue of sky outside turned pure black. I glanced out the window to see the sky completely covered in black, no clouds, no stars, no anything. I backed away from the window as a blast of lightning came shooting out of the sky, striking the skull shack! I went flying back across the shask in a pile of voodoo supplies as the room glowed radiantly for a second or two. I got up from the pile to see the voodoo lady still holding the doll.

"Wow, that's some voodoo!" I exclaimed, "Did it work?" The bag exploded, sending me back clear across the room! I crashed into the exact same pile as before. A doll fell out of the bag into the voodoo lady's hands.

"Yep." she said, tossing it to me as I climbed out of the pile.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, "That looks just like him! Thanks, voodoo lady!"

"One more thing," she said, "Some of the ingredients were not the optimum specimens. It should still work, but it will have a limited range. You will have to get close to Largo. Very close."

"Uh, ok..." I said backing out of her room, "See ya, later."

"I know you will." she said, "I've foreseen it."

"What else have you foreseen?" I asked.

"That you'd better duck." she said, waving me down. I ducked as a fist came flying over my head! As I quickly got back up, a foot came up from behind and tripped me down to my face! As I spun around, I came face to face with Largo!

"I saw you coming out of that cemetary!" Largo said, "And I followed you here! No one breaks into my room, steals my nightwear, throws leftovers over my head, tracks mud all over my floor, digs up my grandfather's grave and gets away with it!" He swing again at me, nearly knocking off my head, and knocked the doll out of my hand!

"Ow!" he said momentarily as he struck the doll. The doll went flying across the room into the wall. Largo's pain only lasted a second and he attacked me again. The voodoo lady watched, not seeming to notice, but just staring ahead as Largo tried to kill me. I backed up into something on the shelf which pricked into my butt!

"Yee-Ow!" I yelled, jumping away and dodging another attack by Largo. I pulled a pin out of my butt! I lunged at Largo with the pin, and he stepped aside, causing me to miss and send myself into a pile of voodoo stuff.

"Is that your best?" Largo asked, "Come on, moron!" I noticed the doll right behind him and made a run for it. He grabbed me by the neck and threw me across the room. I went flailing to the floor and rolled onto my back.

"I could use a little help here!" I yelled to the voodoo lady who ignored me and stared blankly ahead. Largo knocked aside a series of jars and bottles from a shelf and grabbed a jar of Pirate-B-Gone.

"This'll teach you!" Largo laughed.

"That's only a display model." I said, "It won't work on me."

"I didn't plan on using potions on you." Largo said, "I was going to hit you with this!"

"Oh," I tried to get up, but it hurt too much. Largo raised the jar over his head, and was ready to bring it down onto mine, when Wally came flying in through the window and leapt onto Largo's face, knocking him down!

"Wally!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing here???"

"Saving your butt, Mr. Wood!" he said, "I saw you running past my door with Largo after you and came to help!"

"Quick!" I said, "The doll!" He grabbed the doll and threw it to me! I grabbed the doll and quickly shoved the pin into it's back!

"OW!" Largo yelled, grasping his back in pain.

"Take that, you stumpy little dim-witted toad!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Largo asked, rubbing his back, and getting up, "Who do you think you are anyway?"

"I'm Guybrush Threepwood." I said, "People don't always recognize me, that's why I carry this!"

"I'm going to tear you from limb to limb!" he said as I brought the pin down into the doll again! "OW! How you are you--OW!--doing that?!?"

"Largo LaGrande, you are a no-good, vicious, two-bit thug!" I said, "I command you to give us back our money and leave this island!"

"Tell him, Mr. Brush!" Wally said.

"Ha!" Largo laughed, rubbing his sore areas, "I already spent all your money!"

"Oh...well." I thought aloud, "I command you to leave this island!" He rolled up his sleeves and started advancing towards me.

"Just you try and make--OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" he screamed as I repeatedly jammed the doll with the pin. He hobbled away, headed for the window from which he came in. I removed the doll as he disappeared out the window.

"That'll teach you to mess with the slayer of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!" I yelled. He came back through the window in shock.

"What's that?" he asked, "You killed LeChuck?"

"As a matter of a fact, I did." I said, "Quite an interesting story, really..."

"The fortune-teller told me she did in LeChuck!" he exclaimed.

"She did, did she?" I asked looking over at the voodoo lady, who was looking in the other direction and whistling, "Did she have one of these?" And with that, I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my souvenir of LeChuck's attack on me. A squirming piece of LeChuck's spectral beard which I found laying around after the battle. Largo stared in shock at the sight of it.

"Is that..." he asked.

"Yes, LeChuck's beard." I said, "Still alive and wriggling."

"Let me see that!" he exclaimed grabbing it away from me, "Boy! It is alive! We've been looking for a living piece of LeChuck for years! Now we can bring him back to life!" I lunged at him as he tried to get away, but my face met floor!

"That has got to hurt." Wally said. Looking down at me.

"Get him, Wally!" I yelled. It was too late. Largo was already making his exit.

"Look out world!" Largo yelled, leaping out the window, "The most fearsome pirate of all time will soon sail the seas again!!!" I got up to see him making a hasty escape through the swamp, moving swiftly through the trees and jumping into his rowboat. He rowed out of the swamp and into the ocean with LeChuck's beard.

"Whoops." I said.

"Oh, crap." Wally said.

"Aye, yi-yi." the voodoo lady mumbled.

"Well, don't blame me!" I exclaimed, "You're the occult member here! Why didn't you do something instead of let me and Wally fight? Why didn't you use some voodoo? Why did you let me show him that thing?"

"I told you, my most powerful magic lies in voodoo dolls." she said, "You were the only with a voodoo doll. Unfortunately, a sudden unpredictable turn of events prevented me from knowing that you would have the beard."

"I wouldn't have shown it to him if he didn't think you killed LeChuck!" I exclaimed.

"Everyone makes mistakes." the voodoo lady said.

"But what about that bringing LeChuck back to life?" I asked.

"I'm afraid it's true, Guybrush." the lady said, "If they have any animated tissed, they can reanimate his whole body."

"But I blew his body in a zillion gooey pieces!" I exclaimed.

"Not his body, Guybrush." the lady said, "You destroyed his spirit form. His body was buried far away."

"But by now it must be..." Wally mumbled, then started to get nauseous.

"Rotten?" she asked, "Partially decomposed? Yes. And I don't think that's going to make him any more pleasant to deal with."

"He's going to be looking for me!" I exclaimed.

"Yes." she replied.

"He's going to try to kill me!!!" I yelled.

"Undoubtedly." she responded.

"Can you just kill me now and get it over with?" I asked.

"You must try not to lose hope, Guybrush." she said, "There is a way out."

"What is it?" I asked.

"You're doing it right now." she said.

"Fiddling with the change in my pocket?" I asked.

"Hunting for Big Whoop." she answered.

"Oh, yeah." I said, "I was doing that, wasn't I?"

"Big Whoop isn't just a treasure." she said, "It contains the secret to another world. Find that world and you'll be able to escape LeChuck forever."

"But I know so little about Big Whoop..." I said.

"Take this book." she said, reaching in a trash can next to her and tossing a fat red book to me. I looked at the cover. It read: "Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth?" "I checked it out at the Phatt City library. I foresaw your need."

"That's the book I told you about!" Wally said.

"Gee, thanks!" I exclaimed, gratefully.

"I used your name when I checked it out," she said, "So be sure and return it when you're through reading. I overdue fines in Phatt City are pretty steep."

"Gee..." I said, ungratefully, "Thanks."

"Now the two of you must go." she said.

"Let's go, Wally." I said as we hopped into the coffin. As I lowered ourselves down into the swamp again, Wally opened the book and read it aloud.

"This is fascinating!" he said as I paddled through the swamp, "It says here there were four pirates: Rapp Scallion (the cook), Young Lindy (the cabin boy), Mister Rogers (the first mate), and Captain Marley..."

"Marley?" I asked in shock, "I wonder if there's any relation."


"Yes." Elaine said.

"Yes what?" Guybrush asked, his arm beginning to strain.

"It was my grandfather who buried Big Whoop." Elaine said.

"Well, yeah." Guybrush said, "I figured that out by now."


As Wally said, the only place to hire a ship would be at Captain Dread's, so following Wally's directions, we hiked across the island as he continued reading.

"They buried their treasure along with--uh-oh--" he read, "--booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island. They made a map which they divided into four pieces, each taking one. Rapp Scallion later opened a Steamin' Weenies Hut on Scabb Island. It was a huge success but fell into disrepair after Rapp was killed in a flash fire. Young Lindy drifted aimlessly, down on his luck until he mysteriously came into money while panhandling on Booty Island. He used the cash to bankroll an advertising firm and later escaped from the law after his gross mishandling of the Gangrene 'n Honey account. It was said he stowed away on a ship called the Mad Monkey to avoid being arrested, and the ship later sunk, taking him with it. Mister Rogers retired off the coast of Phatt Island. He marketed homemade contest grog brewed in a bathtub until his recent disappearance . Captain Marley vanished while sailing in the Amercia's Cup Race. His boat was leading at the time."

"And there's no clue where he or the map piece may be?" I asked.

"None." Wally said. I bumped nose first into a tall pole and fell backwards.

"Ack!" I exclaimed, "It jumped right out at me!" We looked up at the sign post which indicated we found Captain Dread's place. A crooked dock lead the way over the water to an old boat in disrepair, being used as a shack. We crossed over the dock, Wally pocketing the book as we went, and entered the shack. Inside was Captain Dread, leaning against his wheel, looking bored. He was Jamaican man, with a big red hat, dark skin, and long dreads poking out of his head.

"Natty dreads!" I exclaimed.

"Thanks, mon!" he said turning to me, "I'm Captain Dread. What con I do for you?"

"We need to charter a ship." Wally said.

"You're in luck my friend." Captain Dread said, "Rumor from Bart and Fink has it Largo's been run off the island, so I'm free to sail again! The only problem is that you two don't look like the types that has twenty pieces 'o eight on you."

"Oh...uh..." I checked my pockets searching for any loose change Largo may not have stolen.

"Actually, I have that much." Wally said emptying his pockets, "This is the last of my cash."

"Well, mons!" Captain Dread exclaimed, "Consider my ship chartered!"

"Great!" I said, "Where is it?"

"You're standing in it, mon." Dread said.

"Yikes!"

Part 2: Escape from Phatt Island

MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE CARRIBEAN, HIDDEN BY AN ENDLESS STORM, LIES LECHUCK'S FORTRESS....

Largo marched through the mystic maze of corridors in LeChuck's fortress. The surrounding crew of skeletons, what was left of LeChuck's crew from what they decided to call: 'The Melee Island Incident', guarded the corridors and kept an eye on Largo as he stormed through impatiently. He came to a huge door covered in locks. He bashed in the door and as he stepped through, the skeletons behind began putting in a new door. They were getting used to this. Largo came up to LeChuck's personal voodoo practicioner, dressed in a purple robe and a purple face mask, carrying a shrunken-head-on-a-stick. A voodoo man's favorite after-dinner treat.

"So, when are we going to ressurrect the old bloated fool?" Largo asked him.

"LARGO!" LeChuck yelled from behind. Largo spun around in terror as a large creature, that resembled LeChuck, only with a long black beard, greenish decayed skin, and yellow eyes came up behind him. LeChuck stared daggers down at Largo who cowered in fear.

"Oops..." Largo moaned.

"I'll ignore that comment just this one time, Largo." LeChuck said, "Only because they tell me you've found Guybrush Threekwood."

"It's Threepwood." Largo said, "And I've found him on Scabb Island, though he could be anywhere by now."

"Very good." LeChuck said, "No one gets the upper hand on LeChuck without getting what he deserves. I want Guybrush brought to me, and I want him alive. I am entrusting this to you, Largo. Do not fail me."

"Never, your voodoo lordship." Largo said, heading out the door, then talking to the skeletons outside, "Come on, you stupid bags of bones, we're going to set up a drag net on the Scabb-Phatt-Booty Triangle. Guybrush ain't leaving that area without our knowing."

"Aye," LeChuck said, turning to his voodoo-in-chief, "Guybrush Threepwood is finished. I need you to start building me a very special doll..."

"With pleasure." the voodoo master said.


"Hold it right there!" Elaine exclaimed, "I can tell this is all a big lie! There's no way you knew exactly what happened at that time! You weren't even there!" Guybrush stopped talking for a moment.

"Um, well," he said, "Sometimes, you just have to believe."

"That doesn't explain how you knew what was happening over there." Elaine said.

"Well, how do you know I wasn't there?" Guybrush asked, "I could've actually been there, or had a vision, or maybe a friend of mine was spying or something!"

"What was it?" Elaine asked.

"Uh, pirate's intuition?" Guybrush asked, Elaine rolling her eyes, "Come on, it makes a great story! Anyway, I had just chartered my boat..."


We sailed over the sea in a old junky excuse for a boat. Captain Dread knew his business.

"I'm off to find Big Whoop." I said to Wally.

"I know." Wally said. After a few moments of staring out at the seascape behind us, we entered the cabin. Captain Dread turned to me.

"Welcome to the Jolly Rasta!" Dread exclaimed, "Where do you want to go?"

"Uh, do you know how to get to Phatt Island?" I asked, "I have a library book I really need to return, lest I want to pay an overdue fine."

"And while there, we can search for Mr. Rogers' piece of the map!" Wally said.

"That too." I said.

"Sure, mon!" Dread said, "To Phatt Island!"

And so, hours passed. Dread drove all over the sea, constantly driving in circles. We found ourselves dodging manatees, mermaids, rocks, tidal waves, mythological sea creatures, meteorites, Greek Gods, vampires, and an evil giant gerbil names Gerby the Great, then we found Scabb Island again, and had to start all over. Hours later, we found ourselves at the docks of Phatt Island. Captain Dread smashed right through the dock and his boat came to a stop.

"Ahoy, mon!" Dread yelled, "We've arrived at Phatt Island. Go out and enjoy yourself, I'll be right here."

"Thanks for the ride." I said, "Stick around, we'll be back. Come on, Wally."

"Coming, Mr. Wood." Wally said as we hopped out of the boat. We wandered along the docks and came past the library.

"I'll just be a second." Wally said, "I return this book and see if I can find any more research on our search."

"Sounds good, Wally." I said, "I'll ask the locals if they know anything about Big Whoop. As I wandered away, I came past a tall muscular man with a helmet overlapping his eyes, and a sword dangling from his belt. He was looking at a WANTED poster with the words GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD on it. On the poster itself was a picture of someone that looked like me, but had a mustache drawn on him. Kind of ironic how we both had the same name...

