Deep in the Caribbean,
Guybrush stood at the bow of his ship as it sailed over the
Caribbean sea, cutting through the waves like butter. The wind blew at the back of his
head showing it was a good day for sailing.
|"The sooner I find Big Whoop, the sooner I find Elaine."
he said to himself, "Blackeye, how far to...Blackeye?" Guybrush turned to see
that his ship was completely deserted. His First mate Blackeye wasn't at the helm, and the
rest of his crew was nowhere in sight.
"Guys?" he asked
nervously, "Guys? Where'd ya go?" He walked off the bow onto the deck and looked
around. The wind suddenly stopped, yet the sails looked like the wind was pushing them.
The air became cold and wet, causing Guybrush to tighten his blue coat around himself to
keep warm. Without saying a thing, he backed off towards the hatch leading to the
sub-decks. Without warning, a geyser of water shot up alongside the port side of the ship!
Guybrush quickly hurried off towards the hatch to find it slammed shut, and locked.
"Let me in, guys!" Guybrush yelled, tugging at the hatch as another
geyser of water shot up alongside the starboard! He ripped the handle right off the hatch
and tumbled backwards into the mast. He got up to find the entire ship surrounded by
geysers. He whistled a low exclamatory whistle and took a moment to look around at his
"Now that's interesting!" Guybrush exclaimed. Then suddenly, the
|down. Guybrush was really getting confused now. The
ship jumped violently as it started to lift itself into the air. Guybrush hugged the mast
tightly as the ship rocked back and forth, as if tottering on the tip of
something! Guybrush held tight to the ladder and watched as giant fingers loomed over the
ship and gripped it tightly, and the ship lowered down and Guybrush glanced up seeing the
gigantic face of the dreaded pirate Sharkjaw! Sharkjaw bared his fangs in a fiendish grin
and laughed. Guybrush clung to the ladder and gasped in horror.
"Guybrush Fleetwood..." Sharkjaw growled.
"THREEPWOOD!" Guybrush yelled.
"Who cares?" Sharkjaw asked, "Did you think you could kill me so
easily and unfairly? Did you think my spirit would rest knowing that I had been killed
because of an unjust cause, and that it should have been you who should have died???"
"I used to." Guybrush said.
"Well, Guybrush, it's your turn." Sharkjaw said, and with that, he
took a sharp bite through the front of the ship, chewed it up, and spit it out in a
million splinters, which went flying over the rest of the ship, missing Guybrush as he hid
behind the mast. Guybrush scampered up the ladder towards the crow's nest as Sharkjaw took
another bite of the ship and ripped the mast off with it. He swallowed the rest of the
boat and held up the mast, where Guybrush clung to in terror. Sharkjaw opened his mouth
and started taking bit by bit bites of the mast, as Guybrush scampered across the ladder
towards the crow's nest. He threw himself alongside into it as Sharkjaw stopped biting at
the stem of the nest.
"Nowhere to run now, Guybrush?" Sharkjaw laughed. He lifted the
crow's over his head, tilted his head back, opened his mouth, and let Guybrush in the nest
fall in. Guybrush as he fell towards the gaping maw and the teeth snapped shut on him.
Guybrush's eyes opened and he found himself hyperventilating. He felt around to
find himself in one piece, but in the dark. A lantern was lit and Blackeye leaned over his
top bunk to look down at Guybrush.
"Cap'en?" he asked, "Whatsa matter?"
"Dream." Guybrush said, "It was all a dream."
"What dream are ya talkin' 'bout?" Blackeye said, "Da one where
da evil poodle is eatin' e'ryone?"
"No." Guybrush said, "Sharkjaw. Sharkjaw came back from the
grave and killed me."
"He did." Blackeye said, metamorphasizing into a demon.
"Blackeye?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, stumbling out of bed.
"Welcome ta hell, cap'en." Blackeye hissed. Fire burned all around
Guybrush and he fell through the floor screaming.
Guybrush's eyes opened and he found himself hyperventilating. He felt around to
find himself in one piece, but in the dark. A lantern was lit and Gramma Rummy leaned over
his top bunk to look down at Guybrush.
"What's wrong, dearie?" she asked, "Are you having a bad
"Yeah." Guybrush said, "First Sharkjaw came back from the dead
to kill me, then I woke up and Blackeye turned into a demon and fire burned me."
"There, there." Gramma said, "Considering you're still alive, I
guess we didn't burn you enough." And with that, Gramma turned into a sea snake and
started strangling Guybrush.
Guybrush's eyes opened and he found himself hyperventilating. He felt around to
find himself in one piece, but in the dark. A lantern was lit and Jan McDarcie leaned over
the top bunk to look down at Guybrush.
"What's wrong, Guybrush?" Jan asked.
"I had this dream where I was dreaming..." Guybrush stopped talking
to think about it, "Um, never mind. Listen, why don't you kill me right now and get
this portion of the dream over with?"
"Ok." Jan said, transforming into a cannibal and throwing Guybrush in
a boiling cauldron.
Guybrush's eyes opened and he found himself hyperventilating. He felt around to
find himself in one piece, but in the dark. A lantern was lit and Fat Al Muntz leaned over
the top bunk to look down at Guybrush.
"Hi, Al." Guybrush said, "Listen, I know you're about to kill
me. So just do it."
"Uh, what are you talkin' about, Bob?" he asked.
"You're not going to kill me?" Guybrush asked.
"Why would I?" he asked.
"Oh, thank goodness." Guybrush said, "I'm back to reality. But
am I really sure?" Suddenly, Al's bunk hammock snapped at it's ropes and Al went
falling down on top of Guybrush, forcing him into the floor of the ship.
"D'uh, You still alive?" he asked.
"I'm back to reality."
Monkey Island: The Big Whoop Chronicles
The Youth Conquest
Written By Chris Ushko
Sharkjaw stood in the back of the line that stretched down a long corridor. A
big red light laid far ahead of him at the end of the tunnel. He growled and poked the guy
in front of him.
"Hey, where's this tunnel leading anyway?" Sharkjaw asked, "I've
been waiting here for months!" LeChuck turned around.
"Ar, t'is a line-up to Hell." he said, "And I'll tell
there's one thing worse than being in Hell, and that's waiting to get in."
"I've a score to settle with someone up on the surface." Sharkjaw
said, "I need ta talk to the manager of this place. Could I bud in front of
"No." LeChuck said. Sharkjaw bit him on the arm. LeChuck squealed in
pain and stepped aside. "Fine! Go ahead, ya lousy bilgerat!" Sharkjaw pushed his
way past LeChuck and started biting other dead people waiting to get into Hell. After a
half hour of biting people, he arrived at Hell's Gates, where a demon in a suit was typing
up some info on his laptop. The demon waved a soul in and looked to Sharkjaw.
"Greetings, I am Jasper Wormsworth." he said, "May I have your
"Sharkjaw!" Sharkjaw growled, "And I wants out of here!!!"
"Well, frankly, that's everybody else's wish." Jasper said, "But
I'm afraid once you're in Hell, there's no going back. Now, state how you died."
"That punitive pipsqueak, Guybrush Threepwood!" Sharkjaw growled,
"He's a killed me by an unfair advantage! He tricked Satan himself into killing me
instead of him!"
"Oh, you're THAT Sharkjaw." Jasper said, waiting for something to
appear on his screen, "Well, just a moment. It takes a while for the ol' girl to
load. Microsoft doesn't deliver to Hell. It may own it, but it doesn't deliver."
"Spare me the whines!" Sharkjaw yelled, "Send me back or I'll a
tear ya a new..."
"You wouldn't be the first." Jasper said, "Oh, look. Here's your
file....that's odd." Jasper looked at his screen and scratched his head.
"What's wrong?" Sharkjaw asked.
"Your life sign is still present." Jasper said, "Why, you're not
dead at all! How exactly did you die, and describe it from the second our evil Prince of
Darkness attacked you from his summer home up in Bermuda."
"He threw fire at me and I fell down a waterfall." Sharkjaw said.
"Then it isn't anymore clear!" Jasper said, "You survived both
the fire and the fall."
"Then how did I end up here?" Sharkjaw asked.
"When you fell off the waterfall, you went crashing straight into the
ground." Jasper said, "And when I say straight into, I mean straight through,
why, you fell clear into Hell!"
"Then yer gonna send me back?" Sharkjaw asked.
"I don't have a choice." Jasper said, "Life forms are easily
killed in there and the misery's over, as of if you're dead, the punishments last
"Send me back!" Sharkjaw said, "I've a score ta settle with
"That would be Threepwood." Jasper said.
"Whatever." Sharkjaw growled.
Part 1: The Whale of a Tale
'Captain's Log; Guybrush Threepwood; Fifty-seventh entry: It's been four
months since our voyage to Devil's Island and our encounter with Sharkjaw. Today, we find
ourselves in the same place as we were for the past fifty-three entries. On the boat, in
the sea, looking for Big Whoop. No sign of it yet. It's not under my bed, not behind the
door, not under the rug. Maybe I should look in the kitchen. But aside from my crew's
desperate attempts to find it, there have been no leads to finding Big Whoop itself, and
we haven't seen land in months, since we left Skar Island, having cashed in the golden
sphere we found on Devil's Island for a nice reward of golden bars, jewelry, stocks and
bonds, cash, moola, dough, all adding up to about six million pieces 'o eight. And for my
weekly update on my crew: Blackeye has been fixed to that wheel for two months. We're
wondering if he's still alive. Jan McDarcie, our ship's mechanic, cannon operator, and
hamster feeder for this! week, has recovered from the death of her dad and is nicer than
she was a few months ago. Too nice. I have to keep my mind on Elaine. Elaine. Elaine.
Elaine. Elaine. Yeah, Jan's taken too much of a shine to me. Or maybe she's drunk. Anyway,
Gramma Rummy is sitting around doing nothing as usual, except catching up on her reading
list as usual. She's already finished 14 579 books! Our ship's chef, Fat Al
stupid as always. My proof? I'm narrating this journal out loud and he's sitting right
next to me, trying to figure out what I said. Our hamster, Fluffer, is nowhere to be seen.
Aside from all this, I've been having these weird dreams lately. Mostly about people
killing me. I'm wondering if these dreams have any insignificance, or if they're just a
bunch of random neural transitions combining to make inexplicable sequences in my mind. In
closing my entry, I leave these words of wisdom..."
Guybrush ran his pencil off the page and realized he had completely filled up
his journal. He shrugged, closed up his book, and chucked it overboard. He had no use for
"Uh, that coulda been worth something someday, Bob." Al said,
scratching his belly.
"D'oh!" Guybrush said. He got off his sitting barrel and headed down
to the helm, where Blackeye was staring ahead at the sea and navigating through the waves.
"Blackeye, something makes me want to ask you something." Guybrush
said, "Are you alive?"
"Aye." Blackeye said, without emotion, and without blinking.
"Ok, I just need to ask because you haven't moved from that spot in
months." Guybrush said. Blackeye jumped from his spot onto Guybrush, forcing himself
onto the ground, and grabbing Guybrush by the collar. Blackeye was in a deep sweat and
"Cap'en!" he yelled, "We've been afloat fer months without sign
of land!!! I'm a goin' insane here!!!!!!!!"
"Well, you don't need to take it out on me." Guybrush said, "Go
downstairs and get yourself some hot chocolate. That'll calm you down."
"Yes, hot chocolate!" Blackeye said quickly, "Hot chocolate fer
e'ryone! Hot chocolate! Yay! Chocolate Hot! Hot Chocolate! We must have chocolate!!!"
He scurried down to the hatch. Guybrush picked himself off the ground and walked over to
where Gramma was sitting in her lawn chair reading a Manual of Style.
"How's your life, Gramma?" Guybrush asked.
"Same as always." she said, "Stuck on a ship, drifting nowhere,
miles from civilization..."
"You happy?" Guybrush asked.
"Oh, yeah." she said, "So where's my little Jan?"
"Somewhere down below." Guybrush said, "Personally, I'm trying
to avoid her. She's been acting really weird around me lately. I think this loneliness at
sea thing is getting to her, I mean, a few months ago she'd be afraid to go near me. Now
she's getting that look in her eyes."
"It'll blow over by the next chapter." Gramma said, "Now run
along and play."
"All right, see ya, later." Guybrush said, moping about his ship,
"I wouldn't mind some hot chocolate myself." He headed down to the galley where
he found Blackeye just chugging down a barrel of hot chocolate.
