Deep in the Caribbean,
Guybrush's eye opened with a jolt as he spit out a mouthful of sand. He carefully
lifted himself up from his face first position in the sand to take a look at his new
surroundings. As he wiped the wet sand off his face and his wet clothes, he glanced around
at the shore he had washed up on. It was night, and a wide jungle spread before him, with
a single trail leading through, and a sign next to the trail reading: 'Town of
|"Where the heck am I?" Guybrush asked himself,
"The last I remember, I was adrift in a rowboat looking to see if I could find out
where Elaine went off too, then there was a storm..."
walked through the narrow path leading through the jungle, animals screeching here and
there, and the occasional icky brown stuff on the ground. It had been a while since he'd
last seen Elaine. All he remembered was them living together on Melee Island, and then
finally, her mysterious disappearing. Since then, he'd been on the search for a while,
having gone a while without shaving, and having bought a nice brown leather jacket that
looked good with his white shirt and black slacks. Up ahead, he heard hollering and
belching, and the paranormal screaming of hideous beasts that would scare even the horrors
of Hell into turning white with fear.
"Ah, civilization at last!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Must be fellow
Finally making his way through the last bit of foliage, he arrived at the area
where the loud noises could be heard, only to find a clearing with a circle of high trees
up, he saw a small village built right up into the tree tops!
Though he couldn't see much, all he could see was the glow of
several lanterns, and the bottom of a wooden floor spread out.
Locating a rope ladder placed by the side of one of the trees,
Guybrush began to climb up into the town. As he climbed over the
edge, he quickly came face to face with the pointy end of a
"Argh!" The pirate holding the sword growled. "What ye be wanting,
matey??? Are ye sellin' dem fine leather jackets?"
"Whoa! Down!" Guybrush exclaimed, staring at the sword, "Not I'm selling
any jackets! This is mine! My name's Guybrush Threepwood, I just washed up on this island!
Please, don't kill me!"
The pirate lowered his sword and slid it into his belt. He was somewhat of a short guy,
one eyepatch, a long back moustache, a bandana wrapped around his head, and no shoes.
"Well, er, I weren't gonna kill ya, lad." he said, "Aye's a just gonna
cut ya. What ye be saying yer name again? Highgush Sleepmud???"
"No, no!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Threepwood! Guybrush Threepwood!"
"Argh, well that be a stupid name." the pirate responded, "The name
here's Blackeye. I be the scurviest pirate on the island."
"Well, I'm pretty scurvy myself." Guybrush said. "What island am I on
"Yer on da island of Keelhaul." Blackeye responded, "Not too far from
Melee Island. What brings ya t'our neck 'o the sea? 'Ave you come to join our
"Conquest?" Guybrush asked in astonishment, "What conquest?"
Blackeye moved aside and waved Guybrush into town.
"Is not me department ta be telling, lad." he said, "Yer gonna wanna
take it up with our leader, the scurviest pirate on the island, Captain J. Walker."
"Didn't you just say 'you' were the scurviest pirate on the island?" Guybrush
"Shut up, kid." Blackeye said as he sat back on his stool, and resumed his
nightwatch. Guybrush looked around the town. The only buildings in sight were built
primitively, but sturdily, out of wood, and all encircled an area over the trees as a
single sidewalk circled around the area. It didn't seem to be a town, but more of a fort,
as of where the only buildings were a steelsmith shop, a sleeping dorm, a tavern, and a
single building that was surrounded by a low spite fence, yet someone was inside. Guybrush
decided to set his sights on the tavern, hoping to find more information. The door was
wide open so he walked right in. Inside the tavern wasn't as big as he thought it be
would. There were only three tables and a bar, behind which sat a kindly old
grandmother-like lady reading a book entitled 'Great Ship Disasters'. The rest of the
people in the were pure grog-swilling pigs. In order words, pirates. No one seemed to be
paying attention to Guybrush as of they were just! laughing away and chatting with other
while swilling grog. Two characters who tended to stand out among the crowd was an
incredibly fat man who could pass off as human if he wiped off his chin a bit, and at the
end of the bar, seemed to be a young blonde woman laying face down in a puddle of rum.
Guybrush stepped up to the bar and sat on the stool. The kindly old woman lowered her book
to speak to him.
"Hello there, sonny." she smiled, "You're not part of our crew are
"Crew?" Guybrush asked, "What crew? I was hoping that someone here could
answer some questions for me and maybe help me out."
"Well, there, there." she said, putting away the book, "You've come to
the right place for information. Gramma Rummy they call me. I'm the scurviest old lady on
"You don't look very scurvy to me." Guybrush said.
"D'uh, lady!" the incredibly fat man called from across the room, "Me
want more grog! And a donut!"
"Shut up, you lazy pig!" she screamed, grabbing a barrel of grog, "You
want grog, you come get it next time!" And with that she hurled the barrel clear
across the room into the pirate who had yelled at her! The barrel shattered into his head
knocking him to the ground as grog spilled all over.
"It's a burning my eyes!!!" he screamed in pain, "And where's the
donuts???" Gramma Rummy turned back to me.
"That was just Fat Al." she said, "He's an old drunk, but a softy when
sober. And that fine lady over there is Jan McDarcie." Guybrush glanced over to the
end of the bar, where the blonde girl was laying face down in that puddle. Guybrush really
couldn't tell if she was attractive or not from her position. "She don't handle
liquor too well, but she loves it, now, uh, who are you?"
"Uh, um...I'm Guybrush Threepwood." Guybrush said.
"Jan, say hi to what's-his-name." Gramma said. Jan turned her head slightly
towards us to reveal she was indeed a beautiful girl.
"Looks like a Grade A idiot to me." she moaned.
"Nice girl." Guybrush said, then turned back to
Gramma, "I'm looking for
a way off this island so I can resume the search of my love, Elaine Marley. She used to be
governor of Melee Island."
"We all know who Governor Marley is." Gramma Rummy said, "She's the
brave woman who single-handedly defeated the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!"
"No, that was me!!!" Guybrush exclaimed, "I'm the one who
single-handedly defeated LeChuck! Not her!"
"Now, now, Guycomb..." she said...
"Guybrush!" I corrected her.
"Guybrush. Whatever." She rolled her eyes, "There's only one way off
this island. And we're all going together."
"What? Where?" Guybrush asked, "What are you talking about, and what's
this conquest I heard about?"
"Guybrush," she said, "There's only one boat on this island, and when
Captain Walker gives the word, it's setting sailing. You can join us if you like. But you
have to be part of the crew. It's a no-stop journey."
"Where's it going?" Guybrush asked.
"Are you familiar with a certain fabled treasure?" she asked, "One
named, Big Whoop?"
"Big Whoop?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "Of course I'm familiar with it, why
I'd have gone looking for it long ago if I had any clue about it and it's
"Captain Walker claims to know where it is." she said, "All the pirates
in this place will be going. But it will be a dangerous voyage."
"Who cares?" Guybrush said, "If we find it, it can split up among this
entire crew and everyone would still be richer than anything else!!! Count me in!"
"Guybrush, there's something I haven't told you about it." she said.
"And when I do find Elaine, boy, will she be impressed..." Guybrush rambled
"Guybrush!" she exclaimed.
"What?" Guybrush asked, caught off guard, "What's so important that you
must be interrupting my visions of grandeur?" Gramma Rummy rolled out a map of a
Caribbean and pointed at a traced outline of a triangle.
"Big Whoop is here." she said. Guybrush leaned in at the outline on the map.
She had outlined a dreaded body water in the Caribbean. The cursed Bermuda Triangle. Where
no one enters, and comes back...it doesn't mean they don't come back alive, they just
don't come back...period. Fat Al and Jan McDarcie suddenly burped simultaneously. It was a
good way to spoil the mood.
Part 1: The Attack
After a grog (which was all Guybrush could hold), Guybrush left the tavern in a daze
and found a tree top to lean against. Only two people were aware of his existence here,
but it didn't matter much, unless the other pirates saw him as an intruder.
"The Bermuda Triangle!" Guybrush exclaimed, "There's goes my hopes of
ever being rich. I'll have to find some other way off this stinking island." Guybrush
glanced around at the area. A door opened at the small building and a tall man walked out.
He was a bald man with the traditional coat (it was blue), and a large red
beard/moustache. He locked up his door and started to head for the tavern when he spotted
"You there!" he called out, "Are the new flooring inspector I
ordered?" he asked.
"No!" Guybrush said, getting up, "Though it is nice flooring you have
"So you're a new crewmate then?" he said, "Good, we'll be needing all
the hands we can get on our voyage."
"No, and I'm not going on your voyage." Guybrush said, "I'm not risking
a trip into the Triangle! No one ever came back from there!"
"Blackeye!" the man called out, "Who is this man and why did you let him
in our town?"
"Aye, cap'en!" Blackeye responded, "He's just a castaway. I'm a
'I'm stay fer now."
"You know the rules!" the Captain exclaimed, "For all we know he could
be one of Sharkjaw's spies!" And with that, the captain grabbed Guybrush by the
collar and held him over the edge of the town's rails. Guybrush flailed aimlessly in fear.
"ACK! NO!" Guybrush screamed, "Let go! Let go! Wait! No! Don't let go!
Don't let go!" Guybrush hung high over the ground.
"Let 'im live, cap'en." Blackeye said, "Ee's too much of a wimp to be a
spy." And with that, the Captain Walker tossed Guybrush to the floorboards.
"I am not a wimp!" Guybrush exclaimed, "I single-handedly defeated the
Ghost Pirate LeChuck and his evil minions of the damned!"
"Well, ain't that a farce!" Captain Walker laughed, "E'ryone knows that
it was the great governor Elaine Marley who defeated LeChuck!" Guybrush reached into
his pocket and pulled out his only proof available: A squirming, glowing blue beard that
he had picked up after LeChuck had exploded back on Melee Island.
"If Elaine defeated him, why do I have this?" Guybrush asked, shoving it in
Walker's face. Walker grabbed it and inspected it closely. After moments of silence, he
"Aye. I've never seen anything like it!" he said, "Look at it,
Blackeye!" He tossed the beard to Blackeye who squirmed as he tried to grab it and
keep it still.
"It's alive, cap'en!" he exclaimed, "It's as if it really were part of
LeChuck 'imself! It must be authentic--I cain't even tell what it's a made of!"
Guybrush got to his feet and grabbed the beard back. The Captain was still staring at him
"You might be worthy our crew indeed." Walker said, "Follow me."
"I told you, I don't want to be with you guys." Guybrush complained. He
followed the captain to his quarters, where the captain unrolled a map before Guybrush's
eyes. The map consisted of lay-out of the area in the Bermuda Triangle.
"You may not want to go because you're afraid," the captain said, "But I
wouldn't be going either without this." The map showed a line drawn through the
triangle. "I got this map from the journal of the unknown pirate who apparently was
the only one to come out of the Bermuda Triangle alive. This is the exact course he
charted." Guybrush listened with fascination, but became concerned.
"Are you sure this is an authentic map?" Guybrush asked, "It could be a
"Are you sure you're the one who defeated LeChuck?" Walker asked, "I'm
putting my faith in you for that, so you'd better not be lying."
"Trust me, I'm not lying." Guybrush said, "But I'm also not going to go
on a hair-brained voyage that leads to apparent death while my Elaine is missing!"
"Ah, just reconsider." Walker said, "You will be a shining example to my
crew since ya did kill LeChuck and make the seas safe fer sailing."
"Ha! Forget it!" Guybrush said, leaving, "You want to go on a course for
death just because of a single journal that anyone could have written (Where'd you find it
anyway? The Fiction section?), and expect me to come? I've got my own problems, thank you.
I'm leaving this place, good-bye." And Guybrush left. He climbed down the ladder
without even saying bye to Blackeye (mainly because he wasn't there.), and headed out
through the jungle.
"Geez, at first it sounded good." Guybrush complained, "But no one's
dragging me into that Bermuda Triangle. If I don't find anyone else, I'm building my own
boat and getting out of here."
About a half-mile away, Guybrush heard a weird chanting noise coming from the left of
him. Intrigued to find out what it was, Guybrush dug through the dense jungle in pursuit
of the sound. Along with the sound came the splashing of waves against the shore. Guybrush
pushed himself through the last stretch of foliage and came upon the beach, where he
spotted a houseboat washed up upon the shore. On the side of the boat read: 'Malwobbly's
Travelling Voodoo Emporium'. It was inside where the weird chanting was coming from.
"Ooooohhhh....mmeeeeooohhhh.....lalalalala!!!!!!" it chanted out horribly.
Guybrush knocked on the door.
"Come in Mr. Threepwood." the voice said. Guybrush had a strange sense of
deja vu as he opened the door. Inside, a thin black woman wearing a purple cloak and a
purple turban was chanting before a fire. Before Guybrush could say a word, the lady
"No, you do not know me, Guybrush." she said, "I am not the same as my
cousin on Melee Island as to whom you know."
"Well, then, who are you?" Guybrush asked.
"Malwobbly. I am a great practitioner in the arts of voodoo." she said,
"I travel the seas offering services in more than one place."
"Really? Cool! Can you read the future???" Guybrush asked hesitantly.
"I have already devised answers for your questions." Malwobbly answered,
"3, a Kodiak Bear, Napier's Bones, blue, and no, pigs really can't build
"Wow." Guybrush exclaimed, "If I could only remember the questions, but
I do have something you haven't answered yet." Malwobbly raised her hand to me and
closed her eyes in thought.
"Ah, yes. Your love for Elaine is strong I see." she said, "But alas, is
hers as strong for you?"
"Well, gee," Guybrush said, "She did try to rescue me at the docks, and
we did live together for some time. You'd think so. Where is she???"
"I cannot tell." she said, "There is something strange happening in your
"Oh-no!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Not again!"