"Excuse me sir," the man said, stopping me, "Aren't you Guybrush Threepwood?"

"That right." I said, "I'm the man who swashed the Ghost Pirate LeChuck's buckles!"

"I'm sure that an interesting story," the man said, "but we don't have time for that now. You'd better come with me. Governor Phatt would like a word with you."

"Am I under arrest?" I asked.

"If you want to put it that way, sir, yes." the man said.

"Oh, all right." I said, "Let's go." As the man walked off, I started hurrying back to my ship. He spun around, already having drawn his gun and fired! I ducked as a bullet came firing past me. I got back up.

"Coming!" I said, hurrying back to him.

A few moments later, we arrived at Governor's Phatt's mansion. The mansion stood large, painted in white with a red roof, and covered in flora from all around. Inside was spacious, and mostly everything could be described as either plush, marble, or expensive. Or all. I was taken upstairs into Governor Phatt's room, which was nothing like the downstairs. Governor Phatt was probably the fattest thing anyone ever saw, with about eight neck rings and crazy uncombed red hair. He laid in his bed which was next to a huge wash basin, and a large pipe stuck out through the bottom of the bed for, well, you know.

"Well, Mr--" Phatt began, then heard a loud ringing noise, "Oh, excuse me." He turned to three large pipes sticking out through the wall and opened his mouth as food came spurting out of the tubes into his mouth. He swallowed, burped, and continued to talk, "Well, Mr. Threepwood, I can't tell you how pleased I am to have you here as my guest."

"Would you like to hear the story of the time I blew LeChuck's top?" I asked, "I'm assuming that's why I was brought here."

"Hahaha!" Phatt laughed, "Funny you should mention LeChuck, as he's the reason I brought you here."

"I knew it, you wanted to thank me for getting rid of him, eh?" I asked, "Well, no thanks are necessary. You see, I--"

"Perhaps you didn't kill him quite so throughly as you imagined." Phatt said, "He seems perfectly healthy considering what's been going on."

"What do you mean?" I asked, "What's been going on?"

"Largo and LeChuck's skeletal crew have been coming around," Phatt said, "They're looking for you, under order of LeChuck."

"Oh-no!" I exclaimed as Phatt started to eat another delivery of food from the kitchen, "LeChuck's back!"

"I beg your pardon, did you say something?" Phatt asked, wiping his mouth.

"Could I hide out here for a while?" I asked.

"You can hide out until LeChuck comes to pick you up." Phatt said, "You see, he's put a sizable bounty on your head. A bounty I intend to collect."

"Oh." I said, "I guess that bounty would buy a lot of bacon grease and pure fat, huh?"

"Why, you!" Phatt growled, "You can figure it out while you wait in the jail for LeChuck to pick you up. Take him away!" The big tall man behind me grabbed my arm and jerked me out the door.

"Yes, sir, Governor Phatt." the man said, "Come on, you little weasel."

"I'LL BE BACK!." I yelled to Governor Phatt, "Maybe."

So I was dragged back across the island, into the local jailhouse, where I was thrown into a cell and locked up. The man on his way out, gave the key to his cute little dog who stood guard at the door.

"Don't try to escape or anything." the man said, "Walt will chew you to bits. Walt, I'll be back to relieve you at eleven." The man left the jail cell and I plopped down on the mattress left out for me.

"Where's Wally when you need him?" I said.

"Who said that?" a female voice asked from the next cell. I looked over at the next cell to see a pretty pirate woman with red hair pulling down her blanket to see what was happening.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I'm Captain Kate Capsize." she said, "Who are you?"

"My name's Guybrush Threepwood and I'm and mighty pirate." I said.

"Right, so what are you in for?" she asked.

"Killing LeChuck, you?" I asked.

"Marketing my glass-bottom boat service without the Food Tax on my prices." she said, "This is the last time I work on Phatt Island."

"How long you've been in there?" I asked.

"Two days." she said, "Frankly, I don't think there's any way out of this cell."

"If only Wally was here, but Walt would bury him." I said, "Hey, Walt's got the key! Here, boy! Gimme the key!"

"I've tried that." she said, "He's too stubborn."

"I'm pretty good with dogs." I said, "Hey, Walt! Woof-aroof-roo! Bark, woof arf keys?"

"Grrr." Walt said, "Bark woof, ruff LeChuck!"

"Roof!" I exclaimed, "Baroof-woof bark bow-wow ruff?"

"Bark?" Walt asked, "Woof ruff?"

"What's he say?" Kate asked.

"He claims to be open to bribes." I said, "it's hard to tell, with his accent and all." Kate looked around her cell and saw the skeleton of a former prisoner. She snapped off a tibia bone and passed it over to me.

"See if he likes this." she said. I held it out through the bars. Walt came over and drop the keys, snatching the bone from my hands. I reached down and grabbed the keys.

"Good boy!!!" I exclaimed, petting him, "If anyone asks, I drugged you, Ok?"

"Woof!" Walt said, laying down in a corner with his bone. I unlocked my cell and forced it open, then headed over to Kate's, releasing her. She hurried out of the cage and grabbed her things from a nearby desk.

"Thanks, Guybrush." she said, "Sorry if I don't stick around, I have to get out of here. I wish there were someway I could repay you or something."

"Well, know that you mention it, I'm looking for map piece to Big Whoop on this island." I said.

"You mean Mister Roger's piece?" she asked, "I actually tried my luck in finding it too while I was here, with no such luck. If you insist on finding it, there's a shack on the other side of the island where he used to live, though his grandson resides there. That might be a good lead. For now, I'm gone. Catch you around the turnpike."

"See ya, Kate." I said as she hurried off. I hurried back through the town and located the library just as Wally was coming out carrying a ton of books.

"Hey, Wally!" I yelled.

"Hello, Mr. Brush!" Wally said, "Look at all the discount novels I found! They were just lying around for the taking!"

"Those are library books." I said. "They're always around for the taking."

"Oh." Wally said, "Did you find out anything from the locals?"

"Just that LeChuck's alive and is coming here for me." I said, "We'd better find that map piece, pronto. There's a shack on the other side of the island where it must be."

So we hiked off across the island, being efficient since LeChuck's crew could be coming here any minute. After about ten minutes of hurrying, we arrived at a large waterfall spouting down from an above hill, and on top of that hill was an old shack among some palm trees, and a large gorilla statue.

"There it is." Wally said, "Let's see if the proprietor will allow us entry into his residence."

"And while we're at it, ask the guy who lives here if we can come in." I said. We climbed up the hill and crossed over a stone bridge leading over the river that formed the waterfall, and came up to the house. Wally reached forward and knocked. A moment later, a fat slob of a man, an old sot with a red nose opened the door to us.

"Yes?" he asked, "What do you want?"

"Uh, we were wondering if we could come in for a minute, Mr....uh..." Wally said.

"Rum Rogers." he said, "Why do you want to come in?"

"Well, we heard about this guy who used to live here." Wally explained.

"I knew it." he moaned, putting his hand on his face and shaking his head, "Look kid, I'm sick of you would-be treasure hunters comin' over here. I just inherited this house two months ago, and every single day, all I've heard is '**rap tap tap** Do you have a treasure here? **SLAM!** **Rap tap tap!** Do you have a treasure here? **SLAM!** **rap tap tap** DO YOU HAVE A TREASURE HERE?!?' Augh!!! Why can't you people just go away and leave a retired pirate in peace???"

"Pretty please?" Wally asked, "I won't touch anything."

"I said NO!" Rum Roger exclaimed. I pushed my way past Wally and came face to face with the old moldy breath man.

"Stand aside, Wally, I'll take care of him!" I said.

"Who are you?" Rum asked.

"My name is Guybrush Threepwood; prepare to die." I said as I reached into my coat for my sword. A moment later, I realized I didn't have one on me.

"So you want to swordfight, eh?" Rum asked.

"Well, uh..." I muttered, still checking to see if I had a sword.

"Sword fighting is for wimps, weenies, and sissies." Rum said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Giving up so easily?" I asked, "Wow, this adventure's a cinch!"

"I have a better way to solve this dispute, come on in." he said as he motioned us into his house and closed the door, "Real pirates solve their differences with a drinking contest."

"Drinking contest?!?" I asked as he shoved me into a chair. Wally jumped aside as Rum Roger came past him carrying a tray of two mugs of grog. He sat in the chair opposite me and gave me a mug.

"This is my special grog, it's just for contests." he said, "Twice the alcohol, twice the calories. I hate having to use it."

"Um, listen, I've never been much of a drinker." I said, "How about you, Wally?"

"Are you crazy?" Wally asked, "I get drunk even drinking water!"

"Well, uh, I guess it's gotta be me." I said as I grabbed the mug.

"You drink, then me." Rum said. I held the mug up to my lips and tilted my head back. I suddenly jumped off my chair, staring and pointed in the direction behind Rum Rogers!

"Look behind you; a three-headed monkey!" I exclaimed.

"Where?!?" Rum asked as he spun around looking for it. I quickly dumped the grog into a potted plant of his which died immediately, then sat back down in my seat as he turned around to me.

"My mistake." I said, "I saw a mirror image of the three of us and interpreted the three heads I saw as..."

"Ah, shut up." Rum said, "Now drink...oh, you already finished yours. Well, my turn." Rum said as he held the grog to his mouth. There was a moment of consideration, then he guzzled down the foul fluid. Wally and I each made a disgusted face at the sight of it. Rum tossed the mug to the table and sat up straight.

"All right." Rum said, "Looks like a tie." A second later, he fell straight off his chair and landed on the ground, drunk as a skunk and twice as smelly.

"Ha!" Wally laughed, "That'll teach him!"

"Now let's look for that map!" I said as I got off my chair. We set about searching the area, looking behind the mirror, in the liquor cabinet, under the table, in the barrel, etc.

"Boy, it sure is hidden well." Wally said as he leaned against the wall. It sank in, triggering a mechanism that caused a section of the floor to open, with me on top!

"ACK!" I yelled as I plummeted into the secret basement! Wally rushed over to the hole and stared down into the basement, looking for me. It was pitch black.

"Mr. Wood?!?" he called down, "Are you all right?!?"

"Yeah." I moaned from below, "Hey, I found Waldo!"

"Really?" Wally asked.

"Nope." I said, "My mistake. Hey, Wal? Come down here and bring a light or something! I think I found something!" In moments, Wally found a piece of rope and a lantern. He tied the rope to the table and lowered himself into the hole, where he turned on the lantern. I could now see what was down here! A huge still laid aside, and several bathtubs and jugs of liquor stood nearby. A skeleton as inside one of the bathtubs.

"I think we found Rogers' brewery." Wally said.

"And I think we also found Rogers." I said, staring at the creepy skeleton, who seemed to be smiling while holding a jug of liquor in his boney left hand, "At least he died happy. Drunk, but happy."

"What's that in his other hand?" Wally asked, pointing at Roger's boney right hand. Inside was a torn piece of paper. I yanked it (and the skeletal hand) right off him and looked at it for a moment.

"This is it!" I exclaimed, excited, "This is the map piece!"

"Wow!" Wally exclaimed taking it from me, "Three more pieces and we're set! Let's go find them!" And with that, we started climing out of the cellar.

Moments later, we arrived back outside, our eyes taking a moment to adapt to the sudden light change.

"Finding this was rather easy." I said, "I hope the rest of them are like that." We climbed down the hill and started heading back through the jungle of the island, when we started hearing voices. The voices were chattery and gnawy, and one sounded exactly like Largo.

"Don't worry, men!" Largo yelled, "He can't have gotten far on this island!"

Wally and I exchanged looks in terror! Largo and the crew had come after us! We quickly dove into the bushes as Largo came storming through, hacking away at the foliage with his machete, and several skeleton crew members walking after him. Wally and I kept quiet. Largo's machete hacked through our bush, and missed my face by inches! We dove down lower and waited until they had completely passed. As soon as they had gone, Wally and I rushed out of the bushes and raced back towards town while Largo and the rest headed for the shack. We raced through the jungle and arrived shortly at town, only to see a crew of skeletons surrounding our ship. One of them quickly recognized me.

"That 'im!" the skeleton exclaimed, "That's da guy who moiderized LeChuck! After him!"

"What do we do, Wally?" I asked.

"Run." Wally said.

"You're a smart boy, Wal." I said as we raced back the opposite direction, back into the jungle in horror, as the rest of the skeletal crew charged after us. We scurried through the only trail we could find, and after a moments, found it lead us straight back to the waterfall. Largo and the skeletons were trashing the inside of the shack.

"Great." I said in dispair, "We're being chased by skeletons in one direction, and in the other, a crew awaits to ambush us."

"We need more firepower." Wally said, "Other than what we got."

"We don't have anything!" I exclaimed.

"Exactly my point." Wally said, "Come on, we stand a better chance up at the shack than here!" Wally hurried up the hill with me in pursuit, as the crew started hacking their way into the opening of the jungle. We stopped at the stone bridge to see a skeleton on guard.

"You guys!" he exclaimed, "Stop or I'll shoot!" He quickly extracted his gun! I made a run at him, and knocked him off the bridge, grabbing his gun as he fell! He went tumbling down the waterfall and his bones shattered on the rocks below! The ruckus caused Largo to poke his head out the shack's window.

"It's them!" Largo yelled. A bunch of skeleton burst out through the door and stood ready to attack. Wally and I spun around to see the rest of the crew hurrying up the hill, guns blazing and swords waving in the air. We stood at the foot of the bridge trapped. Wally glanced around.

"The statue!" Wally exclaimed, "Shoot the statue!"

"I know you're stressed, but taking out your anger on an inaminate object?" I asked.

"Just shoot it!" Wally ordered. I took a quick aim and fired clear across the river, straight into the base of the gorilla statue that stood near the shack. Largo and his crew jumped aside as the gorilla statue toppled straight over! Wally and I hurried out of the way as the statue collided with the stone bridge, causing it to tip over into the water! The rocks slipped apart from the bridge and collapsed into a tightly sealed dam! The river hit the dam, the waterfall stopping, and split into two rivers, both blasting straight out the sides! Largo and his gang were the first to be hit by the water and were sent flying back into the shack, while the other half of the water spray blasted into the pursuing crew of skeletons! Wally and I dove to the other side of the dam and watched as our obstacles were blown away by the water!