"Hey!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Save some for the rest of us!"
And with that, he snatched the barrel away from Blackeye and started chugging it down.
"Give it back!" Blackeye said, yanking it out of Guybrush's hands and
chugging it back down.
"All right, you rotten pirate!" Guybrush yelled, "You're asking
"Oh, what're ya goin' ta do?" Blackeye asked sarcastically,
"Talk me ta death with one a yer stories?" Guybrush grabbed Blackeye by the back
of his collar, opened a porthole in the side of the ship, and shoved him in through it.
Blackeye went through halfway headfirst before getting stuck. He hung out of the side of
the ship. Guybrush set about chugging down the hot chocolate, when he set it down, and
started getting the strange look he had seen on Blackeye's face before.
"Blackeye, sorry 'bout that, man." Guybrush said, "This ship is
getting to me."
"Aye." Blackeye said from the other side of the porthole, "How's
about letting me out a here?"
"I mean, we've been trapped on this ship for who knows how long?"
Guybrush asked, "It's starting to make me do things I wouldn't normally do." A
pair of delicate hands covered Guybrush's eyes.
"I know how that feels." Jan said in a sensuous voice, "Guess
"Gee, let me guess." Guybrush said, "Well, that's definitely a
female voice, and these hands are too un-wrinkled to be Gramma...Jan, possibly?" Jan
giggled and turned Guybrush towards her.
"How about you and me head down to the sub-deck later?" she asked,
"Maybe now?" She pushed Guybrush to the kitchen counter and hopped up into his
"Hey, what's going on back dere?" Blackeye asked, "Cap'en! Are
you in trouble?!? Lemme outta here!"
"Jan!" Guybrush exclaimed, pushing Jan off his lap onto the floor,
"Get a hold of yourself! I'm your captain!"
"And?" she asked.
"Blackeye!" Guybrush yelled, "HELP!"
"I would, cap'en." Blackeye said, "But I'm stuck back 'ere, too
busy watchin' dat huge white whale coming at us."
"White whale?" Guybrush asked, "What white whale?"
"Dat dere white whale coming at our ship." Blackeye said, "Ooh!
Ee's a mean one!" Guybrush raced up the hatch past Jan and to the railing where he
leaned over where Blackeye was hanging out and glanced out over the horizon. Nothing.
"What are you talking about?" Guybrush asked, "There's no whale
"Dere was!" Blackeye exclaimed from below, "Ee was coming right
at us and dived!"
"Where is he now?" Guybrush asked.
"Underwater, ya doofus!" Blackeye said, "Dere! You can see him
coming up!" Guybrush leaned over the railing and stared into the water to see it
becoming whiter and whiter.
"What's he doing?" Guybrush asked.
"Ee's surfacin'!" Blackeye said, "Right unda our ship!!!"
And at that second, the whale smashed through the bottom of the ship, shaking the entire
ship!!! Guybrush held tight to the railing as the whale dove again. Wood floated about the
water. That wood belonged to the ship. The rest of the crew came up to the railing and
looked out over the waters.
"Something happened!" Gramma exclaimed, "Thank heavens! What was
"A whale!" Guybrush said, "A whale's attacking us!!!"
"Holy crap!" Jan said.
"Blackeye!" Guybrush said, "I've gotta rescue
Blackeye! Jan, get
the rest of the crew off the ship! I have to save Blackeye!" Guybrush hopped down the
hatch and rushed to the galley where Blackeye was kicking frantically to get out. Guybrush
pulled on his feet, but he was stuck in there tight.
"Ee's comin' again, cap'en!" Blackeye yelled. The ship shook again
and a huge seam opened up straight up the middle of the boat! Blackeye was shook loose as
the boat tipped over into itself and Guybrush and Blackeye went sliding down the floor
into the wall.
"We have to get out of here!!!" Guybrush yelled, dragging Blackeye
after him as he climbed out of the galley and into a flood of water. It would be obvious
there would be water considering a hole had been bashed open in the bottom and the ship
had split in half. Guybrush hurried up the ladder in time for the whale to make a
surfacing leap straight through the middle of the ship, smashing it completely in half!
The whale went flying across the sky and came down in another part of the waters. Guybrush
clung to the inside of the hatch with Blackeye in one hand, hanging on tight as his part
of the ship started going down quickly. The rest of his crew was on the other half of his
ship, hanging onto the railing as their half went down even faster! Guybrush let go of the
hatch and went sliding down the flooring, straight into the mast. The excessive damage had
loosened the mast, so it came off it's post on contact, and tipped completely over,
landing on the other ship, creating ! a temporary bridge.
"Hurry across!" Guybrush yelled. Jan,
Gramma, and Al went sliding
down the flooring and hopped onto the mast, hurrying across to the other half of the ship
as theirs went down. Guybrush clung tightly to a hole in the floor as Guybrush clung to
his hand. Jan leapt off the mast and grabbed onto Blackeye's hand. Gramma came leaping
across and grabbed a hold of Jan's. Then came Al. He came a rampaging over the mast and
leapt off just as it slid off with the other half of the ship into the water. Gramma
grabbed onto Fat Al's hand and clung as tight as she could. Everyone's arms strained under
Al's weight as he hung over the edge of the ship which was going down quickly. Guybrush
looked over at the water to see the whale coming at them again. This time, it's jaws were
open, and it was hungry. It spurted several geysers of water from its blowhole and
bellowed. Guybrush had a quick flashback of his dream last night.
"We 'ave company!" Blackeye exclaimed. The whale drew closer and
closer. Gramma, tired of the strain of her arm, 'accidentally' let go of Al. He went
plummeting down into the water, creating a huge tidal as he hit the water! Water went
flying everywhere, including straight into the path of the white whale! The whale was
flung back by the water displacement and went flying backwards straight into the water
dazed. The ship snapped at it's bindings under the change of water pressure, and went
collapsing into the water everywhere, including with the crew.
Guybrush woke up to find himself floating. The back of his head, his arms, and
his legs were aloft in the water. He lifted himself to discover he had made it out of the
attack of the white whale safely.
"Guys?" Guybrush asked. He found he was floating on some kind of
water-proof coffin, which made a perfect buoy. He stared out at the ocean. There were no
signs of life anywhere. Not even a single piece left of his ship. He was alone at sea.
Filled with stress and exhaust, the sun boiled down on him, and he collapsed on the
Part 2: It's a Small World after all!
MEANWHILE, ON DEVIL'S ISLAND....
Sharkjaw climbed out of the hole he had made when he had crashed into the
ground and got to his feet. He growled and stormed through the forest, focused on one
thing: Guybrush Threepwood. Herman Toothrot wandered up to him.
"Howdy stranger!" Herman exclaimed, "I remember you! You were
the one that didn't want to go on my tour, right? What brings you back from the
"How do get off this island?" Sharkjaw asked.
"If I knew, would I be here?" Herman asked.
"Very well." Sharkjaw said as he arrived at the beach, "At this
point, I'll do anything to get back at that flooring inspector." And with that, he
ran into the ocean and dove in underwater. A distance away in the fog, he resurfaced and
swam off into the distance.
"Good luck!" Herman called, "Send back help!"
Guybrush reawoke for the severalty time this story to find himself staring
straight up at the sky. There was no bobbing feeling or anything, specifying that he was
no longer on water, but on land.
"Land..." Guybrush moaned. He quickly found he was unable to move! He
couldn't move or lift any part of his body!!! Every limb, hair, body part, had been tied
down securely to the ground with small cord. Guybrush struggled and heard tiny screams all
over him. One voice yelled out.
"The giant's been reawaken!" it yelled, "Run for it!"
Guybrush tried desperately to at least lift his head, but the cord was too strong.
"I need something sharp..." Guybrush said, "I know! A guy came
up to me on the street and told me he hadn't had a bite in days, so I bit him!"
Immediately, several cords started snapping apart! Guybrush was able to lift free his head
and his arms.
"It all goes to prove my wit's as sharp as any sword!" Guybrush said.
He looked around to see tiny little people scurrying about in panic. "Whoa! When did
I enter Munchkinland? Where's Dorothy? Where's the Wicked Witch?" He lifted himself
off the sand to find himself standing on a beach next to the coffin he had floated to the
island upon. A distance away, a legion of little people were advancing on him, armed with
a miniature catapult and several tiny little swords.
"Ah, jeez." Guybrush grinned, "I don't think I've ever seen a
cuter scene. I'd love to take them all home and put them in a cage!" They fired the
catapult. A small rock hit Guybrush in the forehead and bounced off.
"Hey!" Guybrush said, "Watch it! You're going to put out
somebody's eyes!" Several tiny people were attacking his boots with their swords and
some were clinging to his pant legs. Guybrush shook them off and stepped off the beach
into the forest.
Guybrush entered the small village. As he walked through the narrow streets,
tiny people went screaming in horror. He lifted open a roof of a house, reached inside,
and plucked a chicken leg off a roast chicken in the kitchen. He sucked it clean and
tossed away the bone.
"Hey, great chicken!" Guybrush said, "My compliments to the
chef." The people inside screamed. Guybrush replaced the roof and continued his march
through the town. People screamed from below.
"It's Guyzilla!" someone yelled, "Run for it!" Guybrush
stepped right up to a guy with a video camera, just missing him, and stepped right over
him. The guy was terrified beyond belief. Guybrush spotted a tall building.
"I have a strange inexplicable urge to climb this thing." Guybrush
said. He placed a foot in a windows sill and grabbed onto a few more, then climbed up to
the top floor of the building. He glanced inside to see an attraction young woman sitting
on a bed.
"And now I have an inexplicable urge to kidnap her!" Guybrush said.
He reached in and grabbed the girl. She screamed as he carried her out the window and
continued to climb the building. He arrived the roof, girl in hand, and sat on top. Birds
circled over head, firing white pellets down at Guybrush!
"Hey, you stupid birds!" Guybrush yelled, "Not on my new
coat!" He swatted away the birds and looked at the girl in his hand. She was all
frightened and terrified, but then again, who wouldn't be if a giant picked them up?
"Please don't eat me!" she cried.
"Eat you?" Guybrush asked, "And resort to cannibalism?
"Then why'd you pick me up?" the girl asked.
"Beats me." Guybrush said, "Where the heck am I? What island is
"You're on Paradise Island." the girl said, "Who are you, and
where did you come from mighty giant?"
"Me?" Guybrush asked, "I'm Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty
pirate. Not a giant. I was lost at sea and my crew all disappeared. You wouldn't happened
to have seen them, have you? About, well, as big as me?"
"Sorry." the girl said, "I haven't seen any giants around until
"Oh, well." Guybrush said, "I'm sure they'll pop up eventually,
dead or alive. Got any place I can stay at while in town?"
"Well, there's the Dawn Light Inn." the girl said, "Just down
"Thanks, girlie." Guybrush said, tossing her away and hopping off the
roof. He came crashing down in the street feet first and caused the pavement to crack into
pieces. He stomped down the street again, people running in terror and opened a roof on a
"Is this the Dawn Light Inn?" Guybrush asked the people inside. They
screamed. Suddenly, a series of little rocks went flying into the side of Guybrush's head.
The rocks went crashing down into the street. Guybrush dropped the roof and looked over to
his side to see the island's entire army coming up the road, armed with catapults, arrows,
and other deadly objects.
"There he is, men!" the captain of the army yelled, "Bring down
the giant if it's the last thing you do!" And they fired more rocks and arrows at
Guybrush. The arrows poked Guybrush in the head like thorns.
"Yeow!" Guybrush said, "Quit it! Leave me alone!" Guybrush
raced down off down the street with the army in pursuit. He rushed down the beach a the
army continued to fire their weapons.
"We've got 'em on the run!" someone yelled, "Chase him back in
the water!!!" Guybrush hurried back to where he had washed up next to the coffin and
tripped over a tripline placed there by the army people. His face quickly met sand and
ropes were being thrown all over him as he struggled to get back up. He lifted his head to
look ahead to see the soldiers all standing next to the coffin, with a catapult armed with
a flaming stone.
"Let's see if he's fireproof!" someone yelled. Guybrush gasped in
horror and the catapult was ready to be fired. The door of the coffin burst open, and came
crashing down on the army, extinguishing the flame. Blackeye popped out of the coffin
gasping for air.
"Argh! Ye canna breath in dere, cap'en!" he said.
"Ah, good. Blackeye." Guybrush said, "I figured you'd pop up
sooner or later. Where's the rest of the crew?"