"I cannot tell you where she is." Malwobbly said, "But there are
milestones in your life that must be passed if you are ever to find her. I sense you are
unarmed." Guybrush checked his coat.
"Yeah. I am" he said, "I lost my sword on my last trip to Monkey
"Then take this, no cover charge." Malwobbly said, handing Guybrush a sword
similar to his last one. "I found this while crossing the waters between Monkey and
Melee Island." Guybrush slid the sword through his belt.
"Gee, thanks." Guybrush said, "Hey! Could I use your boat to get off
"Island? What island?" Malwobbly asked.
"You're beached on an island, Malwobbly." Guybrush said.
"Well, darn it, You'd think I would have foresaw this or something!" she
said, "Do you think you can give me push back into the wake? I'm seriously blind as a
"Well, ok." Guybrush said, hopping out of the houseboat and shoving hard at
the boat. Fortunately, the sand was loose and wet, and the boat slid cleanly away, leaving
Guybrush to fall on his face as the boat slid out of his grasp. In moments, the boat had
floated too far from shore.
"Hey, come back!" Guybrush yelled, "I need to get off this island!"
Malwobbly called back.
"There is only one way now!" she called, "And make it your ambition to
find Big Whoop, or you'll never find your one true love!!!" And with that, the boat
disappeared in the seascape.
"Big Whoop?" Guybrush exclaimed, "But that would mean...?"
The sound of cannon-fire roared off in the distance, in the area where the treefort
was. Guybrush jumped in shock and ran like the wind in that direction. There was trouble.
Guybrush arrived in the clearing in time to hear the roar of cannon fire again. The
trees were to high to tell where the cannons where firing from, but everyone above was in
"What's going on???" Guybrush exclaimed as he hurried over to the ladder. At
that moment, a cannonball ripped through the surrounding forest and blasted a clear cut
straight through one of the supporting trees! It came loose and toppled towards Guybrush!
He jumped clear out of it's way as the tree crashed down, with the dorm shattering into
pieces as it hit ground. In moments, the shack was abound in flames, due to a possible
candle tipping over in there or something. Trying to waste no time, Guybrush hurried up
the ladder just as another cannonball split apart a tree, and caused the steelsmith shop
to go falling to the ground, and into the fire. As Guybrush hurried, a gunshot went off
below him. He glanced down to see shots fired straight from the fire! The weaponry in the
shop was going off! Guybrush scampered up the ladder as bullets went flying everywhere and
explosions started to take place on the ground. Guybrush climbed up to the top of the fort
and saw pirates runn! ing everywhere in panic. Captain Walker hurried about with a shotgun
and yelling commands to his crew.
"Evacuate the area!" he yelled, "But save the grog! And the rum! And the
jam!!!" Pirates were doing their best to haul their supply of liquor from the tavern.
Blackeye ran right into Guybrush, causing both to fall on their bottoms.
"Blackeye, what's going on?!?" Guybrush asked.
"It's da dreaded pirate Sharkjaw!" Blackeye exclaimed, "I dinna know he
found our hide-out, but he's come to get da map and da journal!!!" And with that,
cannons roared as strange shapes came flying over the forest and into the fort area!
"Aye, run, mate!" Blackeye yelled, on his way down the ladder, "It's
Sharkjaw's Bilgerats!!!" The figures came crashing down in various parts of the fort,
causing mass destruction as they landed. Figures emerged from the debris to reveal giant
rats dressed like pirates, and armed with swords.
"You heard the captain's orders!!!" A rat yelled, "Find the journal and
leave no one alive!!!" And they spread out through the fort attacking pirates who
fought back viciously. Blackeye came hurrying up the ladder in a panic.
"We're trapped!" he exclaimed, "Bilgerats up here and fire down
"Oh, yeah." Guybrush said, "The fire. Forgot to tell you about that. Is
there any other way out?"
"Nay, but we're gonna fight to the end!" Blackeye yelled as he drew his sword
and ran into the fracas of swordplay abound in the fort. A rat came up from behind
Guybrush and threw him to the ground. Before he could bring his sword down to finish him,
Guybrush had already drew his and blocked off the rat's sword attack. The rat grinned.
"Did you eat ugly pills this morning?" he laughed as he insulted Guybrush.
Guybrush threw his best comeback at him.
"Don't worry, I returned them your medicine cabinet." Guybrush said, catching
the rat off guard and swinging his sword, hitting away the rat's sword. He jumped to his
feet and fought with the rat again until there was a quick break in the fight. The rat was
up against the edge of the fort where the fire loomed below. The rat held his sword tight
as he forced his way to keep from being pushed off the edge. Guybrush threw one of his
best insults at him.
"You're stupid." Guybrush said.
"You're the stupid one to make up a stupid insult like that!" the rat
laughed, forcing away Guybrush.
"Rats. I spent all night thinking that one up." Guybrush whined as he fought
with the rat.
"Your mother's a bleeding moron to have you!!!" the rat yelled.
"Well, uh...your mother's a...uh...bleeding...uh...give me a minute, could
you?" Guybrush asked. Within that time, the rat swing his sword and knocked
Guybrush's sword of his hand. It went flying into the side of the tavern. The rat laughed
and held his sword at Guybrush's throat.
"Ha! You're a worthy opponent!" he sneered, "But it all comes to an end,
sometime, eh?" Another cannon roared and a cannonball came flying through, crashing
straight into the rat's gut and sending him flying out of the area and deep into the
jungle. Guybrush grabbed his sword and jumped aside as another rat came at him, missed,
and went falling over the edge. Captain Walker came running by chasing off three rats with
"Aye!" he yelled at them. There was a gunshot and Captain Walker keeled over
suddenly, clutching his chest in pain. Guybrush's look shot upwards at a rat high in a
palm tree with a shotgun. Another shot rang out and the rat toppled from his perch into
the fire below. Guybrush hurried over to the captain, who was squealing in pain.
"Captain!" Guybrush exclaimed, "You've been shot!"
"No kidding, Brainiac, don't strain yourself." The captain said, choking out
"Don't fool around, Captain." Guybrush said, though also emotionally hurt by
the insult, "I need to get you some help."
"No, Guybum..." the captain said.
"GUYBRUSH!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"I'm about to die, let me have some fun!" the captain said, "Now,
listen, what's-your-name, and listen good. They have the journal."
"What?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "We have to get it back!!!"
"Fortunately, the journal is written in a Latin manuscript." Walker
explained, "The first thing they need to do before it's of any use, is get it
translated." Another cannonball soared over them.
"Listen, why don't I get you some help?" Guybrush asked, "You can
explain this all to me after this!"
"No, my Gramma can explain it to you." he said, "After you've all
"Gramma???" Guybrush exclaimed, "What about her?!? Is she safe?!?"
"Don't worry." Walker said, "She and my daughter can take care of
themselves. Now after I explain everything to you, I want you and anyone else you can get,
to get out of here as soon as possible and escape on my ship. Guybrush, I'm assigning you
as captain. Remove my coat." Hesitating slightly, Guybrush helped the captain remove
his big blue coat.
"I've sewn the complete English translation on the inner lining." he said,
"Though the map through the triangle itself is in the actual journal."
"But they have the journal!!!" Guybrush said.
"No d'uh!" the captain explained, coughing more and more, "You have to
get it back! Then go after Big Whoop itself! We can't let it fall into Sharkjaw's
"Question." Guybrush said, "I always wondered why pirates look for
treasure. Why do we need the money if we plunder everything we need anyway?"
"Creepblood!" the captain said, "Big Whoop is a mystical treasure that
contains a secret unknown to any man! If Sharkjaw gets to it first, he will use it's power
for his own evil doing!"
"Oh, well." Guybrush said, "When you put it that way! By the way, the
"Who cares?" the captain asked, and his last breath went, and his eyes rolled
back in his head.
"Um, I have another question..." Guybrush said, "Ah, crap. He's
dead." The captain faded away into nothing. Guybrush looked at the coat he held in
his arms. A shattering sound came from the tavern. Gramma Rummy jumped through the window
carrying ten bilgerats in her arms, who were all squirming to get free!
"I'll's a teach you to mess up my clean tavern!!!" she yelled as he threw
them all into the fire below. Guybrush hurried over to her.
"Gramma!" Guybrush exclaimed, "The captain's dead, they have the
journal, and, uh, I forgot the third thing!"
"Aye?" Gramma asked queeringly, "Ugh. I guess we have to switch to Plan
B. You got his English translation?"
"In his coat." Guybrush said. Gramma nodded and grabbed a small pocket-sized
chalkboard out of her pocket. She quickly pulled her nails across it, creating a
high-pitched shrieking sound that caught everyone off-guard. Sounds of screams of pain
filled the fort as pirates and rats dropped their weapons to cover their ears. The rats
were in most pain, due to their superior hearing. Gramma waved her arms to all the
pirates, motioning everyone to get into the tavern. They responded immediately by doing
so, while the rats were still shrieking in pain. Another cannonball ripped through the
jungle and shattered apart the captain's quarters.
"We don't have much time!" Gramma Rummy exclaimed, "We have to get out
of here! Follow me!" Guybrush and Gramma hurried into the tavern, where all the
pirates were crowded around in, confused about what was going on. Gramma smashed a glass
case on the wall marked: "Use in case of emergencies" A siren went on in the
camp and a hole opened in the middle of the tavern floor. A single catapult raised from
the floor slowly.
"The rats, Gramma!" Guybrush exclaimed. Gramma rushed over to the door and
barred it across. Jan was busy throwing some tables and chairs and Fat Al in front of the
"That should keep them busy!" Gramma said, "Now this catapult can only
support two at a time, otherwise we'll miss the target. Bart, Fink, you're first."
"Target?!?" Guybrush asked, "What the heck are we talking about??? What
are we doing???"
"Two pirates hopped into the catapult arm and lay back as they previously
rehearsed in such a case.
"We're catapulting everyone to safety???" Guybrush exclaimed, "Are you
nuts??? There isn't even an opening in the roof!"
"Not yet." Gramma said, pulling the release lever. The arm swung forward,
throwing Bart and Fink straight through the roof! They went flying off into the distance.
"Weazer, Jan, you're next." Gramma said. There was a bashing at the door as
it started to splinter. Guybrush glanced around in horror. Gramma pulled the release
switch as Jan and the unknown pirate went flying. Only two more, plus he and Gramma
"Gramma! The door!" Guybrush yelled.
"Keep them out!" she said, "We're going to have a hard time loading Fat
Bill and Fat Al!" Guybrush hurried over to the door and pushed against. A series of
bilgerats bashed on the other side, and the force wave knocked Guybrush down. Fat Bill
went flying through the roof. Gramma started to load up Fat Al.
"Hurry up, Gramma!" Guybrush yelled as a sword splintered through the door
above him. The pile of chairs and tables started to shake.
"And fire!" Gramma yelled as she pulled the release lever, and sent Fat Al
flying. "All right, Guybrush! Come on!" Guybrush hurried over and climbed into
the catapult arm with Gramma just as the door shattered open! Blackeye came racing through
the door with rats chasing him.
"Wait fer me!!!" he yelled as he leapt up onto the arm with Guybrush and
Gramma, and triggered it automatically! They were flung straight out of the tavern, and
clear over the jungle.
"We're gonna undershoot our mark!" Gramma Rummy yelled as they came to the
edge of the island, and started flying right towards a large galleon, while all the other
pirates were splashing in the water! They fell towards the ship, and crashed down! The
floor board of the upper deck shattered as Guybrush fell face first into it, and Gramma
and Blackeye came in on top of him. When the dust settled, Guybrush stood up and rubbed
the back of his head. Gramma and Blackeye came up also.
"Geez. That hurt more than that cannonball sequence in Monkey Island 1."
Guybrush commented, "But I did it without a helmet this time!"
"Yeah, if we was non-fictional characters, we'd be dead!" Blackeye exclaimed.
All the other pirates climbed up over the edge of the deck.
"All right!" Guybrush said, "Did everyone make it out alive besides the
"Nay. Not Cabin Boy Kenny." a pirate.
"Oh my God!" Blackeye exclaimed, "They killed Kenny?!? Those scurvy sea
"The captain!" Jan said, "You said the captain didn't make it???"
"Uh, yeah." Guybrush said, "And he put me in charge. Fellows, I am going
to lead to the fabulous treasure of Big Whoop! I am your new captain: Captain
mean, Threepwood, Guybrush Threepwood!" All the pirates started moaning like crazy.
Fat Bill and Weazer threw themselves overboard and swam off in disgust.
"Aye, ya look more like a flooring inspector to me." Bart said.
"Come on, you guys!" Guybrush said, "We'll need everyone we can get on
our crew! Who's with me?" Bart and Fink climbed into a lifeboat and lowered
themselves into the water. They rowed away without saying a word. All that were left were
the two characters Guybrush had met in the tavern earlier, and pretty much didn't know
anything about, Jan McDarcie and Fat Al. Beauty and the Beast as a person would see it.
"All right! All right!" Guybrush said, "We've only got me,
Gramma, Blackeye, Fat Al, and Jan here. But we can make it! When we find Big Whoop, our shares
will be greater!" Jan and Fat Al looked around for another lifeboat. Bart and Fink
had already taken it.
"I don't really feel like swimming." said Fat Al.
"Me neither." said Jan, "We're in, but what about Sharkjaw's boat? He'll
be coming any second for us, Captain."
"Yes, dearie, what are we going to do?" Gramma asked, "Pulling up a
chair to read. And don't look at me, I've taken enough stress and need my rest."
"Uh, well..." Guybrush thought, "Can we outrun
'em?" There was
cannon fire!!! Everyone looked over to the starboard as a huge sailing ship with a raised
black flag came coming around the island, firing cannons everywhere. There were yelling
and screaming aboard and the sight of a huge man with a peg leg, hook, patched eye, black
beard, black mustache, stuffed green parrot, and a mouth full of fangs came into view as
the boat approached. Sharkjaw.