"Now!" Wally exclaimed, jumping to his feet and me following after him. We rushed down the hill beside the newly formed stream, through a pile of angry bones and back into the jungle!

A few moments later, we arrived back at town, where Captain Dread was still waiting for us, and a huge pirate ship was off in the distance. We jumped onto Dread's ship and hurried into the cabin where he was waiting.

"Mon!" he exclaimed, "Where've you been? Those fellows were asking for you!"

"Well, we're not asking for them!" I said, "Get us out of here!"

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Anywhere but here!" Wally said, "Get us to the farthest island from Phatt Island as you can, before the rest of the crew arrives at the ship and come after us!"

"Right, mon!" Dread said, "To Booty Island!" He shifted the gear into the reverse and jammed the accelerator to the floor! The boat sped out of the docking bay and sped across the water, into the horizon, leaving the deserted ship and the crew behind for Governor Phatt to deal with.

Part 3: The Third Chapter of this Story

MEANWHILE, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY...OOPS. WRONG STORY.
MEANWHILE, BACK IN LECHUCK'S FORTRESS...

LeChuck sat in his throne at his desk, waiting impatiently. It had been hours since he had last heard from Largo or his Voodoo Priest. He brought his fist down on his desk which jarred loose a special Voodoo Viewer Window to open up in his desk. Through this wondrous piece of magic, he was able to contact Largo.

"Largo!" LeChuck scowled, "Where the devil are you?!?" Largo's image fizzed into the screen. Largo was soaking wet, and he and a group of skeletons were busy reattaching skeleton parts, trying to rebuild the crew. Largo looked shocked at the sight of LeChuck.

"Captain LeChuck!" Largo exclaimed, "I wasn't expecting you!"

"You were expecting Errol Flynn perhaps?" LeChuck asked.

"In a swashbuckling episode like this, probably so." Largo said.

"What happened?" LeChuck asked, "Where's Guybrush?"

"Oh, uh...Guybrush?" Largo asked nervously, "Um, yes! Guybrush! Well, you see, he isn't alone! Um, as a matter of a fact, he's got himself a whole crew! They ambushed us and then caused a waterfall to backfire into us, or something...then like, they rushed back into their ship and sailed off, leaving us to die...uh...did I mention that they might have a piece of the Big Whoop map?"

"WHAT?!?" LeChuck yelled, "Do you know what happens if he gets the entire map???"

"What?" Largo asked, trying to stick a head bone into a leg bone.

"Well, he gets rich...but...oh, crap, there's something else." LeChuck growled, "You just get Guybrush Threepwood and his crew and bring them back to me. Don't let them find the other three pieces."

"Right, sir." Largo said, "They probably ran off to Booty Island."

"Booty Island?" LeChuck asked, "I was just told that Elaine Marley is now Governor there! While you're there, could you see about kidnapping her for me again?"

"Sure, boss." Largo said as his screen fizzed out. LeChuck stared at the screen for a moment. Another screen came up. The Voodoo Priest fizzed into screen. In the background, one could see the governor's mansion on Melee Island.

"Ah, Captain LeChuck." the Priest said, "Things are coming along well. I've already located a sample of his thread from Ex-Governor Marley's bedroom, and a piece of his hair on the stairwell..."

"I'm pleased to know you are doing well." LeChuck said, "But right now, we may have a bigger problem. I need you to prepare another special voodoo concoction...only as a precaution."

MEANWHILE, OVER THE BOUNTY MAIN....

"No, Mr. Wood!" Wally yelled as I held him up over the bow of the ship, "Put me back on the ship! I'm acrophobic!!!"

"Come on, I'm teaching you to fly!" I exclaimed, "Whoa, I bet you're feeling like an academy-award winner, eh?"

"I'm feeling nauseous!" Wally yelled, "Put me down!" With that, I set Wally back onto the ship, where he hurried away from me into the cabin. I followed after him.

"Hey, Dread." I said to the captain, "Where are we going again anyway?"

"Booty Island, mon!" Captain Dread said, "The festive French, Mardi Gras, party-all-the-time island, run by the most respected governor around, Governor Elaine Marley!"

"Elaine?!?" I exclaimed in shock, "Full speed ahead! Floor it! Move this hunk of junk's butt!"

"Are you kidding?" Dread asked, "This is as fast as it can go! Any faster and it'll fall apart!"

"What's the sudden rush?" Wally asked.

"Never mind." I said, "When we get there, you ask around about the Big Whoop pieces, okay? I'm going on a 'business trip'."

A few hours later, the Jolly Rasta arrived at Booty Island and parked just off the shore of the capital city of Booty Island, Ville de la Booty.

"Keep an eye out for Largo and the crew." I told Dread, handing him the gun, "We'll be back soon."

"Aye, mon." Dread said, "While you're gone, I'll just amuse myself with this Pop-Up Book of Rancors."

"Hey, that's mine!" Wally exclaimed.

"Come on, Wally!" I said as I hopped off the ship into the town. I wandered out into the center of the town to see very little activity. A Previously-Owned Coffin shop was placed nearby (and my sixth sense picked up Stan's life sign; telling me to avoid that place), a Pawn Shop was also nearby, along with a costume shop (which seemed to be closed for some reason), and several other buildings. An old man next to a cannon was stationed nearby, looking out to sea.

"I'll be in the Pawn Shop if you need me." Wally said, heading off. I stepped up to the old man.

"Hey!" I said, "Where's the governor's mansion?"

"What did you say?" the man asked, putting up an earphone, "Say it again?"

"I'm looking for the governor's mansion, old man." I said.

"The name's Augustus DeWatte!" the man snapped back.

"Whatever." I said, "For the third time, where's the governor's mansion?"

"I fire this cannon whenever I hear the mail boat coming." Augustus said.

"WHERE IS THE MANSION???" I yelled.

"Well, you're pretty rude." Augustus said.

"PLEASE, where is the governor's mansion?" I asked.

"Ya know, it's Mardi Gras all the time on Booty Island." Augustus said, "That's french for 'Fat Tuesday'..."

"Listen, AUGUSTUS, will you PLEASE tell me WHERE the MANSION is?" I asked angrily.

"Oh, on the other side of the island." Augustus said, "All you had to do is ask."

"Right." I said wandering off into the island's jungle.

Moments later, I came up to a huge white mansion in the middle of heavy jungle flora. Wild party music blared from inside and a gardener and his dog were by the door. As I came up to the door, the gardener stopped me.

"Hold it." the gardener said, "Costumes and invitations only."

"Um...this is my costume!" I said.

"Right." the gardener moaned, "You come as a flooring inspector?"

"No!" I exclaimed, "I'm a pirate! See the big captain's jacket (I wish I knew where I got it), the beard, the boots?"

"Well, yeah, I guess no one would where that in public without a reason." the gardener said, "But your invitation?"

"Your dog ate it." I said.

"Seriously." the gardener moaned.

"Listen, I used to go out with the governor!" I said, "I'm her ex-boyfriend! I killed LeChuck! I drove Largo off Scabb Island! I defeated a crew of skeletons on Phatt Island! Lemme in!"

"No invitation, no party." the gardener said.

"Well, maybe you'd like to hear about how I killed G.P. LeChuck..." I started my story when he stopped me.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" he exclaimed, "Go into the stupid party! Just don't go telling me stories! The governor's version of that story is long enough!"

"Hey, thanks!" I said, heading into the mansion. As I entered the ballroom, my mouth dropped in amazement. It was astoundingly small. And it seemed like only ten people were invited, all in costumes. A couple made out by the stairwell, blocking passage upstairs. Another couple guys were chatting about sexual innuendos and how anyone in the room could be a chick in disguise. Two more people stood by an eaten fish, toasting anything that came to mind, and four more people were arguing over stuff.

"Hey, anyone seen Elaine around?" I asked. No one paid attention to me. "I'm serious here! Maybe one of you are the governor? It's hard to tell with all these crazy costumes." As I looked around the room, my eye spotted a strange piece of art framed on the wall. I raced up to it and snatched it off. It was the second piece of the map!!!

"Holy crow!" I exclaimed, "Captain Marley must have given this to Elaine before his disappearance! I can't wait to tell Wally!" I hurried out the door, pocketing the map piece, and completely forgetting about Elaine, and was stopped by the bloodhound outside, who was continuously yapping at me!

"What's the matter, boy?" I asked in shock, "Smell something? Uh...nice doggy?" The dog kept barking at me angrily. The gardener turned from his post to look over at us.

"What's the matter there, Guybrush?" he asked.

"That crazy dog is trying to kill me!" I exclaimed.

"I was talking to the dog!" the gardener exclaimed, "Who are you?"

"Elaine named her dog Guybrush?!?" I asked in exclamation.

"Yeah, I don't get it either." the gardener said, "It's not much of a name if you ask me. She says it's cause he's dumb and helpless and keeps getting in the way...but he can sure sniff out the governor's possessions. Maybe you should empty your pockets?" I realized the dog smelled the map piece on me! If I was caught, I'd end up in another jail cell! I had to make a break for it!

"Try and catch me, old man!" I exclaimed, running off as fast as I could! The gardener hurled the rake clear over my head and into my path, and not watching where I was going, I stepped straight onto the rake, it's handle flying up into my face, beating out a few permanent teeth, and knocking all consciouness out of my head. As I fell backwards and went to sleep, the last words I heard were from the gardener.

"Oh, look out for that rake."


"Um, Guybrush?" Elaine asked, "Is this, by any chance, the part where we meet?"

"Of course." Guybrush said.

"Well, is it neccessary to go through it?" Elaine asked, "I mean, I was there. I know what happens."

"Hey, this is my story." Guybrush commented, "I'll say what I want."

"And do you have to keep referring to me as Elaine?" Elaine asked, "You're talking to me, so why don't you say things like 'you' when referring to me? Is it neccessary to keep referring to me in the third person?"

"Yes." Guybrush said, "Anyway..."


As I came to, I found myself waking up on a carpet floor, and looking up at the gardner, who was talking to someone.

"Governor, I caught one of your party guest making off with your grandfather's map." the gardner said.

"Another would-be treasure-hunter, eh?" a female voice answered, "Bring him in."

"In here, Guybrush." the gardner said, helping me up. I entered the room to see her, Elaine! Elaine Marley! I had found her! The beautiful brunette whom I had rescued on Melee Island, the lovely woman I had lived with, the---OW! All right, all right! I'll tell the story! Geez, you can get touchy, can't you, Elaine?

"Guybrush!" Elaine exclaimed, "Guybrush Threepwood?!?"

"The one and only, sugarbear!" I said, running in to hug her. She jumped out of the way over to the gardner, who handed her the map piece. She took a look at me and sighed in disgust.

"Of all the parties, in all the houses, "she said, "on all the island in the Carribean...he had to crash mine."

"We'll always have Melee Island." I said, doing my best Bogie impression, "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

"Why do I feel black-and-white all over?" Elaine asked herself.

"It's destiny, honey cakes!" I said in a mushy voice.

"Don't talk to me." Elaine said, turning away to the window.

"Snugglepuss!" I exclaimed, coming closer.

"Get lost." she said.

"Punky Doodle!"

"I'm warning you...."

"Pooper-dooper!"

"Maybe I should go rake the back forty." the gardner said, hurrying out the door.

"Boy," I said, "We haven't been like this since...well..."

"Since I quit my job and moved away without leaving a forwarding address?" Elaine asked.

"Was that what happened?" I asked, "Gee, I thought..."

"Guybrush, can't you take a hint?" Elaine asked, "We were a mistake. I thought we had an agreement..."

"Aaahhh...." I whined.

"Please don't do that." Elaine said, "Our love isn't meant to be."

"Maybe not yours..." I said, "But mine. I'll leap out this window to prove my love!" I hurried up to the window and flung it open. I stood on the sill and looked back at her.

"Here I go, Elaine!" I said, "Don't try to stop me!"

"I won't." Elaine said.

"I'm jumping..." I said, holding one foot out the window.

"That isn't going to work on me." Elaine said.

"Rats." I said to myself. The windowsill snapped. I went plummeting off the windowsill by accident and smack dab into the ground. I laid flat on my back, staring up into the sky in a dazed sense. Elaine leaned out her window and stared down at me.

"A maiden in the window, and the guy on the ground." Elaine said, "Sounds too Shakespearean to me, and you're definetely no Romeo. You Ok?"

"Fine." I squeaked, mostly paralyzed, "Very fine. Got any Tylenol, sweetie-pie?"

"Oh, Guybrush." Elaine said, looking down at me with a smile, "I know I shouldn't have anything to do with you, but there's something about your weakness and ineptitude that I find infectious." I lifted myself slowly off the ground, slightly hearing a snap somewhere on my person, and looked up at Elaine.

"Does that mean you're going to let me have the map piece???" I asked in high hopes. Elaine's expression dropped and she got that angry look that made her look cute.

"That map!" she exclaimed angrily, "Is that what this is all about? I should have known better! If the map's all you care about..."

She flung the map piece out the window, the wind carrying it off across the island!!!

"Then you'd better go fetch." And with that, she closed the windows shut. I stared in horror as the map went flying out of sight. I looked around for aid, and only saw the dog, Little Guybrush.

"Guybrush!" I exclaimed, grabbing a fallen vine off the ground and tying it around his collar, "You can sniff out the governor's possessions! Can't you! Go fetch the map, boy! Go get the map!"

Guybrush didn't do anything. I gave him a kick. It wasn't a kickstart apparently.

"Go, or I'll tell you how I killed LeChuck!" I exclaimed. Guybrush leapt to his feet and raced across, pulling me off my feet and racing through the jungle at warp speed, after the map!

"WHOA!" I yelled as I flew behind, holding tight to the leash, my feet not even having a chance to touch the ground! I went flying into trees! I went crashing into rocks! I went through a mountain! Guybrush's sense of smell was homing in closely on the map piece in record time!

"Keep going, boy!" I exclaimed. We rushed through the village, going past Wally!

"Mr. Brush! We...!"

"No time for talk, Wal!" I said, going past him, and straight out of town! Up ahead I saw the map piece through a hole in the dense jungle canvas. We rushed out fo the jungle, and Guybrush stopped in his tracks, sending me flying over him and straight at the map! I grabbed it in mid-air!

"I got the map!" I exclaimed, then started to fall. I stared down the cliff I was been flung over and fell straight down to the thrashing waves below...screaming.

Everything went red.

I didn't know what happened, but it was neat! I stood up and walked across the red ground I had appeared on.

"Do not attempt to adjust your color!" I exclaimed to unseeing eyes, then I saw two people coming towards me.