"In here with me." he said. Jan, Gramma, and Al all reappeared from
"How did you all fit in there?" Guybrush asked.
"It wasn't easy." Jan said, "Al took up a lot of room, and we
had to ration the available air. We didn't you could make it in time. Good to see you
alive. By the way, these current events made me come to my senses. I think you're a
despicable moron again, Guybrush."
"Ah, everything's back to normal." Gramma said, "Where are
"Paradise Island." Guybrush said, "A quaint little island. Untie
me and we'll go talk things over a small cup of coffee at the Dawn Light Inn."
"Mmmm. Coffee." Al said.
A while later, the crew got settled down in town, and while people were still
yelling and screaming on the streets, there wasn't anymore army to hunt Guybrush down.
Guybrush reached into a window and grabbed another piece of chicken, then ate it. He sat
back down on a roof with his friends. Gramma was reading a book in which the print on the
cover was too small to see.
"This is a nice little town." Jan said, "Cramped, but
"Aye." Blackeye said, "So where do we go from here?"
"I've been asking around." Guybrush said, "No one knows anything
about Big Whoop. I suggest we just get some maps, build a new boat, and get out of
"I call dibs on cutting down the forest for wood!" Jan said.
"No!" Blackeye said, "Me!" Jan and Blackeye went smashing
through the town, heading for the forest so that they could cut down some wood to build a
boat. Al waddled after them. Gramma leaned against city hall and continued reading.
"I guess I'll just explore or something for a bit." Guybrush, getting
off his roof and back onto the roof. He rampaged through the town and came to the end of
the street. He stepped over a few hills and stopped at a beach.
"Geez, the problem with being big is that there's not much of an area to
explore." Guybrush said to himself, "A few steps and you're there. It's like
being locked in that cannibal hut." Guybrush sat down on the beach and glanced into
the water. He poked in his finger and spun it around, swirling the water and creating
"This is fun." Guybrush said sarcastically, looking deep within the
water and saw a mystical image popped in his head of an angry fanged man with a mustache
and beard and a sword just swinging at him. Guybrush jumped at the thought.
"Geez, Sharkjaw's even giving me daymares." Guybrush said. He looked
in the water again. The vision was still there. It looked too real. Guybrush got to his
feet and backed away as bubbles rose to the surface.
"Holy crow!" Guybrush exclaimed, "What is that???" The
water erupted and Sharkjaw came bursting out of the water and collapsed on the beach,
completely out of breath. Guybrush jumped back even further and tripped over a hill.
Sharkjaw lifted his head, still gasping for air, and stared at Guybrush.
"You!" he exclaimed, struggling to get to his feet (one peg leg).
"But I killed..."
"You didn't kill anyone, I survived the fall!" Sharkjaw yelled, still
trying to catch his breath, "You! You tricked the devil into defeating me! It should
have been you who should have died up there!" He managed to get to his footing, and
he swung his sword about, missing Guybrush. Guybrush got to his feet, but was pushed down
again as Sharkjaw kicked him. Guybrush spun around onto his back to look up at the tip of
"Ye won't be getting away that easy." Sharkjaw said, "It ends
here, Guybrush Threepwood. Now, any last words?"
"Yeah." Guybrush said, then gasped, "LOOK BEHIND YOU! A
THREE-HEADED MONKEY!" Sharkjaw spun around in shock, only to see water. Sharkjaw
turned back to Guybrush.
"No there..." He said, then realizing Guybrush wasn't even there
anymore. Guybrush was already on his hurry back to town.
"You can run, Threepwood, but you can't hide!" Sharkjaw yelled, going
after Guybrush. Guybrush stormed through the streets again, smashing everything in the
way, as people continued to run and scream, like they did when they started an hour ago.
"Out of the way, people!" Guybrush yelled, "Giant pirate coming
through! Outta the way!" Guybrush over a building. "Sorry! My fault!"
"Come back here, ya yellow-belly!" Sharkjaw yelled, knocking over
buildings and chopping up buildings with his sword. Guybrush hurried through the streets
and came up to Gramma, who was still reading.
"Gramma!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Sharkjaw's back from the dead,
he's wants to kill me and, uh...I forgot the third thing."
"Sure, dearie." Gramma said, "Run along and play." Guybrush
rushed off as Sharkjaw came through the streets at Guybrush. Guybrush stopped and ducked
as Sharkjaw caught up to him. Sharkjaw tripped over Guybrush unexpectedly and went flying
across the town, crashing into the side of a building. He got up, with the building stuck
on his head, and pulled it off. He and Guybrush stood at opposite ends of the street.
"BLACKEYE! JAN!" Guybrush yelled, "al?"
"You little moron." Sharkjaw said, "We finish it now." He
advanced on Guybrush slashing from every side with his sword, hacking away at buildings
and drawing closer to Guybrush. Guybrush slowly started backing away. Sharkjaw drew closer
and closer, chopping away parts of the town, and getting closer to Guybrush. A quick swing
barely missed Guybrush, and Guybrush ducked as another came at him. Guybrush quickly
ripped an apartment building out of the ground and smashing it across Sharkjaw's face,
shattering it into bricks. Guybrush backed off and looked Sharkjaw. He was no longer
swinging his sword, and his face looked stoned. He stood for a moment, then toppled over
backwards onto the street. Guybrush dropped the apartment building a wiped his brow as the
rest of his crew came smashing into town.
"He heard you screaming." Jan said, "Where's the problem?"
"Down there." Guybrush said, "Sharkjaw."
"Hey, ya killed 'I'm!" Blackeye said.
"Yeah." Guybrush said, "It seems like our problems have settled
earlier than we thought. The bad guy's been defeated!"
"Hmmm..." Jan hummed, "So soon? This seems to be too easy. How
did he find us?"
"I never got the chance to ask." Guybrush said. They stared down as
Sharkjaw disappeared in a blast of light.
"Didja see dat?!?" Blackeye asked, "Where'd
'ee go???" A
cannon roared from the other side of the island. Everyone jumped in shock as a cannonball
smashed straight into the other side of town.
"What was that?" Guybrush asked, "Are we under attack
"First a whale, now Sharkjaw, now this." Jan said, "Come on,
Gramma! We're going!" Gramma hopped off her roof seat and followed the crew out of
town as they hurried to the beach. As they arrived, they saw a huge ship off the coast,
cannons firing into the island.
"Who the heck is that?" Guybrush asked. The crew were all loading
themselves into rowboats and heading off towards the island.
"I think we'd better hide." Jan said. A voice bubbled out from the
"You can run, but you can't hide." it said. Sharkjaw leapt out of the
water at them! The crew hurried off Sharkjaw came after them! They hurried through the
island, cannonballs flying everywhere. A cannonball, just missing the crew, hit Sharkjaw
in the side, causing him to tumble down a hill and disappear in a flash of light.
"Another Sharkjaw?" Guybrush asked, "What's going on here?"
Jan was staring out at the ship that had just finished firing it's cannons. The entire
crew was headed towards the island.
"'Ow many more Sharkjaws are dere?" Blackeye asked.
"How about a whole crew of them?" Jan asked. Guybrush looked out at
the rowboat, which were all filled with Sharkjaws.
"They're all Sharkjaws!" Guybrush said, "What's going on
"I dinna, cap'en!" Blackeye said, "But I wanna get outta here
before dey get ashore."
"Good idea." Guybrush said, "RUN FOR IT!" The entire crew
hurried across the island and quickly came upon another beach.
"This island is too small to hide on." Jan said, "Any ideas,
"Sorry." Gramma said. On the other side of the island, the boats came
ashore and a bunch of Sharkjaws stormed onto the island yelling about Guybrush.
"Yer dead, Guybrush!"
"It's the end of the line for ya, Meepbud!"
"You mean Threepwood."
"DIE GUYBRUSH DIE!"
"Well, they only seem to be after me." Guybrush said, "Jan, see
about sneaking the crew around the island and hijack one of the rowboats and get to the
ship. I'll lead them the other direction all by myself, fearlessly standing in the face of
danger, all in the name to save my friends!!!"
"Ok, then." Jan said.
"That's right!" Guybrush said, "All by lonesome! To become a
"Aye, cap'en." Blackeye said, "Let's go." The crew ran off
down the side of the island. Guybrush frowned.
"You'd think they'd want to help or something." Guybrush said. Over
the hill, the Sharkjaw arose, all yelling and growling. Guybrush screamed and ran in the
only direction he didn't see Sharkjaw: the ocean. He quickly dove in the shallow end,
fought off a lobster and a crab, and started swimming like crazy away from the island.
Every Sharkjaw on the island began to follow by diving in after him. Guybrush kept
swimming, keeping his hopes up, but as he looked behind him, he saw the army of Sharkjaws
gaining in on him, using their swords as paddles to move faster. Just as they were about
to catch up on Guybrush, Guybrush took a huge breath of air, and dove underwater. The
legion of Sharkjaws dove in under after him.
Having only ten minutes of breathing time, Guybrush had to make the most of his
time. He kept swimming deeper and deeper, the pressure pressing against his chest. He
glanced behind him to see all the Sharkjaws swimming in behind him at an alarming pace.
The bottom wasn't very far. Guybrush suddenly noticed debris. His ship! Swimming towards
his ship, he looked around for something that would be an ideal weapon. He dug through the
pieces of sunken wood and metal. A sword swung down past his face! Guybrush freaked out
and shot away from that spot. He swam off and looked back to see a Sharkjaw swimming back
up to the surface. These guys couldn't hold their breath forever he found, but that
particular one did have enough time to attack. Guybrush needed a weapon. Digging through
more debris, he came upon a cannon. It would be of no use underwater. He suddenly noticed
a sunken chest. Swimming away from another Sharkjaw, he grabbed a piece of railing and
used it to pry open the c! chest. It burst open and inside were some of Blackeye's
things...including a sword. Snatching the sword, he whipped around to come face to face
with Sharkjaw (another one). Fending off an attack with his sword, Guybrush swung at
Sharkjaw again, and cut clean right through him. Sharkjaw disappeared in a blinding light
as the sword sliced through him, and no trace of him was left. Guybrush had to return to
the surface, but several Sharkjaws were awaiting him. The water behind him caused a sudden
current. Guybrush swam out of the way as two more Sharkjaws came after him. Guybrush swung
his sword about, trying to hit any of them. Swimming around, he came up from behind and
stabbed one in the back, causing to disappear in light. The other turned and fended off
the attack. Guybrush kept swinging, parrying, and thrusting, in a violent underwater
ballet. He quickly wrapped his sword around Sharkjaw's blade-hand and threw him for a
loop. While dazed, Sharkjaw was cut through with Guybr! ush's sword, and disappeared.
Having kept track of the time, Guybrush realized he only had a couple of minutes left. The
Sharkjaws above were waiting for him to drown. There was another water current, bigger
than before. Guybrush turned to see, not any Sharkjaws, but a huge white figure looming
towards him. The White Whale. This would be his only chance. Guybrush sprang towards the
surface, into the whale's path. Guybrush waved his arms hoping to get the whale's
attention. The whale opened it's mouth. Guybrush decided that the whale had seen him.
Frantically flapping his arms, Guybrush scurried to the surface as the whale headed
towards him. The whale gained ground on him, until Guybrush felt his boot on the nose of
the whale. Falling back on the nose, Guybrush held tight as the whale went smashing
through the surface of the water, straight through the Sharkjaws!
"YEE-HAW!" Guybrush yelled as everyone went flying everywhere!
Guybrush went rolling onto the back as the whale slapped down on the water. Dazed,
Guybrush looked around at Sharkjaws floating in the water, some disappearing, others still
alive. Guybrush looked to the side to see the ship coming around the island. The whale
changed it's course of direction and started towards the ship.
"NO!" Guybrush yelled, "AWAY FROM THE SHIP! AWAY FROM THE
SHIP!" He looked up at the ship, in which the whale was coming closer and closer to.
His crew was onboard, fighting off a few Sharkjaws and not even noticing the whale.
Guybrush raced down the back of the whale, and jammed his boot down in its blowhole. The
whale screeched in pain and stopped it's attack, trying to shake off Guybrush. Guybrush
leaned over the whale and looked down at it's eye, which glanced up.
"Go away." Guybrush said, "Go bother someone annoying like my,
uh, my old cranky next-door-neighbor Ahab or something. Just go away." The whale
nodded, waiting for Guybrush to get his boot out of it's blowhole. Guybrush lifted his
boot and the whale turned and sped off, causing Guybrush to tumble off it's back into the
water as the ship came by. Guybrush grabbed onto some ropes hanging off the side and
climbed up as the crew was fighting off the last of the Sharkjaws. Jan stabbed through the
last two and they disappeared in a flash of light.