"Argh!" he yelled, "There they be!!! Shoot down Walker's boat and bring
his corpse to me!!!" Guybrush looked over at Gramma.
"Well, 'captain', " Jan asked, "Any ideas? Or should I take over?"
"Well, what would you do?" Guybrush asked.
"Raise anchor, raise sails, throw someone in charge of steering, and have the rest
get at the battle stations." Jan said.
"Wait, I have a better idea!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Blackeye! Take the
wheel! Uh, Fat Al, weight anchor! And, uh, you, Jan, can raise the sails!"
"Aye, captain!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"We have a genius for a captain." Jan commented. In moments, the anchor was
weighted (1 ton, two pounds), the sails were raised, and the ship was on it's way, but,
uh, Sharkjaw was still firing.
"Blow 'em outta the water!!!" Sharkjaw yelled. Another cannon blasted a ball
straight over the deck, barely, missing the mast.
"Battle stations!" Guybrush yelled, "We're going to show
'em a fight
like they've never seen before!" Gramma Rummy sat back to watch.
"This'll be interesting." she said. In seconds, everyone was at their cannons
on the deck and the first shot was fired. It went two feet from the ship and splashed into
"Who fired that shot?" Guybrush yelled.
"D'uh, that was you, sir!" Fat Al yelled. In another moment, the cannons were
roaring off again and again. Each missing Sharkjaw's ship by a good mile or two.
"Is our crew really this bad a shot?" Guybrush asked.
"Nay, tis just you, sir." Blackeye said. Another blast from Sharkjaw's boat
shot right through the rail next to Guybrush's cannon turret.
"Oh, crap." Guybrush said, looking around, "Hey! The
cannonballs!!!" The ship was rocking back and forth, and the cannonballs were rolling
all over the place.
"Holy smokes!" Jan yelled, "Our ammo!" Everyone started chasing the
balls around the deck, with no avail. In minutes, all the balls had rolled into the water.
"Well, that blows everything." Jan said, "Now what?" Gramma was
sitting by idly. Jan's face lit up.
"I have an idea!" she exclaimed, "Lower those sails, we're getting out
"What?" Guybrush asked, "What's going on???" Jan jumped down a
hatch in the deck, with Guybrush is pursuit, while Fat Al lowered the sails. Guybrush
chased Jan as she hopped down hatches all the way to the sub-deck level, where water was
pouring in quickly.
"As your captain, I demand to know what's going on!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Shut up, I'm saving our butts." Jan said as she came to the back of the ship
where a cage was placed next to a small wheel attached to a huge contraption that was
stuck through the ship. Jan reached into the cage and pulled out a little yellow hamster,
and tossed it on the wheel.
"Run, Fluffer! Run!" she said, poking the rat. The hamster jumped to life and
started running on the wheel. The engine behind it jumped to life and a huge axle started
spinning through the stern. Guybrush rushed up to the deck and glanced over the stern rail
to see huge propeller blades chopping through the water and gaining speed.
"Motors?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "We got motors on this thing?!?"
"Only on ours anyway." Gramma said, "Still patent pending." The
boat gained speed and jumped forward in a quick burst of speed, nearly knocking Guybrush
off the back of the ship!!! The boat zoomed ahead as Sharkjaw's ship fired a series of
cannonballs, each just missing the stern of the boat as it zoomed ahead at a high speed.
Sharkjaw and his filthy crew of Bilgerats watched as the boat disappeared into the
horizon. Sharkjaw scowled.
"Soon, Walker." he said, "We will meet again, I guarantee it.
Loot the village!" then suddenly, a buzzer went off, and Gramma's secret explosives
destroyed the fort in a shower of flames and wood timbers.
"Uh, on second thought...cancel those orders."
Part 2: Skar Island
'Captain Log; Guybrush Threepwood, Our near fatal encounter with the infamous
pirate Sharkjaw has left our ship in disarray. Supplies have been soaked, our ship itself
is pretty much bruised up, and First Mate Blackeye has been ordered to take us to the
closest civilized island to get out ship fixed and supplies...well, resupplied. On another
note, I don't think my crew is looking up to me too much as a captain. While Gramma Rummy
doesn't seem to worry too much about anything that happens on the ship, as shown with the
sea battle back there where she seemed to know everything would turn out right and didn't
bother to do anything, the others are a little concerned about my leadership. Having only
met me a moment before an attack, I'm sure Jan and Fat Al are finding it weird taking
orders from a guy they've never met. Jan has proven herself to be a worthy sea-mechanic
and leader as she proved while saving our butts, and is finding it hard to believe that I
could be! a captain if I didn't even know about the special features of my ship, which I
didn't really know was mine until now. Right now, she's been put in the crow's nest, which
I think she chose to get away from me, and is currently watching for land. Fat Al probably
feels the same about me, and has chosen to stay as far from me as possible. Mainly the
hold. where he keeps an eye on Fluffer and maintains the engines. Anyway, it's been
already been decided that as soon as the boat is fully repaired, we're setting sail for
Massacre Island, to where it's believed Sharkjaw will be. Our job will be to infiltrate
his ranks and steal back our map, then we can pursue our voyage to finding the great
treasure of Big Whoop, in which I hope, will lead me to Elaine. Captain's Log, out.'
Guybrush closed up his journal and stowed it into the inside pocket of his new blue
coat that Captain Walker had given him. He got off the barrel he was sitting on and headed
over to Gramma Rummy who was reading a copy of 'Bill and Alfredo's Excellent Adventure.'
"Hey, Gramma?" he asked. She lowered her book.
"Yes, Guybrush?" she asked.
"When Sharkjaw's ship attacked, you seemed to know we'd make it. How?"
"I have faith in my family here." she said, "I only take action when
critical. I was positive Jan or Blackeye would remember Fluffer downstairs. Back at the
fort was critical, so I had to lead everyone."
"Oh, well, another thing." Guybrush said, "My crew apparently hates me,
and Jan makes a much better leader, but Captain Walker wanted me to be captain and I
couldn't disobey his dying wish...well...notch, request."
"Frankly, I want you to be captain still." she said, "Jan may know what
she's doing, but she can be hot-tempered. As for you, you need to be a little more
assertive. Make decisions before a problem arises."
"Like what?" Guybrush asked. Suddenly, a water balloon came flying from above
and smashed into the back of Guybrush's head, spattering water all over him. He glanced up
at the crow's nest, but Jan acted as if nothing had happened.
"Like that." Gramma said, "Plan every mishap that could happen to you
and decide what to do. And learn from your mistakes!" Another water balloon hit
Guybrush in the head, drenching him. Jan still played as if it wasn't her.
"I think I know what you're getting at." Guybrush moaned. "I think I'll
go talk to Blackeye or something. See you later."
"We're on the same ship, of course you will." Gramma said. Another water
balloon hit Guybrush, he looked back up at the crow's nest and pointed to Jan.
"All right, Jan!!!" he yelled, "That's enough! I know it was you!"
She threw one in his face. Guybrush fell down and moaned. He got up and stumbled over to
the stern where Blackeye was steering the ship.
"Ahoy, captain, gotta watch dat Jan." he said, "She's got quite an arm
"Tell me about it." Guybrush whined, "So where are we headed?"
"Skar Island." he said, "Tis a nice island. You'd like it. Dere we can
find some maintenance."
"Great!" Guybrush said, "Um, by the way, how would you rate my captain's
abilities? This is my second time around and I still feel stupid."
"Heh, you are." he said, "Face it, the only reason
'ee haven't mutinied
yet tis because Walker chose you, and we have faith'n his decisions. He had faith'n you,
otherwise he wouldn't have gi'n ya his coat."
"Yeah, I...hey!" Guybrush exclaimed, reaching into his coat and tearing out
part of it's inner lining. He pulled out some papers with English on them. "These are
the translation of the journal. I wonder why they're so important."
"It contains da secrets to da location of Big Whoop." he said, "Dere's a
map in it, but it dinna show da secret route. Dem blobs are da island in da
"Hey, cool!" Guybrush said, "What's this little island?" Guybrush
was pointing at the map.
"That's Candy Cane Island!" Blackeye said, "Giant Candy Canes e'rywhere
"Awesome! What about this one?" Guybrush asked.
"That there's Beauty Island," Blackeye said, "It's supposed to be the
most beautiful island in the world."
"Wow! This is really cool!" Guybrush said, "So which of the several
islands on the map is Big Whoop on?"
"Devil's Island." Blackeye said.
"What's there?" asked Guybrush.
"Beats me." Blackeye said. Jan was calling from atop the crow's nest.
"LAND HO! LAND HO!" she yelled.
"Great job, Jan!" Guybrush called, "Blackeye, take us into the
port!" A water balloon hit Guybrush.
LATER THAT DAY...
'Captain's Log; Guybrush Threepwood; Second Entry, We've finally arrived at
Skar Island and we've anchored it a distance from shore. Using discarded material from the
hold, we were able to construct a raft and made our way to shore to the capital city of
Skar Island, Skarwood. It's a fairly decent town, though very little people can be seen on
the streets. I could've swore I saw them running when our ship came into sight. Gramma
decided to stay back on the ship to catch up on her reading, leaving me to deal with the
disgruntled half of my crew, mainly Jan and Al. Though they seem to want to mutiny and
leave me, they understand priority comes first and that with me as captain, they have to
"Now listen here, Captain Freakbud..." Jan angrily complained.
"THREEPWOOD!!!" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Whatever, we are not going to be pushed around by you!" she said, "We
don't care if Walker chose you, you haven't a single clue as to what you're doing, and
since Gramma is not around to counteract me, I'm taking control of this crew as of now
until we return to the ship!"
"Blackeye! Back me up!" Guybrush demanded.
"Well, captain, she is a better leader..." Blackeye started.
"Hmph! Traitor!" Guybrush said.
"Three against one, Meepweed." Jan said, "Al and I are heading off to
hire a contractor. You and Blackeye see about resupplying the ship. Blackeye, keep an eye
"Aye, lass!" Blackeye said.
"Yes, m'am!" Al said.
"Hey, I did kill the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!" Guybrush said.
"Right. Let's go, Al." Jan said.
"It's a really interesting story..." Guybrush said, "I had just arrived
at Melee Island when I discovered Governor Marley was in danger. Being the brave man that
I was, I jumped into action, and fought off the scurviest of..."
"Guybrush?" Blackeye asked.
"...then came the Sheriff, but with quick thinking, I evaded his evil trap and
went after him..." Guybrush said.
"Guybrush!" Blackeye called.
"...And after defeating those vicious cannibals, I went in after LeChuck and
fought off the ghost pirates who were guarding..."
"GUYBRUSH!!!" Blackeye yelled.
"...And then I burst into the church and said...Uh, you wanted something?"
"Dey left." he said, "And I don't want to hear da rest."
"Hey, wait a second!!!" Guybrush exclaimed, "What if I can fix the ship,
and get the supplies, and some more cannonballs, and maybe even get us a new crew! I'd be
respected for sure!"
"Shut up," Blackeye said, "Let's go buy some supplies. There's a shop
right over here."
"Oh, Ok." Guybrush said.
Guybrush and Blackeye entered the shop, oddly enough, ignoring the shop's name sign:
"Stan's Previously-Owned Ship Supplies". As they entered, they were met with a
tall skinny man in a Sombrero with a long jacket on, who immediately jumped in their way,
barring their view of the shop.
"Howdy, friend and stranger!" Stan exclaimed, talking at an incredible pace,
and baring his bad breath in their faces, "I'm Stan of Stan's Previously-Owned Ship
Supplies! We've got Sails for Sale! Deals on Wheels! If you want a new rudder, just go to
no other! This is my shop, and we've got what you need, cause if you want it, I got it, if
I don't got it, you don't need it!"
"Augh!!!" Blackeye screamed, "Kill it! Kill it!"
"Hey, Stan!" Guybrush said, "You don't sell boats anymore?"
"Nah, just what was left in 'em." he said, "So what can I get
prices, naturally! And the best quality at that!"
"Uh, we just need some foods, basic ship supplies, and maybe some firepower."
Guybrush explained. Stan glanced over his shoulder at his pile of merchandise thrown
together unaccordingly at the back.
"Um...you do mean supplies as in rope, canvas, cotton, those kinds of
things?" he asked.
"And lubricants and hamster food if you got
'em." Guybrush said. Stan looked
back at his crappy merchandise.
"Yeah, we got 'em." he said, "Food, supplies, yup. This is a basic
ship's-pack, which'll cost you...uh...an upmost price of 1500 pieces 'o eight."
Guybrush looked over at Blackeye.
"Do you got any cash?" Guybrush asked him.
"Nay. We left 'em all back at da fort." he said. Guybrush turned back to
"How about if I could get them on credit?" Guybrush asked.
"Whoa!" Stan exclaimed, "Sorry, but no way, partner! The last one who
tried to pull a fake credit scam with me got me thrown in court with some crazy old man
throwing a lawsuit against me. Credit's just not safe anymore. Cash upfront, or no basic
supplies. And no trade-ins. Just money."
"Oh, well." Guybrush said, "Um, we'll come back later." Guybrush
looked at Blackeye. "Come on, we've gotta raise some money."
"I'd a rather plunder d'place but yer the
cap'en." he said, then looked at
Stan, "Aye, mister. You'se a won this fight but remember. I'll be back."
"Great!" said Stan, "That what all my customers say!" Guybrush and
Blackeye exited the shop. Stan glared around and waited. They didn't come back. Stan
shrugged and went back to his previous task of trying to see how many twiddly-winks he
But enough autobiographies, let's rejoin Guybrush and Blackeye as they journey through
"So, uh, how's we gonna get 1500 pieces 'o eight?" Blackeye asked.
"Well, when I face these kind of problems,
Blackeye." Guybrush said,
"There are three things I like to do that work most of the time. Earn it, swindle
someone, or...uh...I forgot the third thing."