"Mom! Dad!" I exclaimed as I looked at them, "What are you doing here? I thought you abandoned me!"

"We didn't abandon you." Mom said, "We dropped you."

"We're here to give you information, son." Dad said.

"Oh, really?" I asked, "What is it?"

"Well, we're going to give it to you in the form of a song." Mom said.

"But, mom!" I exclaimed, "I don't have time for a song! I have to get out of wherever I am and go find the Big Whoop map!"

"I guess we could just tell you." Dad said, "Son, did I ever teach you the Perfect Spit?"

"No." I said.

"It's been handed down from Threepwood to Threepwood." he explained, "All you have to do is visualize your target and spit in the appropriate direction."

"That's it?" I asked, "LeChuck's loose and I'm on the lam, we have to find two more pieces before he finds me, and you're teaching me to spit?!?"

"Yes I am." Dad said, "You never know when you need to spit. Now we have to hurry away right now."

"Bye, son!" Mom said as she and dad raced off. I hurried after them, but stopped.

"Wait!" I exclaimed, "Where are you going?"

"BWAHAHAHA!" A loud voice burst out from behind me! I spun around to come face to face witht he decaying green face of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck!

"LeChuck!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing here now?"

"Returning the favor!" LeChuck exclaimed, "You killed me, now I kill you!"

"No!" I exclaimed, "This has to be a dream!"

"Actually, yes, but don't worry, it'll be over in a moment." LeChuck said, drawing his sword and bring it down on me!

"OW!" I said as it hit me head on that head!

"Come on, wake up, kid!" Augustus said, poking me in the head with his earphone. Opening my eyes, all colors were normal. I realized I had washed up on the shore of the beach of the town, my mouth full of sand, and I noticed the map piece in my hand.

"Wow, whatta dream." I said, getting up, fully awake, "Man, oh, man, Augustus, how long was I out?"

"Your friends ran off with your other friends moments before you washed up." Augustus said, "And they kidnapped the Governor!"

"WHAT?!?" I exclaimed, turning to the sea, "What other friends?!? Hey! Where'd Dread's ship go?"

"One short guy and thirty dead guys came along looking for the killer of LeChuck," Augustus said, "After kidnapping Govenor Marley, they kidnapped your friends too!"

"Largo!" I exclaimed, "He's captured Elaine, Wally, and Dread! Where'd they go?"

"Um, that way." Augustus said.

"Which way?" I asked, "Point! Ah, forget it! I need a boat! I have to go rescue them! I think."

I looked around desperately in panic. Nothing that could help me. No boats in sight. I then noticed a sign up in Stan's window advertising Water-Proof Coffins on Sale.

"Stan!" I exclaimed, rushing into Stan's Previously-Owned Coffins! Stan came rushing up to me, at the sight of a customer.

"Howdy, partner!" he exclaimed. I fought my way past him, forcing him into a coffin before he could lay any selling gimmicks on me. I slammed it shut tightly on him and searched for a water proof coffin.

"Hey!" Stan yelled, "I can't get the lid open!"

"That's your problem." I said, finding a nice large one, similar to the one that the Voodoo Priestess on Scabb Island used. I rushed out the door dragging it behind me, and down to the beach where I tossed it in the water. Grabbing a paddle I found on the sand, I hopped into the coffin and immediately started paddling it away from Booty Island.

After a couple of hours of paddling, I found my arms growing weary and the heat searing into my head. I dropped the paddle and fell back in the coffin. I was going to die in a coffin. How ironic. I guess I should have waited until Augustus actually got around to pointing out directions.

"Hey!" I yelled, "Down here! Help! Guybrush Threepwood in trouble! Help!"

Someone answered from above.

"Hey, Largo!" the skeleton yelled, "He's over here!" Largo came rushing over to the edge of the ship with a crew of skeletons by his side, all pointing guns at me.

"Yeah!" Largo exclaimed, "That's the guy! Throw him in the hold! LeChuck's waiting!"

"Ah, geez." I said to myself, considering the irony, then I had an urge to do something, "I can't resist." I withdrew my voodoo doll and pin and stabbed it a couple times.

"OW! OW!" Largo screamed in pain.

Part 4: Elaine kicks butt

Well, I had sent myself into a trap. My search for Largo's ship, Elaine, and my friends had resulted in me being captured, my seaworthy coffin blown apart, and me being trapped in the hold, as Largo and the crew took me to LeChuck's fortress. Everything I had was confiscated, including the map pieces, and the voodoo doll, not like it would fight the rest of the crew, but I loved watching Largo suffer. Down in the hold was wet and damp, with only a few crates to sit on, a lantern, and a rat. Captain Dread and Wally had already made themselves at home, while Elaine sat in the opposite side of the room, her back turned from us, as if pouting.

"She's been like that since we arrived." Dread said.

"Elaine?" I asked sensitively, approaching her.

"She said she wanted to be left alone, mon." Dread said. I noticed Wally was stumbling around, as if in darkness.

"Wally?' I asked.

"My monocle!" Wally exclaimed, "Where'd they put my monocle?!?" Wally ran into a wall.

"You know, I can't believe they sunk my ship. mon!" Dread exclaimed, "I had only one more payment on it!"

"Mr. Wood, are we going to die?" Wally asked, "I'd hate to die blind!"

"We're doomed." I said, "Unless we get out of here. Hey, Wal? If we do get out of here, where do you think the other map pieces are?"

"This is hardly the time or place to discuss this." Wally said, shooing away the rat, "I need to find that monocle! It must have fallen off in here or something!"

The hatch for the hold slowly opened.

"All right, which of you guys are..." the skeleton asked.

"Him, mon!" Dread exclaimed pointed at me, "Us, we're just Dread and Wally! He's the guy you want!"

"Traitor." I mumbled.

"Ah, good." the skeleton said, "Largo wants to see the two of you."

"Us?" Wally exclaimed, "Does he know where my monocle is?

"No, we wants you because you're deadweight." the skeleton said, "Beepwood and Marley are all we want. Now get up here."

Two skeletons came down and seized Dread and Wally! I couldn't let that happen! I jumped to my feet, and sent a swift karate kick to the skull of one skeleton, knocking it's head off! I then karate chopped the ribs of the other! I then put on my jetpack, dropped the bomb, grabbed Dread and Wally, and warped off the ship before...


"Guybrush?" Elaine asked.

"Yeah?" Guybrush asked.

"Where the heck did you get a jetpack, and a bomb?" Elaine asked, "And where did you learn karate?"

"Um..." Guybrush muttered to himself, "As I was saying, two skeletons burst into the hatch and suddenly grabbed Dread and Wally! I jumped to my feet in a lame attempt to rescue them, but was thrown back to the floor with a sharp blow to the head with a bony hand..."


"Save us, Mr. Brush!" Wally yelled as he was dragged up the ladder by the two grotesque skeletons. I lunged up after them, only to ram my face into the hatch as it closed in on me!

"Wally!" I yelled up after them, "Dread! Oh, crap...Elaine!" I rushed over to her, "Elaine, you have to do help me get out of here! They're going to kill Wally and Dread.

She didn't answer. I looked at her straight in the face.

"You're not Elaine!" I exclaimed looking at the face, "You're a dummy! Where's Elaine?"

The stuffed dummy didn't answer. Apparently, Elaine had already escaped. Meaning I had to too. I rushed up to the hatch and pounded on it. No one answered. I pounded my fist on it several times, only resulting in massive bone fractures. I climbed down the ladder and looked around the hole. Just crates, a rat, and a lantern.

"Hey...what's in the crates?" I asked myself, going over to pry them open with my numb hand. I lifted the first lid to find it empty. I opened the second one to find it empty. I opened the third one to find it...empty.

"Well, this causes a major problem." I said to myself, "I could use the lantern to burn open the hatch, but that would take me with it." I went back to the hatch and pounded on it.

"Hey, quit it down there!" A guard yelled.

"Hey, you!" I yelled, "Let me out!"

"Not a chance, Threepwood." the guard answered.

"I'm not Threepwood!" I said, "Uh, I'm someone you left in here with him!"

"Elaine, right?" the guard asked.

"No, I have a man's voice!" I cried, "I'm...uh...it's Dave, man! Lemme out!"

"Dave?" the guard asked.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed, "Lemme out!"

"Dave's not here, man." the guard answered, "Wait a second. You sound like Threepwood."

"I'm not!" I exclaimed, "Open the hatch and see!" A moment later, the hatch latch started to shake. As it started to open, I forced myself into it, causing it swing open forcefully into the guard above! His skeletal head went flying across the room as I burst out of the hold! I looked down at the head, and the body that was searching around for it.

"Hey, you're Bob!" I exclaimed, "Remember me? I could've sworn I disintegrated you with root beer when I last saw you!"

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't." Bob said, "Listen, could you direct my body over here? I need my legs back."

"Maybe later." I said, "I have to save my friends and find Elaine!" And with that, I raced up the ladder leading to the upper decks.

I arrived at the top deck, to find myself among the entire crew of skeletons. Fortunately, their interest was placed on Wally and Dread who were tied up and standing on the end of the plank, where Largo was threatening them with a sword. Elaine was nowhere in sight. Perhaps she had never been caught in the first place. Perhaps she had, escaped, and is still lurking somewhere on this ship...

"Any last words?" Largo asked.

"Yes, mon." Dread said, "I like to thank all my friends and relatives who helped me live this long, and I'd like to present an especially long speech for each and every one of them. First there's my Great, Great...."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Largo moaned, "Just jump!"

"Where's my monocle?!?" Wally asked angrily.

"Hey, mon, look!" Dread exclaimed.

"I can't!" Wally said.

"Mr. Threepwood's come to rescue us!" Dread exclaimed, seeing me across the ship.

"Mr. Wood!" Wally exclaimed, "You've come to rescue us!"

All the skeletons turned towards me. I grinned a stupid grin and waved.

"Yes, Wally." I said, "I came to rescue you, but a pint-sized cartographer and a Jamaican ship captain screwed up my whole rescue mission."

"What jerks." Wally said. Immediately, all the skeletons aimed their guns and swords at me!

"YEEHAH!" Elaine screamed as she came flying out the crow's nest, her sword bared and ready! She landed among the midst of skeletons, and in seconds, fought several of them into bone piles!

"Elaine!" I exclaimed, "You're here!"

"I know!" she said, still fighting, "Just go rescue Wally and Dread!" I raced through the crowd as the skeletons were being pummelled by Elaine and pounced upon Largo, pushing him onto the deck! He grabbed me by the collar and threw me over his head, through a porthole, where I landed in the captain's cabin! I landed against a safe which burst open at the moment of impact. Two parchments of paper floated down into my lap, along with a round glass object.

"The map pieces and Wally's monocle!!!" I exclaimed, "What a coincidence!" As I got up, putting away the things, I forgot about Largo. He grabbed me again and threw me through the door! I landed among the skeletons again, who collapsed upon me as Elaine knocked them over! I squirmed out from under in time to see Largo pushing Dread and Wally off the plank!

"This keeps getting worse and worse!!!" I exclaimed, squeezing out from under the skeleton pile and leaping off the plank after them!

I dove through the water surface and swam after Dread and Wally who were rapidly sinking through the cold water. I had ten minutes of air, but their lungs weren't as developed as mine. I grabbed onto the squirming Wally and immediately set about untying his hands and legs. His bonds slid off easily and he quickly raced back up to the surface.I turned to Dread who finally hit the ocean bottom and quickly set about untying his bonds. Fortunately, slip knots were easier to untie than I expected. He quickly shot back towards the surface. As he swam off, my eyes noticed a strange shape ahead of me. My curiousity got the best of me, and instead of going up with my friends, I swam towards the shape which, as I came closer, turned out to a huge sunken galleon, with the letters 'MAD MONKEY' spread on the bow of the ship, where a huge monkey figure was. The Mad Monkey! This is the ship that Young Lindy sank on! I swam towards it, just missing the anchor of Largo's ship as I went. I ! ! swam onto the deck, where I saw plenty of skeletons laying about, one of which, was in cabin boy clothes. Young Lindy! I graverobbed the skeleton, searching its pockets, and coming up with the third map piece (and a strange slimy substance), hidden away in a coat pocket! Perfect! Now all I had to do was evade Largo's crew and find the last map piece...Largo. Crap, I had to get back up there!

As I surfaced, I found myself swimming next to Dread and Wally, who were looking up at the entire crew who were just throwing Elaine overboard. Largo stepped up among and sneered down at me.

"I don't care what LeChuck says!" Largo says, "I've had enough of you guys! Fire at will!"

"Wait!" I exclaimed, "All you have to do is shoot and it's all over! We've caused you enough suffering, right? Why not desert us in the middle of the sea to die?"

"What?!?" Wally exclaimed.

"He's snapped, mon." Dread said. Largo thought for a second.

"Sounds like a trick...nah." he said, "All right, but in a few days, or hours, depending on whether your arms and legs give out, or you die of starvation, you're all going to wish you;d been shot. Weight the anchor, Murray."

"Way to go, Guy." Elaine said.

"Weighing anchor, sir!" Murray said as he strolled over to the crank for the anchor. I motioned for Wally and Dread to back away from the ship as the anchor came up. There was a loud screeching sound from the anchor.

"What is that?" Largo asked.

"The anchor doesn't seem to want to come all the way up!" Murray said.

"Keep cranking!" Largo ordered. Murray shrugged his shoulder bones and tried his hardest on cranking up the anchor. The bottom of the ship smashed open and the ship lopped over!!!

"What's going on?" Wally asked.

"I hooked the anchor onto a large piece of the galleon down below!" I explained, "I figured it would be large enough to breech the hull!"

"Way to go, Guy!" Elaine exclaimed happily.

We watched as ever skeleton on the ship panicked, going overboard, and Largo clinging to the rail. The ship slapped down onto the water and skeletons quickly sank, having no skin or muscles to help keep them afloat! The ship slowly went down with screams and everything.

"Wow." Dread said. Largo burst out of the water with a gun and aimed it at my head.

"It's over." Largo said angrily.

"Something's happening, isn't it?." Wally said, "Where'd that monocle go???" Suddenly, a small ship drove into the back of Largo's head, running him over and driving him underwater! We looked up to see Captain Kate peering over the edge of her glass-bottom boat at us.

"Whoa, mon!" Dread exclaimed, "That's a fine lookin' dish!"

"Hey!" she exclaimed, "It's you...uh...Mybrush! What are you doing out here?"