"Cap'en!" Blackeye said, "Ya made it!"
"Yay, Bob!" Al said.
"My name's Guybrush, not Bob." Guybrush said.
"Ok, Bob." Al said.
"This is too weird." Jan said, "We had enough trouble with one
Sharkjaw, but these ones are all over. Where are they coming from?"
"I don't know, but let's sail out of here before any more return."
Guybrush said, "Everyone here? Jan? Blackeye? Al? Gramma? Fluffer? Where's
"Ee got sick of us 'n left." Blackeye said.
"Oh, well." Guybrush said, "Raise the sails, we're hauling our
butts out of here!"
"The sails are already raised." Jan said.
"Oh." Guybrush replied.
"So where are we going?" Gramma asked, settling down to read.
"Wherever the wind takes us." Guybrush said.
"Like that little traveling boat going right in our path?" Jan asked.
"Exactly like that." Guybrush said. The two boats made contact! The
little boat went spinning around in circles as the boat knocked it away. Everyone fell to
their butts on the ship and Guybrush made his way over to the port where the little boat
was off to. A sign on the side of the boat read "Malwobbly's Traveling Voodoo
"Blackeye, take the com." Guybrush said, "I've got someone I
want to meet."
Guybrush made his way to the house boat and knocked on the door. It opened.
Inside was the thin blind voodoo woman he had first met on Keelhaul Island a few months
ago. She sat before a fire and chanted a little ditty.
"Malwobbly?" Guybrush asked.
"It is I, Mister Threepwood." she answered, "I know why you are
"Yeah, sorry for hitting your boat." Guybrush said, "It kinda
'jumped' out in front of us."
"That's Ok." Malwobbly said, "How are you doing in your quest
for Big Whoop? Have you found Elaine yet?"
"Nope. Not yet." Guybrush said, "I don't even know where to look
for Big Whoop. But I have a bigger problem at hand."
"Which is?" she asked, "No, wait...I'm seeing...I'm seeing...Oh,
"Yup." Guybrush replied, "Where the heck are all these Sharkjaws
"Oh, my gosh." Malwobbly said, "Are they after you and your
"Yes." Guybrush said.
"This is all my fault." Malwobbly said, "I hadn't foreseen this
unfortunately, when I sold my best Voodoo Revenge spell to Sharkjaw."
"Voodoo Revenge spell?" Guybrush asked, "What is that?"
"Sharkjaw bought a special spell from me." Malwobbly said, "It
was to insure that if he were ever defeated in a great battle, that he would be able to
get revenge even if he didn't make it out alive."
"So I killed the real Sharkjaw." Guybrush said, "These guys are
voodoo clones out for revenge?"
"I am afraid so." Malwobbly said, "They are easily destroyed,
but will not stop coming after you until the spell's been aborted. Only one hundred can be
manifested at a time, but when one dies, another comes to life in the area where the
"How do I abort the spell?" Guybrush asked, "The lives of me and
my crew are also at stake!"
"You must defeat the real Sharkjaw once more." Malwobbly said.
"But he's dead." Guybrush said, "The devil killed him."
"If so, you must hope that he resurrects from the dead so that you may
defeat him." Malwobbly said, "Or you may consider the alternative."
"Alternative?" Guybrush asked, "What alternative?"
"A great mystical water that will dissolve all voodoo traces."
Malwobbly explained, "Once a voodoo object comes in contact with the water, all other
traces of the spell will go with it, and abort the spell all together."
"So I get this magic water, pour it on one of these duplicates,"
Guybrush said, "and the rest go with it? No more Sharkjaws? Great! I'll take it! How
much is it?" As Guybrush reached into his wallet, Malwobbly stopped him.
"I do not have any in reverse." she said, "I've never found the
water itself. It is contained in a legendary fountain. The Fountain of Youth."
"Fountain of Youth?!?" Guybrush asked, "The one which grants you
"None other." Malwobbly said, "Though the power of this fountain
cannot be underestimated. People believe that drinking from it grants you eternal life. It
only removes years from your life. One does not require to consume to absorb it's power,
for all it takes is a single touch, and from your present age, the water would only make
you younger than you are now, and could possibly put you in a weaker condition than you
"Yeah, yeah, warnings, warnings..." Guybrush mumbled, "Where is
it? Before any more Sharkjaws come after us!"
"I do not know." Malwobbly said, "Very sorry."
"Well, shoot." Guybrush said, "Hey, aren't you psychic or
something? You should know all the answers!"
"I am not as experienced as my cousin on Melee Island..." she said,
"...No...Scabb Island. My cousin is now on Scabb Island. Hmmm...she may be able to
lead you to Big Whoop. But you'll never make it to Scabb Island unless Sharkjaw's Spell
has been suppressed."
"And to suppress it, I have to find the Fountain of Youth." Guybrush
said, "Right, right, I've heard all that. Listen: Does anybody else know where the
"Perhaps." Malwobbly said, "He's a seedy character. Occasionally
traveling among the island selling manufactured maps and other swindles. He has a map for
every treasure known and can possibly have the one leading you to the Fountain
"Where is he now?" Guybrush asked.
"I see him on Huuk Island." Malwobbly said, not even making an effort
to perform any voodoo chanting, "Huuk Island. I know not his name. But he has the
map. You have the coordinates for Huuk Island on your ship, in the charts."
"Hey!" Guybrush exclaimed, "This is great! So, I guess I've got
to be on my way! When do you think I'll see you again?"
"Never." Malwobbly said, "Your quest for Big Whoop must continue
"So, I find Big Whoop, I find Elaine still?" asked Guybrush.
"On your way, yes." Malwobbly said, "But, you must defeat
Sharkjaw's spell first. As a matter of a fact, I sense you have trouble right now."
"CAP'EN!" Blackeye yelled from outside, "WE'S A GOT
"Told you." Malwobbly said. The door of the house boat burst open and
Sharkjaw burst in. Malwobbly jumped to her feet, leapt over the fire, and did a flying
jump kick into Sharkjaw knocking him out of the boat. More started coming in through the
windows! Guybrush dove for cover under a couch as Malwobbly attacked each Sharkjaw one by
one, throwing/kicking them back out the windows, all while yelling nonsense. When all the
Sharkjaws were gone, Malwobbly sat back down and Guybrush climbed out from under the
"I though you were blind!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"So I'm playing the blind-man." Malwobbly said, "So what? It
gains people's sympathy."
"I wasn't sympathetic." Guybrush said, "But this is just
"Go away, Threepwood, yer botherin' me." Malwobbly said. Guybrush
shrugged and headed out the door. He climbed back onto his ship and quickly fought off
Sharkjaw who ambushed him, throwing Sharkjaw overboard. Al smashed two Sharkjaws together
and hurled them overboard.
"D'uh, ya gotta do something, Bob!" Al said. Jan and Blackeye came
by, carrying a Sharkjaw, and hurled him overboard.
"Don't kill any of them!" Guybrush said, "Make sure they stay
alive and see if we can get them all trapped in the same place, otherwise more will
appear!" Guybrush ducked and a Sharkjaw came running up from behind, tripping over
him and landing in the water. Gramma was up in the crow's nest, counting all the
"Ninety-nine in the water!!!" she yelled. Jan threw another
"One hundred." She said, "How much is there?"
"A hundred of them." Guybrush said, "Blackeye, take us out of
here!!!" The ship changed it's course away from the Sharkjaws who were splashing
around in the water. Soon enough, the ship had made it away from the group of them.
"What are they?" Jan asked.
"Sharkjaw's Revenge." Guybrush said, "Blackeye, take us on a
course to Huuk Island."
Part 3: Guybrush Versus The Volcano
Sharkjaw crawled out of the sea and up onto a dock. He ringed out his beard and
shook his clothes of water. Nighttime had fallen and he had been swimming all day. He
hobbled along the dock to a building nearby called the Scumm Bar. Pushing his way through
the door and through a few people he sat down next an odd man with a phony beard and a
patch marked: "Ask me about LOOM." The bar was loaded with occupants all
chattering away, the chandelier, having already crashed down in the middle of the room due
to over-use by drunken pirates. The cook came by to check on things carrying a tray full
of mugs of grog. Sharkjaw grabbed a mug, the cook not even noticing, took a sip, and spoke
to the odd man.
"Ahoy, there." Sharkjaw said.
"Aye." The man answered.
"I'm looking for a pirate." Sharkjaw said, "One by the name of
Guybrush Threepwood. Have you seen him anywhere, ever?"
"Aye." the man answered.
"Where?" Sharkjaw asked, putting a bag of pieces 'o eight on the
"Aye." the man answered. Sharkjaw took back his bag and left the
table. The man seemed confused. He checked his path to make sure the words were written
"LOOM" and not "Guybrush Threepwood." Sharkjaw checked around the bar
and ran into a little dog sitting nearby, with a tag marked "Spiffy."
"Ar, ye ugly little mutt." Sharkjaw said, "Get's outta the
"Woof!" Spiffy exclaimed, "A-roof-roof? Sharkjaw! Woof!
"Aye, that's me." Sharkjaw said, "Ya wouldn't happen to have met
a pirate around, he looks like a flooring inspector."
"Bow-wow!" Spiffy said, "Woof Guybrush Fleetgrud?"
"Threepwood." Sharkjaw corrected Spiffy.
"Woof!" Spiffy said, "Aroo-roo Elaine Marley woof bark LeChuck
a-roof-roo woof. Woof bark woof aroo grrrrr Monkey Island, woof bark-bark murrrrr
woof-woof-woof-(sniff), woof bark bow-wow."
"Where is he now?" Sharkjaw asked.
"Bark-bark," Spiffy explained, "Aroof- Keelhaul Island bow-wow
Skar Island, woof bark mu Sharkjaw, morroo Devil's Island."
"Yes, yes, I know all that." Sharkjaw said, "Where is he
"Bark." Spiffy said.
"Yer a clever mutt." Sharkjaw said, passing him a bag of coins,
"Now where is he?"
"Woof-ruff-woof, White Whale." Spiffy said, "Morroo Paradise
Island, woof-woof Sharkjaw, woof-woof-bark, Huuk Island."
"Ah, yes." Sharkjaw said, "But why are they going there?"
"Woof-woof." Spiffy said.
"I see." Sharkjaw said, "Well, when the seagull tells you, be
sure to tell me. Is there any place here where I can purchase a seacraft?"
"Woof, Stan's Previously-Owned Vessels...aroooooooooooWOOF!" Spiffy
"Crap." Sharkjaw said, "I guess I'll be swimming some more. See
ya around, Spiffy."
"Ruff." Spiffy said.
MEANWHILE, BACK ON FLYBUSH'S...I MEAN GUYBRUSH'S SHIP...
"Huuk Island is an isolated island." Jan said, checking through one
of her several island guides, and reading it under the light of a lantern, "Very
little population, due to possible malaria and many vicious creatures that were brought to
the island for an experiment from Africa, but the experiment was a failure so several
animals were left there. The only colony on the island is based on the east side of the
island, the town of Dracus, which is where this character of yours is, Guybrush. The
island itself used to be a popular tourist attraction, until the arrival of a particular
new species on the island, what of which, is classified. Visitors on this island are
advised to have their shots first before entering the jungle area."
"Everyone have their shots?" Guybrush asked.
"Al has his monthly." Gramma said, reading through one of Jan's other
"I thought we were only going to go into the town." Jan said.
"Uh, yeah." Guybrush said, "Anything else of particular danger
on this island?"
"Yeah." Jan said, "Ocelots and hyenas are very native to this
island, but because of certain climatically changes in the region, they are daytime
hunters on this island. But if wakened, they are very dangerous. I would be too if someone
woke me up in the middle of the night. There is also a local superstition of the island's
own legendary treasure, the Dragon's Heart, though people who go after it have never came
"That's all right, we're after bigger fish." Guybrush said.
"Comin' up on Huuk Island." Blackeye called out.
"Great!" Guybrush called, "How far?"
"Three feet!" Blackeye called. The ship hit sand everyone went
tumbling towards the front of the ship! Guybrush went flying over the rail and crashed
into the sand below as the ship came to rest on the beach. A rope was thrown down and Jan,
Al, and Blackeye came repelling down onto the sand. Guybrush got up and shook the sand out
of his ears.