"Aye, well we dinna got da time to earn it." he said.
"I once made an approximate 500 pieces 'o eight just getting fired out of a
cannon!" Guybrush said, "Though the results weren't what I expected, I did get
my cash fast!"
"We don't got time ta earn anything!" Blackeye said, "Swindling, how'd
ya swindle someone?"
"Um...there were three guys and they were giving away minutes." Guybrush
explained, "I said I'd take 'em if they gave me two pieces 'o eight. Heh,
swindled them good!"
"Augh." Blackeye moaned, "Two pieces 'o eight ain't gonna cut it! We
need a scam!"
"And a pigeon to fool!" Guybrush said, "Like those guys over
there!!!" Guybrush pointed over at three men of lower moral fibre (Pirates) sitting
over on the curb. Guybrush stepped up to them and just about stepped on a rat that was
standing nearby. The fattest guy scratched himself.
"Hey!" the shortest exclaimed, "Stay away from my rat!!!"
"Sorry, gentlemen." Guybrush said in his best salesman voice, "But I'm
selling this fine leather jacket!" Guybrush pulled out his old leather jacket from
his new coat and displayed it off.
"Oh!" the tallest guy exclaimed, "Look at the nice leather on that
"It's a collector's item, straight out of 30's!" Guybrush said, "And
it's at a discount price of only 2000 pieces 'o eight!"
"Ack!" the tall guy (who was presumed to be the leader) exclaimed,
"Sorry, but we don't have that much cash on us right now."
"I'm willing to slash the price down to 1500 pieces 'o eight." Guybrush said,
"Take it or leave it!!!" Blackeye stepped aside and barely hit the rat again.
"Hey!" the short guy yelled, "For the last time, you leave that rat
alone!!!" The fat guy scratched himself.
"1500?" the leader said, "We could afford it, but...it's too expensive
right now, and a leather jacket in this climate??? Are you nuts???"
"This isn't an expense, it's an investment!" Guybrush said.
"Really?" the leader asked, "How so???"
"This once belonged to the great one who defeated the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!"
Guybrush said, "This thing is rising in value every second! Take it before I have no
choice but to raise the price!!!"
"Elaine Marley wore this thing???" the leader asked astonished, "Wow!
That's...that's...wait a second. This is a size 5 jacket. Everyone knows that Governor
Marley only wore size 3!"
"D'oh!" Guybrush said, "All right! You've pushed me! I have no choice
but to do this!!!" And with that, he quickly scooped up the rat in the leather jacket
and tightened it up around it.
"Ack!!!" the short guy screamed, "Me rat! Me rat! Let go of me rat!!!
Make him stop! The rat's suffering!!!"
"Ah, come on, leggo of his rat." the leader said. The fat guy scratched
"Oh, no." Guybrush said, tightening his hold on the coat, "This is a
hostage situation. Pay me or the rat dies."
"Aye, he's not bluffing!" Blackeye said.
"Pay him!" the short yelled, "Pay him, for crying out loud!"
"You wouldn't dare kill that rat." the leader said.
"I've killed bigger rats than this." Guybrush said (Editor's note: Remember
those Bilgerats? Guybrush ain't bluffing!!!!)
"All right!" the leader said, "Take the money!" And he threw a bag
of money at Guybrush's feet. Blackeye scooped it up.
"Congratulations!" Guybrush exclaimed, "You're now a proud owner of a
fine leather jacket!" And Guybrush tossed the folded up jacket at the pirates. It
came unfolded and the rat escaped, hurrying across the street in panic. It fell into an
open manhole cover. The little pirate burst out into a panic of his own. He went chasing
after the rat and hopped into the sewers after it. After a moment of hearing nothing from
him, Guybrush looked at the two remaining pirates. The fat one scratched himself.
"Well, nice doing business with you." Guybrush said, then whispered to
Blackeye, "Let's get out of here." And they hurried off back to Stan's.
"Hey, great!" Stan exclaimed, "Believe me, it was my pleasure doing
business with you!"
"So we have a basic ship's pack?" Guybrush asked.
"Sure thing!" Stan said, "A month's supply of food, extra canvas, extra
ropes, extra cotton bails, extra cannonballs, extra gunpowder, and, yes, hamster food and
lubricants. Trust me, when you do business with Stan, you get nothing but the highest
quality--yet previously-owned--merchandise. I'll meet you at your ship, later, just to
insure you aren't sending an overload of supplies to a stranger ship (Trust me, last time
that happened, I was keelhauled from Melee to the middle of the Caribbean.)"
"Hey, great!" Guybrush said, "Come on,
Blackeye. Let's get back to the
"Aye, cap'en." Blackeye said, "But first I wanna check out da local
attraction." Guybrush and Blackeye exited the store and walked along the street,
Guybrush followed behind Blackeye.
"What's this thing you wanted to see?" Guybrush asked.
"Ah, ya see, Skar Island is famous for it's local attraction." he said,
"The Bleacher Sitting!"
"What the heck is the bleacher sitting?" Guybrush asked.
"E'ryone dat comes to it, must all sit on da same bleacher." he said,
"Tis believed dat when the bleacher finally breaks under years of stress of people
sittin' on it, da great Gods will send down a message from the skies that will signify
their care for da task put at hand." Guybrush turned around and started heading back
for the ship.
"Ok, great." he said, "Listen, uh, I'll catch you back at the ship
later. I really don't want to go sit on a bleacher right now. I have more pressing
business to attend to."
"Me too." Blackeye said, "I wanna be around when dey break and the
message comes down from the skies." As Blackeye continued on, Guybrush returned to
the docking area, where a carpentry crew had just rowed aboard and exited their boat,
heading back into town. Guybrush hopped into their boat and paddled back to the ship,
which was now in top-notch condition. Jan and Al waited up on deck grinning as Guybrush
came upon the ship. A water balloon suddenly hit him in the back of the head. Jan and Al
burst into laughter.
"D'uh, All right," Al said, "My turn!!!" Another water balloon hit
Guybrush. He frowned and climbed back aboard via a rope ladder set about for him. He
sneered at Jan and Al and just headed over to Gramma, who was had just started reading a
copy of 'How I killed the Ghost Pirate LeChuck by Guybrush Threepwood'.
"Hi, Gramma." Guybrush said, "Like the book?"
"Oh, yes!" she said, "I love fiction!" Guybrush moaned and sat next
"So I take it they got the ship fixed." Guybrush said as he watched Jan and
Al refilling more water balloons, "Listen, these guys are really getting my goat.
There was practically mutiny on shore." A water balloon hit Guybrush.
"I wouldn't doubt that, you are continuously proving yourself to be a
pushover." Gramma said, "By the way, some guy smelling like cheap cologne came
on board and wants to see you. He downstairs right now." Suddenly, Stan popped up
from the hatch and hurried over to Guybrush.
"Hey!" he exclaimed, "Great to see you again! Listen, the kitchen's been
restocked, the hold's been refilled with essential supplies, the hamster's been fed, the
engine oiled, great doing business with you! Tell all your friends (If any), that if they
ever need any cheap boat supplies, you know where to send them!!! Stan's!"
"Go away, Stan." Guybrush said, "We're leaving."
" Righto, partner." he said, "I'm hitting the road, flying the coop,
leaving the theatre, ending the trip..."
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Guybrush yelled.
"Wait a second!" Stan said, "Here's a complimentary match box! Show it
to your friends, you'll be the life of the party, and don't forgot to mention the address
on the back..." Guybrush grabbed the matches and pointed to the island, waiting for
Stan to go. Stan shrugged and headed over to the edge of the ship where his spiffy blue
boat waited below. While no one was paying attention to him, he took notice of a cannon
aimed at the island. He glanced inside
"Hey, wait a second!" he said to himself, "I forgot to take the
guarantee off the inside of this thing!!! If it's faulty, they could return it for their
money back!!!" And with that he reached in. Unable to grab it, he forced himself in
closer, until finally, he was completely inside the cannon.
"Got it!" Stan said, "Uh-oh. I'm stuck!!!" Guybrush came up to the
cannon and looked over at the island.
"I'd better let Blackeye know we're leaving!" Guybrush said, "This'll
get his attention." And with that, he lit the fuse. Immediately, there was a cannon
blast and Stan went flying out of the nozzle and back towards the island screaming.
Meanwhile, back on the island, Blackeye was sitting along with several other people on
the scared bleachers. He waited patiently, yet seemed amused. There was a slight crack.
Suddenly, the bleachers, from years of misuse, gave way! They collapsed into a pile of
people, wood, and dust. There was a cheer from the several injured people, and Blackeye
stood up among them cheering.
"Tis 'appened!" he yelled, "Dey 'ave been broken and I'll be here ta
witness da great wonders dat will come next!" All the people stood up cheering and
watched the skies in ecstasy as they awaited the message from the Gods. Stan appeared. He
dove in at lightning speed and crashed headfirst into a tilted board, by which chance,
Blackeye was standing on the other side. There was a fling and a slight adjustment of
proportions as Blackeye was flung off his end of the board and into the sky.
Guybrush waited patiently. A moment later, Blackeye came crashing down onto the deck of
the ship face first. Guybrush welcomed him.
"Hey, great!" he said, "Glad you could make it so fast!"
"Aye." Blackeye groaned. Jan walked past and bopped Guybrush in the back of
"Listen, captain." she said, "Are we going to get going or not?"
"Right, Jan." Guybrush said, then called down to the hold, "Activate the
hamster!" There was a pause and the engine started to rev up. A moment later, the
ship as at full speed, but going nowhere. As Guybrush sat there scratching his head, Jan
leaned against the mast and rolled her eyes.
"Hey, Dorkwood." she said scornfully, "You might try RAISING THE
"I was just about to do that." Guybrush said, "Blackeye, raise the
"Aye, cap'en!" Blackeye said, cranking up the anchor. There was a quick jump
and the ship burst forward as the anchor was lifted off. The ship continued its voyage
over the seas.
"All right, Black," Guybrush said, "Take us on a direct course to
"And what's your plan when we get there?" Jan asked sarcastically.
"Uh, well..." Guybrush thought loudly, "I figured we could, uh, disguise
ourselves as, um, take-out food! That's right! And when they let us in, we bop them on the
head and get the map!"
"You haven't really thought this out, have you?" Jan asked.
"Only the 'Get the map' part." Guybrush replied.
"And how, " she asked, "do you expect to get past Sharkjaw's three
bounty hunter ships that protect the island from intruders, then make his way into his
fort without being seen by his enormous horde of evil rodents? And the map itself is in
Sharkjaw's possession! How do you get it away from him? Huh?"
"Uh..." Guybrush moaned.
"I know don't why Captain Walker chose you." Jan said, "But I'm losing
faith in his decisions. You haven't the slightest idea as to what you're going to do, how
to command, and face it, you're a grade A idiot!!!"
"Gramma!!!" Guybrush yelled, "Help!!!" She looked up from her book.
"You're the captain." she said, "You don't have to come running to me
everytime you have a problem." Guybrush turned back to Jan just in time for water
balloon in the face.
"This levels it." she said, "Your crew is mutinying. Hear that,
"Aye!" he called.
"You with us, Blackeye?" she asked.
"I dunno." he said, "Maybe..."
"Blackeye!" Guybrush yelled.
"Uh, I'm a with da captain." Blackeye said, then he looked over at Jan and Al
who were ready to draw their swords, "Um, make dat dem."
"Sorry, captain." Jan said, "You've been demoted." Guybrush looked
over in panic at Gramma who wasn't paying attention to the whole ordeal.
"You can't do this!" Guybrush exclaimed, "I mean, you just can't mutiny
so early in the voyage! Right off the bat I can understand, but now???"
"Shut up, Threepwood." Jan said, "Al, lock him in the hold, he'll be
taking over for you in watching Fluffer."
"Lock 'im up???" Blackeye asked, "What for??? Ain't ye going a little
far with this, Jan?"
"That's Captain McDarcie to you." she said, "You be lucky I'm taking
over right now, instead of later, when most of us are dead and we're still taking orders
from this moron!"
"Jan, temper." Gramma warned.
"Sorry, Gramma." Jan said. Guybrush was pushed down the hatch and fell down
the ladder, hitting every rung on the way down. He arrived at the bottom and looked up to
see Al locking the hatch on him. Guybrush scrambled up to as high as he could and tried to
force it open. Blackeye called from the other side.
"Sorry, cap'en!" he yelled, "This weren't supposed ta happen! I'll try
and talk some sense inta Jan!" And with that he stormed over to Jan, who was awaiting
"Are you having a problem with my takeover?" Jan asked.
"Aye," Blackeye said, "Yer taking dis too far! So yer da captain now, ya
got what ya want, dere be no reason ta lock him up! Let 'im out!"
"Listen, this story calls for Guybrush locked in the hold!" Jan said,
"So Guybrush is going to be locked in the hold! Any problems with that???"
"Yeah." Blackeye said, "Whatcha
"Get back to steering this ship!" Jan said, "Or I'll keelhaul the whole
lot of ya!"
"What did I do?" Al asked.
"Nothing. Get to work!" Jan said.
Part 3: Massacre Island
Ex-Captain's Log; Guybrush Threepwood; Third Entry. The crew has mutinied
leaving me locked in the hold for the remainder of the trip to keep an eye on the hamster.
Sure, I could probably take the hamster off the wheel, thus keeping the ship from going
any further, but then Jan wouldn't send down any food for me. I'm doomed. On the lighter
side, me and Fluffer are now best of friends. But back to what I was
saying...............I forgot. Never mind. But face it, life in the hold sucks. It's makes
me wonder why Jan and Al were introduced so late in the story. If we had met earlier and
made friends like I did with Blackeye and Gramma, would I still be in here? Probably not.