"It's Guybrush!" I corrected her, "Now what are you doing here? Have you came to rescue us?"

"Heck no!" she exclaimed, "I was on my way to Scabb Island and...ah, geez. Why don't you guys get up here before you catch your deaths of hypothermia?" Kate helped the four of us out of the water and into her glass-bottom boat (which she probably ordered out of a comic book). I slipped Wally's monocle back onto his eye and he smiled happily, being able to see again. We all looked through the glass bottom and watched Largo and his crew fidgeting around underwater. Largo was constantly banging on the glass.

"Well, that's about all I need to see." I said, "Kate, take us to Scabb!"

"I'm the captain here, not you." Kate said.

"You'e been demoted, Guybrush." Elaine said. The four of us sat on a bench outside while Kate drove us back towards Scabb.

"Well, that's definitely a change of events from governing all day." Elaine said.

"So is anyone going to give me credit for this rescue?" I asked.

"What for?" Dread asked, "Governor Marley did all the work."

"Yes, I did." Elaine said.

"But I untied you guys when you were underwater!" I exclaimed.

"She would have done it eventually." Wally said.

"Ah, man!" I said in frustration, "I save the day and still lose the girl!" Elaine gave me a peck on my cheek.

"I suppose it was brave of you to come anyway." she said, "I'm still on Booty Island if you ever need me."

"YAY!" I exclaimed.

"So what do we do when we get back?" Wally asked.

"Well, hey!" I exclaimed, pulling out the fragments of paper I had, "I have three map pieces already! One more and we can go find Big Whoop!"

"Three pieces?" Wally asked, "Fantastic! And I think I know where to find the last!"

"Hey, mons?" Dread asked, "I am still here, and you're ignoring me, even though I've lost my business and home."

"So where's the last piece?" I asked.

"Rapp Scallion was last in possession of it." Wally explained, "It might in his weenie-hut...or in his grave."

"Whoa, please let it be the weenie hut." I said.

"No home, no job, no life." Dread said sadly, "You people have ruined me! You and your stupid adventures!"

"Shut up, Dread." Kate said, "You want a job? Start cleaning the glass."

"Aye!" Dread said happily, grabbing a sponge and a bucket of water, and starting on cleaning the glass bottom.

Part 5: A Visit from LeChuck

Once again (Yawn) back at LeChuck's...ah, you know the place...

LeChuck entered his office again. After countless hours of pacing in the hallways outside (what else is there to do), he was eager to know what was up with the bounty mission. He turned on his voodoo Viewer Window and a vision of Largo, soaking wet, outside his office door appeared. LeChuck slammed down the window and threw open the door to look down at Largo, dripping on the carpet.

"LARGO?!?" LeChuck screamed, "WHERE'S GUYBRUSH?!?"

"Oh, uh...Guybrush?" Largo asked sheepishly, "Ah, yes, well, there's more of a problem here. His crew..."

"Enough of his crew!" LeChuck exclaimed, "Word has it it's him, some midget, and a black guy running loose around the Carribbean!"

"Well...you see..." Largo stopped talking for a second to rub his neck in worrying, "First we kidnapped his two friends (and Marley like you asked) hoping to lure him to us, which worked, then we threw him in the hold while we were delivering them to you, but stopped to get rid of the other passengers, and in that time, Guybrush escaped the hold, Marley stormed the crew, and then Guybrush rigged the anchor up to something which shredded a hole in our ship, then someone came and rescued them, so you can see it's not our fault."

Largo stopped talking and glanced up at the huge looming figure over him with terror in his eyes. He grinned a stupid grin at LeChuck and slowly started backing away.

"Did I mention you look great for a guy who's been dead for years?" Largo asked. LeChuck growled started rising out of his ears. With a swift blow, he sent Largo flying across the room. Largo smashed into a wall and slid onto the floor in pain. He slowly got back to his feet in a daze.

"No more bumbling henchmen!" LeChuck exclaimed, "If you want something done, I have to do it myself!"

"Uh, I could add that we could have just killed him on sight," Largo explained, "But under your orders, we kept him alive long enough to escape. Why don't we just shoot him when we see him? Then all these problems with him would be over!"

"True." LeChuck said, "But my problems with him are more than just him having killed me once. There are things even you don't know about between us. Things far more personal than you would ever imagine...get my private ship ready. We're going to storm Scabb Island before this night is through."

-

Night had fallen again as we hit shore of Scabb Island again. Kate had offered to give Elaine a ride back to Booty Island, along with Dread who was now an employee of hers. Wally and I headed back into town. I gave Wally the pieces I already collected.

"I'll see what I can do with these." Wally said, "Who knows? We may not need the fourth piece at all."

"Well, none the less, I'd better go look it." I said, "Meet you back at your house later."

And so, with only one piece left to find, I headed off across the island, in search of Rapp Scallion's old Weenie Hut. As I remembered, I had last seen it while talking to Bart and Fink the other day, so I headed off to the beach. I arrived to find the two of them still sitting on their logs and roasting marshmallows. I walked up to them and sat down on the other log.

"He's back." Bart moaned.

"Hi, guys!" I exclaimed, "Wanna hear about the time I kicked LeChuck's butt?"

"No!" Fink exclaimed.

"Well...got any more marshmallows then?" I asked.

"We don't have any marshmallows." Bart said.

"Then what's that white puffy thing on the end of that stick?" I asked.

"That's the stuffing for behind my eyepatch." Bart said.

"We're sterilizing it." Fink said.

"Oh." I said, "Listen, I've got a great story already lined up for you guys that involves betrayal, romance, action, adventure, drinking, and suicide missions! It's going to be great, but first I need to find Rapp Scallion's map piece..."

"Where are ya gonna look?" Bart asked.

"I was going to search the Weenie Hut." I said.

"Just like all the others?" Fink asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Rapp Scallion was ready to take his secret of Big Whoop to the grave with him." Bart explained, "When he was cremated by the kitchen fire, word has it, he had the piece of the map on his person, which was cremated along with him."

"Oh-no!" I said in shock, "Now what do I...you're not making this up, are you?"

"No way." Fink said, "If you want that map, a little voodoo is in order. You'd need to break into the crypt and rehydrate Rapp's remains with a voodoo concoction of Ash-2-Life. Or you could use the alternative..."

"Which is?" I asked.

"Legend has it that the ghost of Rapp haunts his crypt, spreading fear into the hearts of those who wish to steal back the map piece." Bart said, "It is said he will not rest until he can be sure everything in his life is secure, meaning the map piece and anything else that was important to him in life. If someone were to appease the spirit's eternal soul, he would be eternally grateful and serve whoever would help him. Of course, it's just a legend. Still...no one has ever been in the crypt since Rapp's death. You never know what's a legend around here."

"You guys wanna help me?" I asked, "We could head down to the graveyard and break into the crypt together! Wouldn't that be fun!"

"Nah." Fink said, "All this talk about ghosts and stuff is creeping me out."

"Then I guess I shouldn't tell you that LeChuck's been ressurected?" I asked.

"Keep that to yourself please." Bart moaned.

"All right, fine, I'm heading off." I said, getting up, "See you guys later?"

"Let's hope not." Fink said, "Uh-oh. Bart! Your stuffing's on fire!" As they stamped out the fire, I headed off the beach, back into the Scabb Island jungle.

A long hike over the hills, through the foliage, and getting lost a couple of times, I came back through the gates of the graveyard where Largo had tracked me down earlier. It was a little more lively here, though. Three men of lower moral fibre (pirates) were busy digging a grave by the crypt. Well, only two men anyway. The other seemed to be asleep. I walked to the grave being dug and glanced down at them.

"Hi, guys." I said, "Overtime?"

"Uh, nah." the leader said, "This is our normal shift. Not bad pay though."

"We're trying to earn enough to buy me a new rat." the short guy said.

"Do you guys know anything about this crypt?" I asked.

"Just that it's been sealed off." the leader said, putting down his shovel, "They say Rapp Scallion's ghost haunts the inside."

"Yeah, well, could you help me get in?" I asked.

"Are you nuts?" shorty asked, "We've got a grave to dig here! We need to get this finished!"

"What's so important?" I asked, "It's not like it's future occupant is going to be mad."

"Good point." the leader said, climbing out of the grave, "What do you need again?"

"To break into Rapp's crypt." I said, "Do you think you could break it open?"

"Ah, sure." the short guy said, carrying the fat lazy sleeper out of the grave, "Help me with this guy." The two men lifted up the third guy, straining under the weight.

"Clear the way!" the leader shouted as the two raced at the door! I jumped out of the way as they raced past, and they rammed the sleeper's head directly into the crypt door, smashing a huge crack into it! They dropped the guy to give their arms a rest.

"Isn't that going render him unconscious?" I asked.

"Don't worry, he's already unconscious." the short man answered, "Well, I hope that helps, we need to get back to work."

"Thanks, guys!" I said as they hopped back into the grave. I pushed open the cracks in the door and slipped through. Several coffins laid about, but only one stood out, where a crack in the ceiling allowed light to shine in on it. I found this odd since it was dark outside. I walked down the steps of the crypt to the coffin. Placing both hands on the lid, I wiped away the dust, revealing the words 'Rapp Scallion' on it. Taking a deep breath of hope, I raised the lid, only to find...a pile of ashes.

"I'm sure the map is in there." I said, "All I need is patience and glue."

I fell backwards a burst of wind escaped from the coffin and flew into my face! I stared up at the strange phenomenom as it settled over my head.

"Who dares disturb my peace?" the white cloud asked.

"My name's Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a pirate." I said.

"Nice to meet you." the cloud answered, "Now, get out of my crypt before I haunt you to death."

"You're the ghost of Rapp Scallion?" I asked, "Great! Listen, do you think you could give that map piece to me?"

"If that was my intention," Rapp said, "I'd be like 'Here's my map piece! Go enjoy yourself while I stay here and be forever tormented!"

"Well, maybe I could help." I said.

"Um, are you ever going to run away?" Rapp asked.

"No." I said, "I'm not easily scared. I'm the one that kicked LeChuck's butt."

"I see." Rapp said, floating to the other side of the crypt, "Perhaps you could help me. There's something in particular, that I must know, lest I be forever tormented not knowing, and I cannot leave the premises of this crypt to check on it myself."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Are you willing to retrieve this information?" Rapp asked.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

"Could you go check on the Weenie Hut?" Rapp asked, "I think I left the gas on."

"Gas?" I asked, "Hey, no problem!"

"Great!" Rapp exclaimed, "By the way, did I mention you're cursed?"

"Cursed?!?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, a side effect of breaking into my coffin." Rapp explained, "Sorry about that. It can be broken, just go check on the gas for me."

"A curse!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, listen, you'd better hurry." Rapp said, "You have five minutes to live; make that four. Sorry for the explanation."

"Ah, crap!" I yelled as I raced out the door and out of the graveyard! With only minutes to live, I have to something! I hurried out into the jungle, over the hills, around the mountains, getting lost a couple of times, and finally arriving at the beach.

"He's back." Bart said.

"No time to talk, guys!" I said, "I have three minutes to live!"

"Sounds like a good story." Fink said. I hurried into the Weenie Hut that was on the beach, throwing open the door as I went, only to enter a room filled with a greenish atmosphere. Glancing around and smelling the air, I released the gas was on indeed.

Over the hills, around the mountain, through the jungle, and getting lost a couple of times, I ran across the island at breakneck speed, finally rearriving at the crypt, where I jumped down the steps to meet the whitish cloud that was Rapp.

"You were right, Rapp." I said, "The gas was on. Now, listen, I have two minutes to live..."

"Did you turn it off?" Rapp asked.

Through the jungle, over the hills, around the mountain, and getting lost a couple of times, I raced across the island at twice of breakneck speed! My lungs were ready to burst and my legs were giving out! I was hoping by my next adventure, should I survive this one, I'd be given a moped or something to travel by! I rushed onto the beach, not even saying hi to Bart and Fink. I hurried into the Weenie Hut and dove for the dial on the stove, shutting off the gas. I checked my watch. I had a little more than a minute to tell Rapp. As I hurried out, Bart and FInk were putting out another fire on the end of Fink's marshmallow stick. He swung it about wildly and it went flying off the end, across the beach and into the Weenie Hut! The residue gas ignited and the Weenie Hut shattered into a huge explosion behind me. I stared at the disaster in shock for a moment, then realized I still had a time limit.

Around the mountain, over the hills, through the jungle, and getting lost a couple of times, I finally hurried back into the cemetary! Only ten seconds left as I checked my watch! I leapt over the grave being dug and threw myself through the door of the crypt! I went rolling across the floor and crashed right into the coffin. Rapp's spirit hovered above me.

"The curse!" I exclaimed, "Lift the curse!"

"It's been lifted the moment you entered the crypt." Rapp said, "So I take it the gas been shut off, thus preventing any future disasters and saving innocent?"

"Well...any FUTURE disasters, sure." I said, "So where's the map piece? I need it now!"

"It's in that pile..." Rapp said, moving towards the pile of ashes in his coffin, "Hang on. This part is tricky." He floated into the ashes and started glowing brightly. A rolled up piece of paper came popping out of the light! I caught it mid-air and unrolled it to reveal the final piece!

"This is it!" I exclaimed, "Thanks, Rapp! How did you do that?"

"When you're dead, everything seems so simple." Rapp said, "Did you know that time-travel is so simple, a child could figure it out?"

"No." I said, "But anyway, I need to get going..."

"Actually, you'd better stay here." Rapp said.

"What?!?" I exclaimed.

"Until I get back." Rapp said, "I need to go check on the Weenie Hut to see if you really did shut off the gas. If you didn't, I'll come back and crush you. But stay here, right? Because my powers are only effective in the crypt and if you run away, I'll never be able to get revenge if there's anything wrong with the Weenie Hut. So stay here, Ok?"

"I promise." I said, grinning. Rapp's spirit disappeared into the cold of night and I walked out of the crypt and back to the town of Woodtick with the final map piece...

Wallly sat in his office going over the three map pieces we had found. He carefully sketched out the map onto a cleaner (and dryer) piece of paper, adding every detail he took notice of with a quill pen. I came storming into his home waving the final map piece around.

"The piece!" I exclaimed, "I got it!"

"Really?" Wally asked as I set it down onto the table.

"Can you make heads or tails of it?" I asked. Wally glanced over the four pieces.

"Hmmm..." He said, "Very interesting..."

"Can you put it all together into one map?" I asked.

"Already started." Wally said, showing me the clean paper he was working on, "I'll be finished in no time!"

"Excellent!" I exclaimed.