"Blackeye," Guybrush said, "I'm willing to bet one of your
descendants will be the one who spots the iceberg that the Titanic hits."
"Aye." Blackeye said.
"So where on the island are we?" Jan asked, lighting a lantern to
light up the night.
"Just follow the shoreline." Guybrush said, "We should
eventually find the town."
"But the shoreline is blocked off by a wall of rocks on each side of
us." Jan said.
"So we'll go through the jungle." Guybrush said.
"You said we weren't going through the jungle, Bob." Al said.
"So we'll swim around." Guybrush said.
"And git pulled under by da undertow?" Blackeye asked.
"Argh!" Guybrush said, "Listen, let's just go through the
jungle. It'll be fast."
"Um, ok." Jan said, "You're the boss."
"You gonna be ok while we're gone?" Guybrush called up to Gramma.
"I'll be fine." Gramma said.
"Come on, gang!" Guybrush said, marching into the jungle. He took the
lantern from Jan and lead the way through the thick underbrush. There were noises from all
around and Guybrush sunk down in fright, trying to keep his head up as he went. Al waddled
along in the back, and took a fond interest to the trees. He stopped to inspect the trees
for a moment. He stuck a finger in a hole in the tree, pulled it out and sucked on his
"Al, dinna do dat!" Blackeye moaned, "Ya don't know where it's a
"Mmmm...." Al said, "Donuts."
"What is he talking about?" Guybrush asked.
"He's always looking for trees supporting the sap necessary for his secret
donut recipe." Jan said, "Ignore him."
"No time for donuts now, Al." Guybrush said, "We have to find
"Ok, Bob." Al said.
"Guybrush!" Guybrush exclaimed, "My name is Guybrush; Guybrush
"Whatever you say, Bob." Al said. Guybrush shrugged and continued
through the jungle until he came to a stone wall. Going around the wall, he found it was
part of a building. They had entered the town of Dracus.
"Here we are, guys." Guybrush said, "Split up among yourselves
and find that man. He's a seedy-looking character."
"So's everyone else in town." Jan said. They glanced around to see
very few people, but the people were very seedy-looking. Guybrush walked up to a drunk
laying on his back.
"Hey, do you sell maps?" Guybrush asked.
"Whaddaya, a nut...? Get ouddahere..." he muttered. Jan, Al, and
Blackeye all headed in different directions in search of things. Guybrush tried the local
tavern. It in itself was seedy, but very few people could be seen within, though probably
because of the cigar smoke which was covering most of everything in there. Guybrush sat
down on a stool at the bar and spoke to the bartender.
"Excuse me, I'm looking for someone." Guybrush said.
"On Huuk Island?" he asked, "Ya nuts? There's very little people
on this island. You probably saw them all already, even if you've been here a minute or
two. I'm telling ya, the Dragon's Heart is the only thing keeping this island in business.
And once it's found, no one else is gonna come to the island, and I'm out of a job. If no
new attraction comes around, Huuk Island will just be another desert island covered in
"Well, I'm afraid I can't help." Guybrush said, "I'm looking for
a man who sells maps."
"You mean the seedy-looking character over there?" the bartender
asked. Guybrush looked behind him to see a man in a trenchcoat at a table having a smoke.
He was the exact same man Guybrush had met on Melee Island a long time ago, who had sold
him the map to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Melee Island. Guybrush got up and went over
to sit with him.
"Hey, you're the guy from Melee Island aren't you?" Guybrush asked,
"I brought one of your only maps to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Melee
"Listen, no refunds." the guy said, "I think I remember you.
You're guy with the barber named Dominique, right?"
"That's me!" Guybrush said, "Now I understand you have a map to
the Fountain of Youth?"
"Maybe." the guy said, "How much you have on you?"
"A lot." Guybrush said, "Now do you have it or not?"
"Well, it is the only copy ever made, unlike my other maps." he said,
"I sell it and that's the last of them. This particular item is the most expensive of
my collective hash." He unrolled a map and showed it to Guybrush, quickly rerolling
"I'll take it!" Guybrush said.
"Great." the man said, "Ten million pieces 'o eight and it's
"Ten million?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "Um, would you settle for a
"Listen, kid, do you got ten million or don't ya?" he asked.
"Well, no." Guybrush said, "Would you accept a trade-in?"
"Only one item." he said, "Every pirate that comes to this
island comes looking for it. It's worth more than ten million and I'll gladly accept
"The Dragon's Heart?" Guybrush asked, "Geez, I'm a pirate! I'll
just take the map from you!"
"Do you know where I hid it?" the man asked.
"No." Guybrush said.
"Bingo." he said, "Find me the Dragon's Heart, and the map to
the Fountain is all yours."
"Well, where do I look?" Guybrush asked.
"A trio of pirates headed out looking for it an hour ago." he said,
"They were headed for the center of the island, the place with the mountain."
Suddenly, the door burst open and three men of lower moral fiber (pirates) came stumbled
through the door, half-singed and barely standing.
"Is that them?" Guybrush asked.
"Yeah." the man replied, "The strange part is that they made it
back alive." As the guys took their seats at the bar, Guybrush headed over to them
and sat with them.
"Hi, guys." Guybrush said.
"Do we know you?" the leader asked.
"I tried to kill your rat on Skar Island." Guybrush said.
"What...oh. You." the leader said, "What do you want from us
"I need to get the Dragon's Heart." Guybrush said, "Can you tell
me where to find it?"
"Ha!" the guy with the charred rat on his shoulder said, "Good
"Ya want the Heart, ya gotta kill the dragon first." the leader said.
"What dragon?" the bartender asked, "No one ever said there was
a dragon up there! Then again, no one ever came back alive before. What'd you see?"
"Yeah!" Guybrush said, "Fill us in!"
"Well, there was this cave on the mountain, shaped like a dragon's
mouth." the leader explained, "And we went inside. Then we saw the Dragon's
Heart. Then we saw the dragon. Then the dragon blew fire on us. Then we ran. Then we came
in here. Then you wanted to know what happened. So we told you that there was this
"All right!" Guybrush exclaimed, "That's enough! You said there
was a dragon inside? What did it look like?"
"Don't let his size fool ya." rat boy said, "One blast of his
breath almost fried us. If you want the Dragon's Heart, ya gotta kill the dragon
"Well, all right." Guybrush said as the three of them started taking
a drink of grog, "I'm going out to kill the dragon." All three pirates spit out
the grog on the counter in surprise. The counter started melting away.
"Are ya nuts?" the leader asked.
"Well, I was going out anyway." Guybrush said.
"Oh, Ok." rat boy said, "Now get out of here and don't touch my
"Your rat's dead." Guybrush said.
"Only in your eyes." rat boy said as Guybrush headed out the door,
"But he will rise again!"
Guybrush ran into Jan and Blackeye outside.
"Any luck?" Jan asked.
"I found him." Guybrush said, "But the price of the map is too
costly for us at the moment."
"But we're millionaires!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"Exactly." Guybrush said, "There's only one thing he wants for
it. The Dragon's Heart."
"What is the Dragon's Heart anyway?" Jan asked.
"I never bothered asking," Guybrush said, "but I'm heading up to
the mountain to find it. You guys want to come with me?"
"Why not?" Jan asked.
"Fine with me." Blackeye said.
"Where's Fat Al?" Guybrush asked.
"Beats the heck out of me." Jan said, "He just ran off for
"He'll be fine." Guybrush said, "Let's go, gang."
The three of them headed back into the jungle, their destination was the center
of the island. Guybrush kept his sword ready in case of trouble, Jan held the lantern
high, and Blackeye walked behind. They entered a darker part of the jungle than they were
in before, keeping an eye out for carnivores and such.
"Maybe we should come during da day?" Blackeye asked nervously.
"No such luck." Jan said, "On this island, that's the
carnivores' natural hunting time. Something having to do with evolution."
"And stay quiet." Guybrush said, "We don't want to wake
"Hey, cap'en?" Blackeye asked, "What about all dem Sharkjaws?
Won't dey be comin' soon?"
"Don't worry too soon." Guybrush said, "They're probably still
swimming around in the waters, headed for us, but we have a far enough headstart. I don't
think they'll be here until at least dawn, but hopefully, we'll be long gone by
A sword hacked into the tree in front of Guybrush. The tree came loose and
split over revealing Sharkjaw behind it.
"They're like the bad itch you just can't scratch." Jan said,
"Or midnight, whatever comes first, these guys are fast swimmers."
Guybrush said, ducking as Sharkjaw swung at him. Guybrush head-checked his stomach,
knocking him over. The rest of the crew raced past as Sharkjaw sprawled on the ground. The
hurried through the dark jungle, Jan lighting their way. Blackeye glanced back to see more
Sharkjaws coming up from behind. Guybrush stopped running, the rest crashing into him, as
he saw Sharkjaws coming from the opposite direction.
"Dese guys are e'rywhere!" Blackeye exclaimed, "Whadda we
"Don't worry." Guybrush said, "I'll think of
something...think..."Sharkjaws from all four corners came towards them. The three
characters huddled back-to-back-to-back, Guybrush getting ready to fight. They advanced,
all growling and angry. Guybrush swung his sword at a couple, hitting them along the
sides, but only causing them to disappear and come out of the jungle again.
"Frankly, I'd really like to see how we get out of this one." Jan
"Who says we do?" Guybrush asked.
"So whadda we do?" Blackeye asked.
"Same thing any other cartoon character would do when in trouble."
"We're going to go into a song and dance sequence for totally no
reason?" Jan asked.
"Right!" Guybrush said.
It's a Pirate's Life to me!
GUYBRUSH: We're a bunch of scandalous sea dogs,
Goin' after gold,
JAN: If any one tries to stop us,
We'll hack them into mold!
BLACKEYE: When we find dat times are tou-ough,
And da trail's gettin' rou-ough,
GUYBRUSH: We'll sit right back just drinkin' grog,
All the while, gettin' flogged!
ALL: Cause it's a pirate's life to me!
GUYBRUSH: Sing it, boys!
SHARKJAWS: A pirate's life to me!
JAN: When we come a runnin' all our enemies will flee,
ALL: It's a pirate's life to me!
(Blackeye starts playing electric guitar while the Sharkjaws go into a
GUYBRUSH: Sword-fightin' mocks 'n insults,
They'll get ya every time,
JAN: And if that don't work, just sing along,
And try to make it rhyme,
SHARKJAW: Ya can bounty hunt, plunder, and maim,
The cash comes in a tidy bunch,
BLACKEYE: Ya get keelhauled from 9 to 5,
And still have time fer lunch!
ALL: It's a pirate's life to me!
In sailin' the seven seas,
Doin' inhumane things makes me really happy,
It's a pirate's life to me!
GUYBRUSH: We're a big great nutty hash,
We like to let our teeth go rot,
JAN: We'll sing songs for totally no reason,
Then swab poop decks a lot!
BLACKEYE: We like our cash and booty,
We're an avaricious clan;
ALL: We'll get all drunk beyond belief,
Then go and bother Stan!
ALL: It's a pirate's life to me!!!
Don't believe us and we'll make you see!
It's a pir-ates life for me-me-me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GUYBRUSH: It's a rough life,
JAN: A nasty life,
BLACKEYE: A completely vile life,
SHARKJAW: But you'll love it anyway,
ALL: But get hated by your wife!
(BLACKEYE: This is a funny song!)
It's a pi-rates life to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Songs ends, everyone drops to their knees)
"Now!" Guybrush yelled. As the army of Sharkjaws were temporarily
distracted and had completely forgotten about the trio. Guybrush, Jan, and Blackeye rushed
past them and headed deeper into the jungle. A moment later, the Sharkjaws realized what
had happened and raced after them, all growling as usual.
"Hurry!" Jan said, "They're gaining on us!" Guybrush looked
back to see them coming up fast. He hit his head on a low branch and collapsed to the
ground dazed. Jan turned back to help Guybrush and helped him back up, banging his head on
another low branch as he went. They topped running upon hearing a growling ahead of them.
Jan lifted her lantern to see a pack of Hyenas ahead, and some Ocelots in the trees, all
"I guess our singing woke them up." Guybrush said. The Ocelots
pounced! Guybrush and Jan ducked as they went flying over them, into the group of
Sharkjaws! The Hyenas came forward! Guybrush and Jan jumped over them as they came, and
they went running into the Sharkjaws! There was a terrible fight as the Ocelots and Hyena
fought savagely with the Sharkjaws! Guybrush and Jan hurried off while they still had the
chance. They encountered Blackeye far ahead, standing at the mouth of a cave, that was
shaped like a dragon's head.