The only way I can do anything now is when we arrive at Massacre Island, is prove myself
worthy of my crew and gain back my respect as captain. Then hopefully I can resume our
quest for Big Whoop, and Elaine, wherever she may be. I'm really not sure how I'll do any
of this, but whatever. Guybrush! out."
Guybrush put away his journal and pat the hamster on the wheel.
"Looks like you're my only friend in the world now." Guybrush said. The
hamster bit his hand. "Ack! You little terd! I'm gonna kill you!"
"Mr. Threepwood?" Blackeye called down, "E'rythang all right down
"Yeah, I'm fine." Guybrush called back, "Have you come to let me
"Nay." he said, "Cap'en McDarcie would keelhaul me."
"Has she cooled off yet?" Guybrush asked as Blackeye entered the hold and
locked it behind him.
"Nay too." he said, "She's never dis bitter. It was da death of her
father dat's bugging her. That's a why she's so bitter."
"Captain Walker was her dad?" Guybrush exclaimed.
"Well, I'm a thinkin' most of the readers 'ave figured dat out by now."
"Wait a second. His last name is Walker, hers is
McDarcie. Explain that!"
"I don't want to." Blackeye said, "I guess she's a just upset right now
and takin' it out on e'ryone else. I'm sure she'll let you out when she gets better."
"Geez, it must be horrible to lose her father for her." Guybrush said.
"Same happened with me." Blackeye said, "My father was a playing
baseball one day when a pop ball hit 'im in da head."
"Holy smokes!" Guybrush exclaimed, "He died of a concussion of
"Nah, dat weren't what killed 'im." Blackeye said, "He stumbled around
in a hallucinogenic daze and wandered out in front of an ox cart."
"It ran him over?" Guybrush asked.
"Nah." Blackeye said, "It weren't moving. But da horse was. And it 'ad
rabies! It bit 'im!"
"Your father died of rabies then???" Guybrush anxiously asked.
"Nope." Blackeye explained, "They got
'im to da hospital in time and he
"So what killed him?" Guybrush asked.
"The doctor's bill." Blackeye said, "Twelve major heart attacks in
"Wow." Guybrush said, "I bet no one saw that coming!"
"Whatever." Blackeye said, "Listen, I'm a going up to my post now, we'll
be coming upon Massacre Island real soon. By da way, Cap'en McDarcie told me ta send j'ya
a message from her."
Blackeye threw a water balloon in Guybrush's face.
"See ya later." Blackeye mumbled as he left the hold and locked it behind
And so, later that day (or night, since you can't really see if it's dark out when
you're in the hold...)
Guybrush woke to the sound of cannon fire!!!
"ACK!" Guybrush yelled, "SOMEONE STARTED THE FIGHT WITHOUT
He jumped to his feet and hurried to the hold hatch. He yanked at the handle but it was
"Let me out!" Guybrush yelled, "I have to help!!!!"
Another cannon fired and ripped right through the walls of the hold!!! Water started
gushing in right there and right now, rapidly filling the room! Guybrush jumped off the
ladder and grabbed Fluffer who was sleeping on the wheel. He put her away in his seemingly
bottomless coat pocket and hurried back up to the hatch, banging hard on the hatch trying
to open it.
"For crying out loud! We're sinking, people!!!" Guybrush screamed. He glanced
around for something to bash open the hatch. Nothing but a few supplies, and the cotton
bale used to plug up holes was floating on the other side of the room. Something caught
his eye. Barrels of gunpowder. He grabbed one and ripped off the lid, and shoved the
barrel into the rungs of the hold hatch. He checked his coat pockets and found Stan's
matches. Opening the box, he removed one and set about trying to light it.
"Light!" Guybrush yelled at it, "Light!!!" He busted the top of it
and tossed away. The water level was rising rapidly. Guybrush tried another one. He
scraped the head rapidly over the sandy area. It lit! He quickly, without thinking, shoved
it in the barrel of gunpowder! There was a quick explosion and Guybrush went flying off
the ladder into the water! He swam back to the ladder and climbed up through the hole made
in the ship and continued up to the top deck.
As he arrived at the top floor, he was shocked to see night had fallen and the ship
itself surrounded by three other ships just blasting away at him, and the crew was nowhere
in sight. Along with the lifeboats.
"They took all the lifeboats and left me?!?" Guybrush exclaimed, "Oh,
wait. All the lifeboats were gone before we left. My mistake." Cannons were firing
everywhere, blasting the ship into the pieces as they came. Guybrush ran all over the ship
as cannonballs came at him. He ran to the bow to see the ship had arrived at Massacre
Island. More cannonballs came shredding up the ship. Guybrush tossed himself off the front
of the ship and dove into the sea below as a series of cannonballs blasted the ship
simultaneously causing it to explode into splinters, and when everything, there was
nothing left of the ship.
Guybrush made it to shore safely and shook the water out of his head. Looking around,
he found himself on an island made entirely out of rocks with a huge steel fortress
towering high in the middle of the island. Three ships encircled the island, excluding
"Well, I think I'm trapped here." Guybrush said, "Looks like it's just
you and me, Fluffer." The hamster stared at him. "Well, I guess I should find
out where the rest of them are. Let's go." And Guybrush headed up the dusty rock
trail up to the fortress. As he walked along, he noticed no one was following him, and
there were no booby-traps. This was too easy. Guybrush came to the huge front entrance of
the fortress and without thinking, knocked. A peep hole opened up and a Bilgerat looked
"Aye, whaddayawant?" it asked.
"I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother?" Guybrush asked. The peephole
closed. Guybrush knocked again. The rat looked through.
"No! I'm not your mother!" it yelled, "Go away."
"Candygram!" Guybrush said. The peephole closed. Guybrush stepped away. They
didn't open the door. Guybrush shrugged.
"I'll have to think of another way inside." he said.
"Ponder, ponder, ponder..."
He thought some more.
"Think, think, think..."
Winnie-The-Pooh joined him.
"Got any honey?" Pooh asked.
"No, but I have pizza." Guybrush said.
They ate pizza.
They thought some more.
Pooh bear left.
Guybrush strained himself.
"I've got it!" he exclaimed, "I'll disguise myself as take-out food, and
they'll let me inside, then I can bop them on the head!"
"Did you think that up all by yourself?" the hamster asked.
"Wow!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Did you just talk?"
"No." Fluffer said.
"Oh, well." Guybrush said, "Back to the master plan!" And with
that, he took the empty box of pizza and hid himself in it. He walked up to the front door
and knocked on the fortress door and ducked into the box. The Bilgerat looked through
"Auck." It moaned, "Who's playing jokes with me?" It opened the
door and found the box of pizza laying on the door mat. Looking around, he noticed no one
else. He snickered and grabbed the box of pizza, then hurried back inside.
"Boy, I sure am hungry." the rat said, "Being a guard is a boring
job!" And as he opened the box of pizza, Guybrush hit him with a hammer. The rat fell
unconscious. Guybrush climbed out of the box.
"That was easier than I thought." Guybrush said to
Fluffer. Fluffer stared
back. Guybrush hurried through the fortress clumsy as an ox, and not even once considering
stealth in case he was noticed.
"An intruder!" a few rats yelled, drawing their swords. Guybrush stopped in
his tracks and hurried down an alternate tunnel with several rats in pursuit. He hurried
through a maze of corridors, taking a left here, and a right there, and constant forks in
the corridors, then another left, and found himself completely lost.
"Over there!" the rats yelled. Guybrush drew his sword and prepared for
battle. Several rats came racing through a corridor and found Guybrush at a dead end.
"Who is that guy?" a rat asked.
"My name is Guybrush Threepwood." Guybrush said, "Prepare to die!"
And Guybrush came racing at them like a maniac, swinging his sword every which way! The
rats entered a subliminal state of shock and raced off in the same direction as Guybrush
came after them. They hurried through another series of corridors, getting more and more
lost as they went, and with a psychotic pirate on their tail.
"Hurry up!" a rat yelled, "He's gaining on us!!!"
"Wait a minute!" another exclaimed, "Why are we running???" All the
rats stopped in their tracks and turned to face Guybrush. As Guybrush came at them, he
tripped on a crack in the floor and tucked himself into a ball and as he came tumbling
across the floor crashing into the rats like bowling pins. They went flying everywhere and
landed in a dazed sense. Guybrush tumbled to his feet and waved his sword in the air in
victory. Fluffer was all dizzy.
"Strike!!!" Guybrush yelled, "Now to find the rest of the crew!"
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew was being held in a dungeon, all tied to the walls. All
four of them had been badly tortured and beaten, except Gramma. Fat Al hadn't even
realized they were prisoners yet. Sharkjaw stood in front of him, his arm folded. He was a
tall guy like last described, with a beard and mustache, a fake parrot attached to his
shoulder, a severed hand replaced with a sword, a peg leg, and a row of carnivorous teeth
in his mouth.
"Argh, ye pile of swamp matter." he growled, "I'se a gonna ask ya one
more time, where's Walker???"
"For the last time, Walker's dead." Jan said, "You killed him when you
attacked us, you downright LOUSY ROTTEN SON OF A..."
"Temper, Jan." Gramma said.
"Sorry, Gramma." Jan said.
"All's a right." Sharkjaw growled, "Which one you was it that captained
the ship from Keelhaul to here?" Everyone stayed silent.
"Yer all hiding somethin' from me!" Sharkjaw said, "And it's Walker,
ain't it? Believe you me, when I find out the truth, yer all dead meat!"
"That's all the more reason for us to shut up." Jan said.
"And you, wench, will be the first to go!" Sharkjaws said to Jan, then
looking over Al, he grinned, "Hey, big fella. Hungry?"
"Always am." Al said.
"Would'ja like a donut?" Sharkjaw asked.
"Would I?!?" Al exclaimed.
"Tell me where yer captain is, and I'll give ya a donut." Sharkjaw said.
"Don't do it, Al!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"No, Al!" Jan said, "Resist the temptation!"
"Well, first it was that Threepwood guy." Al said, "But then Jan here
took over on our way here. Can I have my donut now?"
"No!" Sharkjaw said, "I lied!"
"I told you!" Jan said.
"Now, then." Sharkjaw growled, "Where is this
"Threepwood!" Blackeye said.
"Why do you want to know?" Jan asked, "It's not like he knows
"Aye." Sharkjaw said, "He's got the translated manuscript."
"Translated manuscript???" Jan asked, "I didn't know he had a
translation! Did you guys?"
"I did." Blackeye said.
"Me too." Gramma said.
"I didn't." Al said.
"Shut up, the whole lot of ya!" Sharkjaw commanded, "Tell me where he is
"Augh." Blackeye moaned, "He was locked in da hold of da ship. Of
course, now's he probably down at Davy Jones' Locker now because he COULDN'T GET
OUT!!!!" Blackeye looked over at Jan.
"How was I supposed to know?" Jan asked.
"Enough bickering!" Sharkjaw yelled, pulling out a piece of eight, "Your
time's up. Heads, you die right here. Tails, we'll a kill ya when we find the
"That is a double-sided tails coin, right?" Al asked. Sharkajw laughed as he
tossed it high into the air if the dungeon. Everyone's eyes were locked on every spinning
move of the coin--except Gramma--who was reading a book by Elaine Marley 'Next to
Nothing'. She frowned at the book.
"if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Gramma said.
Back to the coin, it kept going higher and higher, tails, heads, tails, heads, it came
down. Sharkjaw held out the flat end of his sword as it landed. He took it off and
"Consider yerselves lucky for the time being." he said, "I'll be back
when I find the manuscript." And with that, he stormed out of the dungeon as a
Bilgerat closed the cell doors. Everything was quiet in the cell, for a moment.
"See," Jan said, "If I didn't lock what's-his-name in the hold, they'd
have found the manuscript and have killed us already."
"'Ave you no compassion, lady?" Blackeye asked, "He was an innocent man
and you killed him and now mock him! Y'aught be ashamed of yourself!" Jan looked over
at Gramma who wasn't paying attention. Al was looking for donuts.
"All right, fine." Jan said, "But, but...who am I kidding? You're right.
He was a pretty nice guy, but now he's gone, because of me. My father's gone, now him, and
this time it's my fault. Frankly, I'd be really glad if he appeared even right now."
"AAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Guybrush screamed as he plummeted from the ceiling and
crashed intot he cell floor holding a steel grating in his hands.
"Mister Guybrush!" Blackeye said, "Yer alive!"
"Holy smokes, I'm glad to see you!" Jan said, "Get us out of these
ropes!" Guybrush lifted himself off the floor. Fluffer came falling in from the
ceiling duct and landed on his head.
"Oh, I take it you need MY help now???" Guybrush asked sarcastically, not
even making an attempt to help them, "From what I remember, I have no idea what to
do, I can't command anybody, and face it, I'm a Grade A idiot!"
"Well, you have to be Grade B if you can remember all that." Jan said.
"Maybe I should just leave you in there?" Guybrush asked.
"Could'ja, uh, let me out, Mr. Threepwood?" Blackeye asked.
"Rephrase how you address me here." Guybrush said.
"Captain Threepwood?" Blackeye asked. Guybrush took out Fluffer and put her
on Blackeye's ropes. She started chewing right through. Guybrush looked over at Jan again.
"As for you, I thought you had a plan for all this." Guybrush said.
"They caught us unexpectedly." Jan said.
"Actually, they fired two cannons and ten minutes later they captured us." Al
"Shut up." Jan said. Fluffer had already started on Gramma's bonds.
"So, you can't even live up to your own standards???" Guybrush asked,
"Beat me with water balloons, cut me down, mutiny, lock me in the hold, and you make
the same stupid mistake I would have made."
"Leave me alone." Jan said.
"Does that mean I'll be resuming my position as captain?" Guybrush asked.
"Maybe." Jan said, "Listen, could you hurry? As soon as Sharkjaw finds
out you're not in the shipwreck he's going to come back and kill us all..."
"That wasn't a yes I heard." Guybrush grinned. Fluffer was chewing anxiously
through Al's bonds.