"Um, Mr. Brush?" Wally asked, "Could you run an errand for me? I need you to go back to the International House of Mojo and ask the fortune teller if my love potion is ready. I forgot to ask when we were there earlier."

"Love potion?" I asked, "We're on the verge of discovering the world's greatest treasure, and you're worried about love potion! Geez! When we find Big Whoop, women will be all over you! You don't need love potion right away!"

"Please?" asked Wally.

"Oh, Okay." I said, heading out the door.

"I'll try to have this done when you come back!" Wally called out.

I headed off across the island again, returning to the voodoo shack across the swamp. I climbed out of the coffin and came to up to the fortune teller who was sleeping. I poked her in the arm and shook her gently.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, "Wake up!"

"Huh...?" the voodoo lady asked, waking up, ",,,Oh. It's you."

"Wally sent me to pick up some love potion." I said,

"Oh, Ok." the voodoo lady said, reaching behind her throne, "Tell him I said to enjoy, but to be careful. It's powerful stuff. Wouldn't want that little guy getting hurt."

"Thanks." I said, as he gave me a pink Juju bag with things inside, "I'll--"

"Wait!" she exclaimed, going into a weird hypnotic trance, "I just felt a sudden disturbance in the Force, as if a tiny, tiny voice just called out in fear...and then hastily scratched a message in a table! I think Wally's in trouble..."

"His monocle probably fell off." I commented.

"...and I think LeChuck has something to do with it." she finished.

"Uh-oh." I said, backing off, "I'd better go check.

Moments later, after another race across the island (I was getting really tired), I reentered Wally's office, to find the table thrown over, papers scattered, his bed in splinters, and the maps on the wall, scorched. Slowly, I walked through the debris in shock and astonishment. I looked at the table and turned it over face up. Right there, scratched out with a quill pen, faint letters reading...

"LeChuck." I said.


"Something's bothering me." Elaine said, "Why is LeChuck kidnapping everyone but you?"

"He's a busy pirate." Guybrush explained, still clinging onto the rope, "He has more important things to do than find me specifically. You know, islands to plunder, treasure to find...."

"All right, then." Elaine said, rolling her eyes, "Listen, I'm getting tired of hanging here, listening to you tell me this story. Can you hurry it up, or say, can I just get you out of here?"

"Hey, you wanted a story, you're getting a story!" Guybrush said.

"Fine, I suppose I should be punished for forgetting to feed Little Guybrush last week." Elaine said, "Go ahead."


I rapidly returned to the voodoo shack to tell the voodoo lady about this disaster.

"Gone!" I exclaimed, "He and the map are gone! LeChuck has them both!"

"Are you more concerned about Wally or the map?" the lady asked.

"Uh..." I muttered, "...um...huh...hmmm...Wally, I suppose."

"Well, it's obvious you must find him!" the lady said.

"Where?!?" I asked, "Monkey Island?"

"No, his fortress within the Forbidden Circle of Storms." the lady said, "You know...oddly enough...after you left to go check on Wally, I received an order for a crate of voodoo supplies to be delivered to LeChuck's Fortress..."

"What are you suggesting?" I asked.

"The crate is outside." the lady said, her eyes stared off blankly, "On the shore of the swamp. That should help you."

"Help me what???" I asked, irritated.

"Guybrush, you don't have any time to waste!" the lady said, "I can offer you no more help. Your destiny is in your own hands now...be careful."

"Wait a second!" I exclaimed, "This is my third visit! Where's my free popsicle?"

A white light blinded me! It faded out and was outside, on the shore of the swamp. I saw the shack across the way, and the lights within went out. There was no way to return to it considering I left the coffin inside. She ripped me off! No popsicle...well, considering I didn't pay her for her services, I guess I didn't deserve it. Turning around, I noticed a large crate laying on the shore. It's address reading out the destination of LeChuck's Fortress. I realized this was the only way there, if I really wanted to find that map, and Wally too, I guess. I carefully lifted the lid, and slipped inside, closing it shut. Everything was black.

"I think there's something moving in here." I said. I heard voices approaching from outside . The crate shook a bit.

"Hey, Rich!" a man called out, "I could use a hand with this one. Looks like another box of live snakes."

"Sounds like it too." another voice spoke.

"Well, let's get it on the truck!" the first voice said as the crate was lifted up, and carried away with me inside...

Part 6: LeChuck's Fortress

"What a truck?" Elained asked Guybrush.

"Beats me." Guybrush said, "But that's what I was loaded onto anyway. And so in the crate of voodoo supplies that would be my home for the next five days and nights, I was forced to eat bat lungs and eel bladders to stay alive..."


Eventually, me and the rest of the slithering cargo were delivered to the very door step of the Caribbean's most fearsome villain, living or dead, the Zombie Pirate LeChuck! The Fortress was a dreaded view from the outside, a ten story concrete complex, made out of stone, claws, human bones, and other things that you thought only existed in nightmares...

The crate was dropped and I woke up to hear voices. One of which, was Largo.

"Ah, LeChuck's crate of voodoo supplies." Largo said.

"You know," one of the delivery men said, "we don't usually deliver out this far..."

"You guys bucking for a tip?" Largo asked.

"Well, we figured since..."

"Well you figured wrong!" Largo exclaimed, "LeChuck don't tip no body!" And with that, I heard him storm away.

"Gee..." one of the men said.

"...What a butt." the other finished. I listened carefully as they headed off. As their footstep's sounds grew faint, I carefully raised the lid of the crate to a blinding light which took me a moment to adjust. Looking around and seeing no one, I climbed out of the slimy crate into the vast slimy corridor that reeked of death. Bones of the dead lay everywhere and a stairway lead up to the upper levels of the Fortress.

"Ick." I said, looking back at the crate, "I hate snakes."

"Join the club." Indiana Jones said as he swung past on his whip and crashed straight into a wall. Ignoring him, I checked my coat to make sure I still had everything, then, summoning up all the courage I had, I carefully headed up the stairway into the fortress.

More odd than I could imagine, there were no guards posted about in the horrid hallways, making my search through it incredibly easy. I came through a huge ugly doorway of skulls into a large dungeon area, lit by three candles mounted in a human skull on the wall. I slowly entered the dungeon, and came up to a large cage built into the wall with iron bars blocking entry (and exit). Peering inside....

"It's Wally!" I exclaimed, "Wally! Over here!" Wally was dangling off the ceiling off the inner cell by two manacles attached to his wrists. He swung freely, his feet not even touching the floor.

"Mr. Brush?!?" he asked in amazement, "Is that you?!?"

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"It was horrible!" he exclaimed, "They abducted me in my office, brought me here in a duffel bag, interrogated me, tortured me, then they...they..."

"What, what?!?" I asked.

"They took away my monocle for awhile." Wally said sadly.

"I see." I said, rolling my eyes, "The map! What about the map?"

"Oh, LeChuck's got it, but who cares?" Wally asked.

"Who cares?!?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, I memorized the whole thing before he took it." Wally said, "It's on an island called Dinky, not too far from here. After you bust me out of here, we could steal a boat and go there!"

"Ok, stand back, I'm going to bust down the door!" I said, backing up.

"What, are you nuts?" Wally asked, "Go get the key! He probably keeps it in his office down the hall."

"All right, I'll go get that key!" I said, heading off down the hall, "Hang in there, Wall! I'll be right back!"

"Hang in there." Wally said, "Funny."

I climbed the stairs out of the dungeon and found a hallway leading higher into the complex. Keeping quiet, in case a skeleton was right around the next corner, I hurried throughout the Fortress, down several passages, and finally coming upon a huge massive wooden door with locks all over it. There was no way for me to open all those locks, even if this is a story, so, after studying the door carefully, I managed to squeeze through the mail slot, into LeChuck's office.

"Creepy." I said, looking at the large room. A large skeletal throne stood behind a large desk, and next to that...a large voodoo key. I walked over, and not even considering the consequences, I snatched the key away from the hook on the wall. I dropped it in a startled motion as a large cage came falling down around me! In panic, I tried lifting it off, but alas, it was too heavy. I spun around to come face to face with the ghastly decomposing person of the most terrifying pirate the seven seas ever known: The Zombie Pirate LeChuck. I felt my blood pressure decrease.

"Guybrush Threepwood." LeChuck growled, "You have finally been caught. You evaded my crew several times, sunk their ship even, escaped from jail, embarassed Largo, survived a deadly curse, found the complete map, and lived through five days of being delivered in a crate without it marked 'Fragile', but now, you are mine. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"You're looking good for a newly resurrected corpse." I said, "Do you think you could quit spitting when you talk?"

"Largo!" LeChuck bellowed.

"Yes sir, LeChuck, sir?" Largo said, hurrying into the office.

"Take Guybrush down to the torture chamber and get the machine set up." LeChuck said.

"Yes, sir..." Largo said. I couldn't restrain myself. I grabbed the Largo doll from within my jacket and beat it against the bars of the cage.

"OW!" Largo yelled, dropping to his knees and grasping his head in pain. LeChuck snatched the doll away from me and took out a lighter.

"You won't be needing this anymore." LeChuck said, lighting his lighter.

"Get rid of that piece of crap!" Largo yelled. LeChuck set fire to it. Largo screamed and racing off down the hall to the drinking fountain. I could almost swear seeing smoke coming out of his ears.

Shortly after getting a beating by Largo, and being chained up and dragged over a long rough stone hallway, I was brought to the torture chamber, where I chained up and suspended over a large pit of hydrofluoric acid, next to Wally, who would meet the same fate. As Largo finished chaining me up, LeChuck entered the room. Largo quickly left.

"Arggg..." LeChuck growled, "You be in a heap of trouble, Guybrush Threepwood. Now that you are mine, you will pay for what you did to me."

"Hey, what's a little root beer between friends?" I asked, trying to be nice.

"Silence!" LeChuck yelled, "There is only one thing more painful than being resurrected from the dead and crammed into a rotting body. Do you know what that is?"

"A Yoko Ono concert?" I asked.

"It is what is about to happen to you!" LeChuck exclaimed.

"Can't we just talk this thing out?" I asked.

"You see that candle over there?" LeChuck asked, pointing to a candle placed under a horizontal rope suspending a punching bag over a bellows, "When it burns through that rope, the bag will fall on the bellow. When compressed, it will shoot a single lead bullet which will richochet off that pan," He pointed to a pan on the ground, "then off the shield behind me," He pointed to a shield on the wall, "bounce off that other shield," he pointed to a shield behind us, which was next to a green balloon tied to a lever which was holding up a ratchet on a chain wheel, "Finally, strinking the green ballon. When it pops, it will cause the lever to fall, released the ratchet on the chain wheel and sending you down into the pit of acid."

"Isn't it dangerous to leave a pit of acid uncovered?" I asked.

"Do you know what happens next?" LeChuck asked.

"We die?" I asked.

"I will then take your bones," LeChuck explained, "still alive and in great pain, and make them into a chair. I will call it my Screaming Chair. Every morning I will sit in it and listen to you scream. Any questions?"

"Yeah." I said, "If you were going to kill me anyway, why was your crew trying to take me alive?"

"The Screaming Chair spell works only with fresh new bodies." LeChuck said, "If they killed you and brought you here, you wouldn't be fresh, and I wouldn't be able to make a chair out of you. I want my Screaming Chair!"

"And Wally!" I said, "Why did you have to kidnap him, if all you had to do was wait three minutes later, and you could have caught me five days ago at Wally's place!"

"That was the plan." LeChuck said, "But something came up on my schedule and I couldn't stick around. So I kidnapped him, and ordered a crate of voodoo supplies, knowing your adventurous spirit would have you stow yourself into it. As my plan worked out, you finally arrived, and I granted you free access of the Fortress, allowing you to come to the bait, where I was able to trap you with ease. Plus it allowed me five days of free time."

"Why am I going to die?" Wally asked, "He's the one that killed you!"

"I need a foot stool for my screaming chair." LeChuck said, "Any other questions? Make it fast."

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

"Up the stairs and to the left, but you won't be needing it in a few minutes." LeChuck said, "Prepare to die." With that, he limped out of the torture chamber, leaving Wally and I to die. My eyes were on the candle across the room. It was burning through the rope at an alarming rate!

"Nice knowing you, Wally." I said. The rope charred severaly and snapped! The punching bag fell down onto the bellows, compressing a lead bullet out it! The lead bullet went richoceting all over the room and finally struck the ballon lifting the the lever. The lever dropped, and the chain wheel spun around, lowering us into the acid pit! I screamed in terror as my flesh came in contact with the acid, and slowly, but surely, my body melted away...


"Horse hockey." Elaine said, "You honestly expect me to believe you were disintergrated in acid."

"Sure...well, I--" Guybrush stuttered.

"And yet here you are telling me all about it," Elaine said, "Looking fully integrated indeed."

"Yes, well, that is..." Guybrush muttered for the right words, "...ah...Ok. So I embellished it a little for dramatic effect. Sue me."

"You want to try telling me what really happened?" Elaine asked.

"Ok, as I was saying..." Guybrush began to tell his story again, "We were hanging over a pit of acid, Death so close, I could smell his hairy armpits..."


"Hey, Wally?" I asked, looking to my left at him.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Any bright ideas?" I asked.

"Well..." Wally said, "Actually, I was hoping you'd think of something. I think I might be able to squeeze out of my chains, then I could pick the lock on yours, but there isn't enough time."

"Oh." I said, kind of peeved, "Wait a second! I have an idea! Start squeezing, Wally, we're getting out of here!"

"Oh, good, you figured out how to stop time." Wally said sarcastically, staring at the bubbling acid. Remembering my dream I had earlier, I mixed around the spit in my mouth as my dad in my dream instructed, and visualized my target.

"Here it goes!" I said, aiming at the candle, "The perfect spit!"

I hauked out the biggest loogie I could manifest! I went flying...straight into the side of Wally's face.

"Hey!" Wally exclaimed, "Watch it with the spit!"

"Sorry." I said, "I forgot you were between me and the candle. I have to think of something else." I looked around for inspiration. I looked back at the candle. The rope was almost ready to go. I looked at the path of Death between the shields for the last time...then realized I could use it to my advantage! Working out some quick mathmatic geometry calculations in my mind, then just deciding to go on luck, I loogied a huge wad of saliva out my mouth and into the shield behind us at irritable speed! It richoceted clear off, hitting the other shield, bouncing off the shield, and finally flying straight into the path of the lit candle! Moments before the rope was completely burnt through, the wad of spit splattered through the wick of the candle, extinguishing the flame...