"We lost them hopefully." Jan said, "Let's hope the Ocelots and
Hyenas can hold them off for some time while we get the Dragon's Heart."
"Dis is it, cap'en." Blackeye said, "Ya wanna go in or should
"I'll go in." Guybrush said, "This shouldn't be too hard."
Guybrush stepped forward to the cave and passed through the Dragon's Jaws, into the
Dragon's Throat. He headed down a long corridor, that lit with an awesome red radiance
from the walls. He carefully stepped through, keeping an eye out for traps and stuff. As
he came to the end of the tunnel, there were two openings there. The first lead straight
ahead into a large chamber filled with lava, the Dragon's Stomach. The other passage had
been recently smashed through the stone wall to his left. Guybrush stepped through the
man-made passage, onto a curved stone in a dark room. The Dragon's Lung. Guybrush looked
around the place, the spotted something under the tunnel he had exited. Just between the
Lung and the Throat, he saw it. The Dragon's Heart, a large heart-shaped ruby diamond.
"It's beautiful!" Guybrush exclaimed, reaching into the gap for it.
He grabbed onto it and carried it out of the room. It was pretty heavy. As he left and
re-entered the corridor, he spotted a Komodo Lizard standing in the way back to the
surface. It stared up at Guybrush.
"Hey, little fella, you're in the way." Guybrush said.
The lizard stared.
Guybrush shrugged, stepped past the lizard and headed back up to the surface. A
huge ball of flame burst out from behind him! He dropped the Heart raced across the
corridor in terror! He screamed as the flames hit his butt and he went flying out of the
Dragon cave and into the clearin, where his friends were. He glanced back at the cave to
see the little Komodo Dragon just looking back at him, then scuttling back into the cave.
"Didja get it?" Blackeye asked.
"There's a stupid dragon in there!" Guybrush exclaimed, "And it
blew fire on me!"
"Oh, come on." Jan said, "Just kill the stupid thing."
Guybrush stood up, drew his sword and headed into the cave. Jan and Blackeye watched
Guybrush down into the Earth again. They heard him talking.
"All right, you ugly mother of a lizard!" Guybrush said, "Get
ready to become a handbag!"
Fire burst out of the cave entrance! Guybrush came racing out on fire! He
quickly stopped, dropped, and rolled all over the ground, to put the fire on him. Jan and
Blackeye helped him up.
"I take it violence isn't the answer this time?" Jan asked.
"That little bugger must've had chili peppers for breakfast!"
Guybrush said, "He could boil the Atlantic Ocean with his breath!"
"Sharkjaw!" Blackeye exclaimed, "Whaddabout dem? Dey'll be here
"All the more reason to hurry this up." Jan said, "I guess we
have to fight fire with fire." She entered the Jaws and turned around.
"Come on, I'm going to need help with this." she said, heading back
into the cave. Guybrush and Blackeye followed after her. She lifted up her lantern as they
came to the bottom of the tunnel, where the dragon couldn't be seen anywhere. Guybrush
looked around for the Heart, but it was nowhere to be seen. They headed into the Lung
chamber again, where Guybrush relocated the Heart, which was back in it's proper spot.
"Take it." Jan said, extinguishing her lantern, making the room
slightly darker. Guybrush reached in and pulled out the Heart again. They started to head
back out, when the little dragon blocked their way again. Jan stood in front of the other
"Careful, Jan." Guybrush said.
"Go around, you guys." she said, "I'll take care of this
reptilian flame-thrower." The lizard kept an eye on Guybrush and Blackeye as they
went around, Jan stayed behind it. The dragon lifted it's head and flames came bursting
out! Jan threw the open end of her lantern over it's mouth, causing it breathe fire right
into the lantern. It stopped for a second and shrieked as it had just burned it's nose. It
pulled out from the newly lit lantern and backed away through Jan's legs and for the edge
of the corridor. Jan came running up to it and kicked it way off into the lava in the
Stomach chamber. The ground rumbled and shook all around, and pieces of the ceiling came
loose. Jan jumped back as she realized the lava level was rapidly starting to rise! She
turned and hurried away as lava came flowing up behind her! She raced past Guybrush and
Blackeye who were still carrying the Heart out of there.
"Run, guys!" she yelled, "This dragon is about to blow
"What did you do now, Jan???" Guybrush asked.
"Just run, stupid!" Blackeye yelled. They hurried out of the cave and
came face to face with the Sharkjaw brigade. They were surrounding the entire cave, making
there no escape.
"No we have you, Greenwood!" Sharkjaw said.
"Threepwood!" another Sharkjaw said. Jan tugged at Guybrush's arm.
"On top of the cave!" she said, climbing up over the jaws onto the
snout of the cave. Guybrush and Blackeye scampered up after her as the Sharkjaws made a
quick advance! They surrounded the base of the cave.
"We'd like ta see you stay up there forever!" a Sharkjaw yelled.
"We don't intend to." Guybrush said as lava quickly came flowing out
the mouth of the cave and into the horde of Sharkjaws!!! Any Sharkjaw standing in the path
of the lava melted away screaming and disappearing in flashes of light. The base of the
cave melted loose, and the top jaw of it, on which Guybrush, Jan, and Blackeye stood came
crashing down into the lava, serving as a temporary raft! The Sharkjaws jumped away as
they flowed away with the river of lava!
"Ha!" Guybrush laughed, "Try to catch up with us now!" And
with that, they came flowing over a hill and went sliding down a fast-moving river of
lava, burning through the jungle at break-neck speed! They clung tightly to the stone as
trees, plants, animals, rocks, came flying over them, burning away, as the slab of stone
they rode on, started to rapidly melt away itself!!! Jan grabbed the men's hands and
pulled them to their feet.
"JUMP!" she yelled. All three leapt off the slab of stone as it
completely burned away into the lava. They rolled away from the river into the town and
watched the lava sink away into the ocean, steam everywhere, and new rock being formed
everywhere as the lava rock cooled in the water.
"That's something you don't see everyday." Guybrush said. The island
shook violently and the volcano from which the lava flowed from erupted violently! The
waves crashed against the shores and rocks went flying everywhere! Trees sunk down as the
island snapped apart! The volcanic island stayed in position with all the Sharkjaws on it,
new ones reappearing, only to be trapped on the island. The other half, with the town of
Dracus on it, slowly drifted away.
"I guess that should keep the Sharkjaws busy for now," Jan said,
"Until they find a way off, or die on there. Either way, we'll have trouble again.
You got the Heart?" Guybrush reached into his coat pocket and extracted the large
"Look at da size of dat rock!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"Pretty big." Jan said, "Let's get that map and be on our way.
The sooner we find the Fountain, the sooner our problems with the Sharkjaw Spell will be
As they came into the town, they were surprised to see people everywhere, and
not just the sleazy-looking kind, but practically tourists of all sorts! Lights were hung
up everywhere and music blared from all over!
"What happened?" Guybrush asked, "The last I saw this place I
thought it was a ghost town!" They suddenly noticed most of the people gathered
around a new building, with a large sign over it: Al's Donuts!
"Al's Donuts?!?" Blackeye exclaimed, "Al started a donut
business?" They hurried over to the stand where people were buying donuts by the few
dozen. Al was behind the counter, working hard and eating at the same time.
"Al!" Guybrush exclaimed, "What are you doing? You started a
donut operation without me! That's not how we planned it!"
"We planned it?" Al asked.
"Well, no." Guybrush said, "What are you doing anyway?"
"Well, Bob, I realized that this island was filled with the sap required
to make my special donut recipe." Al said, "How could I let this go to waste? So
I opened my own donut shop here and it's packing the tourists in!"
"That's the second smartest thing he's ever done!" Jan exclaimed.
"What was the first?" Guybrush asked.
"Remembering to swallow." Jan said.
"So anyway," Al said, "I'm your crew."
"You can't quit our crew!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Why, without
you, we'd, uh....we'd, uh....Jan? What did Al ever do to us that was useful?"
"Nothing." Jan said.
"Oh, well, in that case," Guybrush said, "Good luck on your
"Thanks, Bob." he replied, "Wanna donut?"
"Not now." Guybrush said, "We have to deliver this Dragon's
Heart to the map merchant." Suddenly, the map man bumped right into Guybrush, chewing
down on donuts.
"You know this guy?" the man asked, "I'll tell ya, these are the
greatest donuts I've ever tasted! Listen, if you can convince him to let me have ten
million pieces 'o eight worth of free donuts, I'll give ya the map for free!"
"Without the Dragon's Heart?" Guybrush asked.
"The Dragon's Heart is nothing compared to these babies!" the man
"Hey, Al!" Guybrush said, "Do you think you could give this guy
free donuts so that he can give us the map?"
"Sure thing, Bob!" Al said, "Anything to help my
"Great!" the man said, reaching into his coat and extracting the map,
"Here it is, now get out of my face! I have donuts to eat!" And with that, he
ran back to the stand for more. Guybrush looked at the rolled-up map in his hand, and the
Dragon's Heart in the other. Jan and Blackeye looked over his shoulders at them.
"We lose a crewmate, we gain the map and a fortune." Guybrush said,
"This is a pretty good deal to me."
"So we're what?" asked Blackeye, "Down ta four?"
"Considering we don't lose anyone else." Guybrush said, "Come
on, let's get back to the ship!" They hurried back through the first passage through
the jungle, back to the beach where the ship took ground. Someone was nearby putting up a
sign marked: "Welcome to Donut Island!" The ship had been already shook off the
ground by the eruption and was awaiting the crew. Gramma was leaning over the railing
waving to everyone. Jan hopped up on the overhanging rope and pulled herself up onto the
ship, followed by Guybrush and Al.
"Well, gang, we've got the map." Guybrush said, "Blackeye set a
course for this particular island on the map." Blackeye took the map and looked it
"What island is dat?" he asked, "It don't appear in any 'o my
"Well, it appears on this one." Guybrush said, "Let's go! Raise
"They are raised." Jan said.
"Oh." Guybrush said, "Um, is the anchor weighed yet?"
"No." Gramma said.
"Well, in that case, weight the anchor!" Guybrush ordered. Jan reeled
in the anchor and the ship started to sail off into the horizon. Guybrush sat at the bow
of the ship and stared out to sea.
"Somewhere out there," he said to himself, "The secret to
eternal life lays, and the answer to our current problem. The one thing man searches for,
but never finds, yet our need for this is not what other people want. Kind of
"Are you talking to yourself again?" Jan asked.
"Um, is everyone listening?" Guybrush answered.
"Yes." Jan said, "You're creeping us out."
Part 4: The Fountain of Youth
Malwobbly's Traveling Voodoo Emporium sailed over the sea. Malwobbly sat in her
kitchen cooking eggs and watching soaps on her TV. She also wore a nightrobe, had curlers
in her hair, and had a green face mask on.
"Life sucks." she said to herself. There was a banging on the door.
She quickly removed her face mask and curlers, wrapped a turban around her head, removed
her nightgown, turned off the TV, hid the eggs, put on her voodoo dress, and jumped in
front of her voodoo fire, sitting in her regular position.
"Come in..." she said, then looked at a security monitor she set up,
"...Mr. Sharkjaw." Sharkjaw opened the door and came in.
"How did you know it was me?" he asked.
"I am all-seeing." she said, "Now what do you want...no, wait. I
see you are here because of...Guybrush Threepwood?" She was only taking a chance with
that guess, but it was logical to her.
"That is correct." he said, "I want to know where that
insignificant insect is headed."
"Mr. Threepwood is on a quest to remove your purchased spell." she
said, "He is headed for the Fountain of Youth."
"Fountain of...Purchased spell?" he asked, "What purchased
"Do you not recall your Voodoo Revenge spell?" she asked, "In
case you were ever defeated?"
"Ah, yes!" he exclaimed, "I forgot about that! But you said he's
headed for the Fountain of Youth?"
"Correct." she said, "But very little people know where that is,
including me. And there is only one map, which I presume Guybrush already has..."
"So to Nautilus Island I go!" Sharkjaw exclaimed, "Step aside,
I'm taking control of your ship!"
"Nautilus Island?!?" Malwobbly exclaimed, "But how did...TAKING
CONTROL OF MY SHIP?!?"
"Yes!" Sharkjaw laughed, getting at the rudder, "By the way,
your coffee's boiling."