"Ah, geez..." Jan moaned, "All right, fine, you're the captain!"
"Fluffer, cut her free." Guybrush said. Fluffer hopped over to her bonds and
started chewing through them. Soon enough the entire crew was out of their ropes, but
still in the cell.
"All right, everyone." Guybrush said, "This is going to take all our
manpower, so on the count of three, we run at the cell door and hit it at the same time.
Got it? Good! One, two, THREE!" And Guybrush went racing at the cell door and hit
himself into it. He went sprawling to the cell floor as the door creaked open.
"It was already unlocked." Jan said, "They didn't think we could escape
"Heh, heh." Guybrush mumbled, "Great." Blackeye helped Guybrush up
as the crew headed through the cell door and into the labyrinth of corridors again.
"Oh, great." Guybrush said, "Here we go again."
"So what is your plan?" Jan asked. Guybrush thought for a moment.
"Everyone have their swords?" he asked.
"Of course not." Blackeye said, "Ya don't leave prisoners with weapons
"Oh." Guybrush said, "Well, here's my plan. We go running around
aimlessly and psychotically as if we were a legion of the damned themselves!"
"Is that seriously your plan?" Al asked.
"That's how I got in." Guybrush explained.
"Let's do it." Jan said, "It's only our lives anyway."
And the whole crew went into a panicked frenzy of terror as they ran aimlessly
throughout the hallways screaming and yowling and screaming some more. Up one corridor,
down another, running and screaming, getting lost, getting found, going left, going right,
going up, going down, going backwards, going upside-down, then ending finally as they ran
down opposing corridors and crashed into eachother. Guybrush rubbed his head and lifted
his head to see the rest of his crew doing the same.
"Frankly, we haven't run into any Bilgerats." Jan said.
"Oh, they must've gone with Sharkjaw." Guybrush said, "All right, let's
So they walked through the corridors until they finally found the huge main entrance,
"So as soon as we get out of here," Jan said, "How do we get that map
away from him?"
"Beats the heck out of me." Guybrush said, "But, hey, I got us this
"Aye!" Blackeye said, "All da way to da front doors!"
"But what about getting ourselves off this island?" Jan asked, "Our
ship's been destroyed."
"Well...uh..." Guybrush stammered, "Eh...How did you know it was
destroyed when you were all in prison when it happened?!?"
"The same reason you knew you were going to need a
rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle in Monkey Island 1." Jan said.
"Hey, yeah!" Blackeye said, "And look what I found! A
rubber-chicken-with-da-pulley-in-the-da-middle!" He put it in his pocket.
"Gramma," Guybrush asked, "You got any ideas?"
"No." Gramma said.
"Huh?" he asked. Everyone looked at eachother in confusion.
"Well, let's get out of here first." Guybrush said opening the door. he
opened it to reveal Sharkjaw with his army of bilious Bilgerats standing behind him.
"Argh!!!" a rat yelled, "I told ya I heard screaming in here!"
"That you did." Sharkjaw growled, "Well, this be Captain
"Threepwood!" Guybrush yelled, "My name is Guybrush Threepwood!!!"
"Argh, whatever." Sharkjaw moaned, "Hand over the manuscript or we'll
keelhaul yer whole crew, and when we does a get it, we'll keelhaul ye anyway!!!"
"Oh." Guybrush said, "Not much a choice there, is it?" Guybrush
reached into his coat and handed over the translated manuscript, slightly damp.
In moments, Guybrush's crew were all taken prisoner once again, and brought aboard
Sharkjaw's main ship, the one they had seen attacking them back at Keelhaul Island. They
were all tied to the mast as the boat set sail for Devil's Island. The other two ships
escorted Sharkjaw's as they sailed through the carribean. Guybrush's constant struggles to
break free of the ropes were useless as were Jan's and Blackeye's. Al was still wondering
if Sharkjaw would ever get around to getting him that donut. Sharkjaw stood at the bow
reading through the manuscript, a lantern hung on the railing to give him light for
reading. Bilgerats were wandering around a hissing as the prisoners as they went.
"Well, it was nice knowing all of you." Guybrush said to his crew, "Even
if you kept me locked in a hold most of the voyage."
"Hey, wait a second." Jan said, "Where's my Gramma and
"I guess twas an oversight." Blackeye said, "Dey'll be back for
'em." Sharkjaw stormed up the tied-up crew and growled in their faces.
"Argh, this is a nice night for a keehauling ain't it?" he asked, "And
t'is a nice place here too! Bilgerats! Untie the captain, he's a be going first!" The
Bilgerats ripped Guybrush away from the mast, his hands and legs now free, though useless
as weapons. He was dragged to the front of the ship and a rope was tied around his ankles.
They pushed up onto the railing, overlooking the sea crashing against the wooden siding
"Don't worry, captain." Sharkjaw grinned, "A few minutes under there and
it'll be all over. Any last requests?"
"Yeah, could we sing 'A million bottles of grog on the wall?" Guybrush asked.
"Trying to stall time, captain?" Sharkjaw asked.
"No, I really want to sing it." Guybrush said.
"Well, we don't want you to." Sharkjaw said, "Throw
'em in!" And
with that, Guybrush was thrown overboard!!!
"Guybrush!!!" Jan yelled.
"Cap'en!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"Bob!!!" Al yelled.
Guybrush went plummeting down the front of the ship into the crashing waves as the ship
plowed through the water. Water hit him from everywhere, pummelling his body as he dove
further under the water. The currents ceased down as he went below the front of the ship
and came up to the underside of the ship. He hit hard against the wood siding, next to a
colony of barnacles and coral. The waters rushed hard against him as he tried to move
closer to the coral and barnacle. He scraped his leg bonds tightly against them as he
continued to hold his breath. Two minutes later, the rope snapped as the coral shred
through it and Guybrush pulled himself away from the coral, keeping his head away from it.
Standing upside down on the underside of the ship, he held onto the stray rope and and
backed away with the current, pulling it to the stern of the ship where the rudder was. He
carefully made it over to the rudder, and made the rope into a large noose. Letting his
footing go, he wen! t back with the draft and grabbed onto the rudder as he passed. The
constant direction variations of it made it hard for him to hold on. He slipped the noose
over the back of it and tightened it up just as Sharkjaw and his croonies started pulling
back, hoping to find a dead Threepwood on the end. They yanked hard on the rope, and
pulled on the rudder, pulling it hard to the right.
Above on deck, the helmsman pulled back hard on the wheel, trying to regain control of
the steering. Sharkjaw and ten Bilgerats were pulling harder and harder on the rope
showing no gain of success in doing so.
"This be a stubborn l'il sea urchin!" Sharkjaw growled as he strained in
pulling at the rope.
"Captain, sir!" the helmsrat yelled, "I've lost steering! We're going
"Well, then, where are we going???" Sharkjaw asked.
"I'm not sure..but...AH, GEEZ! RUN FOR IT!!!!!" And with that, the rat went
leaping overboard. Sharkjaw looked up at what was a head to see his ship on a dead-locked
course for the side of one of his other two ships!!!
"It's coming right for us!!!!" Sharkjaw yelled, "Run for your
lives!" And with that, he pushed all ten Bilgerats out of his way and plowed through
his crew as the ship came sailing right into the side of the other! The two collided as
the bow of one ship smashed right through the side of the other and kept going through!
Both crews panicked as one ship tilted over and the other snapped in half as the other
ripped it off. It moments, the bow of the first ship was dangling in the air as it's stern
hung rear up in the water slowly sinking. The other ship was completely on it's side.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet came flying into the water and swam off.
"This happens on every cruise I take!!!" Leo yelled, "Every
The mast which had the rest of Guybrush's crew tied up on it was sideways, just
balancing the ship and a half. Jan, Al, and Blackeye stared down in horror as the ship
ship bopped back and forth, never telling when it would completely fall over.
"Things couldn't possibly get any worse!" Blackeye yelled. And with that, a
lantern snapped off it's hook and smashed into the wood, igniting both ships with fire.
"It just did." Jan said. Suddenly, Guybrush came climbing up from the stern
of the bobbing ship and leapt across to the other one, pushing his way through the rats as
he went. He grabbed onto the broken wood siding that hung in the air and pulled himself
over onto the ship. The ship was completely vertical now, so Guybrush carefully climbed
down to the mast and hopped down onto it.
"Guybrush!" Jan said, "You're alive? Again?"
"Yeah." Guybrush said, "Didn't I ever mention I can hold my breath for
"Don't!" Blackeye said, "Get us out of here! Da fire's rising!!!"
Guybrush searched for his sword to no avail.
"Oh, yeah, they took it when they brought me onboard." Guybrush said.
"Doesn't matter." Jan said, "We'd fall in the fire if you cut us loose.
Think of something else." Suddenly, Sharkjaw jumped down on the mast. The boat shook
violently. He pointed his sword-hand at Guybrush.
"You!!!" he growled, "Yer responsible for all this you meddling
"Now don't get emotional, I'm sure we can work this all out." Guybrush said,
trying to calm him down. It didn't work. Sharkjaw brought down his sword. Guybrush jumped
back as the sword hit the ropes holding his crew. They partially split.
"Ack!" the whole crew cried as they slightly started to fall. A few strands
of rope held them to the mast. Sharkjaw swung at Guybrush again. Guybrush jumped back
again, and hurried backwards to the crow's nest, where he crawled into, holding on tight
since there was no railing and the water loomed below. A sword split through the floor of
the crow's nest next to Guybrush. The ship started to tip. Guybrush held tight as he lost
footing and began to slip over the side. The rope holding the crew slid down the mast into
Sharkjaw's feet, tripping him backwards onto the mast. The crow's nest came loose and
Guybrush went falling down with it into the water. It hit water hard and Guybrush came
back up quickly, climbing into it and using it as a boat. The rope slid off the tip of the
mast and the crew went falling into the nest with Guybrush. Sharkjaw was still up on the
mast, shaking his fist in anger.
"You won't get away that easy!!!" he yelled, pulling out a gun. As he aimed
it at the crow's nest, a cannon fired from the third ship. A cannonball ripped through the
mast as the ship began it's rapid tilt and Sharkjaw went falling into the water. Guybrush
paddled the crow's next quickly with his hands as the ship came leaning over and hit water
hard, creating a huge wave that carried off the nest with Guybrush and his crew. The other
ship that had fired came up alongside them and a ladder was thrown down. By now, Guybrush
had untied everyone and they were all climbing up the ladder to find Gramma Rummy at the
top! The crew of Bilgerats were all thrown overboard and drowning. Fluffer was at the
"Gramma!!!" Guybrush said, "How did you...?"
"Easy now, dearie." she said, "All I did was disguise myself as a rat as
we were taken prisoner. I came onto the other ship and overpowered the crew and took
"That's my Gramma for you!" Jan said.
"Da map!" Blackeye exclaimed, "Da manuscript! What about those? Sharkjaw
had 'em!" Guybrush reached into his coat and pulled both the map and the translated
"He HAD them." Guybrush grinned, "I snatched
'em when they were getting
ready to keelhaul me."
"Way to go, Guy!" Jan said. Everyone turned around to watch the other two
ships burn. There was an explosion and both ships went down underwater. The crew looked
around at the new ship they earned.
"Aye, so we're off ta Devil's Island!" Blackeye said happily. He skipped up
to the helm and prepared for a course correction. "On yer command, cap'en!"
"Will I ever get that donut, Bob?" Al asked.
"When we find Big Whoop, your captain here will buy you a million donuts,
Al!" Guybrush said, "Considering, that is, Jan has no problem with me being
captain?" Guybrush glanced over at Jan who was watching him. She raised an eyebrow
"Well..." she said, "I don't know..." Without warning, she hurled a
water balloon at Guybrush. Guybrush quickly removed his jacket and caught the balloon in a
sling! In a blink of an eye, he swung the balloon right back at Jan, hitting her dead-on
in the face. She fell to her butt and looked up at Guybrush.
"I take that as a yes?" Guybrush asked, putting back on his jacket.
"Go for it, Captain Threepwood." Jan said.
"Way ta go, Cap'en Threepwood!" Blackeye yelled.
"Yay, Bob!" Al said.
"Keep quiet, I'm trying to read." Gramma said, already back in her lounge
chair. Fluffer was up in the mast chattering away happily.
"Well, then!" Guybrush said, "First Mate
Blackeye, set us on course for
the Bermuda Triangle!"
"Maybe ya could tell us how ya defeated LeChuck on the way?" Blackeye asked.
"Sure!" Guybrush said.
"Oh, no." Jan moaned.
The ship sailed off into the night, leaving the wreckage behind...
Part 4: Devil's Island
Captain's Log; Guybrush Threepwood; Fourth Entry. We're back on course and
everything's looking fine! Sharkjaw and his crew of misfit rodents have been subdued,
we've recovered the map and manuscript, we've gotten ourselves a new ship, and the whole
crew loves me now. After saving everyone's butt last night, I found myself getting more
popular. Blackeye's been listening to my stories, Al cooked me up a homemade recipe of his
for breakfast--something called escargots, whatever they are--it could've been worse, I
couldv'e been eating snails, and Jan seems to regard me as someone more than a moronic
push-over. And she stopped throwing water balloons too. We're on route to the Bermuda
Triangle now, where we hope the map will lead us safely to the center of the triangle,
Devil's Island, where we hope to find Big Whoop. Aside from the unimaginable treasures
it's possesses, I'm hoping this really will lead me to Elaine. Well, I'm too wrapped up in
getting a nice back ma! ssage from Jan right now, ending entry.'
"Ah, geez." Jan complained, "Can I stop now?"
"I saved your lives, don't you think I deserve this?" Guybrush asked,
"Ooh! That's it! That's the right spot!" Guybrush was laying on his front on a
recliner fold-up chair on deck. Jan was giving him a nice massage on his back. Gramma sat
nearby reading a hard-back copy of 'Famous Pirate Quotations.'