Everything went pitch black.

"Arggg!" LeChuck yelled in the darkness as he entered the room, "What be going on in here? Largo! Relight the candle!"

"Yes, sir!" Largo said, relighting the candle. The room lit up again, to reveal to LeChuck and Largo, a series of chains dangling from the ceiling, and no one attached to the other ends.

"Guybrush has escaped!" LeChuck cried, "Find him!"

Elsewhere...

"Ha!" I laughed, "I'll bet LeChuck is really cheesed off now!"

"Yep." Wally replied.

"Hey, Wally?" I asked, staring around at the pitch black room we had found.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Where are we?" I asked, trying to find any kind of light source.

"Good question." Wally replied. I felt around in my coat, since it was too dark to see anything, and my hand found a small box of something. Matches! I took the matches out of my coat and blindly started to light them. The first one struck a spark, and died, the second broke immediately. I finally struck the third across the rough surface of the matchbox, and it lit. I lifted the match over my head to see what I could find. The room was filled boxes, upon boxes, upon boxes. Nothing really harmful...other than the terrible fact that TNT and DYNAMITE were written upon all of them.

"Holy skunk sweat!" I exclaimed, "OUCH!" The fire on the match struck my finger and my nervous impulses forced me to throw it away...into the pile of crates employing the explosive substances...

Outside, the walls of the Fortress shook, and windows shattered. A moment later, the castle erupted in flames and smoke, and pieces of it shattered out across the sea! The Fortress imploded unto itself and everything went flying everywhere, spreading disastrous filth all over the water! Out of the smoke, I went flying, straight up into the clouds...and away from LeChuck's Fortress...

Part 7: Dinky Island

Hours passed.

My head came out of the clouds finally, and the first thing I saw was sand rushing straight up at my face. I braced myself for the impact as I crashed head first into the beach of an island, splattering sand everywhere. I laid on my front for a moment or two, waiting for my brain cells to regroup, then finally stood up. I looked around at the island I came upon. A single trail lead into a dense tropic jungle, and I stood on a beach with a sign nearby reading "Welcome to Dinky Island: Home of the Treasure of Big Whoop."

"Dinky Island!" I exclaimed, "I made it!"

I stood for a moment, waiting for the rest of my brain cells to regroup. I suddenly realized Wally was to be seen anywhere nearby. Whether or not he was killed in the explosion, I might never know. Getting myself together, I remembered my top priority: Finding Big Whoop. LeChuck himself may not have been killed either, so it was still risky to wander around the Caribbean freely. I had to find the exit from this world. I was on the right island, I just needed directions to where Big Whoop was. I looked at the beach I stood on, to notice a nearby moonshine still, indicating civilization nearby. Glancing around, I only saw Herman Toothrot. So much for that theory. Herman was sitting up, his legs folded, on the beach, not even noticing me.

"Hi, Herman." I said. He stood up.

"Hello, yourself." he replied.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Teaching philosophy." Herman replied.

"Hmmm...I don't think I want to know any more." I said, "Could you just tell me where I could find a treasure?"

"There are treasures all over!" Herman exclaimed, "The ocean, the trees, the birds..."

"I mean the kind you can buy stuff with." I said.

"Oh, sorry." Herman said, "I don't have any use for material possessions, therefore, I would not know where to look for it."

"And I don't think I wanted to talk to you." I said, "Sorry."

"We all make mistakes." Herman replied, "It's the only way we can learn."

I backed away cautiously into the forest, wondering why I even bothered talking to him in the first place. I had to rely on my pirating skills to find the treasure. I was sure my instinct would lead me straight to it. A tiny important-looking pirate (a manifestation of my mind) appeared on my right shoulder.

"Arggg, matey!" he said, "Don't forget! X marks the spot!"

A teacher who resembled Harrison Ford appeared on my left shoulder.

"X never marks the spot." he said.

A small little talking toucan appeared next to the pirate.

"Just follow your nose!" the toucan exclaimed.

"What happened to the traditional angel and devil on my shoulders?" I asked.

"They're figments of your conscience." the teacher said, "We are figments of your treasure hunting knowledge."

"I apparently don't have much knowledge." I said, "Give me some new advice."

"We're only your memory." the toucan said, "We can give you no new information."

"Oh, get out of here!" I said, swatting them away into thin air. I headed down the trail, hoping to stumble onto something. I did. My foot immediately hit wet dirt (mud), and I slipped down a steep trail deep into the jungle! I came crashing down by a swamp, bruised and swollen, and got up. Next to me was a swamp I had already noticed, but I noticed something else. A pair of legs sticking out of the mud. Being inspired by curiousity, I reached out as far as I could and grabbed one of the legs, to see what was in there. With a jerk, I yanked out the muddy body out of the swamp and fell backwards. I sat up to see next to me, a human form covered in mud. He was breathing.

"Hey, are you all right?" I asked. He mumbled.

"Ugh...Threepwood?" he asked.

"Wally???" I asked in shock, "Is that you???"

"No!" the figure said, sitting up. It was Largo!

"Well, gee, I'd definitely prefer it." I said.

"You've crossed the line!" Largo yelled at me, "I was blown off onto this island by that explosion, and now that LeChuck is probably going to be after my hide too for letting you get away with all this, I'm going to kick your butt so far up, you'll be talking crap!"

"That's impossible." I said.

Run, you idiot!

"Oh, great, now my brain's bossing me around." I said.

I decided to take its advice. I leapt to my feet as Largo threw the first punch and jumped back, evading him all together. Largo quickly tackled me into a tree.

"This is for running me off Scabb!" Largo said, throwing a quick punch across my face. I was knocked to my side in pain, and slipped out his grasp, quickly running away into the forest. Largo darted after me. I grabbed a hefty fallen branch from the ground, and swung it at him as he lunged at me again! The branch snapped in half and he fell to the ground! Not even dazed, he grabbed me by my ankle.

"And this is for blasting me and my crew with that waterfall!" he exclaimed, pulling me to the ground and slamming me against the ground like a pick axe. He tossed me into a bundle of foliage and I slid down another slippery mud slide to hard dirt below. I quickly recovered my footing and hurried off again! I scampered up a tree as Largo came after me! Largo grabbed the base of the tree!

"Also, this is for sinking my ship!" he yelled. He snapped the tree off it's roots, and swung it around, throwing it away into the jungle with me in it! I fell out of it and landed on some hard rocks (why are there never any soft rocks?). I was dazed for a moment or two, just before I heard him say:

"And this is for blowing me up in the fortress!" And he grabbed me by my collar and threw me into a clearing! I rolled along the ground and into a tree. I got up quickly to find that Largo hadn't come after me just yet.

"This is nuts!" I exclaimed, "I need a weapon! He's too strong for me!"

Herman Toothrot came wandering out from behind me.

"Hi!" he said.

"Ack!" I exclaimed, "Don't do that! I've got a mad man trying to kill me!"

"So you were talking about this treasure?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. He pointed at the floor of the clearing to point out a huge X painted white on the grass.

"Why didn't you say so?" Herman asked, "I could've shown you the shortcut!"

"I don't have time for this!" I said, "Get lost!"

"Okeydoke." Herman said, heading off, back into the jungle. I searched around the clearing for something that may help. I spotted a pay phone attached to a nearby tree! I grabbed the phone and quickly punched in the number for the only people in the world who could help me now!

"LucasArts Hint Line!" a voice answered on the phone, "Chester speaking!"

"I'm in 'LeChuck's Revenge!" I said, "How do I get past Largo on Dinky Island?!?"

"Do you have the dynamite?" he asked.

"Where's the dynamite?" I asked.

"In the bushes by your feet!" he said. I kicked away the bushes nearby away to reveal a box of dynamite inside. I quickly grabbed a stick.

"Ok, now what do I--"

An arrow zinged past my head! I spun around to see Largo advancing on me with a handmade bow and arrow set, which he was probably making all this time.

"And this is for..." he said.

"Can I have a say?" I asked him.

"Make it quick." he said, loading up the final arrow.

"This is for messing with Guybrush Threepwood." I said, "Ghost busting stud."

I hurled the stick of dynamite at him! He fired his arrow at it and the two made impact! The dynamite exploded in his face and I was flung up against a tree as dirt flew! Largo went flying high into the air and down into the ocean! As the dirt settled, the ground gave way under me and I plunged into a pit! Moments after falling, I landed on a stone pillar and got up,

"Wow." I said, "That was pretty intense."

I stood on a stone pillar that stretched down into an endless abyss. Opposite of me was another pillar, with a treasure chest on it.

"That must be Big Whoop!" I exclaimed, "But how do I get to it?"

Looking up, I saw the phone dangling off the edge of the pit. Hoping the phone cord was strong enough, I leapt up and grabbed it, swinging across the abyss...and head on into the side of the other pillar. The pillar crumbled as I crashed into it! I grabbed the chest as it fell past, and I clung for dear life to the phone cord. All this left me in this state. Hanging over this bottomless pit, unable to get back up without letting go of the treasure, which of if I did, would mean this entire journey was all for naught....


"...And you showed up about three days later." Guybrush explained to Elaine, "How did you know?"

"I heard the explosion from my mansion." Elaine said, "I figured you had gotten yourself into trouble."

"So do you think you could help me out now?" Guybrush asked.

"Anything to shut you up." Elaine said, "That has got to be the longest story I have ever heard."

The cord snapped. Guybrush went plummeting into the dark abyss.

"Oh, dear." Elaine said.

After plummeting several miles into the earth, Guybrush felt his entire body crash against the feeling of a soft lump on the ground! He rolled off, slightly dazed, but the lump having saved his life. Considering it was dark, that was all it was. A lump. And it groaned.

"Eep...Where's a light?" Guybrush asked himself, feeling along the walls for a torch. The walls were solid concrete, with strange metal tube-like objects running alongside them. His fingers came across a plastic object in the wall. A light switch. That was just as good as any torch. He flung his finger across the switch and the room illuminated! He found himself in a huge sewer system (lacking a particular element all sewers have, but fortunately, was not present), the huge treasure chest of Big Whoop laid smashed against the wall, appearing empty, and the lump he had fell on was none other than the huge rotten living corpse of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck.

"EEP!" Guybrush exclaimed.

"Hello, Guybrush." LeChuck with a moan, spitting constantly appearing when he talked. He had apparently been laying on that floor since the explosion, and Guybrush's fall had woken him up.

"Good bye, LeChuck." Guybrush said, making a break for the door.

"You won't escape me this time!" LeChuck said, still spitting.

"Yeah?" Guybrush asked, "Just watch me!"

"Not so fast." LeChuck said as Guybrush stopped in his tracks, "Even if you were to escape, I would always be able to find you again. We are bound to one another."

"Like soup and salad?" Guybrush asked.

"Not really." LeChuck replied, "More like...brothers!"

"Eh?" Guybrush asked.

"Guybrush..." LeChuck said, "I....am your brother!"

"No!" Guybrush exclaimed, "No, that's not true! That's impossible!!!"

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true!" LeChuck exclaimed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Guybrush yelled, dropping to his knees in horror.

"I've been looking forward to this moment." LeChuck said.

"Then why did you try to dissolve me in acid first?" Guybrush asked, recovering instantly from shock.

"Well..." LeChuck said, "I planned on telling you after, but after serious thinking, I returned to set you loose, but you have already escaped. Anyway, I've brought a little surprise for you."

"I think you being my brother is enough surprise for one day." Guybrush said.

"Perhaps, but humour me." LeChuck said as he reached into his coat, retrieving a scrawny little pirate doll with blonde hair and a blue jacket.

"Say, that wouldn't happen to be a voodoo doll, would it?" Guybrush asked.

"Why, yes, as a matter of a fact, it is a voodoo doll!" LeChuck said, extracting a large glowing pin from his pocket, "Which I'll be using to torture you, and then send you screaming to another dimension, one of infinite pain!"

"Wait a second." Guybrush said, "Before you lay any voodoo crap on me, why do you suddenly have a voodoo doll? What good would it be if you were going turn me into a chair any way?"

"Why do you question everything supervillains do?" LeChuck whined, "Oh, fine...I just happened to have this on my person just before I came up with a better plan to deal with you! No more questions!"

LeChuck shoved the huge pin into the tiny doll! A seering pain shot through Guybrush's torso! He keeled over in pain and LeChuck slowly removed the pin. The seering pain ceased.

"Mama!" Guybrush exclaimed.

"Heh, heh, heh..." LeChuck laughed. He grabbed the head of the doll, and the legs of the doll, and bent them together backwards tightly! Guybrush went bending himself in pain, his head touching his heels!

"This is exhilarating!" LeChuck exclaimed, "Let's have some more fun shall we?"

He twisted the doll around! Guybrush's already-worn-out body when twisting up like a licorice stick, then twisted back to normal as LeChuck released his grip on the doll.

"Please, no more!" Guybrush yelled.

"Ok, I'll just send you screaming to a dimension of infinite pain." LeChuck said.

The pin struck the body with a huge electric jolt! Guybrush's body seered in pain, and he felt himself shrinking...out of existence.

"AIIIEEE!!!!!!!" Guybrush screamed as he vanished...

"At last, I'm rid of that pesky little wimp, Guybrush!" LeChuck declared.

There was a thump in the next room.

"Hey, I'm alive!" Guybrush exclaimed.

"Eh?" LeChuck asked in puzzlement, heading for the next room. Guybrush got off the floor, no pain at all.

"I thought I was a goner!" Guybrush exclaimed, then LeChuck entered, "Whoops..."

"Strange, there must be something wrong with my voodoo doll." LeChuck said, "It was supposed to send you to another dimension, not the next room. Shoddy materials, I'll bet. I'll never trust another underpaid voodoo priest again. Well, I guess I'll just try again!"

"Uh, no, that's Ok..." Guybrush said, backing away. He slipped on the floor! He fell to his behind and looked at what he had slipped on. A piece of litter...an unopened bottle of root beer! The exact same beverage he had used to disintegrate the Ghost Pirate LeChuck! What luck! He quickly grabbed the bottle and shook it up vigourously!

"Take this, brother!" Guybrush exclaimed, popping the cork!

The root beer squirted out of the bottle, and into LeChuck's coat!

It stained.

"Hey, nothing's happening!" Guybrush said.

"Root beer only works on ghosts, Guybrush." LeChuck said, "Having been resurrected, I'm not a ghost anymore. Allow me to demonstrate"

Before LeChuck could pull another stabbing with the pin, Guybrush make a hasty rush out of that part of the sewer, and out of voodoo range! He hurried as quickly as his legs could carry him, until he collapsed...at a dead end. He leaned against the wall and breathed deepily.