"Ah, crap!" Malwobbly exclaimed, "This isn't my day!" She
jumped to her feet and grabbed the boiling pot off the stove.
And at Guybrush's ship...
Dawn has already come, and Guybrush's ship had traveled a good distance.
Fortunately, the destination island isn't too far, as is anything else when you're deep in
the Caribbean. Guybrush woke up from his hammock and hit his head on the overhead hammock.
Since Al no longer slept up there, he found the feeling strange.
"Guys?" he asked, "Anyone up?"
"What?" asked a groggy Jan, two bunks up.
"Where's Blackeye and Gramma?" Guybrush asked.
"Blackeye's been driving all night." Jan said, "And Gramma
always wakes up before 5. You should know that."
"I had the weirdest dream." Guybrush said, "Sharkjaw came back
to life and then there was a whale, then tiny people, then lots of Sharkjaws, then
Malwobbly, then a dragon, then a volcano, then Al left us for a donut shop...it sounds
"Only when you explain it." Jan said, leaping down from her bunk onto
the floor, putting on her coat, "Come on, we should be at the island soon
"LAND HO!" Blackeye yelled, "Comin' up on some strange
"There it is." Jan said.
"And I'm still hearing those voices..." Guybrush moaned, "They
think we're at some island..."
"Wake up, Guybrush." Jan said, shaking him. He fell out of his bunk
onto the floor and got up. The two of them headed up tot he deck where Blackeye and Gramma
were glaring out at an island. The strange part about the island, was it's strange
spherical shape that spiraled itself around to the center, almost shaped like a nautilus
"Tis Nautilus Island, cap'en." Blackeye said, "Da legendary
island. No one knew where it was, or what secrets it held. Now we know."
"And the Fountain of Youth is on there somewhere." Guybrush said,
"Blackeye, get the rowboats ready, we're going in."
Moments later, all four pirates were into a rowboat, and Blackeye was in charge
of rowing. They rowed up to the beach and came ashore. The island was lush in tropic flora
and fauna, and a narrow stream flowed through to the center of the island.
"This island is beautiful." Jan said.
"No kidding'" Blackeye said, "But who's dat over there?"
Everyone looked over to their right to see a tall handsome muscular dark-haired stranger
strolling up to them and waving.
"Whoa." Gramma said, "He's buff."
"Tell me about it!" Jan said, "Wow!"
"Buff, schuff." Guybrush moaned, "Big deal."
"Howdy, gang!" the man said, "Strange meeting you here so soon!
You're the same guys that left me on Devil's Island, aren't ya?"
"Excuse me?" Guybrush asked.
"Yeah, you guys!" he exclaimed, "Then came that Sharkjaw fella
and I tried to follow him and ended up here!" Guybrush eyes lit up in shock.
"HERMAN TOOTHROT?!?" he exclaimed.
"Well, who'd you expect?" he asked, "Stan or those pirates of
lower moral fiber?"
"That would've been more expected." Jan said, "What happened to
you? You look so, so early twenties and buff, man! Wow!"
"I'm gettin' sick here." Blackeye said, "Quit usin' the word
"Buff!" Gramma yelled.
"AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Blackeye screamed.
"Quite amazing, really." he said, "I was thirsty, found this
fountain, took a drink, and I was thirty years younger! Took another one, and look at
"Where's the Fountain?" Guybrush asked, "Can you lead us to
"I would," Herman said, "Except that Stan set up shop here on
"Stan?" Guybrush exclaimed, "What the heck is Stan doing
"Selling Previously-Owned Mattresses." he said, "And he built it
right in the path to the Fountain so that anyone going there would have to enter his shop
first. And I'm not going anywhere near that place! It's stinks!"
"I would guess." Guybrush said, "I suppose we could use the
rowboat and paddle along the inner stream to the center of the island.
"I wouldn't." Herman said, "Toxins from Stan's shop have mutated
a fish in those waters, and he's mean."
"So...we have to face Stan to get to the Fountain?" Guybrush asked.
"And move that pile of mattresses too." Herman said, "But that
means you'd have to touch them."
"I think I'd rather face the mutant fish." Guybrush said.
"Oh, let's just go into the stupid shop." Jan said. She started
heading off down the jungle path. The rest shortly followed.
After a few minutes of walking, they arrived at it. Stan's Previously-Owned
Mattresses. A huge pile of mattresses loomed overhead beside a booth. The five of them,
holding their noses, carefully entered the shop, and headed towards the pile, in which
there would be no way around. They had to go through it.
"Careful." Herman said, "The slightest noise will startle
"Like what?" asked Blackeye.
"Like a hiccup or a sneeze, or something." Herman said.
"COUGH!" Guybrush coughed.
"...or a cough." Herman said. That's when the door of the booth was
thrown open! Dressed in a party coat, a Mexican party hat, and a gas mask.
"Howdy, partners!" he exclaimed, "I'm Stan the Man, the owner of
this fine establishment! We've got mattresses of all sizes, all shapes, all
"All smells." Guybrush said.
"Whatever." Stan said, shaking it off, "You want a mattress
you've come to the greatest place! The best prices for the best in quality bedware! And
it's our Spring Clear-out! All the springs must be sold! They're going fast, I'm telling
"Whee." Blackeye said.
"And our finer models have automatic drying systems!" he exclaimed,
"No one will be the wiser! And for you lazy types, there's the auto-makers!
Automatically makes your bed in the morning (but I do not recommend being in it when it
does)! And what's the prices for these great items? What prices??? They're so small you
can't see 'em!"
"Is buying a soiled mattress this necessary?" asked Jan.
"It is when you've nowhere to sleep!" he exclaimed, "Yes, these
babies have got to be gone by noon today (before the smell gets worse, like it does
"We just want to get to the Fountain of Youth." Guybrush said,
"Let us pass."
"Ooh, sorry, amigo!" Stan said, "That would mean reorganizing my
merchandise...however, if you were to buy some of these fine babies, I might be able to
remove some and let you pass..."
Gramma threw a right hook clear over Stan's face. He fell flat to the ground
"Nice shot, Gramma." Guybrush said.
"No problem." she said, "Now how do you want to get past
"We burn it down!" Blackeye exclaimed, lighting a match.
"No!" Jane exclaimed, "That'll make the smell worse!"
"How about if we just move a few out of place?" Guybrush asked.
"Dat means havin' ta touch dem." Blackeye said. A cannon roared and
they all turned to see their ship being shattered away by several flying cannonballs!
"My ship!" exclaimed Guybrush.
"Forget the ship!" Jan exclaimed, "Look over there!" Coming
up alongside the island was a ship loaded with Sharkjaws! The cannonballs kept going until
the ship exploded in a shower of splinters. Guybrush's mouth gaped open. One problem. The
ship kept sailing around the island, firing cannonballs into the jungle, and coming closer
to the five...four of them.
"Where'd Herman go?" Guybrush asked.
"Never mind!" Blackeye exclaimed, "We've gotta get movin'! When
dey come up to us, we're cannonball fodder!"
"But this stupid pile of mattresses is in the way!" Jan exclaimed,
"It'll take hours to climb over if we were sick enough to try!"
"Well, we gotta hurry!" Guybrush said, "They're coming around at
us!" The ship continued it's voyage around the island, ripping up the jungle as it
went! A few cannonballs ripped by, shredding through Stan's sign! Stan woke up suddenly
with a shock and hurried out of the way as a few cannonballs came flying into his area!
Guybrush and his crew found themselves trapped between hundreds of cannonball beelines,
and a pile of soiled mattresses!
"DUCK!" Jan yelled. They all ducked as a couple dozen cannonballs
flew through the area, and crashed into the booth, blasting it into pieces. Another one
smashed into mattress mountain, knocked several loose! The cannonballs bounced off the
mattresses as they made contact, sending them flying everywhere! Guybrush rolled to the
side as one came crashing down next to him. Blackeye jumped out of the way of a falling
mattress! A hole was blasted straight into the pile, creating a temporary hole! Gramma
jumped to her feet and leapt through the hole with the time she had.
"Hurry!" she yelled. The rest jumped through as the pile collapsed on
itself, trapping Stan inside, just as the ship came alongside the pile, blasting it into
several million pieces! Guybrush and the crew raced through the Nautilus Island jungle,
cannonballs blasting away the jungle behind them in a total rapid fire succession!
"What do they got on those ships???" Guybrush asked,
"Probably!" Jan exclaimed, "Just run!!!" They hurried
around the island, as the ship continued following the shore line around the island and
firing. As they came to the inner trails of the island, the ship had to continue with the
circumference run, thus obtaining a wider range of fire as it went! Most of the jungle was
gone on the outer spiral, allowing them a clear shot at the inner spirals. More of the
jungle was blasted away, nearly missing the four heroes as they ran through the trails,
getting narrower and narrower. With more of a range to fire at, and a smaller target as it
went, the ship kept firing. Guybrush and the crew found themselves quickly backtracking
all over the place as they ran right into the cannon fire from a particular angel, then
had to hurry back the other way as they ran into the cannon fire on that particular side.
"They've got us surrounded!" Jan exclaimed.
"Just keep running!" Guybrush said. The jungle all around them was
being blasting to bits as cannonballs came crashing through! They hurried through an
already smashed area and finally arrived at the center, where they found it. The Fountain
of Youth. A double-layered, beautifully crafted marble fountain with spouting water
shooting off the top.
"There it is," Guybrush said, in a moment of silence, "The
Fountain of Youth."
"It's beautiful." Jan said.
"Ah, da ship?" Blackeye asked.
"Just a moment, dearie." Gramma said, "We're admiring the
"It's about time you guys got here!" Herman exclaimed.
"Herman!" Guybrush exclaimed, "How'd you get here so fast?"
"I forgot to tell you that the mutant fish left a week ago." he said,
"So I swam."
"D'oh!" Guybrush exclaimed. And, as expected, a series of cannonballs
came blasting through the jungle, tearing it up as it went! They all dove for cover as the
cannonballs ripped up the jungle paradise all around them!
"The water!" Jan exclaimed, "How do use the water? They're too
"Gramma!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Don't you have some gloves?"
"Yes." she said.
"And Jan, you have water balloons still?" he asked.
"I carry a few." Jan said. Guybrush took the gloves and put them on.
He crawled over to the fountain, and carefully filled the water balloon with the fountain
water, the gloves protecting his skin from the water. A tree came toppling over in a
ramp-like position, it's center resting on a busted stump. Guybrush rolled out of the way
of some cannonballs, and tossed the water balloon onto the lower end of the tree, it
didn't break. Guybrush motioned for his crew to stand clear.
"All we need is a good clear shot from them!" he yelled. And it
happened! A cannonball came flying into the upper end of the tree, sending the other end
with the water balloon upwards! The water balloon was flung forward, at an incredible
speed, and flew over the entire island! All the cannonfire ceased for a moment as all the
Sharkjaws stared up at the unidentified flying object sent sailing towards them through
the air. The water balloon came in contact with the head of one of them, splattering
everywhere! The water covered Sharkjaw. As he wipe it away, he found himself slowly
distengrating into a few sparkles of light then flickering out! His entire body went at
once and exploded in a yellow light, sparkling sparks flying everywhere! Every other
Sharkjaw on the ship started going sequentially, exploding in several sparks of magic! The
entire deck of the ship exploded in light, followed by the ship itself! The outer core
shattered into pieces flying everywhere and disten! grating into sparkles with died out
quickly! The explosions settles, and the sparkles all died out. Guybrush and his crew, and
Herman all stood up among the now desert island. The spell had been destroyed. All that
remained on the island were shattered wood, some fuzz, the crew, and the Fountain.
"We did it." Guybrush said, shocked.
"WE DID IT!" Jan yelled. Everyone joined in dancing around singing.
"WE DID IT!" they sang, "WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!"
"Guybrush Threepwood," Herman said, "You've just destroyed the
bad guy and saved your friends, what are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to Scabb Island!" Guybrush said. Everyone cheered!
"Not if I can help it." Sharkjaw said. Everyone looked away from
where the ship was, to where Sharkjaw was coming up from behind, Malwobbly's boat floating
away in the background.
"What the heck?" Guybrush asked, "But we just destroyed the
spell! How are you...?"
"I am the real Sharkjaw." he said, sharpening the blade at the end of
his hand, and hobbling over towards Guybrush on his peg leg, "And I've come to finish
"Well, geez!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Is there like a hat
somewhere, and someone's pulling these guys out of it or something?"