"Hmmm..." Gramma said, "Look behind you, a three-headed monkey? Who came
up with that stupid quotation?"
"Ugh." Jan moaned, "I'm fed up with this." Jan stopped massaging
Guybrush and went down below deck. Guybrush rolled over on his back and got off the chair.
He headed up to Blackeye who was navigating.
"How far to Devil's Island?" Guybrush asked.
"No more further den a day at least." Blackeye said, "The feel of dis
ship is strange. I'm a used to driving with a motor." Guybrush looked up in the
"Anything, Fluffer?" Guybrush called. The hamster didn't answer. Fat Al was
busy swabbing the poop deck because some passing birds misinterpreted it's meaning.
Guybrush headed down to the sub-decks to check on Jan. She was in her bunk writing in her
"Don't you ever knock?" she asked.
"I would if the door was closed." Guybrush said, "Writing about the
"Yeah." she said. For a moment she stopped writing and looked up at Guybrush.
"You know, you're the first guy who never came on to me." Jan said, "I
mean, Blackeye had his time, Al did it the second he saw me, Gramma had her drunk
"Maybe because I already have a girl." Guybrush said.
"Yeah, right." Jan said.
"I'm serious." Guybrush said, "Haven't you been hearing my stories?
"Oh, so first you tell everyone you killed LeChuck," Jan said, "Now
you're saying that the person that really did it is your girlfriend?"
"No, that was me!!!" Guybrush said, "Anyways, she's the reason I came on
this whole escapade. a voodoo lady told me I'd find her on my journey."
"Uh-huh. Right." Jan said, "Well, hope you find her, I'll have more
pressing things to do." Blackeye suddenly yelled from above.
"FOG HO! FOG HO!!!" he yelled.
"Fog Ho?" Guybrush asked, hurrying upstairs with Jan. Everyone was at the bow
of the ship staring out at a fog coming up ahead.
"Blackeye, what are you...holy smokes." Guybrush stared at the up and coming
fog the ship was headed into.
"Dat dere is da Bermuda Triangle." Blackeye said.
"You said it would be another day!" Guybrush said, "That was five
"Aye, well, all dis runnin' around had gotten me confused." Blackeye said,
"Gimme a break!":
"If we're going to be entering it, don't we need that map to navigate???" Jan
"Oh, yeah!" Guybrush exclaimed, withdrawing the map and looking at it,
"Now, we go into...which side of the triangle are we entering?"
"Beats me." Blackeye said. Everyone looked at
eachother. Gramma sat down and
read her book.
"Well, we can't enter without knowing which side we're entering!" Guybrush
said, "But I guess we have no choice since the wind insists we keep going." The
ship thrusted forward closer and closer to the mist.
"Dis wood'n 'appen if dere was a motor on dis thing!" Blackeye exclaimed.
"D'uh, what are going to do?" Al asked. Guybrush looked about for aid. Jan
was clueless, Blackeye was clueless, Fluffer was clueless, Gramma wasn't paying attention,
and Al was always clueless.
"I guess we have to chance that we're going in the right side." Guybrush
said, "Blackeye, take the wheel and follow my orders. We're going in." And with
that, the ship entered the thick fog. They were completely blind now. Jan, Al, and Fluffer
huddled around the mast as Guybrush stood at the bow, reading directions from the map.
"Head forward..." Guybrush said, "After 300 yards, take a sharp turn
"Aye, cap'en." Blackeye said, extremely nervous. The rest watched as Guybrush
stood bravely at the bow of the ship.
"He's more courageous than I thought." Jan said.
"I feel like wetting my pants." Guybrush thought to himself, "Why did I
ever give up diapers?" The ship headed forward, and Blackeye started turning the
ship. There was wave resistance as the ship passed through a blind void, and something hit
the starboard side of the ship, whacking it directly to the alternative direction!
"Oops!" Guybrush said, "Sorry! Make that a portside turn!" The ship
hit something else, possibly rocks and continued to head forward.
"Ah, geez." Jan moaned, "I'm going down to check on the damage."
And she headed down below deck.
"Ok, take a port turn here..." Guybrush said. Following Guybrush's
directions, the ship maneuvered itself back into more blockage, shaking the ship
violently. Blackeye quickly steered away from it and crashed into even more blockage. Jan
came running up the hatch.
"it's hard to plug up these holes when you're smashing into everything!!!"
she yelled. Guybrush looked at the map again. He turned it upside down.
"All right, now try a starboard turn!" Guybrush said. The ship hit rocks
again. Gramma finally looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow. She started to become
"Cap'en, I dinna think dat map's a helping us." Blackeye said, driving
straight. Guybrush crumpled it up and chucked it overboard.
"Yeah, just head straight or something." Guybrush said, "Maybe we can
stop and ask for directions along the way." The ship continued banging against
everything along the way.
"Hey, the fog's starting to clear up!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Yeah, I see
something ahead! Land!!!!!"
"How close is it, cap'en?" Blackeye asked.
"Um, pretty close." Guybrush replied. And with that, the front of the ship
shattered as it came in contact with a rocky shore. Guybrush ran away as the ship
continued up the beach and fell forward in pieces. The crew when sliding towards the front
and went flying over the shattered bow! They all landed on the stone beach as the fog
cleared up. Guybrush laid on his back unable to get up.
"My legs..." Guybrush said, "And my arms! I can't move them! I'm
paralyzed!!! HELP!!!!" Blackeye got up next to him.
"Nah, Fat Al's a lying on ya!" Blackeye said, "Up ya go!" And he
helped Al up. Guybrush managed to lift himself off. Something was moving on his back. He
reached behind and pulled off a disgruntled hamster that was flattened onto the back of
his coat. The hamster growled.
"Sorry, Fluffer." Guybrush said, "Where's the rest?" Gramma hopped
"We're here?" she asked, "Good. Jan, you coming?"
"Uh, yeah." Jan called, "In a minute." As they waited, Guybrush
looked at the island they had arrived on. From what they could see, the island itself
seemed to be an island made of rock everywhere, and oddly enough, evergreen trees
sprouting from the ground everywhere creating an surrounding evergreen jungle. A huge grey
needle-like mountain poked up from the center of the island.
"So this be Devil's Island." Blackeye said, looking around in awe,
"Personally, I thought it'd be bigger." Guybrush looked at the translated
"According to this, the forest here is loaded with traps," Guybrush said,
"and there's only one safe path through. We can find it easily if we follow the
directions on this thing." A weird cackly voice sounded out from the forest.
"Who needs directions when you have a tour guide right here???" it asked. An
old man came waltzing out of the forest. He had a long gray beard and seemed to be lacking
"Herman Toothrot?!?" Guybrush asked, "How did you get here?!?"
"Um, depends." said Herman, "Did you bring me back at the end of Monkey
Island 1, or did you leave me on Monkey Island?"
"Uh, I think I brought you back..." Guybrush said, "No wait, I think I
"Doesn't matter." Herman said, "Either way, I came a sailing this way in
search of hygienic dental tools and ended up here."
"Oh." Guybrush said, "So you're shipwrecked again?"
"Have been long enough to have learned all of this island's secrets." Herman
explained, "And for a fee, I can lead you straight to the heart of the island
"No, thanks." Guybrush said, "We have a free guide right here."
Blackeye spoke up.
"Yeah! So dinna be squanderin' our money like that Stan fella!" Blackeye
"Boy, you've sure got an ill-tempered friend there." Herman said, "So I
take it you won't be needing me?"
"No." Guybrush said.
"Ok, all right." Herman said, "Just don't come crawling back to me when
you lose that manuscript!" And Herman headed back into the forest.
"We're not going to lose our manuscript." Guybrush said. Suddenly, from
behind, a growly voice called out.
"Yes you are!" it called out. Everyone turned to the ship to see Sharkjaw
standing upon the bow of the ship holding Jan who was all tied up in his one hand. He
hopped down onto the beach, letting Jan flop behind painfully as she hit the rock.
"Sharkjaw???" Guybrush asked, "But you went down with your ship!"
"But I came using the other!" Sharkjaw said.
"He was hiding in the hold and captured me when I went down to check on the
damage." Jan said, "So, like could you rescue me now?"
"We would if we had any weapons." Guybrush said, "So I guess we'll have
to rush him." Sharkjaw held his sword-hand to Jan's throat.
"Another move and she dies!" he said, "Now, how's about handing over the
manuscript?" Guybrush looked at the manuscript in his hand and then over to his crew
who were waiting to make his decision.
"Geez, I hate decisions." Guybrush said. Sharkjaw reached out and snatched
the manuscript from Guybrush's hands.
"Hey!" Guybrush exclaimed, "I didn't make my decision yet!"
"I don't have time to for you to make decisions!" Sharkjaw said, "Now
I's a off to get me reward, and none of ya better follow me!" And with that, he
dragged Jan off into the forest. Guybrush looked at his crew.
"Why didn't you do anything?" Guybrush asked.
"I thought ya would." Blackeye said.
"You're the captain." Gramma said.
"Yeah, Bob." Al said.
"Well, we have to go after him!" Guybrush said, "And save Jan and get
Big Whoop!" Guybrush looked into the forest again.
"Looks like you'll need me anyway!" Herman said, coming back, "Now about
"Augh." Guybrush moaned, "All right, how much?"
"Five millions pieces 'o eight." Herman said, "Plus Tax."
"How about what's left of our ship and everything inside?" Guybrush asked.
"Great!" he said, "Now does everybody have their Killer-Bee head
"Aye!" Blackeye said.
"Monster spray?" he asked.
"I have some." Gramma said.
"Maybe." Al said.
"Hand of Death Repellent?"
"I'm having doubts about this trip." Guybrush said.
"Great!" Herman said, "Let's go! Now remember gang, stick with the
group, don't go off the trail. No cameras please. Please use the restrooms before leaving
and should anyone spot a bear, divert it's attention while I run for it. All right? Any
questions?" Everyone raised their hands. "Great! Let's go! Follow me
everyone!" At with that, Herman started leading the troop into the forest. Guybrush
frowned as he went in. They walked through the thick forest following closely behind
Herman. There was very little life on the island, other than the trees and the occasional
bird flying past. Herman stopped the group at a clearing.
"All right, troop." he said, "This is the famous Mystery Clearing.
What's makes this a mystery is that no one knows who placed that giant boulder in the
trees to come down on anyone stupid enough to enter the clearing itself. We'll rest here a
moment before moving on."
"We have to catch up with Sharkjaw!" Guybrush yelled.
"Relax, fella." Herman said, "This is part of the tour, now everyone,
follow me closely, AROUND the clearing, please." Herman lead the group carefully
around the clearing. Gramma, Al, Fluffer, and Blackeye were all taking this very
patiently. Guybrush was resisting the urge to push Herman into the clearing. They
continued deeper into the forest at a slow pace.
"Any chance we could hurry this up???" Guybrush asked.
"No." Herman said, stopping again, "Now this, troop, is the Famous
Bottomless Pit of Devil's Island. It was presumed that it used to be a covered hole, and
that a fellow adventurer came in search for Big Whoop and fell in. And since I never
bothered to look, there's no actual proof that it really is bottomless..."
"CAN WE GO?!?" Guybrush yelled.
"Listen, cap'en," Blackeye said, "We've a paid for dis here tour, so
we's a gonna enjoy it!"
"Yes, dearie." Gramma said, "We need a break."
"Well, I'm not going sit around here and listen to Herman talk about a hole!"
Guybrush said, "Jan's in danger and Sharkjaw's got a lead on us! I'm going ahead
without you guys!!!" And with that, Guybrush ran forward, and plunged into the hole
Herman was talking about. A moment later, he climbed out and ran off into the jungle.
"Gee, I guess it isn't bottomless after all." Herman said, "Don't worry,
folks, he can't get far in this forest, we'll just catch to him later. Now remember to
stay with the group..."
Guybrush raced the forest, ducking under low branches and hopping over chasms. He
stepped out into clear sunlight and a wall of spikes came flying at him!!! He jumped out
of the way in time and hurried off towards the mountain. He stopped to rest next to a tree
and leaned against it. The tree budged over to the side as if it were a mechanism, and
suddenly, trees all around him started falling!!! Guybrush rushed out of the way as trees
came down and pine needles came flying out at him from every direction! He came running up
to a large gap separating the forest from the mountain, where a high waterfall rained down
from. He stepped back and came running up at the gap, jumping across! He grabbed onto the
other edge of it and gripped onto the ground as he found himself slipping into the gap. He
quickly grabbed a root that laid nearby and pulled himself up to safety. He climbed up
onto the edge of the mountain and started down a tunnel that lead deep into it. As he
entered it, ! a low rumbling arose from behind him. He turned to see a huge boulder
rolling down from the ceiling! He broke into another quick rush as the boulder came at
him, and he went racing through the dark tunnel, the boulder coming closer and closer! He
dove through a small hole in the wall just as the boulder came rushing past. Guybrush
rolled along the ground in the other side and sat up on his butt in the dark.
"Well, that was hectic." Guybrush said. Suddenly, a bright blue blinding
light came on ahead of him, blinding him from the rest of the room. The blue changed to a
dim red and Guybrush was able to see slightly. An eerie red floating giant skull appeared
in the center of the room and looked down at Guybrush.
"DO YOU WISH TO ENTER THE DEVIL'S LAIR?" it asked.
"Um, sure." Guybrush said.
"TO ENTER YOU MUST ANSWER THREE RIDDLES, AND SHOULD YOU ANSWER WRONGLY, YOUR SOUL
SHALL FOREVER BE POSSESSION OF THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS."
"Whoa, that's pretty heavy." Guybrush said, standing up.
"DO YOU WISH TO CHANCE YOUR SOUL FOR THE CHANCE TO BECOME A LEGENDARY RICH MAN
"Um...ok." Guybrush said.
"SO IT SHALL BE. THE FIRST RIDDLE. WHAT'S WALKS ON FOUR LEGS IN THE MORNING, TWO
LEGS AT NOON, AND THREE LEGS IN THE EVENING?"
"Uh..." Guybrush said, "Probably a drunken pirate who stumbles out of
the bar on all fours, and has a hangover until noon where he's sober and stands up again,
then in the evening, plays Twister with his friends and ends up with one leg paralyzed at
the end?" The skull waited for a moment before speaking.
"UM.....WELL.....I GUESS." it said, "(I've gotta run this one by the
boss.) THE SECOND RIDDLE. WHAT IS THE AIRSPEED VELOCITY OF A LADEN SWALLOW?"
"African or European?" Guybrush asked.
"I DON'T KNOW!" the skull exclaimed, "AH,
GEEZ, YOU'RE MAKING THIS HARD
ON ME!!! ALL RIGHT! THE FINAL RIDDLE! AND TRUST ME, NO ONE EVER GETS THIS ONE! THEY ALL
DIE AT THE ANSWER OF THE RIDDLE, SO ARE YOU READY?"
"Yes." Guybrush said.
"WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LEMON?" the skull asked.
"Hey, that was a forth riddle!" Guybrush said, "I already answered your
"NO YOU DIDN'T."
"Yeah! You asked if I was ready!" Guybrush said, "I said yes! That was
"AUGH!" the skull growled, "YOU'RE THE FIRST MORTAL TO EVER ANSWER ALL
"Oh, so Sharkjaw hasn't come through yet?" Guybrush asked.
"HE DID, BUT HE DIDN'T ANSWER ANY RIDDLES, HE JUST BEAT ME UP AND CAME
"Well, let me pass!" Guybrush said, "I have to catch up with him!"
"ALL RIGHT. BUT BE WARNED! THE GREAT TREASURE WITHIN IS CURSED! ONCE STOLEN, YOU
MIGHT FIGHT SATAN HIMSELF FOR YOUR SOUL."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Guybrush said, "LET ME THROUGH!"
"FINE." And the skull disappeared, along with all the light to reveal a
portal in the ceiling. Guybrush felt himself being sucked straight up into it!!! He went
flying up into the portal and into the Devil's Lair!
After what seemed like eternity, Guybrush landed on his bottom. He checked his watch.
The trip itself had taken only two seconds. He stood up to see the floor. He was standing
on the ceiling.
"Whoa!" he exclaimed, "Upside-downville here! Well, gotta go find
Sharkjaw!" And as he headed off, Herman and the group came by.
"And this," Herman said, "Is the Unexplainable Upside Down Room of the
Devil's Lair. There is no explanation for this phenomenon though there's a theory that it
is linked with a similar world in Goldwump, Washington called the Mystery Vortex. Be
careful not to lose your lunch in here. Now in this next room we find the Elevator of
Guybrush was pressed tight in the back of the elevator surrounded by the eternal
occupants of the elevator leading upwards into the mountain. Guybrush held his nose as
they make constant burps and flatulated all over the elevator. The heat was intense and he
was beginning to smell everything through his ears. A huge bulky soul poked him in the
"Ya gotta problem with us, punk?" it asked.
"No, no." Guybrush said, "I like to hold my nose. Honest!"
"Uh-oh, here comes yesterday's burritos!" a soul exclaimed.
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Guybrush screamed.
After a hideous ride through the elevator, Guybrush found himself in a new room. A sign
read: "Eternal Home of the Untalented Music Artists".
"Hmmm..." Guybrush said, "I wonder what that means." And with
warning, a whole orchestra of demonic souls appeared before him playing what was among the
worst music ever heard! Bagpipes screeching a million times off-key, piano keys being
bashed on the high-keys, flutes being blown with a single note on each just stuck to be on
forever, Guybrush dropped to his knees in madness as the violins shrieked horribly, tuba's
blasting nonsense, and records being scratched beyond recognition. Guybrush covered his
ears, but the evil kept sinking in.
"Must...fight...demonic...sound...must...." Guybrush moaned as he tried to
crawl through the room. Halfway through, he collapsed in madness and banged his head
against the floor, unable to do anything about the souls' music.
"Must, fight...must...tell...story of how I defeated LeChuck!" Guybrush
exclaimed, "Any of you souls ever hear it? Quite an interesting story really, I was
on a mercy mission to Melee Island when blah, blah, blah..." One by one, the souls
stopped playing, trying to figure out where the new sound of nonsense was coming from.
Guybrush stood up again.
"And after showing the pirate leaders who the boss was, I headed off to fight the
The souls were starting to get annoyed. One by one, they started disappearing.
"Hey, where you all going?" Guybrush asked, "I was just about to tell
you the long and exciting part of the story as I collect insults and comebacks for sword
fighting!" The final soul disappeared. Guybrush shrugged and headed off to the next
room. The tunnel leading to the room opened wider and wider until he found himself in a
cave at the top of the mountain. A single pathway crossed over the cave to the center
where something laid, and a river coming from an unexplainable source created the
waterfall that poured out the side of the mountain. A sign nearby read: "The Lost
"BIG DOPE?!?" Guybrush yelled in astonishment, "This isn't Big Whoop!
This is something called Big Dope!!!" Guybrush headed forward to see a nest in the
center, and it's sole content, a large golden sphere.
"Geez, all this way and it's a stupid sphere called Big Dope." Guybrush
"Which I'll be taking!" Sharkjaw said from behind. Guybrush turned to see him
at the door, with Jan on the ground in front of him all tied up and gagged.
"Jan!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Are you Ok?"
"Rv rll trk dp!!!!" she yelled.
"I can't hear what you're saying." Guybrush said, "You're wearing a
"Rsts wt dy rhy ou ell ou!!!" she moaned. Sharkjaw advanced on Guybrush, his
sword raised to neck level and ready to swing.
"You're no Walker." he said, "But you're just as annoying. Prepare to
"Geez, I wish I had a sword." Guybrush said.
"Cap'en!!!" Blackeye yelled as he appeared at the door with the rest of the
group, "Catch!" And with that he hurled his
rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle over Sharkjaw and at Guybrush. Guybrush reached
up and caught it in mid-air by the neck. He swung it around a few times.
"Sure, Guybrush." Sharkjaw said, "Swingin' a
rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle may be dangerous, but it's no sword!"
Guybrush swing it from above and clobbered Sharkjaw clear over the head with it. He went
crashing to the floor in agony. Guybrush jumped to the other side of him and clobbered him
from behind as he got up! Sharkjaw went flying into the nest! He got clobbered again in
the face as Guybrush repeatedly bashed him with the
rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle! Sharkjaw got knocked out of the nest and to
the edge of the plateau overlooking the river that formed the waterfall. He swung his
sword-arm about and severed the pulley from the rest of the chicken, leaving Guybrush with
only a rubber-chicken-with-nothing-in-the-middle.
"Well, shoot." Guybrush said.
"Now you die!" Sharkjaw said, getting up. Guybrush looked around and noticed
he was standing right in the nest. Reaching down, he violated the stealing rule and
grabbed the treasure right from the nest! Everyone in the room was shocked as the water
below turned red and the great fiendish creator of Hell itself emerged from the water with
a red light so bright no one was able to see what it was. Guybrush tossed the sphere over
to Sharkjaw who caught it unexceptionally. The red creature spoke.
"WHO DARES TOUCH THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE????" it asked.
"He did." Guybrush said, pointing to Sharkjaw who was holding the sphere.
Sharkjaw quickly dropped it and stared in terror as the red creature loomed over him.
"No! I didn't! I swear!" Sharkjaw exclaimed.
"DO YOU DARE FIGHT THE DEVIL?" the creature asked.
"No." Sharkjaw whined.
"THEN DON'T START ANY WITH HIM, BECAUSE HE LIKES TO END THEM!!!" And with
that, a stream of fire blasted out from he creature into Sharkjaw!!! He went flying
backwards screaming into the rover and plunging off the waterfall down into the bottom of
"Oh, so you're the Devil?" Guybrush asked, "I didn't realize you were
talking in the third person."
"HI, GUYBRUSH. LECHUCK SAYS HI." the devil responded. Guybrush picked up the
sphere and held it up to the Devil.
"Can I keep this?" he asked, "Or do you want it back?"
"YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE." the Devil said, "YOU JUST SAW
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST GUY, SO WHY THE HECK DID YOU MAKE THE SAME STUPID MISTAKE?"
"Oops." Guybrush said.
"Oh, Guybrush." Gramma moaned from across the room.
"DO YOU DARE FIGHT THE DEVIL?"
"Can I choose the challenge?" Guybrush asked.
"UH, THIS IS RATHER UNUSUAL, BUT OK."
"Paper, Scissors, Rock."
"On three. One, two, three!!!!" And on three, a scrawny arm reached out of
the light. Guybrush reach out and grabbed it, and yanked the Devil out of the blinding
light. He went flying into the nest landing on his behind. Everyone stared in awe as they
gazed upon the actual form of the Devil. He was red and had the pointy ears, horns, and
tail and such, but was also two feet tall, scrawnier than any starvin' dog, and wore
braces. He glanced around in horror.
"YOU CHEATED!!!" he yelled.
"Wanna play kick the Devil?" Guybrush asked.
"Don't kick the Devil." the Devil said. Guybrush lifted his foot and let it
fly into the Devil. He went flying off the nest and down into the waterfall screaming.
Guybrush wiped his brow and picked up the golden sphere.
"At least it wasn't a total loss." Guybrush said. The rest of his crew plus
Herman joined him.
"I really don't know what to say, Guybrush." Jan said, "I mean, at first
you're, you know, but then, you know. Geez! You stood up to the Devil!!!"
"All bullies are weak little cowards underneath." Guybrush said.
"Cap'en, you've dun it!" Blackeye said, "And now we 'ave da treasure
of...this ain't Big Whoop."
"It's Big Dope." Guybrush said, "And that's what we were. Dopes to go
along on this crazy goose chase."
"Now, now." Gramma said, "This crazy goose chase isn't all for naught.
During the trip we learned the value of friendship, trust, and teamwork. And I think
that's reward enough."
"Plus we have a big heavy lump of gold that's probably worth millions!" Jan
"We can buy me a donut now?" Al asked.
"Al, we can buy you a million donuts." Guybrush said, "But let's get off
this stinkin' island first. Herman, do you know an alternate route to use that doesn't
involve using the elevator?"
"Nope." Herman responded.
"Then hold your noses, everyone, and make a break for it!" Guybrush
LATER THAT DAY...
'Captain's Log; Guybrush Threepwood; Supplementry. Our quest for the fabulous
treasure of Big Whoop has left us with nothing more than a lump of gold, a broken ship, a
few bruises, and a crazy old man who doesn't wear pants. We have however, learned to work
together as a crew, and each of us has contributed to our survival on this voyage....'
"Fat Al didn't!" Blackeye exclaimed. Suddenly, a meteorite came flying
straight at the island! Fat Al was asleep on the beach when it came in contact! The
meteorite bounced off his stomach and went flying straight back up into space and
destroyed a passing hostile alien ship and altogether ended up saving mankind.
'As I think I was saying, the ship has been repaired and the villains have been
vanquished, and I am now the hero of the day. In moments, our ship will be launched from
shore as we brave the blind path through the Bermuda Triangle and head back to Skar Island
to cash in our hard-earned reward. This is Captain Guybrush Threepwood signing off for
Guybrush climbed up onto his ship. Jan and Al were busy raising the sails as Blackeye
was at the wheel, Gramma was back to her reading and Fluffer had joined her.
"Everything set, Blackeye?" Guybrush asked.
"Aye, cap'en!" he answered.
"Raise the anchors and set course for Skar Island or any other nearby
island!" Guybrush ordered. The anchor was weighed and the ship sailed off back into
the fog of the triangle.
Herman Toothrot came racing to the beach of the island with a steamer trunk in his
"All right, let's get this show on the road!" he said, "Uh, guys?
GUYS??? HEY! COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!"
As the ship sailed through it's disastrous and hazardous voyage back through the
triangle, Guybrush walked up to Jan who was leaning on the stern rail and staring into
"Thinking about your father?" he asked.
"Yeah." she said, "Plus I want to see how far Herman's gonna swim before
he gives up and turns back."
"I think Walker'd have been proud of this day." Guyrbush said.
"What's to be proud of, other than killing off Sharkjaw and his crew?" Jan
asked, "We went through Hell--literally--and didn't find Big Whoop!"
"Hey, yeah!" Guybrush said, "Well, that isn't gonna stop us!"
"What are you talking about?" Jan asked.
"We're not gonna rest until we've found Big Whoop itself!" Guybrush said,
"Blackeye, change course!"
"Could dat wait until we're outta da fog?" Blackeye asked.
"Sure." Guybrush said, "Whatever. The important thing is that we find
that treasure now!"
"To honor my father, right?" Jan asked.
"And get stinkin' rich!" Guybrush exclaimed, "Water balloon
fight!!!" Guybrush pulled out several water balloon and started chucking them all
over the ship, splattering everyone on board. A moment later, everyone was attacking
eachother, except Blackeye who was getting nervous.
"Hey, hey, hey!" he yelled, "I'm the designated driver here! Ack! Leave
me alone! Go get Al!"
The ship sailed away into the fog, blindly hitting everything it goes into, as the crew
bombarded eachother with water balloons.
Not exactly the kind of ending you were expecting, were you? Heck, who complained when
'The Empire Strikes Back' ended with Han Solo being captured by the bounty hunter? Anyhow,
all the importance things have been recited and Guybrush as his crew will be back soon
enough in an all-new adventure!
"Hey, wait a second! I've already been to Hell! So how was I just in there now? It
looks nothing like the one I was to which had all the mushrooms! Explain that!!!"
Look, Guybrush, a birdie.
"Ooh! A birdie!"