Must...fight...LeChuck..." Guybrush said, "Need...root...no...need..."

Fight voodoo with voodoo, Guybrush.

"Who's there?" Guybrush asked.

The narrator. I figured you need a clue.

"Fight voodoo with...?" Guybrush quickly reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper. Unfolding it, he found the exact same voodoo shopping list the fortune teller had given him! "A voodoo doll of LeChuck! Yes!"

"Hey, Guybrush!" LeChuck said, entering the room, doll in hand! Before Guybrush could react, the doll had been stabbed! He faded painfully out of existence..and reappeared...right behind LeChuck!

"I hope it worked THIS time." LeChuck said.

Guybrush pushed LeChuck! LeChuck fell flat on his face, leaving open a full moon in the back of his pants! WIth disgust on his face, Guybrush reached into LeChuck's pants, and gave him an ultra wedgie! LeChuck squealed in pain as his undergarment were ripped out of his pants forcefully! Guybrush, disgusted with him, quickly filed away the britches as LeChuck spun around at him, ears steaming!

"YOU!" he screamed, spit flying out of his mouth into Guybrush's face.

"I'd love to stick around." Guybrush said, "But I'm allergic to pain."

Guybrush raced back through the sewers, keeping ahead of LeChuck! He had LeChuck's underwear (Something of the Thread), and some of his spit (Something of the Body), all he needed was something dead, and something of his head. As he started wondering where LeChuck found something of Guybrush's dead, he stumbled over a pile of bones. Guybrush spun arund to find his answer.

"Holy cow!" Guybrush exclaimed, "These are my parents! What are they doing...?"

He heard LeChuck coming. If they truely were brothers, any of these bones would work against LeChuck. Guybrush grabbed his dad's skull, then started heading the other way, only to find another dead end.

"It's voodoo time!" LeChuck exclaimed as he advanced on Guybrush, pin in hand. Guybrush placed three fingers in the empty sockets of the skull, took a bowling stance, then threw the skull at LeChuck! LeChuck never saw it coming until it hit him! He was bowled over and Guybrush rushed past, grabbing the skull on his way out. Having no time to talk, Guybrush just ran, ran until he arrived at a strange contraption...

"What's an elevator doing in the 1700's?" Guybrush asked himself, "Wait! This give me an idea!" Guybrush jumped inside the elevator as LeChuck came running after him! The old boy had picked up speed, and quickly blocked Guybrush's exit from the elevator! He growled and bad breath hissed from his maw as he spoke. He was pretty furious.

"I have you now!" LeChuck yelled, "There's no escape!"

"Actually, I have one more trick up my sleeve." Guybrush said, reaching over to the side of the elevator and pressing a button. LeChuck was caught off guard as the doors slid shut! He pulled his head out of the doorway, but not fast enough. The tip of his beard got caught between the sliding doors as the elevator started going up. He was dragged up along with the elevator!

"YEEEEOOOOW!!!!!!!!!" LeChuck screamed as his beard was ripped at the top of the elevator and he fell on his butt!

"Ha!" Guybrush said, "Got him! I guess I won't need that voodoo doll after all! I'll just get off at the next stop and get out of here!"

The elevator stopped with a jerk. Guybrush was shocked as the gears strained and the elevator slowly descended...

Below, LeChuck groaned and pulled on the cable beneath the elevator! His incredible strength counteracted the force of elevator's engines, which suddenly exploded under strain at that point! Guybrush glanced around in horror as the elevator rapidly descended!

"Now what?!?" He asked himself. Staring down at the ground, he saw a piece of LeChuck's beard sticking through the doors! The last piece! He reached down and grabbed it...only to discover it stuck! With both hands he tugged at the hair to no avail!

"Come on!" Guybrush said as he kept trying again and again.

The elevator hit floor.

LeChuck spit on his hands, rubbed them together, and slapped them against the sliding elevator doors, still closed. With great force he strained!

There was a snap.

He pulled the doors open.

"All right, Guybrush..." LeChuck said, "Now...EEEYOW!!!!!!!" LeChuck dropped to his knees. screaming in pain, and tossing away his super voodoo doll! As the pain stopped, he looked up to see Guybrush slowly stepping out of the elevator. A large pin in one hand, a pirate doll in the other.

"Take that...brother." Guybrush said with a squint.

"That's pretty good, Guybrush." LeChuck said, "But not good enough!" With that, he jumped to his feet and hurried away down the tunnel!

"Hmmm..." Guybrush said, "I wonder what would happen if I tore the leg off this thing." He grabbed the leg on the doll and yanked it off! LeChcuk stumbled in pain and collapsed, screaming.

"My leg!" he yelled, "What did you do to my leg?!?"

"Just teaching you a lesson." Guybrush said, "Did you really expect me to believe you're my brother?"

"Your voodoo doll worked, right?" LeChuck asked, laying on the floor and rubbing his broken leg.

"With my luck, those were probably YOUR parents' bones." Guybrush said.

"And yours too." LeChuck said, "Guybrush, come over here, and remove my mask."

"Nah, you'd probably rip out my lungs if I came over there." Guyrbush replied.

"No, you must see the true face of your brother!" LeChuck said, "Only then, would you believe me all together."

"Can't you take it off yourself?" Guybrush asked.

"Listen, don't make me beat you with my broken leg." LeChuck said.

"All right, fine." Guybrush said, heading over to LeChuck. He knelt down next to him, and braced himself as he decided to grab LeChuck's disgusting face. He grabbed onto the green slimy flesh, and gave it a yank. The skin came off to reveal...

"My creepy brother, Chuckie!" Guybrush exclaimed, staring down at his ugly brother.

"Did you think I was kidding before?" Chuckie asked.

"Dude, this is pretty CENSORED up right here!" Guybrush said in shock.

"I had to do it, Guybrush." Chuckie explained, "After all those years of taking abuse from you, I heard that LeChuck was being ressurected, and I had to pretend I was him, as an excuse to get my revenge! I thought it was a great plan."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Classic case of sibling rivalry.)

"This doesn't make any sense." Guybrush said, "I was the one taking abuse from you! You used to shove me in your footlocker all the time! It gets cramped in there with all those feet!"

"Oh yeah." Chuckie said, somewhat surprised, "Well, listen, do you think you could help me out here? Those explosives are set to..."

"Explosives?!?" Guybrush exclaimed.

"Yeah, sorry." Chuckie said, "It was just a precaution! But listen! I'm your brother! You have to help me get out of here too! I know it!"

Guybrush couldn't make up his mind. His brother having been trying to kill him all along? Now he needed help? After all those years of picking on him?

There was a sonic blast from the opposite end of the tunnel!!!

"Shoot." Chuckie said, "I was never good with timers."

The tunnel started caving in towards them!

"All right!" Guybrush said, helping up his brother, "But only because of that special sibling bonding thing, ok? I'm expecting better treatment from you much later!"

"Anything!" Chuckie cried as he limped along with the Guybrush down the tunnel, away from the collapsing rock. They hurried along the corridors as quickly as they could as more explosves went off, startling gas lines everywhere!

They quickly found themselves in a dead end again. Right back where Guybrush had first landed.

"Oh-no!" Chuckie said, "We're dead meat!"

"Hang on a second." Guybrush said, remembering something and bending down to the smashed treasure chest of Big Whoop. Among the debris was a single golden ticket. Guybrush held it up to his face, hoping this was what he expected. The writing upon it read:

"For you Guybrush Threepwood; a single magic ticket that will take you to a world to escape LeChuck forever. Signed, the Fortune Teller. P.S. Sorry about removing all the legendary treasures. You needed this ticket even more. Good Luck!"

"I hope this works." Guybrush said holding up the ticket in the air. It glowed brightly, and a rip in the wall opened to reveal daylight!

"Yes!" Guybrush said, jumping towards it! A flash of light sent him and Chuckie back into the walls! Guybrush quickly got up as Chuckie was even more in pain!

"I forgot!" Chuckie exclaimed, "As a precaution, I also had my voodoo priest cast a spell that would prevent the magic of Big Whoop of ever being used! We can't get through!"

"You idiot!!!" Guybrish cried, "In seconds, we're going to be flambe because of your stupid spells!"

"There's only thing that can break the spell." Chcukie said, "...True love. You have to kiss me."

"Yeah, right, weirdo." Guybrush said, "I wouldn't kiss you if my life depended on it."

"It does...I suppose you have a better idea?" Chuckie asked.

"Um..." Guybrush mumbled, searching his coat.

The tunnel closed in rapidly on them! They jumped aside as a piece of the ceiling came crashing down next to them!

"There's no time to waste!" Chuckie cried, "Kiss me!"

"NO!" Guybrush yelled.

Guybrush reached in his coat and found Wally's Love Potion bag. He fumbled around inside as the ceiling above started to give way. He extracted a bomb from inside the bag.

"Oh, great." Guybrush said, "A love bomb. All the others stop, and now we have another."

"I have matches!" Chuckie said, desperately trying to light one. Before Guybrush could react, Chuckie grabbed the bomb and lit it, tossing it at the force field wall, blocking their exit!

"Dive for it!" Guybrush exclaimed, taking him and Chuckie behind a pile of rocks! The bomb exploded sending a great pink glow around the room, the rocks shielding Guybrush and Chuckie! The shockwave shook loose the final keystones holding up the ceiling!

"Now!" Chuckie cried as they jumped out from behind the pile and made a break for the rip in the wall! The ceiling came crashing down behind them as the entire tunnel collapsed.

Guybrush felt himself plummeting! He brushed against flora as he fell and clung on tightly!

A moment later, he caught his senses. He had leapt through a hole in the cliff, and hung on to a bundle of vines hanging out of the cliff. Looking down, he saw his brother hanging onto some other vines, and the ocean crashing up against the cliffs below.

"We made it!" Guybrush said.

"Yeah." Chuckie said, climbing up towards Guybrush.

"You know, something bothers me." Guybrush said, "I mean, I know it's not the right time to discuss it, but...you said you took on LeChuck's identity when you heard about it. But I heard LeChuck was ressurected within the first few hours. There's no way you could have heard..."

"That's right." LeChuck said. Guybrush glanced down to see LeChuck coming up at him!

"LeChuck?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "How?"

"I have a literal million magic tricks up my sleeve." LeChuck said, "I knew I'd gain your sympathy if I pretended to be your brother, and that I could lead you out into a place where you'd be a sitting duck. That's why I had your parent's bones placed there for your convenience."

"Oh, crap." Guybrush said. LeChuck threw his hand around Guybrush's neck! Guybrush choked and wheezed as his fingers tightened around it, and LeChuck laughed insanely!

"My finest hour!" LeChuck cried, holding Guybrush over the ocean below, "You've been quite a challenge, my nemesis, but it all ends here."

"You bet." Guybrush said, kicking LeChuck in the side! Guybrush was released, fell, and grabbed a vine, wrapping his foot around LeChuck's! Using all force possible, he yanked LeChuck off the vines! LeChuck went flying over him, and screamed as he plummeting to the thrashing waves below, and disappeared beneath the surf. With a breath of relief, Guybrush climbed up the vines and onto safe land. He was back on Dinky Island, and right ahead of him, Elaine stood, looking down the large hole that was blown away earlier.

"I wonder what's keeping Guybrush." Elaine said.

"Here I am!" Guybrush said, poking Elaine on the shoulder. She jumped in shock.

"Guybrush, you moron!" she screamed, "Don't ever scare me like that again! What kept you?"

"Well, LeChuck..."

"Who's LeChuck?" Elaine asked.

"LeChuck?" Guybrush asked.

"Yeah, what the heck are you talking about?" Elaine asked, "Where's the treasure?"

"LeChuck." Guybrush said in astonishment, "You don't know LeChuck?"

"Of course not!" Elaine said. It dawned on Guybrush.

"The ticket!" Guybrush exclaimed, "The voodoo lady said Big Whoop would send me to a world where I could escape LeChuck forever! This is fantastic! LeChuck doesn't even exist here...uh-oh...I brought him through the portal also...but he's dead. He has to be."

"Huh?" Elaine asked, scratching her head.

"Heh, heh." Guybrush laughed, "Elaine, forget it. Have I a story for you."

"Well, tell me all about it on our way back to Booty Island, Ok?" Elaine asked.

"I won't miss a detail." Guybrush smiled.

"Darn." Elaine said, "That's one of your bad habits."

As they got back in rowboat and rowed away, Elaine being forced to listen to this entire story all over again, Guybrush could only wonder. What changes in this world have been made since LeChuck no longer existed? And what about the LeChuck he had brought back with him? Had the new LeChuck survived the fall? And wasn't there supposed to be booby traps on Dinky Island? And does that pest Stan exist in this universe?


Largo sat in his Fortress throne, dozens of women being slaved to bring him food, and his unholy army of skeletons standing guard. As Largo was being fed grapes, Murray the skeleton came rushing into the room!

"Captain Largo, sir!" Murray said, in horror. Largo sneered at him.

"What?" Largo asked.

"Well, we pursued Guybrush Threepwood like you asked." Murray said, "But he destroyed half the crew, sunk our ship, and destroyed the other Fortress, and he's still alive!"

"ARGGG!!!!!!!!!!" Largo yelled, every skeleton bone in the room shaking, "You idiots! You've let that Threepwood get away after all he's done to us? Remember when he broke onto our pirate ship on Monkey Island and made monkeys out of all of us? Remember when he interrupted my marriage between Elaine Marley and I? Remember when..."

"Another problem, sir." Murray said.

"Now what?" Largo asked furiously.

"A crazed decaying zombie pirate is fighting his way through our Fortress right now." Murray said, "He says he's the boss."

The doors burst open. All eyes (and eye sockets) were focused upon that door as lightning flashed, and a large lumbering body entered the room.

"Largo, step off your throne." the thing growled, "I'm running things now. You may not know me in this world, but I know you, and my mission is to destroy Guybrush Threepwood and take back Elaine Marley."

"W-w-who are you?" Largo asked in terror.

"The Carribbean's greatest nightmare is now here, and it's name?" it asked, "LeChuck."

THE END

EXPLANATION: These last few pages take place in the alternate universe where LeChuck never existed until he was brought through with Guybrush. Up until now, Largo had been running the show, but now LeChuck's taking over all over again. This has been an explanation for people who hate alternative universe endings.he yanked LeChuck off the vines! LeChu€



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