"I'm back from Hell." Sharkjaw said, "You never killed me, but
defeated me unfairly. Now, it is my turn."
"Well, listen, buddy." Guybrush said, "You've got five against
one here, so give it up." Guybrush drew his sword. Blackeye pulled out his daggers.
Jan drew her own sword. Gramma cracked her knuckles. Herman ran off.
"Another unfair fight." Sharkjaw said, "Come on, are you a
"No." Guybrush said, "And what do you expect? We're going to
fight right here?"
"No." Sharkjaw said, reaching over to the statuette over the fountain
and twisting it. A blue beam of light shot out of the sky and landed straight down on the
fountain as steps materialized out of nowhere. "Here."
"Holy cripes on toast." Jan said, "What the heck is
"The Arena Plane." Sharkjaw said, "A dimension only accessible
from the Fountain, so frankly, it's pure coincidence that we happen to be here. It's in
the Arena Plane, where we'll fight, and only the winner shall return to the mortal
"Well, what on earth is going to make me go up there?" Guybrush
asked, "We could just get in the rowboat and leave right now, leaving you here."
"Head towards the light, Guybrush." Sharkjaw said, "Or I'll be
hunting you down for the rest of your life."
"Let's rush 'im!" Blackeye exclaimed, rushing at Sharkjaw. Sharkjaw
grabbed by the arm and held him over the fountain.
"Step into the light or he goes in!" Sharkjaw commanded.
"No, wait!" Guybrush exclaimed, "All right! A fair fight! You
got it!" Guybrush stepped around the fountain, headed up the steps and stopped at the
top of the steps. He looked down at his crew.
"No, cap'en!" Blackeye said, "Dinna go!"
"Wish me luck." Guybrush said, stepping into the light. He was
immediately sucked up into the light and straight into the sky! Sharkjaw laughed and threw
Blackeye into the water anyway! The fountain glowed and Sharkjaw laughed as he leapt into
the light after Guybrush!
"Help!!!" Blackeye yelled, splashing away in the fountain.
"Hang on!" Gramma yelled, "I've save you!"
"Don't!" Jan yelled! Gramma dove into the fountain after Blackeye and
the fountain erupted in light! The beam from the sky returned to where it came.
"Geez, this is a bad day for us." Jan said.
Part 5: Final Showdown
Guybrush opened his eyes. He had entered a universe unlike any other. Mostly
black and fluorescent colors. The ground itself was an endless grid with blue lines and
3-D object could be seen everywhere. Guybrush looked down at himself.
"Holy smokes!" Guybrush exclaimed, "I'm all bulgy and
stuff...I'm a computer generation! Awesome!" Guybrush checked himself out. He was
completely third dimensional and moved incredibly smooth! Before him appeared Sharkjaw,
also third dimensional.
"Where'd you find out about this place?" Guybrush asked.
"I always go here when I have a final conflict to solve with an
enemy." Sharkjaw said, "The Arena Plane is an inter-dimensional plane between
Afterlives where Archangels and Archdemons settle their conflicts. As of what we will do.
Prepare to die." Guybrush drew his sword and lunged at Sharkjaw! Sharkjaw fended off
his sword-hand and stepped on Guybrush's foot!
"Ow!" Guybrush exclaimed, "No fighting dirty!"
"You're so stupid the local idiot looks up to you!" Sharkjaw laughed.
"Ah, so you've been looking up to me all along?" Guybrush said.
"Ooh!" Sharkjaw said, lowering his guard for a second, "That
hurt!" Guybrush attacked at him, fighting him back into a large cube that happened to
be laying around.
"Your mother's a manatee!" Sharkjaw insulted.
"How appropriate." Guybrush said, "You fight like a cow."
"Huh?" Sharkjaw asked.
"Rats, I never knew how to use that one." Guybrush said. Sharkjaw
pushed him away and attacked savagely with his sword hacking at Guybrush's. There was a
sudden break in the fight.
"People run in terror when I draw my sword!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"You must've really failed Art Class!" Sharkjaw said.
"Hey, that was mean!" Guybrush said. Sharkjaw whacked the sword out
of Guybrush's hand!
"Ha!" Sharkjaw laughed. He swung at Guybrush again, only to miss as
Guybrush raced down the gridlines through the universe of computer animation. He ducked as
a rolling sphere came past him, almost crushing him, and almost got smashed by a rolling
cube. Guybrush dove for cover behind a 3-D cylinder and looked behind him for Sharkjaw.
Sharkjaw was nowhere to be seen.
"Good." Guybrush said, "I lost him." A sword sliced away
the top half of the cylinder, nicking Guybrush's hair.
"Guess again, Reapbud!" Sharkjaw yelled.
"Threepwood!" Guybrush exclaimed. He ran as Sharkjaw swung again.
Guybrush raced throughout the place, looking for his weapon. He spotted his sword laying
nearby. As he ran for it, a giant sphere came rolling past, smashing it into pieces!
"Oh, crap." Guybrush said, "There's got to be a better weapon
around here somewhere!"
"Yoo-hoo!" Sharkjaw yelled, "Come here, Guybrush!"
"Man, he's getting on my nerves." Guybrush said. He ran into a tall
skinny cylinder and knocked it over. Guybrush quickly grabbed the three-dimensional
cylinder and rolled it off across the plane. Sharkjaw came racing out from behind a
pyramid, and tripped on the rolling cylinder! As he fell flat on his back, the huge sphere
came rolling past! It rolled over his sword-hand, smashing his sword into several useless
pieces. Sharkjaw looked at the useless stump he had for a hand.
"Argh!" he yelled, "Me sword! Ya smashed me sword! Now you're
dead!" He jumped to his feet and rushed Guybrush! He tackled him, bringing Guybrush
to his back! Guybrush held him off as Sharkjaw bared his fangs and snapped angrily at him!
"No biting!" Guybrush yelled, "No biting!" Sharkjaw's
powerful strength were slowly but surely overpowering Guybrush's weak arms. Guybrush could
feel his extremely bad breath and the schwinging noises his teeth made when they gnashed
together. Suddenly, someone came flying down from a passing cube, landed over Sharkjaw,
tightened her legs tightly around his neck, and did a forward flip, hurling him across the
Arena Plane into a stationary cone. Sharkjaw slid down the cone onto his head, dazed.
Guybrush looked at the 3-D woman who had just appeared. She was a totally full-figured
babe, with long black hair and super legs as proven.
"Wow!" Guybrush said, "Thanks, whoever you are!"
"You should know me, Guybrush." she said, "We were on the same
ship for months." Guybrush was baffled for a few moments, then it finally hit him.
"Gramma Rummy???" he asked.
"That's Rummy Ann to you." she said, "That Fountain does
wonders. Too bad I can't say the same for Blackeye. But let's get out of here, I've got
the portal open for a temporary time!"
"Great!" Guybrush exclaimed. The two of them raced through the grids,
dodging the multi-sided objects, and up to a blue hole in the ground.
"Hurry, Guybrush!" Rummy said as she leapt into the hole. Guybrush
turned to see Sharkjaw running straight at him.
"It was supposed to be a fair fight!" Sharkjaw yelled.
"This didn't seem fair to me." Guybrush said, then he leapt into the
After what has a blast through light, he arrived at the top of the Fountain and
leapt off to the ground, back in his own 2-D animated world.
"Guybrush!" Jan yelled, throwing him a sword. Guybrush quickly swung
the sword at the light base, disassembling it from the rest of the fountain. The light
went out and Sharkjaw came falling out of the sky screaming. Everyone hurried out of the
way as he came splashing down into the middle of the Fountain, shattering it into pieces!
The water went spilling everywhere, and quickly soaked into the ground. From the marble,
all that was left was a little kid dressed like a pirate. Guybrush walked up to him and
looked down at him. The kid started crying.
"No fair!" he cried, "You meanie!"
"You were one who was biting." Guybrush said.
"Uh-oh." Little Sharkjaw said.
"Wanna play kick the baby?" Guybrush asked.
"Don't kick the baby." Sharkjaw said. Guybrush deep-kicked the
lightweight Sharkjaw way off over the island and into the middle of the ocean. Guybrush
turned back to the rest, and Herman who had come back. There were no more old people.
There was Jan, the new Gramma Rummy, who switched back to her old early twenties name
Rummy Ann, Herman Toothrot, and...
"Blackeye!" Guybrush exclaimed, looking down at a tiny little kid
with long black hair and dressed in a bandanna and pirate costume, "What happened to
"Hewwo, Mistah Feepwood." he said.
"THREEPWOOD, YOU STUPID BABY!" Guybrush screamed. Blackeye started
"Easy, Guybrush." Rummy Ann said, "He's had a hard time."
"A hod tim." Blackeye babbled.
"What do we do about him?" Guybrush asked, "Herman, is there an
"How would I know?" Herman asked, "If I knew, would I had this
great body? No! I'd be a wrinkled old man again!"
"Don't worry, Guybrush, I can care for him." Jan said, picking up
Blackeye, "It'll be like raising my own kid. I can teach him how to pronounce words
"Mommy!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"They're so cute at that age." Guybrush said.
"Feepwood!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"Shut up, Guy." Rummy Ann said, "Let's get out of here."
Together, they all headed back tot he rowboat and rowed away the from the island, towards
Skar Island, the nearest island available.
"Well, what are we going to do now?" Guybrush asked, "Take that
kid everywhere we look for Big Whoop?"
"Actually," Jan said, "I was thinking of quitting these
adventures. After all, I'm already rich enough, I'm young and beautiful, and have a child
to care for, what am I doing wasting my time looking for treasure???"
"Hey, yeah!" Rummy Ann exclaimed, "I've already wasted my life
before being a pirate! Now I have a second chance to go and do all kinds of things I never
got to do before!"
"That's looking at the bright side of things." Guybrush said,
"So, you three are deserting me?"
"I guess so." Jan said, as Guybrush rowed ashore Skar Island,
"Don't worry about us, we'll be able to handle ourselves. After all, we're rich
and...wait a second. Aren't you carrying all of our money?" Guybrush reached into his
coat and found the Dragon's Heart. He pulled it out and handed it over to Jan.
"Here," he said, "Carrying this thing around was too heavy
anyway. With it, you can live a rich lifestyle and stuff."
"Thanks, Guybrush." Both girls said as they kissed him on the cheeks.
Guybrush blushed for a moment, but quickly slapped himself in the head a few times.
"Elaine!" he exclaimed, "Remember Elaine!"
"Oh, yes." Rummy Ann said, "Where are you headed to now?"
"Well, if I ever want to find Elaine, I have to look for Big Whoop."
Guybrush said, "So I'm headed for Scabb Island where I'm told there's someone who
knows where it is. And because both LeChuck and Sharkjaw are disposed of, what could
possibly go wrong?"
"Well, I guess this is where we part ways." Jan said, "So long,
"See ya, Guybrush." Rummy Ann said.
"Buh-buh, Buybush." Blackeye babbled.
"Guybrush, Guybrush!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"He's just a baby." Jan said.
"Whatever." Guybrush said, getting back into the boat and rowing
"So long, crew!" Guybrush yelled, "I'll never forget you!"
"Same here, buddy!" they yelled back. They watched as Guybrush
paddled all into the horizon.
"Do you think he'll be Ok?" Jan asked.
"No, I'm just guessing." Rummy Ann said. A nearby tidal wave plowed
over Guybrush's rowboat off in the distance.
"You're not a good guesser." Jan said.
"Let's go get some coffee." Rummy Ann said, "Then we can go to
singles bar and tantalize elderly men."
"Sounds like fun!" Jan exclaimed.
"Hey, wait a second!" Rummy Ann exclaimed, "What about Herman
"What about him?" asked Jan.
"Hello?" called out Herman, "Where'd ya guys go??? You forgot
Herman stared around at his destroyed home.
"Well, at least I have Stan to keep me company." Herman said. Stan
rowed away in his spiffy blue boat.
"Not anymore!" Stan laughed.
"Well, at least I know I've got a far life ahead of me with this great new
body." he said, "Hmmm...this pineapple looks delicious!"
Herman ate the pineapple. Immediately, his muscles dehydrated, a blast of hair
shot out from his chin, his legs got so scrawny, and his hair turned white. He felt
himself and moaned. He had found the stupid antidote and the Fountain was no more.
You've played the game, you've read the walkthru, you've
visited the websites, you've phoned the hint lines, now you hear the story from what
Elaine's been constantly hearing, here comes the final adventure in the Big Whoop Trilogy: